17. Nadia
17
NADIA
My entire body was shaking like a leaf as I pulled up in front of Blush Bridal for Zoe’s final dress fitting. I didn’t know if it was adrenaline or arousal; all I knew was that I was still recovering from Callum’s unexpected arrival. Why did my body have to be so responsive to Callum after all these years? We weren’t teenagers anymore, but my hormones apparently thought we were. One touch from him, and I was under the bleachers after the football game, or in the cabana shack where they stored the cushions, or in the caves camping under the stars where he Star Trekked me. He boldly went where no man had gone before and ruined the rest of the male population for me.
That was the problem, I think. Because I was a virgin, I thought every encounter would be like it was with Callum. After we broke up, I quickly discovered that was not the case. Well, not quickly. Fourteen months later, I was with someone other than Callum, and, oh boy, that was a very rude awakening. It took another six months to try again. My second attempt to get back up on the horse was even more of a disappointing disaster than the one before.
Callum set a standard that was impossible for anyone else to meet. No one had ever come close to making me feel the way he made me feel. I ran my fingers over the wrist he’d grabbed, which still tingled from his phantom touch. If I closed my eyes, I could be transported to him above me, gripping my wrists, pinning my arms above my head, as he drove into me again and again. His girth stretching me to the brink of…
A loud honk sounded, and my eyes flew open. In the rearview, I saw Ritchie Newton crossing on a skateboard in front of Mr. Crest in his Oldsmobile Cutlass. Thankfully, Mr. Crest never drove over a ten miles per hour snail speed, so even if he was going full steam ahead, the kid probably wasn’t in any real danger of being run over.
I looked forward again and saw, through the glass storefront, my three friends were laughing and sipping flutes with either mimosas or orange juice. Zoe was going to be tying the knot in fourteen days on Valentine’s Day.
Last summer, all three of my friends were single. Now, in just two weeks, they would all be married. I was the last one standing.
To add insult to injury, my ex, the only man I’d ever loved, was back in town and at my house. He had a “complicated” relationship with his baby mama, who, as of three days ago, was still claiming she was engaged. While I was riding out my cold on the couch, I’d broken and did a deep dive of all Felicity’s social media. She was still flashing her massive ring. Hashtagging bride-to-be. She was doing polls on beach or mountain venues and honeymoon locations.
As I spent endless hours scrolling through her social media pages, I couldn’t help wishing it was me Callum was engaged to. That it was me he was planning a wedding with. That it was me he had a family with.
No, stop, I reprimanded myself.
Today was about Zoe. If anyone deserved a happily ever after, it was her. She got pregnant when she was sixteen and was kicked out of her home. Then she lost her first love tragically and was left to raise their son as a single mom of a toddler at age eighteen. She went on to earn her master’s degree in nursing and raise an amazing young man, and now she had a second chance at love.
I needed to get over myself. I could have a pity party later with the world’s tiniest violin playing my song. Right now, I needed to be a good friend. I checked the visor mirror and sniffed back all the emotion bubbling up to the surface. I’d pushed it down for ten years; I could smother it for two more weeks.
After taking a deep breath, I got out of the car just as the trio of beauties were exiting the bridal shop. “Hey, I’m so sorry I’m late.”
They all greeted me with a big hug and assured me that I hadn’t missed much.
“We’re heading down to grab some coffee and go over all the last-minute wedding stuff before heading to the spa,” Daphne, the type-A organizer, explained.
“How are you feeling?” Zoe asked as we made our way down the street to The Dreamy Bean Coffee besides being the only mom in our foursome, she was also a nurse.
The moment we entered the threshold of the corner café, I was overwhelmed by the bold, smoky, caramelized aroma of brewed coffee beans. I’d never been a huge coffee drinker; I preferred matcha and tea, but I loved the smell, so this was one of my favorite places to come.
I also loved the decor in the café. One wall featured exposed brick, while the opposite wall had oil paintings above bookcases. The ceiling was twenty feet high and painted black for an industrial feel, with exposed air ducts and two large beams. The counter was wrapped in distressed wood, and two oversized matte black pendant lights hung above it. The seating was an eclectic mix of mismatched jewel-toned, tufted sofas lining the walls, several farmhouse tables with bench seating, and scattered bistro-style two-tops.
“I’ve got to pee,” Zoe announced as we walked inside.
“I’ll get this. You guys go grab us a table,” Daphne instructed me and Ashley.
When we sat down at a farmhouse table in the back, Ashley pointed out, “You look tired.”
“I couldn’t sleep last night.” I hadn’t been able to sleep most nights since Callum Knight returned. He disrupted the atmosphere in a ten-mile radius. Just knowing he was on the island made it impossible for me to relax and drift off to slumber town.
“Did your sleepless night have anything to do with the Ford pickup truck that was reportedly parked outside your house this morning?” Ashley whispered.
“Who reported?—”
“Miss Shaw stopped by to drop off some mail she had for Miss Lenox when Zoe was asking Daphne if you were feeling okay after Daphne called to check on you. When the girls went back into the changing rooms, I overheard Miss Shaw tell Miss Lenox that you might be on bed rest because she noticed you had a house call from someone driving an F-150 this morning.”
This was exactly how rumors started and spread. My house was between Caroline Shaw’s and her beauty salon, Pretty in Peach, which was a few shops down from Blush Bridal, owned by Heather Lenox. Ashley overheard their conversation today, but what if it had been someone else? As much as I loved Firefly, things like this did get old.
“So, did you get a house call?” Ashley followed up.
“Yes. But not like that. Callum is just there finishing up the renovations. He didn’t show up until about ten minutes before I left. He caught me when I was in the shower.”
Ashley wagged her brows. “Sounds spicy.”
“Not in the shower. I got out of the shower to answer the door. Nothing happened. I got dressed, alone, and came straight here.”
“You’re no fun.”
“No drinking. No dating. No dick, remember?”
I was relieved that I had given myself an out, and make no mistake, that is exactly what it was. An out. An excuse. Something to hide behind so that I didn’t have to put myself out there and risk getting hurt. I didn’t have to put myself or my heart on the line since I was on a detox. A substance and situationship sabbatical, if you please.
“You made that resolution before you knew your ex was back in town,” Ashley said, as if that made a difference. “I believe that renders the conditions null and void due to mitigating circumstances.”
“Mitigating circumstances?” I questioned.
Ashley shrugged as she placed her hand on her belly. “I’ve been watching a lot of Suits because growing a human is hard, and I’ve had a lot of downtime lately.”
“Well, Suits legalese or not, technically, I saw Callum the night before I made them.”
Ashley scrunched her face as she hummed. “Hmm, yeah, but you didn’t think it was really him, so it didn’t count.”
“What are you two whispering conspiratorially about?” Zoe demanded as she returned from the bathroom.
“Callum,” I confessed.
“Have you told him yet?” Zoe asked.
Zoe was the sole human on the planet who knew the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth regarding mine and Callum’s final breakup.
“Tell him what?” Ashley questioned.
I remained quiet.
“You have to tell him the truth,” Zoe insisted, just like she had ten years ago.
“The truth. Wait, what truth?” Ashley’s eyes bounced between Zoe and me. “What is this about the truth?”
“Truth? This sounds juicy.” Daphne returned with our drinks and handed them out. After a chorus of thank yous, she demanded, “What did I miss?”
“Nadia was just about to share with the class what the truth is that she is keeping from Callum.” Ashley waved her arm across the table, indicating I had the floor.
“This is Zoe’s day,” I deflected. “It’s not about me.”
“If it’s my day, then please, share with the class. If you won’t listen to me, which after ten years I think we can safely say is the case, then maybe we can take a vote and majority wins, or even plan a coup and overtake you.”
I sighed and leaned in closer, making sure that no one was in ear range of our conversation if I was speaking at a low volume. “In my senior year of college, the plan was that I was going to move out to Arizona and get a job teaching after I graduated. We were going to get married, and Callum was going to continue fighting and training. Then, right before Christmas, we broke up over something stupid, which was normal; we always broke up and then a week or two later got back together.”
“That sounds…” Daphne looked between Zoe, Ashley, and me.
“Toxic,” I filled in the blank. “Yeah, it was. We were young, and I was really dramatic, and for some reason, he put up with it. Anyway, we never saw other people during the times we were ‘broken up.’ In fact, we never even stopped talking to each other or seeing each other. Basically nothing changed except the label. It was ridiculous. It was just this stupid drama we’d play out. It was a little worse in college because we were long distance, but we still always got back together within two weeks. This time, though, Callum’s dad passed away a week into our breakup.
“I came home from college, and he came home from Arizona. I went to the funeral with him, his mom, and Buzz. We didn’t say we were back together, but, like always, we were acting like we were a couple.” I leaned forward and lowered my voice. “Then, the day after the funeral, Callum and his mom found out about his dad’s affair in the will, so I left to go home and give them some privacy. For some reason, I opened my mom’s mail and found an overdue bill from a hospital stay, then found more paperwork from some doctor’s appointments. The upshot was my mom was sick. Really sick. She was going to need in-home care. I couldn’t afford it. That’s when I knew I was going to have to move back home and take care of her. I knew if I told Callum about my mom, he would insist on moving back with me so we could be together and he could help me, but I couldn’t let him do that. I knew that he would be miserable living here, especially after he’d just found out about his dad’s affair and that he had a whole other family with Danielle.
“In high school, all he talked about was leaving Firefly. He never wanted to live here. I went over to his house that night to get my stuff and tell him it was over, really over, but he wasn’t taking me seriously. Why would he? We’d broken up dozens of times. So, I went back home and went to bed. I was exhausted emotionally. I woke up around three and went to check on my mom, but she wasn’t in her bed. I walked out onto the porch and found Jerry Clemons passed out on my lawn. I woke him up, and he asked to come in and use the bathroom. He barely made it one step inside before he threw up all over himself. I got him as cleaned up as I could, let him crash on the couch in his boxers, and I washed and dried his clothes and then went back to bed. Alone.
“A few hours later, he must have woken up and found his clean clothes sitting in a pile neatly stacked beside him because he got up and was getting dressed as he left my house. At that exact moment, Callum, who couldn’t sleep the night before because he was upset over how we left things, came over to talk to me again and saw Jerry leaving at six in the morning, which would have been bad enough, but his pants were unzipped and he was putting his shirt on.
“When Callum confronted me about it, I could see how hurt he was. I wanted to tell him the truth so bad, to assure him nothing happened, but I knew if I did that, we would just end up getting back together. Callum would end up moving back home to help me take care of my mom, and then we would end up staying in that toxic cycle of an unhealthy relationship, and he would most likely end up resenting me for him giving up his dreams. So, I didn’t deny it. I let him believe that I slept with Jerry. And he left that night, and the next time I saw or spoke to him was when he was dropping off Matty at the school a few weeks ago.”
I let out a breath as my shoulders dropped. That was the first time I’d ever told that story in its entirety out loud. It felt like such a relief to get it off my chest, to speak it into the world, however silly that sounded. I’d heard that secrets can eat away at you, and I wondered if this one had. I thought it wouldn’t because I’d done it for the right reasons. For good, not evil.
Daphne and Ashley were both staring at me with a blank look. Zoe’s expression was still skewed toward disapproval.
“So, he still, to this day, thinks you hooked up with Jerry?” Daphne asked.
I nodded.
“You have to tell him,” Ashley emphasized.
“You have to tell him the truth,” Daphne seconded.
I didn’t need to look at Zoe to know her opinion, but I did anyway, and if an expression could speak, Zoe’s would be saying, See, I told you so.
Deep down, I knew they were right. The problem was, Callum hated liars, and I just got him back in my life. I didn’t want to risk losing him again, even as a friend. He didn’t seem to be holding what he thought I’d done against me as a friend, so why would I risk losing that by digging up the past?
I knew the answer to that. It was because I hurt him. Whether or not my intentions were noble, he’d spent the past decade thinking I’d slept with a guy he’d never liked. That would be the same as me believing he’d slept with Kendra Abernathy. Just the thought of that felt like a knife in my chest. My friends were right. He deserved to know the truth. I just hoped he wouldn’t hold my lie against me.