33. Poppy
thirty-three
Poppy
I know Dylan is being thoughtful when he tells me to take the afternoon off and rest, but I can’t sleep. So, two hours after he leaves to talk to Daisy—two more hours of my phone staying sadly silent—I get in my car and go for a drive. And I don’t stop until I reach the lake.
I haven’t been here since the summer, and it was the first place Daisy and I visited when we returned to Aster Springs. We went swimming and lazed in the sun for hours, just like we did when we were teenagers, and it was like no time had passed. That’s the kind of friendship we’ve always had. We can be separated by time and distance and careers and relationships and always pick up where we left off. It’s never awkward. We never have to explain. We know who we are to each other. Sisters in our souls, if not by blood.
At least, that’s what Daisy is to me.
It’s a relatively quiet spot here; there’s another section of the lake that’s popular with tourists, but this hidden alcove remains a local secret. So, when I’m sitting with legs dangling off the edge of the single dock, a short thing that was rebuilt sometime in the ten years I was away, and I hear the approach of someone behind me, I sigh and prepare to leave. I want to be alone, not be a witness to other people’s happiness. But as I get my feet underneath me, someone sits down beside me, and I freeze.
“Hey,” Daisy says.
“Hey,” I reply. “How did you know I was here?”
“I tracked your phone.”
“Oh. Of course.”
I pull out my smartphone as if I need proof she’s telling the truth, but all I really want is the reminder that for the last ten years, we’ve watched each other crisscross the map and never lost sight of each other. I can’t count the nights I lay in my bed and watched her little dot move from place to place—room to room in a house somewhere, street by street to a restaurant for dinner, over trail rides on horses, across oceans on planes. And she’s done the same for me.
And there we are right now. Two blinking dots on a map. Side by side in Aster Springs.
Daisy takes a deep breath in and releases it, letting her shoulders sag.
“I’m sorry I didn’t return your calls or your messages.”
“That’s okay. I wouldn’t have returned yours either if this situation was reversed.”
She gives me a sidelong look. “Yeah. You would have. You’re a better person than me.”
I hunch my shoulders and shake my head. “I’m really not.”
Daisy sighs and takes my hand into her lap. “Yeah. You are.”
I stare at my fingers entwined in hers and blink away the sting in my eyes. “Does this mean…?”
“It means let’s talk,” Daisy says as her grip tightens. “Let’s have the conversation we should have had three months ago.”
“Okay.” I clear my throat and try not to hope too hard. “I love you, Daze. You’re my best friend, and I never wanted to hurt you, but I’m in love with Dylan. And Izzy. I love them so much it’s hard to breathe. And I want to build a life with them.”
Daisy’s voice is sad. “That makes me happy , Poppy. I’m not angry because you love my brother. I’m angry—no, I’m hurt and disappointed—that you didn’t come to me. And I’m so, so sad you said those things about me to Annalise. Do you really believe I would think you’re not good enough for Dylan?”
I shake my head. “No. I think I’m the one who was worried I wasn’t good enough, and I made you responsible for my insecurities. It’s a really shitty thing to do, but I didn’t even realize I was doing that until last night. I’m so sorry. I shared my fears with the wrong person. I should have come to you.”
“I think that’s the part that hurts the most. You, of all the people in the world, should know our friendship is strong enough to survive whatever it is you have to say.”
“You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking. Maybe I wasn’t. Maybe I was too busy feeling a whole bunch of emotions that kind of overwhelmed me.”
“Because you’ve loved Dylan since we were kids?”
I nod slowly and with regret. Not for loving him but for the lie. “Yep.”
“That’s hard for me to hear, Poppy, because I look back on our whole history and wonder which parts of it were real.”
“All of it,” I promise her. “Every single minute.”
“But you’ve been hiding something important from me for most of our lives.”
“Because I loved you too much to lose you, Daze, and I didn’t want you to think I was just like all those girls you hated. I was never your friend to get to Dylan.”
“I believe you, but…” She shakes her head and lifts one shoulder. “When things changed this year, why didn’t you tell me then?”
“There wasn’t only one reason,” I admit. “I was guilty about breaking our twelve-month man ban. I know how hard you’ve been trying to get past what happened last year, and I promised to support you while you worked through it. I’m a terrible friend for not sticking with our plan. Plus, I didn’t want to be happy when you were sad.”
Daisy stares at our hands, and her throat moves in a stilted swallow. I know she’s thinking about her most recent relationship and all the reasons she had for walking away. Reasons that made more sense to me last summer when we both needed to heal, but now strike me more as excuses for my bestie to run from a man she loves.
I switch out the hand holding hers so I can wrap my arm around her shoulders. “Daze…”
“I get what you’re saying and why you’re saying it, but I don’t want to talk about my ex right now.”
“We don’t have to,” I reassure her.
She responds with a grateful nod. “Thanks. So…you felt guilty. And…?”
“And I was scared,” I tell her. “You want the best for Dylan and Izzy, right? Someone smart and stable who can help them make sense of the world. I’m not that person, Daze. I’m not the woman who’s going to come into Dylan’s life and make things easier. I’m the one who’s going to feed his kid cereal when he wants her to eat sprouts, let her stay up late watching movies, and be okay with her using her fists instead of her words when bullies give her a hard time on the playground. Izzy’s smarter than me already, and that isn’t going to change. She’s going to run rings around me when she’s older, and I’ll probably never catch up. I don’t pay my bills on time, I don’t own a pair of jeans that aren’t torn in the ass, and my phone’s never fully charged. The truth is that Dylan’s probably going to have more on his plate, not less, if he decides he wants a future with me.”
“Maybe that’s exactly what Dylan needs,” she replies.
“Do you really believe that?”
“I think I do. He’s been different lately. Happier and more relaxed, and it’s all because of you. I wanted him to find someone to make his life brighter. Someone to love him and Izzy as hard as they deserve to be loved. Nobody can do that better than you.”
I hold my breath, daring to hope.
“I’m happy for you and Dylan,” she says.
“Really?”
“Yes.
“Oh, Daze.”
I tackle her to the dock in a bear hug, grunting as my elbows hit the timber, then laughing with her as she fights to get upright again. We’re both crying as we right ourselves. Those wet, laughing sobs of relief and love.
“So, you forgive me?” I ask.
“Yes,” she replies. “I forgive you. Just don’t doubt our friendship again, okay? Don’t keep things from me because they’re hard to say. Say the difficult things, and we’ll work through them together. You mean too much to me for us to behave like strangers.”
“Okay.” I rub my face and nod fiercely to convince her. “I will. I promise.”
“Good. Now Dylan said you haven’t slept?”
“No,” I say, and the reminder crashes over me in a wave of fatigue. “Not since the night before last.”
“And you’re working tonight?”
“Yep. Usual shift at The Tipple.”
“Okay. So why don’t you go home, sleep and shower before work, then come to the house when you’re done?”
“It’ll be late…”
“That’s fine. I’ll stay up. I just want to see you. Hang out. Watch a movie. Make things normal between us, okay?”
“Yes.” I don’t try to hide my grin. “I’ll be there.”
Daisy gets to her feet, and I follow.
“Good. Charlie’s having some work done on the private driveway, so you’ll have to use the main entrance to Silver Leaf—I’ll leave the gates open—and drive around the long way.”
“Okay. No problem. What should I bring?”
“Just yourself,” she says before she wraps me in a hug.
There’s a sparkle in her eye that I could read from a mile away. “You’re up to something.”
“Me?”
“Yes.” We start back along the dock, walking side by side to our cars. “What is it?”
“Nothing.”
“I thought we weren’t keeping the truth from each other anymore.”
“You owe me one last secret, don’t you think?”
I reach my car, open the door, and tilt my head at her grin. I can’t argue with her. I’ll owe her forever. “Okay. But after this—whatever it is—we’re even?”
Daisy shrugs as she slips behind the wheel of her car. “You might say that.”
I know her well enough to know that something’s going on—and well enough to know I can trust her.
“I’ll see you tonight,” she calls out the open window. “Now go home and get ready.”
“Get ready?” I call to her retreating car. “How? Why?”
“You’ll see.”
I follow her car down the road, hers turning left to Silver Leaf when I go right toward Aster Springs, tired and relieved and so wrung out that I’m all the way back at Mona’s when I think to text Dylan.
She forgives me! We talked, and we hugged, and everything’s going to be okay.
And Dylan’s swift reply.
Dylan
I love you, Sunshine. And everything’s going to be fucking fantastic.