Chapter 16
Little Do You Know - Alex & Sierra
C
oming with Erik’s mouth on her was easily the single most heavenly experience of Abby’s life.
He licked her twitching body gently through the aftershocks, then lifted himself to kiss her deeply, the taste of her sharp on his tongue.
Any insecurities that might have surfaced vanished as he mumbled against her lips, ‘You taste fucking incredible. Better than I dreamed.’
A happy little sigh escaped her. He’d said things along that line a few times now.
…fifteen minutes is not enough time for everything I plan to do with you.
There’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time.
The idea that he’d imagined anything like they’d just done still felt like a dream. Something niggled in the back of her mind as she pulled him down onto her, but she ignored it, focusing instead on the planes of muscle she could feel under his shirt.
Her dress was still ruched up around her waist, and she curled a leg over his hips, pressing him even closer to her. ‘You feel fucking incredible,’ she whispered, lifting her hips slightly.
Erik’s eyes rolled back at the contact.
‘When did you get…like this?’ She ran a palm over his chest and arm, squeezing as she went.
‘I workout.’ He twisted them so they lay on their sides, legs tangled up together.
Abby raised an eyebrow. He’d always worked out. He hadn’t always had an Adonis belt that she’d been dreaming of licking for two days.
‘A lot. I workout a lot. When I get stressed. Frustrated. It helps.’ He shrugged one shoulder.
Abby’s face softened, her hand moving to cup his jaw.
‘You really want to talk about all that right now?’ Erik asked, his voice low.
‘I always want to talk to you,’ Abby said softly. ‘About everything.’
It was true. She was still desperate for him, every part of her body pulsing with desire, but pausing for an emotional interlude somehow felt natural for them. If the rest of her life was set to be mind-blowing sex—and if the skill level of his mouth was anything to go by, it would be mind-blowing—broken up by intense heart to hearts with her favourite person, she could be quite happy with that.
The rest of her life.
The thought had floated unbidden to the front of her mind, but she desperately wanted to hold onto it.
‘I love—’ she closed her eyes and swallowed, her thumb stroking gently over his jaw. The third word threatening to spill from her lips would take them somewhere there was no coming back from. She knew she was in love with Erik. It was an intrinsic truth, essential to her make up. And she knew he loved her, in some way. But she still wasn’t sure where he stood on this new version of them. He was attracted to her and had been for a while. That much was obvious. But if this was just years of lust exploding due to forced proximity, an admission that size, this soon, could ruin them.
‘I love that you’re my best friend. I love that you’re in my life.’
Even as the words left her mouth, they felt sour. Wrong. But it was better this way. Safer. It left room for Erik to determine what exactly he wanted from them. He’d made allusions to this being more than a one-time thing, but nothing concrete. Nothing that confirmed a desire for a romantic relationship, or even anything beyond the bubble of the hotel. If all he was here for was a brief fling for the remainder of their holiday, she’d find a way to live with that. They’d have a few great experiences with each other, go back to their lives, and she would deal. She would watch him fall in love again. Maybe even find someone to help her forget him for a brief time.
They would hang out with friends and after one too many drinks at Christmas or a big family celebration, they would laugh about that time they hooked up. And Abby would smile and pretend she wasn’t breaking inside.
But unless he told her otherwise, she could continue believing he wanted more. So when he kissed her again, she reached for his face and poured as much of herself into it as she could. She sighed into his open mouth as they deepened the kiss. Erik continued to explore her body, touching every inch of bare skin he could find. Abby responded by unbuttoning his shirt and running her hands over his chest and stomach, finally enjoying unrestricted access to the ridges of muscle she’d been thinking about incessantly. She was reaching for his belt when a knock sounded at the door.
Erik uttered a string of filth.
‘Maybe if we’re quiet, she’ll go away,’ Abby whispered.
‘Abby, darling, Nora said you’re still not feeling well.’ Her mother’s voice filtered towards them.
Abby and Erik remained silent, his hands still stroking up and down her back. A few seconds passed.
‘I just want to check on you, dear. I’ll get another room key from the check-in desk. That way you won’t need to get out of bed.’
They shared a panicked look. Current activities aside, the last thing she needed was her mother having unrestricted access to her room.
Thankfully, Erik shared her sentiments. ‘Get under the covers and turn off the light,’ he told Abby, grabbing her gown from its spot on the back of her door and tying it securely around himself.
She snuggled under the duvet, pulling the blankets halfway over her head.
‘Hey, Mrs B,’ she heard Erik say as he opened the door, his voice muffled by the fabric around her head. ‘Abby’s already asleep. I was just getting ready for a shower when I heard you knocking.’
‘I really should check on her. Is she okay?’
Wrapped in her cocoon, Abby rolled her eyes. It was a cruel irony in having doctors for parents. They spent so much of their lives tending to other sick people that they hadn’t had time to nurse her when she was ill. The last time her mother had looked after her when she was sick, she’d been ten years old. Since then, it had been Erik appearing at their door with meds, a portion of the homemade chicken soup his mother always had in the freezer, and a comforting pair of arms. No, Nora had definitely put her up to this.
‘She’s absolutely fine. She wouldn’t want you fussing. I’m sure she just needs to sleep it off, and I’ll be right next door if she needs anything.’
Abby could hear the tremor in his voice, the tell-tale sign that he was lying. She doubted Susan noticed.
‘You’ve always been such a good young man. Well, you know where to find us if you need anything.’
‘Good night, Mrs B.’
Abby could hear the soft, smooth smile in his voice before he shut the door. She had already tossed the covers off by the time he crossed back and sat on the edge of the mattress.
‘Do you think they’re trying to kill the mood?’ he asked.
‘I think they’re going to have to work a lot harder than that to kill my mood.’ Abby reached for his hand and tugged him down towards her.
They fell back into a kiss, but something in Erik’s state had shifted. The press of his lips had lost its urgency. His hands had ceased exploring, instead planting themselves firmly on her waist. He pulled away as she reached for his belt again.
‘Abby, are you sure you want to do this?’
Yes . But if he was hesitating…
‘Why would you even ask that?’
He paused before answering. A moment too long.
‘Do you want this, Erik? Because I’ve shown myself to be plenty eager at least three times, and every time you’ve pushed me away.’ The panic that had flooded her heart was quickly manifesting as anger. ‘So what is it you want, exactly? I can’t keep trying to figure you out.’
‘I know it doesn’t mean anything.’
She’d considered that possibility, but hearing him say it didn’t hurt any less.
‘I just— I don’t want to lose my best friend, okay? I want to make sure we can go back to being us after this without it being weird.’
‘And that’s what you want? To be friends?’ Abby was amazed at how measured her voice sounded, when tears were already pricking the backs of her eyes.
‘Isn’t that what you want?’
‘Sure, Erik.’ Bitterness filled her laugh. ‘That’s what I want. You know, I didn’t start this. I wasn’t the one acting jealous and possessive because my friend was talking to someone else. I didn’t suggest drunk truth or dare. I didn’t take us to a secluded spot to hook up.’
Erik’s face was cold, closed off in that way she had seen many times, but never because of her.
‘I didn’t ask for any of this. I think you masterminded this whole thing, and now you’re too much of a coward to go through with it, and you want me to give you an out.’ Her grip on her composure was strengthening as she let her emotions leech out of her. But the alternative, the pain of acknowledging that this man—who had held and supported her through every difficult part of her life—could not be allowed to see her break at that moment, was far more devastating. Her feelings for him were the only thing she’d ever needed to hide. So she consoled herself that this was just a natural extension of that truth. She would remain cool, and calm, and hoard her emotions until she was safely alone.
‘That’s really what you think, Sunshine?’
No . He couldn’t call her that. That nickname that meant so much to her, that was steeped in decades of history. She couldn’t have it poisoned by this ugly version of them.
‘Yeah, I do. And you know what, Erik? You’ve got your wish. I don’t want this.’
Erik stared at her, that mask still fixed on his face. For the first time in her life, she couldn’t recognise any emotion in his eyes, the usual sparkling flecks of silver dull and lifeless. And more than anything else, it was that unfeeling expression that threatened to destroy her.
‘I think you should go,’ Abby said quickly.
She knew—on some level, she knew—that if he didn’t truly want her, having him in that way and then spending the rest of their lives politely ignoring the memory might have hurt worse than the alternative. But the opportunity to pretend he was actually hers, even just for a few hours…she was sick enough to know she wanted to give in to the delusion.
They could have come back from a single night together. They could have laughed off the awkwardness in the morning, said goodbye in a few days, and gone back to their regular email schedule. By the time he came home in a month, they’d have been normal again. Abby would have been broken, but at least she’d still have her best friend.
But for the second time in her life, she was sure she had ruined things with Erik. And she feared they had run out of chances to repair it.
She held it together until he slammed the door, then collapsed on her side, heaving as the dam broke and tears flooded from her eyes.