Chapter 20
Apple Pie - Lizzie McAlpine
F
or the second time in a week, Abby woke up with her best friend’s arms wrapped around her waist. But this time, he was nuzzling the back of her neck, hot lips pressed into her skin. And they were both very, very naked, a fact she only became more aware of when she turned to face him, their bodies lining up not unlike they had the night before. A flush spread up her cheeks as Erik pushed even closer, leaning in to kiss her.
‘I still can’t believe I get to just… do that ,’ he said, voice rough with sleep.
‘You don’t just get to,’ Abby said happily. ‘It’s highly encouraged.’
Erik smiled, a soft curve that wrinkled his still closed eyes. ‘You’re so beautiful.’
She laughed, wriggling to bury her face in his chest. ‘You can’t even see me.’
‘Don’t need to. I’ve been looking for years,’ he mumbled.
‘I thought you were the morning person. Why are you so groggy?’ Abby asked, poking his side.
‘I’m only a morning person because I can never fucking sleep. So when the sun gets up, I get up. But that was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in about ten years.’
She’d never experienced sleepy, grumbly Erik. It was remarkably adorable, and her heart skipped at the knowledge that even with all the years of history between them, this shift in their relationship would still give her new things to discover.
‘It’s probably time for breakfast,’ Abby reminded him.
Erik reached behind him and handed Abby his phone. ‘Text my mum and tell her we’re still feeling sick. My body has just learned what rest is and it wants more.’
‘You’re not worried about me going through your phone?’
‘Go for it. All you’re gonna find is texts to Alex about how pretty you’ve looked this week. Now shhh.’
Within seconds, Erik’s breathing had deepened, his chest rising and falling against hers. After texting Nora, she snuggled back into his arms and let herself drift off with him.
When Abby came to again, she was aware of the bed feeling empty around her, and a rumbling sound in her ears.
Blinking her eyes open, she was greeted with the welcome sight of a still naked Erik as he measured coffee grounds into the small plunger on the desk. There hadn’t been nearly enough time to appreciate how gorgeous his body was the night before, she thought, cataloguing every line on his back—including the pink scratches her nails had left.
Erik lifted his head, meeting her eyes in the mirror, and smiled at the sight of her propped on her elbows, drinking him in.
‘Morning, Sunshine. Almost afternoon, I guess.’
She glanced at her phone. It was a few minutes before noon. After their talk on the roof and everything that had happened after, they’d only gone to sleep around one in the morning.
As he deposited her coffee on the bedside cabinet, he dropped a quick kiss on her forehead, and even after everything they had done the previous day, the soft, familiar gesture set her heart fluttering. Her eyes continued to track every inch of him until he climbed back into bed beside her. ‘You’re being weird.’
‘Says the person who spent his whole life staring at me any chance he got?’
‘You weren’t naked.’
‘I’m supposed to believe that would have made you look less?’
Erik laughed and rolled closer to kiss her, slipping his hand under the sheets to stroke her skin. Heat bloomed in the path of his fingers. ‘I didn’t think you’d noticed.’
She’d noticed. Maybe she hadn’t understood. But she’d always noticed. Had always thrived in the small, singular spotlight that was his attention.
‘You didn’t answer my question.’
‘Pretty sure my ideal world is one where you’re naked all the time, Sunshine. So yeah, I still would have been staring.’
Abby blushed, squirming under his suddenly intense gaze.
‘Do you want food? A shower?’
She stretched, enjoying the way Erik’s eyes flicked over her chest as the sheets fell to her waist. ‘Food, sex, shower. In that order.’ Asking for sex had always been awkward for her. But she’d brought enough of her issues into this relationship already. Physical intimacy wasn’t going to be one of them.
‘Good, because I already ordered.’ He smirked. ‘As for your second request, I was really hoping you’d want dessert.’
This flirty, filthy side of Erik had been unexpected, but not unwelcome, Abby thought as he pulled on his discarded joggers from the night before to accept their room service. How he had become so comfortable with his sexuality was still a mystery to her, but she was grateful for it. After a lifetime of sex being approached with hushed tones and furtive glances, his casual openness felt like the safety net she needed. She supposed he was matter of fact about everything. It made sense this would be no different.
‘Do we need to have the talk?’
It wasn’t the question she’d expected to blurt out two slices of cinnamon-laden French toast into the feast Erik had ordered for them—surprise perks of the morning after with someone who knew all her favourite things—but as it hung in the air between them, she was glad of the opportunity to stop any potential confusion before it had the chance to fester.
Erik blinked. ‘Um. Okay. Kind of thought you were up to speed on that, but sure. You see, Sunshine, when a man and a woman like each other very much—’
‘Prick.’ She rolled her eyes.
Erik pulled her onto his lap. ‘I’ll be honest. Calling myself your boyfriend feels a little ridiculous at this point. Not unappealing. Just…reductionistic, I guess? It doesn’t do a great job of expressing that you’re my whole damn world.’
‘Partner?’ Abby offered, ignoring the way her heart buffeted around her chest. If he kept this up, she’d need medical assistance before the day was out.
‘Not inaccurate. But it is the term your parents use. Lover?’
Abby wrinkled her nose. ‘Absolutely unacceptable unless I’m singing a Taylor Swift song to you.’
‘I’m sure you or Alex will make me understand that reference one day,’ he said with a laugh. ‘You can call me whatever you want. It took me a while, but I think I’ve made it pretty clear how I feel about you. And I have absolutely no interest in sharing. So relationship, yes. Exclusive, yes. I told you last night: you’re stuck with me. Forever. Does that sound okay?’
‘More than,’ she whispered.
‘There’s something else I want to say.’ Erik’s voice was light, but his eyes burned into hers as he tugged on the strings of the hoodie he’d tossed at her before laying out their food.
He’d made it clear that he loved seeing her in his clothes, but she suspected he had no idea how much she loved wearing them. How safe and warm and loved and, well, claimed she felt.
‘I need you to make me a promise.’
Anything. Like this, his hair messy from sleep, stubble dusting his jaw and glinting golden in the soft light diffusing through the sheer curtains, she’d give him anything .
‘No more running from this,’ he said seriously, gently tucking a few curls behind her ear. ‘I’m not asking you not to freak out or overthink things. I know you better than that. But when it hits, come to me . Let us work through it together. Our whole lives, we’ve talked about everything, but not the one thing that matters: us. And we are perfect for each other, Sunshine.’ He kissed the tip of her nose, smiling when she scrunched it in response. ‘There is absolutely no reason for this not to work out. Unless we go back to acting like idiots who don’t trust each other enough to just address things head-on. Now that I’ve finally got you, I’m not prepared to lose you over a misunderstanding. So if you ever want to end things with me, you better have a damn good reason. Because I’m not letting you push me away again.’ His hand tightened in her hair, emotion flooding his voice even as he attempted a casual grin.
Abby nodded, ignoring the tears pricking her eyes to focus on the deep sense of peace spreading through her, thinking back on the dozens of I love you s he’d repeated last night, and finally allowing herself to acknowledge the millions of ways he’d been showing her for years. ‘I promise. I’m going to start therapy again too. I emailed my old doctor to schedule an appointment as soon as they have an opening.’
Erik stroked up her side, pulling her in closer. ‘Good,’ he said softly. ‘I’m proud of you. I can guess why you have this…this block about giving in to what will make you happy. But I need you to work through that, baby. Not for me. Not for us, even. I need you to be okay, because you deserve to be okay.
‘I was doing really well for a while,’ Abby said, chin trembling. ‘I think maybe…maybe I stopped trying as hard. And then it was easy to fall into old patterns and thinking.’
She considered how well she’d been doing just a year ago. How much more confident she’d been becoming in herself, in her body, in her research, and how all of that felt like it had been sliding away from her, letting insecurity and imposter syndrome sneak back in.
‘I get that,’ Erik said, rubbing her back gently. ‘Healing isn’t linear. I’m doing a lot better than I used to with my sensitivity issues. I can handle more, and I have the right coping mechanisms in place. But every now and then something seemingly innocuous will come along and completely throw me. A sound I should be able to process. A smell that hasn’t bothered me for years. And I’ll completely shut down. I try to prioritise rest and take breaks because it helps, but sometimes I don’t even realise how hard I’ve been pushing myself until I’m entirely overwhelmed. What’s important is being able to see when you reach that point. And then doing something about it. I don’t feel like I need my psychologist anymore, necessarily. But checking in with her every month or so is a good way to check in with myself too. It’s a steady reminder to look after myself, and to pay attention to what my mind and body are doing. And when things get bad, and I do really need her, reaching out isn’t as daunting.’
‘You’re wise,’ Abby murmured into his neck.
‘Just an old hand.’ He laughed. ‘Remember I have a good few years more practice than you. I had a better support system too. But you have me. And I’m going to be there for you, whatever you need.’ His hands tightened on her back. ‘One month. We need to get through one more month apart and then I’ll be around so much you’ll beg me to leave you alone.’
Not likely , she thought as he fed her a large strawberry. She sighed happily after swallowing. The idea of regular mornings like this felt entirely too good to be true. ‘I still can’t believe you’re actually going to be home permanently.’
‘Feels like I already am,’ Erik said softly, teasing a lock of her hair between his fingers.
Abby slid her hands up his bare chest, tugging his neck down to brush her lips to his. He was right—this was home . Their little bubble of domestic bliss felt somehow too cosy, too perfect. The bad voices in her head still hissed that this couldn’t be real. That she would wake up cold and alone on the other side of the wall. But Erik’s arms around her were solid. His skin was soft and silky under her fingertips. And even if her brain was resisting, her body kept her grounded.
‘Do you want more food?’ Erik’s voice was rough when they pulled apart, eyes searching hers.
‘Hungry for something else,’ she murmured, shaking her head.
The kiss hadn’t been heated. They’d explored each other’s mouths leisurely, hands barely moving. But every moment with Erik was quickly proving to be a turn on, whether gentle and tender or fuelled by desperation.
Minutes later, the bed was clear and Erik was stretched out on top of her, one knee pressing between her legs to spread them as his hands drifted up under her— his —hoodie.
‘How do you go from zero to ready in less than a second?’ Abby marvelled, her fingers brushing the front of his joggers.
He screwed his eyes shut at the contact and took a deep breath, exhaling as he slowly looked at her again. ‘I’m never at zero around you.’
She was processing the effect that had on her, combined with the proximity of his knee to the pulsing source of want between her legs and the feel of his thumb grazing the underside of her breast, when a knock sounded at the door.
Erik swore as his mother’s voice floated a greeting through the inches of wood separating them.
‘Get on the duvet and cover yourself with a blanket,’ he ordered, jumping up and frantically kicking her clothing from the night before under the bed. ‘Open Netflix on the TV.’
Abby followed his instructions as he slipped his dressing gown on and secured it tightly. The joggers really weren’t doing much to protect his modesty.
Storming to the door, Erik yanked it open. ‘Mother.’
She didn’t think she’d ever heard him call her that, particularly not in that tone. Exasperation? Sure. Downright amusement? Almost definitely. Pure annoyance? Never .
Thankfully, Nora was oblivious to the possibility that her son was likely plotting her disappearance as they spoke. ‘Hello, dear,’ she said cheerily. ‘Have you just woken up? Still in your gown?’ She craned her neck to better see into the room. ‘Oh, Abby’s in here with you. How lovely. I should have known you two would be holed up together.’
Abby sat remarkably still, clutching the soft blanket tightly around her waist and looking away from the TV long enough to offer a weak smile. The panic coursing through her body was at least helpful for selling their story of illness. If they’d started kissing two minutes earlier… Her heart wasn’t going to take many more of these interruptions.
‘We’re still not feeling great,’ Erik muttered, moving to block more of the door. Presumably so his mother wouldn’t dart past him and stake her claim in the room. ‘We were planning to take it easy today. Watch a few movies.’ With each word, he inched the door closer towards Nora, until a space just wide enough for her head remained.
Still, she was relentless in her attempt to crane past him.
‘Oh, that’s too bad. You don’t want to come antiquing with us? The fresh air might do you good. And you two always loved it.’
Well, Abby loved it. Her flat was littered with silly knick-knacks and aesthetic treats acquired while trawling through the small seaside town. Erik cared less for the shopping experience, she expected, and more for the joy it brought her when he found something she loved. Over the years, he had helped her build the collection, rummaging through piles of rubbish to bring her books, records, weird sculptures, and all manner of other bizarre household tack. He’d continued when he started working abroad, gifting her curious finds from markets and antique shops he’d discovered in his travels. Her favourite was a set of salt and pepper shakers shaped like Death and his Maiden. She’d lived in London for years, home to some of the most intriguing little shops in the world, and hadn’t entered a single one.
It simply wasn’t as much fun searching through precarious stacks of junk without him.
Erik looked back at her, eyes lidded in defeat. She knew he would be able to see the want written on her face. And as desperate as she was for more of what they’d just started, she’d missed their treasure hunting adventures.
‘Yeah, sounds fun. Can we meet you downstairs in an hour?’
‘Oh, darling, we were really hoping to get going earlier than that—’
‘Twenty minutes,’ Erik said firmly. ‘See you soon, mother.’ And with that, he shut the door, sighed, bolted it for good measure, and turned to face her. ‘How quickly can you get ready? Shower included.’
Abby considered as he walked towards her. ‘Twelve minutes?’
‘Good girl.’ He smiled softly. ‘Gives me eight minutes to make you scream.’
‘You’re awfully confident.’
‘Think I can’t do it?’
Oh , that smile was morphing into something dangerous.
‘I’m sure you could get me off.’ Abby shrugged. So far, teasing him had produced excellent results. ‘Might take a little more time to make me scream though.’
‘Tell you what,’ Erik’s voice dipped lower as he reached for her hips. ‘I make it happen, and when we get back to our room tonight, we do whatever I want.’
A shiver ran through her at the heat flickering in his eyes, even as her heart melted at the word our . ‘Deal. But you’re down to seven minutes, Mr Larsson.’
His mouth twitched at that. ‘I only need five.’
Abby squealed as he lifted her effortlessly over his shoulder and carried her to the bathroom. And when she bit down on his shoulder four minutes later to muffle the obscene sounds his fingers were drawing from her, warm water cascading around them, she had to admit that he had won. But she was pretty sure she had too.