Three months before
You - Radiohead
Freezing and miserable, a tux-clad Erik sat on the top step of a townhouse he had never visited, a cheap masquerade mask discarded on the snow-dusted step beside him.
Midnight had long since passed and his second attempt at pursuing something more with his best friend had failed spectacularly.
‘What the fuck are you doing here?’
Erik’s eyes jolted open at his brother’s smooth voice.
Alex’s arm was around the waist of a leggy brunette wearing a tiny dress and dangerous-looking heels. That her exposed skin remained a golden tan colour in the frigid temperatures, rather than the bright blue it should have been, was a marvel that needed to be studied by scientists.
‘Who’s this?’ she asked.
Really ? He and Alex weren’t identical, but when put together, it was easy to see the resemblance.
Erik shifted uncomfortably, icy water soaking through his trousers as he shifted in the snow. ‘Sorry, I should have texted. I didn’t realise you’d have company.’ Although he should have. His brother didn’t seem the type to sleep alone on New Year’s Eve.
‘It’s fine. She’s on her way.’ Alex turned back to the cab still idling behind them and thrust a wad of cash at the driver. ‘Take her wherever she needs to go, mate.’
‘Seriously?’ The woman’s voice was cold and slightly nasal.
‘Sorry, darling,’ Alex drawled, opening the cab door for her. ‘I think my brother needs me.’
After a piping hot shower, Erik changed into joggers and a jumper Alex had left out for him, silently thanking the universe for his brother’s love of obscenely high quality clothing as he burrowed his chin into the soft fabric.
Alex’s house was exactly as he would have expected. The furnishings were all muted tones of grey and navy and oozed understated, comfortable luxury. Bursts of colour came from the artworks lining most of the walls, although the bedroom Erik had been shown to was conspicuously bare, with only a simple ink sketch adorning the area above the headboard.
He found Alex in the living room, fire roaring and two large tumblers of whiskey on the coffee table. His tie and thick winter coat had been swapped out for an outfit almost identical to Erik’s. He suited his surroundings perfectly.
‘Want to tell me why I’m entertaining you instead of an underwear model who does yoga twice a day?’ Alex asked, taking a long swallow from his drink.
Erik winced. ‘Sorry. I could have left.’
‘And gone where, exactly? There is one other person in London you’d feel comfortable turning up on the doorstep of, and if you’re here, I’m guessing she’s not an option.’
Alex’s voice was light, but Erik sensed some hurt in his words. He’d always assumed his brother didn’t care to have much of a relationship with him. They got along fine, but they’d never been close. As kids, three years had felt like an insurmountable chasm. But it was dawning on Erik for the first time that perhaps the distance had been caused by more than the age gap.
‘I think I fucked up.’ Erik dropped his head into his hands.
‘More than you did seven years ago when you kissed her and then spent most of the summer avoiding her?’
‘You don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘No, I don’t.’ Alex’s voice was cool, clipped. ‘Because you’ve never told me what happened between the two of you. So again, care to explain why you’re here?’
And for the first time, Erik told his brother everything. From the morning after his first kiss with Abby, the awkwardness and reconciliation that had followed, right up to her running away from him at the masquerade party.
‘Let me get this straight,’ Alex said, his disarmingly blue eyes piercing into Erik’s. ‘I haven’t seen you since June. With the exception of some Merry Christmas messages in the family group chat, I haven’t spoken to you since you texted me on my birthday in November. I wouldn’t even know you’d broken up with your ex if you weren’t here telling me that you’d kissed someone else. And now I find you on my doorstep at three in the morning, ruining my shot with a beautiful woman, because you’re having girl trouble?’
Well, put like that, Erik felt like a sack of shit. He rubbed his tired eyes, shoulders slumped. ‘I’m sorry. I panicked and—’
‘Don’t be.’
When Erik looked up, his brother’s face had transformed with a small, crooked grin, so different to the smooth, practised smirk he normally wore.
‘This is the first time in years it’s felt like I have a little brother.’ The surprising warmth in Alex’s voice helped ease the tension in Erik’s body.
He wondered how different their relationship might have been if he’d made more of an effort to include Alex in his life over the years. Maybe his brother, who he’d always assumed was simply too cool for him, had merely been waiting for an invitation.
‘I can clear out before tomorrow night. Tonight, I guess. If you want to call her again,’ Erik said with a grin.
Alex shrugged. ‘Seriously, don’t worry about it. She was…a crime of opportunity. And the endless string of models is getting boring, if I’m honest. I’m a lot more interested in what happened between you and Abby.’
‘I kissed her; I thought it was good; she freaked out. There’s not much more to it.’ A note of bitterness crept into Erik’s voice.
‘And this whole time, you were wearing a mask?’
‘Yes.’
‘And you didn’t try to go after her or make any other attempt to reveal yourself?’
‘Well, no, but—’
‘So you have absolutely no reason to believe she knew it was you.’ He said it as a statement.
‘Why else would she have run?’ Erik asked.
Alex rolled his eyes, a crack of annoyance in his usual smooth incredulity. ‘Because a random guy in a pub kissed her on New Year’s Eve and she didn’t want to get stuck with some sap who thought it meant something?’
‘It’s not like she hasn’t kissed me before,’ Erik started.
‘Six years ago. I would hope your technique has improved enough that it was an entirely different experience for her.’
Even after his long, devastating night, that drew a full laugh from Erik’s exhausted body. ‘Yeah, I guess so.’
‘I suggest getting in a taxi right now, showing up at her place, and kissing her again sans mask, but that doesn’t exactly seem like your style. If your track record is anything to go by, we’ve got another few years of pining ahead of us before you try to make a move again.’ It stung, but Alex wasn’t wrong. ‘Go to bed, dude. We’ll figure out how you can get your girl in the morning.’
Erik nodded, surprised that his brother had been so eager to listen and so keen to give advice, then immediately felt ashamed for thinking that way. Alex had always seemed distant, but Erik hadn’t tried nearly hard enough to bridge the gap.
‘Hey, Erik,’ Alex said, pausing at the entrance to his bedroom as Erik continued down the hall to the guest room. Alex cocked his head towards the door looking sheepish, an expression he had never seen on those always casual features. ‘There’s a reason that room doesn’t have all this.’ He waved an arm, gesturing to the bright, dynamic artworks covering the walls. ‘Why the ensuite is stocked with your soap brand. It’s…uh…you’re welcome here any time, you know?’