Chapter 21
Work Song - Hozier
‘H
ow do you want to play this?’ Erik asked as the lift trundled towards the ground floor.
Abby was grateful for the strong arm around her shoulders and the sturdy chest supporting her body. Her legs still weren’t quite steady. Erik’s performance in the shower had been…impressive.
‘Plausible deniability?’ Abby suggested. ‘Your arm around me isn’t anything too newsworthy, at least. Because I think I might fall over if you let go of me.’
Erik smirked down at her.
‘Don’t give me that look,’ she groaned. ‘Your ego is inflated enough.’
‘Someone swearing three different languages when you make them come will do that to a man. Why did I not know you spoke Italian?’
‘That was about the extent of my proficiency,’ Abby muttered as the doors slid open in front of them. ‘I don’t want to hide this. Us. But can we wait to tell them? I don’t know if I can handle the onslaught of questions. Nora just saw me in your bed wearing your clothes, for goodness sake.’
‘Whenever you’re ready, Sunshine.’ Erik tightened his arm around her, and seconds before their parents turned to greet them, she felt the quick press of his lips against her hair.
Erik might have been happy not to tell their parents about the shift in their relationship status, but he was gleefully testing the boundaries of what was appropriate public conduct.
Pushing Abby against dusty, hidden bookshelves to kiss her. Pressing his hips and chest into her back as he stretched to grab something off a tall shelf. Tucking his fingertips into the waistband of her jeans and tugging her backwards so he could kiss her exposed neck, quickly changing his target to her cheek if he noticed a parent in their vicinity. The last one was hardly subtle, and they were almost caught no less than four times. But it said a lot about how non-platonic their so-called friendship had been that despite the number of raised eyebrows passed between Susan and Nora, nothing was said. Though there was one old lady who shot them a glare when Erik’s hand drifted much, much lower on her back than could be considered polite for public consumption. Abby may have arched into it.
He was behaving like an addict, and she was only too happy to be providing his fix.
If she’d worried that taking their relationship further would change their dynamic, it had been entirely misguided. Shopping with Erik was as fun as it had always been: him teasing her for her eccentric tastes in decor, giggling together over the occasional erotic art print, his small smile when he presented her with something silly and she lit up. She hadn’t lost her best friend. Only now he couldn’t keep his hands off her, which was certainly a plus.
Erik willingly left her side only once, saying he wanted to duck back to the previous shop to grab a gift for his mother. He returned, glum-faced and empty-handed, to find Abby still browsing an impressive shelf of worn historical romance novels. Apparently the earrings he’d been eyeing had sold mere minutes before.
As the afternoon wore on, Abby’s tote bags came close to bursting with books, ornaments, and tea cups. Erik was lugging a pair of brass candlesticks under his arm. He’d suggested they would look nice on a dining table, maybe when they got their own place, and started blushing as soon as the words slipped out, stammering that he didn’t mean it had to be soon, and he wasn’t trying to rush her. Abby had tugged him behind a tower of silverware so eagerly that a shirt button popped off in her hand.
The idea of living with a man had never appealed much. She liked having her own space to retreat to at night, and Sarah approved of her eclectic design choices. When Sam had hinted at moving in together, she had changed the subject or conveniently misunderstood him.
And maybe it made sense, given their history. Erik had always been there, so her life had grown around him, rather than needing to fit him into her existence. Still, it shocked her that after one day together, she was practically ready to nest .
The feeling only intensified when they returned to the hotel with a few hours to spare before dinner. Abby had been expecting to pick up where they’d left off at Nora’s interruption. Instead, when Erik hopped on the bed, he pulled out his book, told her to grab her laptop, and patted the space between his knees when she returned, wrapping an arm around her stomach when she fell back against his chest.
‘Why are we clothed? And not kissing?’ she asked with a pout.
‘We’re clothed because you’re going to work on your thesis, and I don’t want you getting ideas. And if you want to be kissed, you’re going to have to earn it. Every two hundred words you write, you can get a reward.’ He pressed his lips against her neck. ‘That was a free sample.’
Abby knew she should be taking advantage of the precious free time, and she loved him for supporting her. But it didn’t help her frustration. If anything, his gently commanding tone made her more desperate for him.
‘Or we could have fun now and I could work later.’ She arched her neck and felt Erik laugh lightly against the sensitive skin there.
‘Trust me, Sunshine. If you’re good, I’ll make it worth your while. But for now, let me relax and support my girl while she does important work.’
There went her damn heart again, spiralling at the way he always knew what to say.
And surprisingly, sitting in the cage of Erik’s body turned out to be a more productive than distracting experience. The rhythmic movement of his chest against her back was soothing. The slight rustle as he turned the pages of his book provided the perfect amount of ambient noise. His lips, warm from the tea they were drinking, offered sweet encouragement rather than anything sensual.
Within an hour, she’d made more progress than in the previous two weeks. And as she sat there, enjoying his closeness, the scrape of his stubble, the solid arm wrapped around her, it hit her fully: he was hers. Hers to kiss and tease and love and share her bed and her space with. Finally . Those soft, quiet moments of comfort together would be her life.
‘Done?’ he asked when she cast her laptop aside and wriggled around in his arms, tilting her head to examine his jaw, his eyes, the curve of his throat. ‘You’re going to give me a complex if you keep staring at me.’
That was something he’d have to come to terms with. She’d denied herself the pleasure of looking for so long. She didn’t plan to stop any time soon.
‘I really, really love you.’ It wasn’t a revelation. She’d told him the night before. She herself had known for years. But coupled with the feeling of them as something real and tangible, her heart threatened to explode with the force of happiness it contained.
Erik’s lips curved into that tiny, soft smile—half adoration, half bemusement—that sent her stomach into freefall. ‘Yeah. I think we established that last night, Sunshine.’
‘No, I—’ She gave a little huff of frustration, unable to find the words she needed. Such a rare problem for her. ‘It kind of hadn’t hit me that this is real. It still felt a little like a dream. And the intrusive thoughts were telling me it was. But you’re here and you’re mine, and I…I get to keep you this time.’
Tenderness bloomed across his features. ‘Yes, baby. It’s real,’ he said, lifting her chin to kiss her gently.
‘You said something last night,’ Abby started slowly.
‘I said a lot of things last night. Chief among them, telling you that you feel absolutely fucking perfect.’ He grinned widely at her. She flicked his nose. That smile grew, eyes crinkling, and she marvelled at how much joy was contained in this little cocoon they had carved out for themselves.
‘You said you’d been thinking about this for a decade. Is that— Is that when—’
‘Is that when I fell in love with you?’
Abby nodded.
‘No,’ Erik continued thoughtfully. ‘I can’t really pinpoint it. Asking when I fell in love with you is like asking how I learnt to breathe.’ He paused, inhaling slowly. ‘I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t completely consumed by you. Whether it was thinking you were the prettiest girl on the playground when we were six, or being eleven and wanting to kiss you while you told me about a new favourite book or turning sixteen and realising you were waking up parts of my body I’d barely discovered.’
She blushed at that admission, and her heart continued to skip with each confession.
‘I tried , Abby. I tried so hard to deny how I felt about you, even in my own head. At first I could tell myself I was just a kid, and I didn’t even know what love was and you were my best friend so of course I loved you. I was just confusing that with being in love with you. Then I told myself it was hormones, and naturally I was physically attracted to you because you were objectively gorgeous. And obviously it didn’t mean anything because we were just friends. Two words I’d be very happy to never hear again in my life, by the way.’
The feeling was certainly mutual, she thought as she laughed.
‘It got harder and harder to pretend. Eventually I had to face the fact that I was head over heels for you. But I’ve never known you not to go after exactly what you want. It’s one of the things I’ve always loved most about you. So I figured if you weren’t making a move or even hinting that I should, it was because you didn’t want anything more. Then you let me kiss you that night. Best moment of my life. And I could finally see a different future for us. The one I wanted. I just wish I’d told you I loved you then. It could have all been different.’
‘I’m sorry—’ Abby started, aching with the weight of all the pain she’d put him through.
Erik cut her off with a shake of his head. ‘Don’t. We’re together now. That’s all that matters. We just…took a long road to get there. Those few months where we were barely talking though? Those were rough. It was enough to show me I couldn’t live without you. However I could have you. But those feelings never went away. Three years ago, I was finally ready to try again. I was coming home for Christmas, and I figured I’d see where you were at, hoping against hope that you had changed your mind.’
‘But I was with Sam.’ Sweet, kind Sam, who she’d agreed to a date with after four months of trading book recommendations in the library. Sam who, while perfect on paper, had never sent her heart soaring the way Erik did.
‘You looked really happy with him. He treated you well. You’d only been together a few months but things looked serious. And I wasn’t going to be the dickhead guy who waited years and then made his move right when you got a boyfriend. So I tried to move on again. Casey had always been a little flirty, and I liked her. We went on a few dates. Started hooking up. Made it official eventually. And she was great. She wasn’t you, but I thought I could be happy with her. And then Christmas before last she came home with me.’
Regret clouded his face. If their ending had been anything like hers with Sam, she knew Erik likely felt some guilt about it.
‘She knew about you, obviously. Knew that we’d grown up together. That we told each other everything. Knew about the crazy long emails. I think she found it sweet. A little unconventional, maybe, but sweet. And then she saw us together. Saw how I still looked at you. That’s when things started to get bad. She’d made little comments while I was emailing you. If I forgot to tell her something inane, she’d say things like “I bet Abby knew”. I, uh, I wasn’t a great boyfriend. Especially near the end. Things got steadily worse. And eventually we stopped fighting. That was worse. Because we both knew we’d just stopped caring. They offered her a new project in October. She took it. We broke up when she moved. And within a week, before I’d even told you, you dropped in an email that you’d broken up with Sam.
‘It felt like after so many years, the universe was finally aligning for us. So I booked a flight and kissed you on New Year’s. And that bombed. But Alex convinced me it didn’t count if I was wearing a mask.’ A wry grin twisted his face. ‘So. This trip. My final shot for us. I hadn’t planned on jumping into bed with you within a couple of days, I swear.’
‘And yet, you brought condoms, just in case,’ she teased.
‘I didn’t pack them! Alex sent them with mum. He was obviously expecting something to happen between us on this trip.’
That visual was amusing enough that Abby allowed herself to be sidetracked. ‘He gave your dear devout mother, a woman whose entire family plan consisted of the pull-and-pray method, a box of condoms to pass on to you?’
‘Not exactly. Take a look in the drawer.’ Amusement crept across Erik’s face as Abby pulled open the top drawer next to her and found…a box of green tea? ‘Open it.’
She did, and found a neat row of foil squares, each printed with the name of the tea brand on the box. When she ripped one of the packets open, clear latex fell out.
‘Your brother is possibly the most ridiculous man I’ve ever met,’ she said around an attack of giggles.
‘That he is,’ Erik agreed. ‘But he’s also kind of a genius. If he’d wrapped up a normal box, mum absolutely would have snooped to see what he got me. This looked innocent enough, and she hates green tea, so no risk of her opening it up. Plus he got to test this custom packaging company he’s thinking of investing in. Putting the box where I could easily get to it was admittedly wishful thinking on my part. But I honestly intended to start out just flirting a little.’
‘Like helping me with my shoes?’
‘I plan to spend a lot of my life on my knees in front of you. I figured I’d give you a taster.’ He smirked. Rightly so. She had certainly enjoyed the sight. ‘I’d see how you responded, and if you seemed into it, work up to telling you how I felt. I figured if you still didn’t want me, at least I’d finally know, right? I’d have closure, and maybe I’d be able to move on. The thought of losing you forever fucking terrified me, but I also wasn’t prepared to spend the rest of my life without you because I was scared. I wanted to fight for you. For us.’
Abby had shifted nearer to him as he spoke, nuzzling her face into his neck. To show him she was there , without interrupting his diatribe with words. It seemed as if he needed to get this out. Erik’s arms tightened around her.
‘Then I saw that preppy little prick talking to you at the bar, and I went straight to possessive arsehole, didn’t I?’
‘Little bit.’ Abby giggled, pressing her lips to the hollow next to his collarbone. ‘I’ll tell you a secret though. I was definitely pissed at you; don’t get me wrong. But it was also really hot.’
‘Oh yeah?’ He grinned and shifted them, leaning over her to kiss her deeply.
‘Prick,’ Abby mumbled against his lips with a smile.
‘Yeah, but you love me,’ he murmured back.
‘I do,’ she said, pulling back to look at him. His eyes closed in pleasure as she raked her fingers through his hair. ‘I really do. I can’t pretend I’ve understood my feelings for as long as you have. But you’ve always been my everything. Even when I didn’t know, it was always true. When I realised how I felt about you…it was like all my memories had a haze around them, and you brought them into focus. Everything I’d ever done or said or felt made more sense knowing that I’m in love with you.’
Erik’s eyes pierced her, filled with emotion as his thumb rubbed small circles into her waist.
‘Have you ever wondered why I love cinnamon so much?’
He nodded.
‘My twelfth birthday. I was staying at your house while my parents were at a conference. Your mum let us make a fort and spend the night in the living room. You were still asleep when I woke up, but you were holding my hand and the whole house smelled like cinnamon. I opened my eyes and decided I never wanted to leave that moment. We spent the day in our fort, eating apple crumble and watching movies and playing board games, and it was the best birthday I’ve ever had. Erik, all my happiest memories are bursting at the seams with you .’
‘I’m a little scared to kiss you right now.’ Erik’s eyes were misty, his voice shaky.
‘ Why ?’
‘Because if I do, I don’t know if I’ll ever stop.’
Abby tugged on a small fistful of shirt, pulling him closer. ‘Don’t.’
When they finally pulled apart, only one thought centred itself in Abby’s mind.
‘We should tell them. Our parents. I know I was the one who said no. But I’ve spent long enough hiding how I feel about you. I don’t think I should anymore.’
Something sparked in Erik’s eyes, and she wondered if he’d been waiting for this. If it was the last step he had wanted them to take together. The last sign he needed that she was really in this.
‘I would shout it from the fucking rooftops if you’d let me.’ He stroked her cheekbone gently with his thumb. ‘But as for telling them, I think I have a more fun idea.’