35. Ashlie
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
ASHLIE
T hree hours and twelve minutes since Hunter walked out, and I’m still lying on his couch, waiting for him to come back. Not my smartest move. My phone died in the middle of replying to his text an hour ago, but he’s still not here. His chargers are all wireless, for his new StarCell model, so I’m just here with a dead phone and self-loathing.
The herringbone throw blanket cuddled around me smells like him, which only reinforces how stupid I am. I’m still seething over what happened today. Kicking myself for agreeing to this bet. Berating my decision to stay. Angry that I blew it all out of proportion. But my bleeding heart can’t leave knowing he has abandonment issues, even though he’s the one who walked out.
Just when I start to believe he’s turned a new leaf, something reminds me he hasn’t. He’s always been avoidant, always been a player. I shouldn’t be surprised, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less that he didn’t hesitate before walking out the door. No regard for the friendship we had before all of this. Not even a courtesy glance over his shoulder. That is what kills me.
I believe him about the Ava thing—the one-sided messages made that clear. In hindsight, I probably should have said that at the time. Hell, I’m dating someone else too, so my response was an overreaction. But in the moment, I couldn’t get past seeing all those names in his phone. Why keep them if he had no plans to use them? Yeah, okay, this is all just a silly bet, but he’s the one who set exclusivity for himself in the first place. Why string me along? Have the rose-colored glasses I’ve been wearing for months obscured so much that I’m still only seeing what I want to see ? Guys like Hunter are my vice. I know how this plays out. Why the hell am I still here ?
Just as I make up my mind to save my dignity and leave, the front door creeps open. I watch silently as Hunter hangs up his keys on the wall hook, unaware of my presence. The slump in his shoulders, the shadow over his face, his labored sigh—he looks as tired as I feel, and petty satisfaction simmers inside me.
His eyes sweep the room, and he freezes. “You’re here… Y-you didn’t leave.”
“I wouldn’t just leave.” The bite in my voice is only enhanced by the tear-induced scratchiness in my throat.
“…That’s fair.” He drags a hand down his face, not daring to take a step away from the front door. “I didn’t think… I mean, I assumed you’d?—”
“Will you sit down so we can figure this shit out?” The blanket falls to my waist as I turn to face him. He nods, the leather squeaking as he quietly perches on the opposite end of the couch, keeping a cushion between us. Hugging my legs, I rest my chin on my knees, utterly exhausted. Maybe we should end this now… “What the hell are we doing here, Hunt? What’s the point of?—”
“I need to show you something.” That fucking phone is still in his hand. He swipes the screen a few times and holds it out to me, but I’ve seen enough on that thing to last a lifetime.
I turn up my nose. “I’m good.”
“Please?”
My reluctance fades when he pins me with a pleading gaze, and I drop my eyes to the screen as I accept his phone. Aiden From Work, Artemis, Ashlie, Chase . No Ava. My mouth drops. Hours ago, this was a personalized hook-up directory. I had to scroll several times just to get to the letter F . But now, I hit the bottom of the list in six swipes. Going back to the top, I read the names again. All the women from years past are gone. Silently, he taps to his blocked list where Ava is front and center. After one last swipe, her messages are permanently deleted.
“I don’t even know why I kept them all, but they’re gone now… I’m sorry.” The tremble in his whisper grips me as unease shadows his face. He’s beating himself up over this, and I can’t stand it. I press a hand to his cheek, and his breath shudders as he leans in to my touch, red-rimmed eyes falling shut. “You didn’t leave…”
“I wouldn’t do that to you. I wouldn’t just leave.” Bracketing his head in my hands, I wait until his eyes find mine. The green is surrounded by fear, streaked with sadness, and tinged with fatigue. “I’m sorry I overreacted. I made it so much bigger than it needed to be…and I believe you about Ava.” He nods, and I shift to my knees, kissing him lightly before sitting back. “You can’t just walk out when we’re fighting, though. This whole arrangement was your idea.”
“I know…” He sighs, wringing his hands nervously. “Watching my mom walk out on my dad, seeing what it did to him, it convinced me I never wanted to go through that. I turned into someone who always leaves.” His forehead drops to mine as his hands find my waist. “I don’t want to be that person with you, Ashlie. For the first time in my life, leaving feels like a mistake, and I think that means something.”
Oh shit . My heart fills my throat as all the air is pulled from my lungs. This isn’t a game to him ?
Dating two men was supposed to keep me from diving in too quickly, a safeguard for my heart. I’d convinced myself this was all just a fun arrangement. That he’d fail, and life would go back to normal after the wedding. But nothing about tonight has felt fun. It’s been raw and emotional. Real .
“I can’t guarantee I won’t mess up, but if you give me another chance, I’ll never walk out on you again. I’ll fight that fear and do whatever it takes to be the man who deserves you.”
My stomach drops as his sincerity barrels through me. His promise, the vulnerable timbre of his voice, that look in his eyes—it all scares the hell out of me. But uncovering the source of that anxiety feels tenuous right now. My head spins at the thought of processing any of this tonight, my pulse picking up speed.
Just when my breath stutters, his lips brush mine, and everything stills. There’s a vague awareness that I should stop him—figure out where my head is—but calm washes over me as if the antidote to my panic lies in his kiss. I welcome the distraction and latch onto him, greeting his tongue in a languorous waltz. “Please tell me I didn’t ruin this…” he whispers between panted breaths.
“You didn’t,” I mumble around his lips, tugging him closer. We fall against the couch, and nothing makes sense besides the warmth of his kiss lulling me into serenity. The musk in his cologne. His arms holding me. I’ll work out my own mess some other time. Tonight, I just want him.