THIRTY-TWO
Jaxson
I remember that fucking night.
That was the first night he came into the bar without Madelyn. The night he grabbed Zoey and threatened me. The first time I really got a bad vibe from him telling me something wasn’t right. If only I would have told her what happened then. Maybe things would have been different.
I tell her as much after giving her the details of everything that happened at the bar that night, but she balks at my statement.
“I wouldn’t have listened, Jax. It wouldn’t have made a difference. I was too stubborn to listen, too stuck in my head. Stupidly blinded by my conviction that everything I was doing was the best for everyone.”
The small smile she gives me provides no comfort.
Guess we all have our own regrets, our own demons to battle.
A few minutes pass in silence before Madelyn speaks again.
“I knew I should have left after that first time, but I stupidly thought it wouldn’t happen again. The entire week after he was the guy from before. He apologized, repeatedly. Eventually, I passed it off as a one-time thing—a mistake. And that was my mistake. I was so damn naive.”
“Mads...you trusted him, baby. You couldn’t have known.”
She doesn’t acknowledge my words.
“Looking back...I recognize the signs. Things I passed off as me overthinking, or things I didn’t think were a big deal. The sudden shifts in personality and cryptic comments. His sudden need to claim me and treat me like his possession. God, I was so fucking blind.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, trying to make sense of the bits and pieces she’s giving me.
“It all goes back to our wedding night. He kept saying he owned me. Every inch of me. He took me everywhere , Jax.”
I flinch, knowing exactly what she means. She’s not trying to hurt me, but it doesn’t lessen the burn to hear about him fucking her. Claiming her and treating her like a whore. It doesn’t hurt less knowing she let him. My grip on my beer bottle is so tight I’m surprised the glass hasn’t shattered.
Thankfully, she doesn’t notice my reaction. She’s too lost in remembering.
“And then he asked me how it felt knowing that he had all of me. How it felt knowing that no other man would touch my body again.”
Christ. If he was still alive, I’d kill him myself. I wouldn’t even feel bad about it. I wouldn’t lose a minute of sleep knowing I put that motherfucker six feet under.
“I woke up later that night. He was sitting in the corner in the dark...just...watching me. I thought I saw something in his eyes—something that made me uncomfortable—but I ignored it,” she says, closing her eyes to blink back tears. “I can still hear the words he uttered as I drifted back to sleep. ‘I’m never, ever letting you go.’”
A shiver runs through her body, and I can see the goosebumps raised on her arms.
“I thought it was sweet at the time. Now, I recognize it for what it was.”
“A threat?”
“No,” she says, a rueful smile on her lips. “A promise.”
“An empty promise.”
She’s trying to be so strong, but she can’t hide the glassy sheen in her eyes.
“He almost succeeded, Jax. He killed my baby. He almost killed me.”
There’s no holding back her tears now. They fall freely and I can’t stand the distance between us anymore. Sliding my chair closer to hers, I take both of her hands in mine.
“You survived. He’s gone, but you’re still here. You’re so fucking strong, baby,” I rasp.
“I don’t feel strong,” she admits.
“You will. And until you do...I’ll be strong for you. I’m right here.”
It’s the truth. I don’t know where I stand with her, but we’ve got time to figure it out. Right now, she needs to focus on healing, and I plan on being by her side as long as she’ll let me. I’m not going anywhere. No matter how hard it is to hear all the pain she’s suffered. No matter how much this shit kills me.
“I think that’s enough for tonight, yeah?”
“No. I need to finish. I...I want to get it all out. Purge it from my mind.”
“Okay, baby,” I rasp. “I’m listening.”
And I do. I listen as she tells me every single fucked up thing that motherfucker did to her. Every vile word he spewed, every physical blow, every time he came home from fucking someone else. Every goddamn time he raped her as she begged him to stop. I sat through it all, my heart breaking little by little the more I learned.
I have never felt so violent in my entire fucking life. He took the pussy way out—shooting himself in the head. I’d love nothing more than to bring him back to life, just to give him a little taste of the hell he put Madelyn through. He deserves far worse than the easy death he gave himself.
We spend hours outside, until the last ember of the fire has burned out, until the only light comes from the moon and stars in the night sky. By the time she finishes, we’re both a mess of tears and heartache. She’s suffered so damn much. I’m in awe of her strength. Madelyn is fucking incredible.
Listening to the details of her recent past only increases my need to talk about our past. Maybe it’s not the right time, since everything else is still so raw, but I have to try. I have so many questions that have gone unanswered for years. So much of my own guilt for the accident and everything that happened after.
She’s been so honest and open tonight, I can only hope that she’ll continue to do so. Once we’ve both composed ourselves, Mads takes another shot of tequila and I take a chance.
“Baby, I know you just poured your heart out and I hope that it helps you let go of some of that pain...but there’s still so much we need to talk about. Things that have nothing to do with David, and everything to do with you and me.”
Squeezing her eyes shut, she shakes her head back and forth rapidly.
“I can’t tonight, Jax. It’s too much, too soon.”
I hate her words, but I understand. I won’t push her. I won’t do anything that might make her run again.
“But we will talk…” I trail off, leaving it open for her to respond.
“Yeah, we’ll talk.”
“Okay,” I say, standing from my seat. I pull her to standing. “Let’s go get some sleep. It’s been a long fuckin’ night.”
Crossing the yard, she follows close behind, never letting go of my hand.
“Jax?” she whispers.
“Yeah, baby?” I slow my pace, turning to look back at her. She looks so small, so fragile.
“Will you stay with me tonight.”
“Of course, I will.” I rasp.
Doesn’t she know I’d do anything for her?