Chapter 20
“What happened?” Soulara’s voice boomed along the beach as she pulled herself from the water, her tail splitting and forming into legs.
Autumn shook her head, her dark hair moving wildly around her face. “We were recalled.”
“Recalled?” Soulara didn’t understand what that meant. The Talons and the Kwights took out the other two krakens, but Autumn’s had escaped straight upward.
“There was a malfunction with our water collector, and we surfaced immediately to return to base.” Autumn’s voice cracked. “I didn’t… You shouldn’t…”
Autumn’s face scrunched up, her nose and cheeks reddened, and her eyes watered.
“I expected to drown,” Autumn whispered.
Soulara choked back her own sob. She raced forward and wrapped her arms around Autumn’s shoulders and pulled her in tight. “I told you I wouldn’t let you drown.”
“I didn’t believe you.” Autumn pressed her face into Soulara’s neck, breathing heavily. “I didn’t believe you could stop it from happening,” Autumn whispered softer.
Soulara raked her fingers gently through Autumn’s hair. She held Autumn close, cradling her. “I don’t understand why you stay.”
“I have nowhere to go,” Autumn murmured. “I’m a commissioned officer. I have to follow orders.” Autumn pulled back slightly, tears streaking down her cheeks. “I can’t tell them no.”
Soulara kissed Autumn’s cheek, then the other one, then her lips. Putting as much feeling as possible into that moment, Soulara held Autumn close. They wrapped around each other, lips and tongues soothing and inciting. Soulara pulled back with a gasp.
“We lost twenty-one soldiers today.” Soulara’s heart ached, deep in her chest. Twenty-one mermaids from Reine perished in the deep soundings. The number of grieving ceremonies that would happen in the next few days would be overwhelming. “Talon lost nineteen, and Kwight lost twenty-eight.”
“Soulara,” Autumn whispered, drawing her hand down Soulara’s chest to her breast, palming it and flicking her thumb over Soulara’s nipple.
“Autumn,” Soulara answered. “Not here.”
The need to be somewhere without any of the history clawed its way into Soulara’s chest. They needed someplace that was only for them. Somewhere no one could stumble upon them, or drag them back into the hellhole they were both trying to escape.
“Where?”
Soulara purposely walked backward into the oncoming waves. Autumn didn’t hesitate as her eyes lit on Soulara, and the full realization hit of what was happening. Autumn sat down and undid the ties on her boots before stripping out of all her clothes. Soulara walked into the water until it brushed against her waist.
Letting her magic flow through her, Soulara formed her legs back into her tail. She sank below the surface of the water, letting it cover her head completely. The water surrounding her was such a welcome presence. But being in Autumn’s arms had been even better.
Soulara’s heart ached.
How would they ever understand each other? How would they ever be able to have a relationship when they lived worlds apart?
Sure, Soulara had managed to leave home long enough to come up here, but time was limited. Someone would be looking for her. She still had negotiations to finalize. She had alliances to strengthen. She had a war and more battles to plan.
Autumn fell on top of her, completely covered by the water, and pushed their mouths and their bodies together. Soulara gasped. She ran her hands up Autumn’s sides, along her curves, over her ass, and held on. Without warning, Soulara moved her tail and propelled them into deeper waters.
Eventually, she rose to the surface so Autumn could breathe before dragging her back under again. Soulara swam as fast as she could, reaching her little island sanctuary. They sat in the waves, Autumn running her fingers over Soulara’s chest and down her hip, over the top part of her tail.
“I thought I was going to die today,” Autumn murmured.
Soulara had had the same thought one too many times, and despite her promises not to let Autumn drown, she knew she couldn’t always keep her promises. Soulara pulled Autumn closer. She wanted to forget today. She wanted to push it to the back of her mind and pretend the last few days had never happened.
“I don’t want to think about it.” Soulara spoke against Autumn’s mouth.
Autumn flipped them over, pressing Soulara against the sandy beach, the water still mostly covering of their bodies. “I was ready to die.”
“I’m not ready to let you,” Soulara answered, the words slipping off her tongue faster than she could pull them back. They were so very close to admitting things that would never work between them. “Take me, Autumn.”
“Like this?” Autumn’s eyes widened, and she raked her gaze down Soulara’s body, from her breasts to her tail.
Chuckling, Soulara nodded. “Oh yes, exactly like this. Here.”
Soulara snagged Autumn’s hand and moved it down to her slit. She gently used Autumn’s fingers to rub along the edge. Pleasure shot through her entire body, and her back arched unintentionally. Soulara’s hand fell away as Autumn continued to stroke her.
“I’m not that different from you in this form.”
Though having her legs wrapped around Autumn’s head had been pure bliss. Soulara didn’t want to change back and forth again. She wanted to be in her purest form, and that was the one she was born to. It was the one she was most familiar with, the one she’d grown up learning to navigate.
“You’re amazingly different.” Autumn swooped down, pressing her face into the oncoming water as she covered Soulara’s breast with her mouth. She teased Soulara’s nipple to a peak.
Soulara groaned. Her eyes fluttered shut, and she allowed the sensations to wash over her. As she used them to remind herself just how close they’d come to this never happening today, or ever again. That was the reality for them. At any point this could be the last moment they had together. The last moment they had alive. Soulara wasn’t going to let those moments pass by without taking full advantage of them.
“Slide your fingers in,” Soulara whispered.
Autumn fumbled at first, no doubt trying to figure out exactly what to do and what angle to work with. Soulara guided her again, taking two fingers and slipping them inside without preamble. Her voice was breathy when she answered, staring up directly into Autumn’s dark brown eyes.
“Make it hard.”
“Are you sure?” Autumn bit her lip.
“You can’t break me.” Soulara released Autumn’s wrist, hoping that the command was there and that Autumn would follow it.
Autumn started slowly, as if she was still getting her confidence up. Soulara moaned, writhing against the sand as Autumn straddled her tail. The sliding of their naked bodies against each other was exactly what Soulara wanted. It was what she needed.
Water moved from the ocean to the beach, covering Soulara’s chest and face. It pulled against her as it receded back into the deep behind Autumn. Soulara gasped. She wanted to tell Autumn everything. She wanted to spill everything she’d been holding back, tell Autumn all her worries and fears, all the things that were stressing her out. But she couldn’t.
Tears prickled at her eyes as she lay prone.
“Kiss me,” Soulara said.
Autumn bent down, changing the angle of her hand and thrusting even deeper. Groaning, Soulara sucked on Autumn’s lower lip, giving her breath when necessary as they were covered with the water that was their life force.
Something so benign had brought them together.
Water.
Soulara nipped Autumn’s lip. “Harder.”
Autumn moved deeper, adding another finger into the mix.
Trying to catch her words, Soulara tilted her head back. The sun’s rays warmed her cheeks and her skin before she was covered again with the water that held almost her entire world. But Soulara couldn’t deny the fact that some of her world remained up here. Some of her world was Autumn.
Soulara cried out. Autumn had found every spot imaginable that she needed. Her thumb swiped circles and her fingers curled deliciously with each thrust.
“More,” Soulara demanded.
Autumn added her last finger into the mix. Soulara gripped onto Autumn’s wrist, tensing as she was so close to sliding over the edge of pleasure. She never wanted to give this up. She didn’t. And that very thought hurt her soul more than it should have. She would have to leave Autumn at some point, wouldn’t she? If she was going to be queen, if she was going to rule Reine, she couldn’t also live up here.
Pushing away that sadness, Soulara focused on the here and now.
Autumn was alive.
The first battle was fought and won—largely thanks to Autumn and the information she’d shared.
Autumn was here, four knuckles deep, teasing Soulara’s body into wave after wave of pleasure. Soulara bucked her tail against the beach. She couldn’t let every emotion pull from her and spill out into Autumn. It would be the worst thing for both of them. Autumn couldn’t know how wrapped up Soulara had become in their friendship—their relationship.
Soulara cried out, ripping Autumn’s hand from her body. She couldn’t take any more. It was too much. Not the touches. Not the kisses. But this mix of emotions that were impossible to parse through. It was impossible not to look at Autumn and know and understand exactly what was going to happen between them.
They weren’t made to be together.
They were breaking all the rules by being here. Not just the rules of their people, but the laws of nature.
“Autumn,” Soulara whispered her name just as a second-wave orgasm captured her body and held her in its grasp. Autumn hadn’t even been touching her. What the hell was that all about? Soulara bit her lip, watching with hooded eyes as Autumn slipped her fingers into her mouth and licked Soulara off her.
She hummed in pleasure. “You’re much saltier in this form.”
“My flavor changes?” Soulara’s heart raced, skipping a couple beats.
“Apparently.” Autumn flicked her tongue between her fingers, making sure to get every last bit possible.
Soulara’s body tightened at that sight. It had been amazing to have Autumn’s mouth against her, something she’d never experienced before. That was simply not a practice amongst mermaids in Reine, but the softness of Autumn’s lips, the firm swipes of her tongue—it had been everything Soulara had needed and more.
Autumn bent down, pressing their mouths together. This time she lingered and didn’t rush. They were so much freer here. That was uncontestable. Autumn seemed more confident and neither of them were looking over their shoulders for who was going to show up.
“Is this the last time we’ll see each other?” Autumn’s voice startled Soulara from her reverie.
“Why would you say that?” Soulara sat up, using her hands to pull her farther up the edge of the beach. Her entire body was sore. From the battle. From swimming to see Autumn more than once. From worrying.
“I don’t know. This all seems so…” Autumn trailed off, her gaze dropping over Soulara’s body. “…bittersweet, I guess.”
“Does it?” Soulara frowned. It hadn’t felt that way for her. Then again, something had felt so different this time. Not as if it was their last, but as if this time was so much more important than their first. Soulara reached for Autumn’s hand and pulled her to follow. Flipping them over, Soulara rested in between Autumn’s legs. “I’ll be with you for as long as I can.”
“That doesn’t make the feeling any better.” Autumn frowned even though her tone was light.
“I promise.” Soulara bent down and sealed her vow with a kiss. “I won’t let you drown, and I won’t abandon you.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” Autumn pushed at Soulara’s shoulders. She sighed heavily and sat up. Autumn stared across the water before closing her eyes and resting her chin on her knees heavily. “You’re a princess, Soulara. You are as bound by duty as I am.”
“You’re not.”
“I am,” Autumn countered. “I can’t just up and leave my post. I’m on a foreign planet. I can’t live here without them, and where would they put me?”
“You’re not bound to them like I am to Reine.” Anger boiled in Soulara’s stomach. Didn’t Autumn see the difference? It was so obvious. Soulara never would have betrayed her people the way Autumn had. But more than that, Reine was Soulara’s blood. “I am Reine. You’re just a soldier. I’d never expect any of my soldiers to be tethered to me or Reine in the same way I am.”
“Soulara.” Autumn’s voice had a tinge of whine to it. “I’m not worth it.”
“But you are.” Soulara reached for Autumn’s hand, but Autumn pulled away. The space between them, the chasm Autumn had called bittersweet, grew. Soulara hated it. She wanted to make it vanish in seconds, she wanted to press Autumn into the sand and show her just how worth it she was. But Autumn held that boundary between them.
“I think it’s time you take me home.”
Home.
Was that place really Autumn’s home? Perhaps it was more than the planet she called Earth. Soulara was about to object when Nylah breached the surface of the water. Soulara’s necklace burned against her skin, images of Honour swimming rapidly in her direction.
“Fuck,” Soulara muttered as realization hit her. They were about to be interrupted. “I’ll take you home, Autumn. But know this. We’re not done.”
Autumn turned her chin up, an objection on her lips.
But Soulara shook her head firmly. “I don’t want to hear about how you’re not worth it, about how you don’t deserve this. None of that.” Soulara stared Autumn directly in the eye, wishing that the wall would shatter in front of both of them. “That’s not the only lie you have ever been told, but it’s the one you’ve always wanted to believe.”
“Soulara—”
“Shut up.” Soulara clenched her jaw. “It’s a lie. This—what’s between us—isn’t. I don’t have answers for you. I don’t know what the future holds. But I’m not going to let my world dictate who I am.”
Nylah flashed another image, Honour’s speed increasing.
“We have to go. Now. I can’t explain it to you. But I’m not abandoning you.”
Autumn looked unconvinced.
“Please believe me,” Soulara begged.
“I’ll try.” But Autumn’s face didn’t soften. Her shoulders remained stiff. And Soulara had no doubt that the most important conversation of her life had failed.