Chapter 21
Autumn’s hair was damp as she swung it into a tight bun at the back of her head. Soulara had barely even said goodbye when she’d swum off into the distance. The conversation wasn’t finished, that much Autumn knew. But she had no idea if they’d ever get a chance to finish it.
She stayed on the edge of the shore for longer than she should have, but after the events of that week, she needed the moment of respite. Her heart ached. For so many reasons. She wanted to believe Soulara. She wanted to believe her commanding officers. She wanted to believe her people weren’t as inhumane as they were proving to be. Despite her upbringing, Autumn had always held out hope that there was some kind of good out there.
Maybe it just wasn’t with humanity.
Maybe it was with the mermaids.
But that still left her in a precarious position because it wasn’t like she could live with the mermaids. Her lips quirked at that thought. She couldn’t even swim. And living alone on the shore was something she wasn’t prepared to do. As much as she despised it, she needed the companionship of another person. Autumn had no doubts that Soulara would tire of her soon enough or become so busy with her duties that Autumn would become a distant thought in her mind.
A chilling breeze brushed her skin and she closed her eyes, breathing in the scent of the sea. She needed to get back. Marshall was still with the medic, and she wanted to check on him before she retired for the night.
The walk back to camp was slow, and Autumn took her time. She slipped through the chain-link fence and around the sensors that would alert someone that she’d been off the base without permission and then joined the throngs of people milling around.
Walking straight to medical, Autumn stepped surely through the empty beds toward where she’d last left Marshall. She wrung her hands together as she stepped next to him, but it was so good to see his bright eyes looking back at her. She’d missed that, even if they weren’t true friends. Trent, however, was still out, stitches all along his skull, but they did say he was going to live.
“What’s eating at you, Walton?” Marshall asked, his lips quirking up in a smile that Autumn reveled in.
Autumn shook her head, completely at a loss for words. There was no way she could explain everything that had happened in the last month. It was the stuff of fantasies, wasn’t it? Sticking to a safer topic, Autumn shoved her hands in her pockets and rolled up on her toes. “When are they letting you out?”
“Few hours, I think. The bends is what they’re calling it. They said I got it worse than you.” Marshall shifted in the bed, still looking pale and weak. It was such an odd look for him.
Autumn had been checked over three times already, and she’d been fully awake when they’d dug into the research to find the answer as to what was making them all sick. Apparently it wasn’t anything that had been diagnosed in centuries. Go figure—a water sickness for humans. Autumn put her hands down to her sides and rolled her shoulders. “The water collector’s being fixed. They’re set to go back out in two weeks.”
“On a solo mission?” Marshall asked.
Shaking her head, Autumn shrugged. “Don’t know. They don’t tell me anything.”
“What was wrong with our collector?”
“Wires messed up. Not sure how.” Autumn kept her answers as short as possible. If she did tell him the truth, she would land herself in the brig for the rest of their tour here. Autumn swept a glance around the room. They were alone, minus Trent who was out cold. “I don’t want to go back down there.”
“There’s nothing to be afraid of, Walton.”
“I’m not afraid,” she answered far too quickly. Perhaps fear and claustrophobia were the way to get out of this. Autumn hated that she was stuck in between these two worlds. “We were attacked down there. Does Chalmers really not see any issues with it?”
“We were attacked by fish.”
“Fuck that! Give up the party line, Marshall. I was there. I know what I saw.” And she had confirmation from Soulara that it was more than just fish attacking them. “How do you explain the two collectors that were destroyed? We’re not getting them back.”
“They’re lost in the line of duty,” Marshall butted in, a grimace on his lips. “And that’s what’ll be sent home to their families.”
“But that’s not what happened!” Autumn bit her tongue. She was getting far too loud. Someone would overhear. She needed to calm down and keep herself under control, but she wasn’t built for politics. She wasn’t made for these kinds of confrontations or for walking these lines. It wasn’t in her nature.
Marshall frowned and met her eye with a glare she’d never seen him have before. “You need to shut it, Walton.”
“Because someone might find out that we’re committing genocide to save our asses?” Autumn’s hands clenched into fists as she spoke through clenched teeth. She couldn’t take this anymore. Someone had to do something, even if it had to be her. She would figure out the political bullshit, and she would make them stop hurting the mermaids. “This isn’t right, Marshall.”
“I know!” His voice boomed through the room.
A ripple of shock slammed Autumn in the face.
He knew? And that was it? He knew and wasn’t going to do a damn thing about it?
The silence was deafening, and as much as Autumn wanted to break it, she had no idea how. She hadn’t expected him to be so willing to kill another race before. This wasn’t just defending themselves. It was flat out murder.
“I know,” Marshall said quietly, shifting his gaze around the room and bringing Autumn’s attention back to him. “There isn’t anything to do about it, Walton. This is way the hell above our pay grade.”
Autumn snorted in disbelief. He was going to take the easy way out and put it on someone else. Marshall wasn’t the soldier or the man she’d thought he was. And she was out of options. If he wouldn’t help her, she was going to have to find someone else, and if she couldn’t, then the entire weight of stopping this genocide was on her shoulders.
Is this how Soulara must feel? The responsibility was awful. It was suffocating. Autumn bit the inside of her cheek to bring herself back around. She needed to focus now, and she needed to do at least one damn thing right in her lifetime.
Stepping back, Autumn put her hands out to the sides. She shook her head slowly, looking at him directly in the eye so that he would understand that she meant what she was about to say. “I refuse to commit mass murder.”
“That’s not what we’re doing. We’re saving lives.” But Marshall’s cheeks paled. They hollowed out, and his eyes widened. Did he finally understand the gravity of the situation? Did he finally believe her stance?
“By ending others.” Autumn cut her hand across the air, as if that was going to make a difference. As if it would make her point more valid. “This isn’t right.”
“It’s not our decision.”
“It’s not my decision to blindly follow orders either. I’ve done that long enough in my career, and I can’t in good conscience fall in step again when it comes to this. We need to be stopped.”
“Walton,” Marshall started and stopped as footsteps echoed in the hallway behind them.
But Autumn refused to turn around and look. She didn’t care who was there to overhear her in this moment. She had her piece to say and she was going to make sure that she was heard.
“Walton, you need to shut up. Now.” Marshall pursed his lips and flicked his gaze over her shoulder again. “You’ll be put on your ass for this.”
“I’ll resign first.” Autumn clenched her fists again in defiance. She could do this. She could stand up for Soulara and her people.
Marshall snorted. “You’re green if you think they won’t kill you for attempting anything other than what your orders are. They’ve done it before, and they’ll do it again.”
Cold washed through Autumn’s body, filling her chest and freezing her fingers and toes. “What?”
Marshall pointed at her. “Drop it, Walton. That’s what I’m telling you to do.”
Autumn’s heart raced. Did he just threaten to kill her if she tried to give up her commission? She’d just painted a giant red X on her back, and there was no getting out of it right now. Autumn bit the inside of her cheek and winced.
“Understood, sir.”
Marshall gave her a sharp nod. “Just drop it, Walton. I don’t want anything stupid to happen to you too.”
Her too? What did that even mean?
She was about to ask, but the doc came back in, followed closely by a nurse. There was no more time to talk about anything, and doing it in medical had probably been the worst decision on the planet.
Autumn straightened her shoulders and spun in her boots. She left Marshall, her throat tightening so it was next to impossible to breathe. Her ears rang loudly. Her head moved in circles. Autumn pushed her way through the camp, to the edge of it and out into the free air.
But it wasn’t enough.