Chapter Twenty-Two
Ryan hated seeing her so upset. He really did think Steven wanted to spare her, but he didn’t realize that Aria would see that as rejection. He should have but he hadn’t. He set down their plates. “Can I get you some milk?”
“That sounds good. Thanks.”
After they’d eaten most of the food, Ryan said, “Let’s go see Steven tomorrow. Will he be at the new place?”
“Yes. In fact, he planned on moving today. But he doesn’t want to see me.”
“Did he say that?”
“Not exactly.”
“Why would he go to the trouble of tracking you down and seeing you again just to blow you off?”
“I don’t know.” She shoved her plate back and got up.
Grabbed her plate and carried it to the sink.
After she washed off the dish and stuck it in the dishwasher, she turned to Ryan.
Her eyes shimmered with tears. “I wish he hadn’t ever come back.
To come back and then just … desert me again is too cruel. ”
He said to hell with it and went to her, pulling her into his arms. “I honestly don’t think that’s what he’s doing. I think at first he thought he had more time. But now that his death is imminent he’s trying to spare you.”
Her tears soaked through his shirt. “I don’t want to be spared.”
“I’ll ask Whitney if she can keep Sophie tomorrow and, if so, we’ll go see him.” He looked down at her and his heart stumbled. “We’ll figure it out. Even if he’s staying at a hospice you can still see him. He doesn’t have to live with you for you to help him. For you to see him and talk to him.”
“All right.” She put her hand on his arm. “I’m glad you’re going with me. Even though …”
“I’d better go. Will you be all right?”
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“I’ll see you in the morning.” He hated to leave her. Wouldn’t have if she’d asked him to stay. But she didn’t, so he left.
*
The following day Whitney came over early and Ryan picked up Aria to go see her father.
She hadn’t told him she was coming to see him since she wanted to be sure he didn’t tell her not to come.
And she was beyond glad that Ryan was going with her.
Aria knew she shouldn’t be leaning on him so much.
If he really had planned to leave and was only staying out of duty, she didn’t want any part of it.
But she needed him now. She couldn’t face going to see her father alone.
Had she overreacted to what the Realtor had said?
Could Ryan be telling the truth when he said he hadn’t even remembered the conversation with Melvin?
That the conversation had meant nothing and wasn’t even on his radar.
Should she take Ryan at his word—that he loved her and Sophie and didn’t want to leave them, didn’t want to move on?
“You’re awfully quiet,” Ryan said. “Are you worried about seeing your dad?”
“Yes. I don’t know what to expect from him. Whether he’ll be glad to see me or tell me to leave.”
“Why would he do that? He came to Marietta to see you. And he isn’t staying with you because he doesn’t want to be a burden. Just like he told you.”
“Like he didn’t want to burden us—my mother and me—with his PTSD. He waited twenty years. More than twenty years, Ryan.”
Ryan was silent for a long time. She felt him glance at her. “You don’t know anything about PTSD, do you?”
“Just what he told me. And what little you’ve said. And what I read when I researched it. But no, I don’t have firsthand experience with it. Not really.”
“I know about it. Personally.”
“What do you mean?”
“I had—probably still have—PTS.”
She stared at him. “You mean from the war? When you were a combat surgeon?”
“Yes. From a particular incident.” He laughed but he didn’t sound amused. “I didn’t even realize it until after I left you in Denver. Some doctor I am.”
“What … what happened?” When he didn’t answer right away she said, “Maybe you should pull over.”
He shook his head. “No, let’s go see your father first. I’ll tell you after that.”
“This is why you’ve been so sympathetic to my dad.”
“Partly. But I’ve seen a lot of vets with PTSD. He’s far from the only one.”
“Why haven’t you ever told me?”
“I buried it. Mostly. I’ve spent the years since running from it. But right now you need to see your father. Talk to him. Be with him while you can.”
Ryan pulled into a parking space in front of a small building. “This is it.”
“Will you come in with me?”
“Yes. But I’m leaving you and him to talk alone. You and he need some time with just the two of you.”
“What if he rejects me again? Maybe he just wanted to see me to explain and now he wants to disappear again.”
“I don’t think he will but there’s only one way to know. You’re strong, Aria. Whatever happens you’ll be okay.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I know you. You are one of the strongest people I’ve ever known.”
She wished she was as certain of that as Ryan seemed to be.
*
He looked old. Frail. Sick. Much worse than he had just a couple of weeks ago. Worse even than a couple of days ago. Or maybe she hadn’t noticed. Hadn’t wanted to notice. He was lying in bed with his eyes closed, but he’d heard her come in. “I’m not having chemo.”
“It’s me. Aria.”
His eyes popped open. “Aria. What are you doing here?”
She walked to the bed. “Since you wouldn’t stay with me I came to you. You should have let me help you, Dad.”
Steven’s eyes filled with tears. “You called me Dad. I haven’t heard that since you were a little girl.”
“You’re my father. ‘Hey, you’ didn’t seem appropriate.” She looked around and saw a chair. A recliner, which she decided to move closer to the bed. It weighed a lot more than she’d expected, but she finally pushed it nearer the bed and sat down.
“I didn’t expect to see you. I thought you were mad at me because I decided to stay here instead of with you.”
“I wasn’t mad. But I don’t understand why you wouldn’t let me help you.”
“You have a baby. You have a business. You have Ryan. The last thing you need is to have to take care of a terminal patient.”
“Ryan and I aren’t together. Not anymore.”
“Why?”
“It’s a long story.”
“I have time.” He smiled weakly. “At least for a while.”
She couldn’t have said why but she told him. The whole story from when she and Ryan met to the day Melvin told her about Ryan wanting to move to Idaho after his year was up in Marietta.
“What did he say when you asked him?”
“That it wasn’t true. He said he loved Sophie and me and had no intention of moving.”
“Do you believe him?”
“I want to. He … he brought me here.”
“Where is he?”
“I don’t know. He thought we needed time alone together.”
“He’s here with you. That means something.”
“It means he’s a good guy. It doesn’t mean that he’ll stick around.”
“Don’t let what I did color what you have with him.”
“I’m not. It’s what Ryan did. He left me without a backward glance. And didn’t call for months. If I hadn’t moved and brought Sophie to see him I don’t know if I’d ever have heard from him again.”
“Why did he leave? Has he told you?”
She shrugged. “He said he was afraid he was falling in love with me. And he couldn’t deal with it.”
“Why? He’s dealing with it now, isn’t he? What changed?”
“Sophie for one thing.” She thought about it and decided that if anyone could understand how the war could screw with your head it would be her father.
“On the way here he told me he had PTS. That he probably still did. From when he was a combat surgeon. He said he’d tell me about it after we leave here. ”
Someone knocked on the door and a nurse came in. “Mr. DeLuca, it’s time for your medicine.”
She poured water into a paper cup and handed it and a paper holder for the pills to him. “Can I get you anything else?”
“No, thanks. This is my daughter, Aria.”
“Nice to meet you,” the nurse said. “I’m Jessica. I’ll be here until seven if you need anything else.”
“Thank you.”
“This medicine makes me sleepy,” Steven said.
“So don’t take it to heart if you fall asleep while I’m talking to you?”
He smiled but she could tell he was already nodding off. “I’m going to leave. But I’ll be back. Probably not for a couple of days but I’ll call and let you know when.”
“You don’t have to do that. I’m really glad you came, but I don’t want you to think you need to come back. I don’t want to be—”
She held up a hand. “Don’t even say it. I want to see you. Deal with it.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Steven said meekly.
“That’s more like it. I’ll call you.”
*
Ryan wasn’t sure what he’d see when Aria came out of Steven’s room. But she looked better than she had in days. “It went well, I take it.”
“It was nice. We talked. Nothing about his cancer. But I told him about us.”
“What about us?”
“I told him we kinda sorta broke up.”
At least she didn’t say she kicked my ass out of the house, which is what happened. Still not great, but he’d take it. “What did he say?”
“He said not to let what he did color my relationship with you. He likes you a lot, by the way.”
“Did you tell him it was me, not him?”
“I did.”
“And?”
“He said we should talk. But I don’t think you should talk about something so upsetting while you’re driving. Let’s wait until we get back. I’ll call Whitney and tell her we’re on our way.”
“Okay. That would probably be best.” He’d never told anyone the whole story. Well, Connor knew most of it now. But other than Connor, who was an integral part of it, no one knew. And sure as hell no one but Aria knew he thought he had PTS stemming from what had happened in Afghanistan.
Before he’d left Aria in Denver, he’d thought that Afghanistan had a lot to do with why he couldn’t settle down in one place.
But he hadn’t connected the dots. He hadn’t realized he was afraid to fall in love because of the disaster with Casey.
He’d just figured he wasn’t meant to settle down.
But now that he’d met his child and allowed himself to admit his feelings for Aria, he realized that was bullshit.
He wanted Aria. He wanted to live with her and Sophie.
He wanted to be able to go to sleep with Aria and wake up with her in his arms.
He wanted to marry her. But he wasn’t at all sure what she wanted.
He glanced over at Aria, who’d been quiet since she’d talked to Whitney. She’d fallen asleep. He figured she was both physically and mentally exhausted. Hopefully she’d get some sleep and feel better for it.
They were almost to Marietta when she woke up. “Hey, Sleeping Beauty. How do you feel?”
Aria yawned and stretched. “Good. Sorry I conked out on you.”
“That’s all right. You obviously needed the sleep. We’re almost there.”
“Wow, I didn’t realize I slept the entire way home. I’m going to call Whitney and check on Sophie.”
“We’ll be there in about ten minutes.”
“Oh. I’ll wait then. Ryan, if you don’t want to talk about Afghanistan we don’t have to.”
“I think it’s time I told you. I’ve figured out some things I want to talk to you about.”