Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
“You asked,” she answered immediately.
But Laura was clearly surprised by his question. Her eyelashes fluttered, and then she looked away from him. Her brow furrowed, and when she looked back at him, her gaze became full of sadness. “My family expected me to marry well, but I…I did not want to become a duchess.”
He fell back a step. He’d never known exactly why she’d chosen him and it bothered him not to have realized that before now. “You could have chosen any other bachelor in the district, Guildford, for example, and not become a duchess. Why me?”
“We were not strangers, Nash.” She sighed. “For as long as I can remember, my father talked of the importance of an alliance with your family. I was told that I must attract Algernon, and for a time I thought I could stomach such a coldhearted pursuit to make my father proud. But it soon became apparent that we had nothing in common. He certainly had no interest in me. At least, not romantically.” She wet her lips. “And he told me so, before anyone else found out his actual feelings about taking a wife.”
Nash stared at her, at the blush lingering on her cheeks and the way she fidgeted with her ringless finger. “Algernon told you he didn’t want you.”
“Yes, we met by chance here, and I thought he was you at first so I called out your given name as I had begun to do.”
“Algernon does nothing by chance,” Nash mused, rubbing his jaw. “He was attempting to play matchmaker even then.”
“Yes, I realized that much later.” She sighed. “After a few pointed questions about our secret meetings, he laid out his plan to thwart his father, and mine, as well about avoiding a match to me. He said that no matter what happened, he would always admire me but never propose. He said I ought to …well…consider another. I appreciated his candor but I was worried for my future prospects. A match between us had been long talked of for so long and you know the harm that spiteful gossip can do to a young lady’s reputation when an expected proposal never comes.”
“But why me?”
“You were always kind to me. I liked you and you liked me.” She sighed. “I admit I also hoped that marrying you would quell any gossip and appease my father. To have any connection to your family was always his goal. Algernon had repeated his threat not to marry anyone at all by the time you asked.”
“So you turned to a contingency plan of marrying the spare instead.” Bitterness welled inside him and he turned away. “We marry and our children would someday inherit. There was still a possibility that you’d become a duchess should anything happen to my brother.”
Laura laughed softly. “There was never any chance I would become a duchess, or that our children would inherit Ravenswood. Algernon will marry, but only when he’s good and ready. Though I pity the woman he picks.”
His spine straightened. “What is wrong with marrying my brother?”
“Please,” she chided. “Algernon is as devious and manipulative as your father ever was, though not cruel. He is always meddling and he started so long ago its second nature now. I have barely got a straight answer out of him since the day I married you. His wife will need to have the wits and intelligence to keep up with his schemes, and lots of money too. But, given his propensity for matchmaking his siblings, it’s clear your brother is a firm believer in love matches, which is why he’s not married yet. He’s still looking for her.”
Nash considered that rather bold assessment of his older brother. Father had been a cunning old devil, and Algernon had taken on several of his bad habits to survive. He was not always completely truthful. Father had been livid that Nash had asked for Laura’s hand without asking for his blessing first. Nash had known he’d never have gotten it. But he’d asked her and then sealed their engagement with a public kiss at the ball that very night.
Algernon had acted as surprised as anyone and was slow in congratulating them. But was it an act? Had he wanted Nash to marry Laura and removed any impediments that might have gotten in Nash’s way? It seemed that way now. He spun back to find Laura standing behind him. “Is he really that much of a romantic?”
“Oh, yes,” Laura promised with another soft laugh.
“He’s met and bedded many women,” Nash mused out loud, deciding for honesty—no matter how distasteful Laura might find his words.
“I’ve heard the rumors, but there’s been none he cannot live without,” she replied. “Not even Lady Barnes. Don’t look so surprised that I know he keeps a mistress. Your father did not lower his voice when he raged about your brother’s affairs and his failure to do his duty.”
She had a point that he might be. “I think he loved Lady Barnes,” he admitted.
“Perhaps he did, but he cannot marry a woman already wed,” Laura said with a shake of her head.
Nash shook his head. “I believe you had other options than me for marriage. You will in the future, too.”
She sighed. “I don’t have any ambition to marry a second time.”
“Why not?”
“That part of my life is over.” Laura shrugged and placed her hand on his upper arm. “Nash, you gave me three children I adore and want to see as often as you will allow me to. I know they must live here with you, or wherever you go. A second family would demand all my time and loyalty.”
He looked down at her hand on his sleeve, astonished that she would deny herself the security she deserved from a husband. “Is it because I was so bad at it?”
“No,” she admitted. “I just don’t wish for more than I already have.”
Her touch continued, light and maddeningly soft on his sleeve. Laura clearly still had the power to set all his senses alight. He did not dare mention the touch for fear she would pull away from him yet again. Outside of the bedchamber, they had touched so rarely. Had she any idea what it did to him now?
Yet, the need to touch her, too, outweighed his caution.
Slowly he moved his hand toward hers, where it rested on his sleeve, and covered it with his palm.
When she startled, attempting to pull her fingers away, he caught them, and they became entwined. “It hurts to think of you all alone, waiting for the next time you can see the children again.”
“It is a small sacrifice for those I love,” she assured him.
A profound silence fell over them, punctuated only by the sound of her breathing. He shifted toward Laura, and she looked up into his eyes again. Hers were huge and glassy, bright. He made no further move toward her, but he would not back down. Parting ways stirred up an unmistakable sadness in both of them. Yet the longer they stared at each other, the quicker desire returned, and judging by the look in her eye, in Laura, as well.
He lowered his head slightly. “You will probably not believe me, but I missed you,” he whispered, eyes dropping to her lips. “I missed knowing where you were, hearing your laughter and love for those boys of ours, your lips against mine. But most of all, I missed talking with you.”
“We only argued in the end,” she whispered.
“I will always miss you. Laura, we don’t?—”
Her fingers covered his lips suddenly…and then her lips replaced them.
Nash’s knees nearly buckled as his wife, who wanted to divorce him, suddenly kissed him with a passion he’d thought long lost.
He backed toward the bench, sat down, pulling Laura hurriedly onto his lap. He put his arms around her body, and he held her tight against him as he was kissed nearly to breathlessness.
Just as he thought he could take no more, Laura wrenched herself away. She stood before him a moment, staring at him with wide shocked eyes, before she moaned and hitched up her gown and fled from him yet again. Rushing back toward the house, where a thousand mistakes from their past might come between them once more.
He called her name, but she did not stop. Nash watched her go, knowing he had to follow her but afraid to. They had to discuss what that kiss might signify. If they were not done with each other, if passion remained they had a chance to rebuild their life together. He needed to know now before it was too late.
The longer they were together and spoke of their feelings and the past, the further away divorcing seemed to become.
Nash was already struggling with his decision to pursue a divorce. Finding things about Laura he’d misplaced in his mind that had been brought out into the light. Things he’d missed. Things like the scent of her hair, her laugh, the gentleness of her hands on his body, and the certainty that she knew him better than any woman ever could. Not that she liked the things she’d discovered about him.
He had not been the doting husband she deserved. He had let her down badly.
But her passionate nature only needed a little encouragement to blossom. Laura was fighting her desires too, and knowing that they both struggled gave him heart. She might just be his again if he said the right things and put her first, finally.
Could he woo Laura back into his life and this time do a better job of being her husband? Could he repair their marriage and make it better? Because while ever there was passion like that between them, surely it was worth saving.
“Nash?”
He spun about to see Algernon edging toward him slowly through the trees. “Is everything all right? Are you well?”
“Of course I’m well. What are you doing out here? Spying?”
“I’m counting orange trees on the estate to compare with what is recorded by father’s last steward.” He shrugged and waved a hand at him. “You’d best comb your fingers through your hair and straighten your attire before you’re seen again. Anyone might think you were rolling around on the ground.”
Nash glanced down at himself, discovering himself in utter disarray. He hastily re-tucked his shirt, buttoned his waistcoat, but his cravat was a sorry mess with no hope of salvation without a mirror.
He ran his fingers through his hair, but gave that up as a lost cause and glanced at his brother again—and saw Algernon was struggling not to smile.
Algernon nodded toward Ravenswood, where Laura could still be seen running away through the garden. “I gather your walk was more productive without my company.”
“Shut up,” Nash snapped.
“I said nothing to warrant that response,” Algernon complained.
“I can always hear what you don’t say,” he grumbled. Algernon knew that he and Laura had been together. He was almost gloating about it, too.
Algernon sidled closer. “I trust I don’t need the hourglass to tell you what to do next?”
Nash turned away from him, thinking of what exactly he should do and it was not to follow his wife immediately. He walked deeper into the orange grove. He could not make demands. He couldn’t assume anything when it came to Laura. He had to tread carefully. If she wanted him still, she was not at all comfortable with the discovery.
Algernon chased after him and stopped him in his tracks. “This is the wrong way,” he chided.
Nash turned on his brother, sick of his meddling. “Does it ever bother you that you sound just like him sometimes?”
“Sound like him, yes. So do you. Think like him, I try very hard not to. For example, our father would never want you to chase after your wife like I’m urging you to do now.”
“Not that. Presuming you are always right. Telling us what to do when you have never been in the same situation.”
“I don’t need to be in your situation to know what is best for you, brother,” Algernon protested. “I swear that I have only your best interests at heart.”
“By forcing us to dissect our failure. My failures?”
“That is not at all what I intended. I ask you this now: how can you have three children together and not care about each other? You hovered over Laura during her first pregnancies, and I saw your face, the hurt you couldn’t hide, when you realized you’d entirely missed Isabelle’s arrival. Your marriage was never about having an heir and spare, in case I did not wed. It was purely for her well-being, and yours. You loved her but you were too young to know how to show it, and Lord knows, Father never encouraged discussion of tender feeling toward women or wives.”
“I don’t?—”
“One more foolish word out of your mouth, Nash, and I will shut it with my fist. You love Laura,” Algernon insisted. “You always did, and she loved you.”
The last was said softly, gently, and Nash shut his eyes. “If she ever did, she never told me,” he whispered.
“Well, you’re not the easiest man to care about, are you?” Algernon slapped his shoulder. “You allow no one to make a fuss over you.”
“I never noticed Laura try.”
“Because she was not allowed to make a single decision around here,” Ravenswood claimed, nearly bouncing on his toes. “She tried to be with you but Father couldn’t stand to lose his hold over you. Oh, no. Women had no place in the running of Ravenswood after mother died. The only place Laura had you was in the bedroom’s privacy, and that was the one place Father never could compete. So he made sure you could hardly be there.”
“What do you mean?”
“Look, during the early years of your marriage, I made a point never to dawdle on my way past her bedchamber door. I don’t know what went on between you in there, but it certainly made me feel inadequate as a man.”
Nash gaped.
“Do you have any idea how special you two were together? How well matched in passion? I would give up my title to find a woman like that to marry.”
Nash frowned. “Is that why you hesitate with Lady Stephanie?”
“Well, of course it is. Lady Stephanie is not my match, but she will probably become my duchess. She pretends to enjoy my attentions in order to gain my favor and a proposal. She could never want me the way Laura does you. I doubt Laura ever had to pretend with you.”
“Have you bedded Lady Stephanie?”
Algernon shrugged. “She made herself available once, but it was not…good.”
Nash had never had an unsatisfactory night with his wife. They had been good in bed together from the start, but that did not necessarily mean they could still be.
“Laura said she doesn’t want me anymore,” he admitted quietly. “She said she does not want more children, either.”
“Surely it is possible to deny yourself to give her the life she wants,” Algernon exclaimed. “Curb your lust, dust off your charm, and put it to good use for once. Court Laura and woo your wife back into your arms. But do not make the same mistakes you did last time.”
“What were they?”
“Rushing away the next morning to work for the estate. Stay with her. Be a husband during the day, too. When you are in the same room, she watches every move you make, and when you leave, she becomes quiet. Remember what Jasper said upon her return? You can be with her during the day, too.”
He fought a blush. “That wasn’t what our brother said I should do.”
Algernon waved his hand about. “We all know you’re a master between the sheets, judging by her screams of ecstasy on past nights. If you take my advice, ignore your doubts—and us, too—and things will work out in the end. And if your wooing occurs beyond the bedroom, it will be entirely our own fault if we see anything we shouldn’t. Never apologize for desiring your wife.”
Nash struggled to withhold the grin that his brothers might judge themselves by his standard. It was downright funny, in fact, and he gave up and laughed at the absurdity of Algernon envying him.
“There, that’s better. You’ve been looking far too grim lately. No doubt vexed by still wanting to make love to your wife. And she wants you, too, judging by the state of your clothes today and the speed of her flight, which was quite remarkable.” Then Algernon chuckled.
“What’s so funny now,” Nash demanded to know.
“Five minutes here alone with you in the orchard where you first met, and she’s tearing off your clothes. I really would give all this to have a woman like that in my life.”
Nash pursed his lips, seeing the unexpected kiss with greater understanding. To him, this place held special meaning. It was where he must have fallen for Laura.
“Now, I am headed for the stables, and I’ll go out riding again,” Algernon said. “The servants are with your children. Jasper and Sophie went for a long walk, so you can guess what that means. So that leaves just you and Laura at Ravenswood, more or less alone. Off with you now to find your wife. She’s waiting to be swept off her feet at last.”
Nash hardly needed his prompting anymore. He wanted his wife back—and by God, he would get into her good graces somehow.