Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
Laura stilled Liam as he wriggled in her arms. “Are you ready?”
“No.”
“Don’t be afraid. I’m here with you,” she promised her youngest son. “You can do this.”
Laura stood above the stream of rushing water on an overhanging ledge, legs bared to her knees, with her dress pinned up so she could dunk her youngest son into the deeper pool in front of them. She released him and he fell, only to spring back up immediately.
Laura hurried to the shallows as he spluttered and paddled back toward her, keeping his head above water as she’d told him to do several times already. Liam was no longer afraid to have water cover his face, not as he had been the first time she’d thrown him in that day.
He was gaining confidence but tiring, and he was also laughing in a way that made her heart sing. She truly had missed her sons’ voices. Their small successes made her feel complete.
Liam was learning to swim much faster than she’d expected and enjoying their time together away from the palace.
For a change, Nash had decided not to join them but was expected eventually. She was glad of that. He agreed with her that swimming lessons were called for while the weather was good. He would join them when Isabelle woke from her daily nap.
Liam stood when he reached the shallower water. “Can we do it again?”
“All right, but this is the last time.” She stepped back up onto the ledge. “Your mama is getting tired arms.” Liam raised his once again, and she lifted him up high. “Goodness, you’ve gotten so much heavier since we started today. I swear the water is making you grow.”
She glanced quickly to one side. Thomas was watching them from the shore but had declined to take part in her lessons with Liam. She was sorry about that. He’d been like Liam when she’d taught him all those years ago. Always wanting to be thrown in just one more time. Always laughing.
He did not do that often enough now.
Her leaving had changed him, turned him almost as serious as his father could be.
Laura heaved Liam out into the water, and he disappeared under the surface one last time. She watched the water until his head popped up and then ordered him to swim toward Thomas, where the bottom was sandy and much shallower.
She joined him there and sat on a boulder in the shallows, enjoying the wash of water across her calves. “You’re going to be an excellent swimmer, Liam. As good as your brother.”
“No, he won’t be as good as me. I’m always better because I’m the eldest,” Thomas announced and strode off toward the deeper water.
She shot to her feet. “Thomas, come back here.”
“No. I can jump in myself and swim,” he insisted, hands on his hips. “I don’t need to be thrown in like a baby.”
She pursued him, but it was far too late to stop him. He dove in.
When he came up, he was spluttering badly, and he immediately sank down again.
Before Laura could wade in to rescue him, Nash passed her by and caught up their son in his arms.
He lifted Thomas above the waterline as he continued to cough and splutter. Laura let out a sigh of relief that no harm had come to their eldest.
But that relief disappeared as she heard what Nash was saying to Thomas, and the force behind his words made her wince.
Thomas was cowering and squirming to escape his father’s grasp.
Nash had lost his temper, though the danger had passed.
Laura hurried to the edge of the water and reached for her son. “Give him to me.”
“No. He deliberately disobeyed you, and it will not be tolerated. He could have drowned, and you too, if you’d gone in deeper wearing that heavy gown.”
Thomas looked about to cry from the scolding, and she held out her hands again.
“But he didn’t drown, Nash. We wouldn’t have let that happen.” She waded in deeper put her hand on Nash’s shoulder. “This is between Thomas and me now. Go back to shore and dry off with Liam.”
“But—”
She gave his shoulder a harder squeeze. “ Please , Nash. Go. It’s important.”
He looked down at her hand on his shoulder, and Laura slowly withdrew her touch.
“Very well,” he murmured, and made his way back to shore and to Liam.
She studied her eldest son until he squirmed. He’d been scolded enough by his father, but he was in no immediate danger of drowning now. She gestured to bring him closer. “When was the last time you came to the pool?”
Thomas mumbled, “With you.”
Years ago. She brushed his wet hair back from his eyes and winced. “Until your father and I are sure you’re ready to swim alone again, you will not disobey me. You upset your father and frightened me. Now, do it properly this time.”
Thomas’ glance strayed to the shoreline. “But Papa said?—”
“I’m watching you, and I be right here if you need help again,” she promised.
As he hurried to comply, she glanced at the shoreline. Nash had risen to his feet, but she held her hand out to him, keeping him at bay. Then she watched Thomas hesitate at the edge.
Nash had inadvertently made him afraid of water.
“Jump,” she ordered, determined to get him past his awkwardness before it became an embedded fear.
Eventually, he did jump and came up quickly, with only a small gasp for air this time. She smiled in relief and tried to hug him as he joined her, but he avoided her touch. “Well done, my dear boy. Now do ten more.”
Thomas groaned, but he did as she asked. When he was done, they turned for the shore to see Nash and Liam standing there watching. Nash had removed his sodden coat, waistcoat and his shoes. She barely recognized him. But he was clearly unhappy still. She raised a brow at Nash, gesturing at Thomas until he finally understood.
“Well done, son,” he called, nodding.
Liam, sensing an end to the tension, rushed toward his brother, promising when he was big enough he would dive in that many times, too. Laura left them to play in the shallows a bit longer and went to her husband’s side.
“I lost my temper,” he admitted, looking sheepish.
“Yes, I think you did a bit, but no harm was done.”
“I should know better.” Nash grimaced. “When Stratford heard his friend nearly drowned, he developed such a fear of water, he wouldn’t come here with us anymore.”
“Yes, I heard about Winston, and that was why I insisted Thomas learn to swim when he was young.”
“I shouldn’t have yelled the way I did,” Nash admitted, rubbing a hand over his wet and now curly hair.
“He frightened you.”
“That is no excuse for losing my temper. He’s just a child.”
“We all say things in the heat of the moment that we sometimes wish we’d never said,” she offered.
“That is true,” he said slowly, then looked at her sideways. “Did you swim today?”
She hadn’t and didn’t want to explain why so she ignored the question. “Where is Isabelle?”
“Algernon has her. I went to talk to him about ending our discussions.”
“How did it go?”
“Pointless in the end,” he said, sighing. “I asked him to put an end to the meetings, but he refuses to see sense.”
“It makes him feel like he’s in control,” she decided. “But he’s not.”
“No. On that, we can agree.” Nash glanced her way again and suddenly smiled. “I think I’ll swim.”
“Very well.”
He peeled off his linen shirt, revealing a rather well-muscled physique. Laura could barely drag her eyes away from him and a blush heated her cheeks.
Nash noticed. “Care to join me?”
“No. I will return the children indoors for those lessons you always prattle on about and rescue Isabelle from the duke.”
“Don’t go back yet,” he muttered. “Wait for me.”
Nash was a strong swimmer, unlike many men his age seemed to be. He’d always been moving, rushing hither and yon at the duke’s behest. Such a life of activity and challenge had suited him. Kept him fit. But he’d never seemed able to relax completely.
“All right, I will wait.”
He strode off, hoisting the children under his arms and jumping into the deep water with them shrieking.
Laura followed the trio along the bank a little way but eventually stopped to watch them clown about at a distance. Liam soon paddled back toward her and the shallows and got out again.
But Nash and Thomas remained swimming in the depths, whispering together. Soon Nash had Thomas in his arms and they floated off downstream in the slow current with a cheery wave.
An unexpected sigh escaped her lips. Clearly, Nash could be sweet and even impulsive. But the chances of that occurring around her had always been less often than she’d liked. Seeing him now with Thomas in the water reminded her of all the things she’d hoped they’d be as husband and wife and as a family.
Liam tugged her sleeve. “I’m cold.”
“Oh, of course, darling. We’ll wrap you tight in a blanket and dry you off again. The other pair will not be too long, I expect.”
“Yes, Mama.”
He left first, and she remained behind a moment, watching her husband and son drift away on the slow-moving current. The increasing distance gave her a feeling of panic, until she chided herself that she was being foolish. Nash would let no harm come to Thomas.
She kept her attention on her youngest son and hurried to remove his wet garments, scrub him dry and dress him in the fresh, dry garments she’d brought with them.
When she was done, he hugged her without saying a word. Laura sat down on a blanket and was nearly brought to tears when Liam crawled into her lap like the baby he’d been when she’d left him behind.
“Can we come here tomorrow?”
“Not tomorrow. I hope to see how you sit a horse tomorrow.”
“I don’t like horses as much as Thomas does,” Liam admitted.
“Well, I still want to see you on one just the same.” She neatened his hair with her fingers and he leaned into her touch. “Don’t fret, I’ll be watching over you.”
He caught her hand and wrapped it around himself. “I’d like that.”
Laura was nearly moved to tears again by the way Liam had accepted her back into his life. He was the most sensitive of her sons and the only one who sought her out for affection. She regretted that she would have to leave him soon.
When she looked up, it was to see Thomas walking toward her shivering from the cold, with Nash bringing up the rear.
She gently removed Liam from her lap and gathered up a cloth so Thomas could dry off. But he refused her help. She stood awkwardly to one side as he struggled to dry himself unaided. She passed him a change of clothes piece by piece, and he turned away from her to dress himself each time.
A small hand crept into hers and squeezed. Laura clung to Liam, struggling not to feel slighted by her firstborn. At least one of her sons still wanted her around. Not that she could blame Thomas for punishing her in the only way a child could. He’d learned to do without her.
Thomas rushed off toward the manor, talking Liam into going with him. She sighed and shook her head. She might never regain Thomas’ trust, and that was her fault entirely.
Nash cleared his throat. “Your skirts, Laura.”
She glanced down. In her preoccupation with dressing Liam and then Thomas, she’d completely forgotten to remove the pins from her skirts. She was currently displaying a lot of leg—and her husband was definitely taking in the view.
Unfortunately, the pins refused to yield. A blush heated her cheeks as she struggled and failed. “I’ll be along in a minute. Go on ahead without me.”
“No. Let me see.”
“No. I don’t need you!” She drew in a shaking breath, knowing that her anger was not for Nash but for herself. “Forgive me.”
He sighed. “You’ve made it abundantly clear you don’t need me, but the gown does unless you wish to create a hole in the garment.”
She huffed and threw her hands up in defeat. “Fine.”
Nash approached, still bare chested, and sank to one knee before her. His shoulder muscles rippled as his hands rose to touch her skirts and he gently removed pin after pin, turning her around slowly to do so.
His hands brushed downward, straightening her skirts to the ground before she could think to do it herself. Somehow, his fingers even brushed against her ankle, and she shivered from the chill of his touch.
He looked up slowly.
She held her breath as Nash rose until her face was level with his wide chest. He had gooseflesh on his skin. “You’re cold.”
“I don’t feel it. Not around you.”
She had to force her gaze up to meet his.
Their eyes held for too long and a flush of warmth swept over her body.
Nash did not move back, and Laura could barely breathe for the rising tension stirring between them now.
“I wish you had joined me in the water,” Nash whispered, and his fingers settled softly at her waist. “The boys shouldn’t have been the only ones enjoying a swim.”
“It’s not important.”
His eyes narrowed. “It is to me. I want you to enjoy being here with us again,” he said quietly. “With me as well. I would have liked to see you out of that dress, too.”
She gasped.
“I won’t apologize for saying that.” He looked away. “You’re my wife and you’ve a fine figure. I would like to see it by the light of day once before…”
Before they divorced.
Laura turned away from Nash, aware of him as a man she found desirable still and who clearly still desired her. It was unsettling how lust remained and how easy it might be to give in to those feelings.
She still longed to feel his body against her own one last time, too. But of course, it was far too late for that.
Nash’s hand settled on her shoulder, warmer now and compelling, but when she flinched, he moved past her to gather up his wet clothes without another word.
She exhaled, believing the moment of weakness was over. He pulled only his fine linen shirt over his head, but it was still wet and clung to the bunched muscles of his upper arms and torso. Laura tried not to stare.
“Laura. While you are here, I want to know everything you do and think. I don’t wish to end our marriage with secrets and anger in our hearts.”
“If Algernon has his way, he will know all our secrets as well,” she complained.
“We could just sit together next time and say nothing to his questions. He can’t really punish us for failing to answer him.”
“But he might not support our divorce,” she argued.
“There are things that happened between us that should remain our memories alone,” Nash insisted. “We should also talk soon about what you will do after you leave.”
“Why?”
“Because I care about what will become of you. You are the mother of my children and you’ve been part of my life for nearly half of it now. That’s longer than even my mother had been.”
His confession surprised her to the point of speechlessness. Never once had she ever believed they could be each other’s confidants. But now at the end, Nash suddenly wanted to be.
He was the only constant in her life, too. “Very well. We shall give the duke the silent treatment next time and see how he takes it.”
“Not well, most likely,” Nash said with an unexpected grin. “But he always told us brothers that adversity builds character.”
“I should enjoy seeing him frustrated for a change.”
“It’s not pretty.” He laughed and gestured toward the manor, and they continued their walk after the children. After a few yards of silence, Nash turned to her. “I want to talk to you about the night Isabelle was conceived again.”
She felt her cheeks warming.
“What were you thinking, approaching me in such a place, in such a way? What if it hadn’t been me in the dark but a stranger?”
“But it was you.”
“It was so dark in my corner of the room, I could barely see you!”
“But that’s how we were always together. In the dark of my room. You always found me, and I always found you.”
She had been lonely the night they’d made Isabelle, and tired of being alone for the longest time as well. Hearing her husband had had a great time attending balls and parties like the masquerade without her during that season had made her reckless.
When she’d seen him regarding other women as they’d passed him by, her temper had gotten the better of her. He was her husband, not some other woman’s plaything. She’d stepped toward his shadowed corner, and he’d seen her, and with one crook of his finger, her sensibilities had flown away.
Nash caught her eye. “It was good between us that night, wasn’t it?”
“Yes,” she admitted slowly.
“I felt a connection that I’ve never experienced with anyone but you.”
“So, there were other women?”
“No. I wanted no one but you from the day we met. And what of you?”
“You know me.”
The corner of his lips lifted. “Do I?”
“I’ve no interest in men.”
Nash growled. “Don’t lie.”
“I’m not. I’ve never once imagined another man in my bed.”
He paused, spearing her with a hard glance. “Have you imagined me since our separation? Did you dream of me in your bed?”
Laura pressed her lips together. The existence of their third child proved she had wanted her husband at least once more. “Yes.”
“Good. I want to have you again,” he said.
“ Have me? You mean visit my bedchamber, part ways each morning, and never speak until it’s time to make love again?”
“We are speaking of now, not the past,” Nash said and began to walk again.
“If it wasn’t for your wish for divorce, and Algernon with his wretched hourglass, nothing would have changed between us. You can’t have a wife and keep her at arm’s length. I won’t have it. We are over.”
Nash’s hand whipped out and hauled her close. “We are not over, and I have precious little time left to prove I deserve your trust. It is you holding me at arm’s length now, Laura, but if anyone visits anyone’s bedchamber, it must be you coming to mine at last. Something you never once did when we were first married. I always had to come to you.”
Laura shook off his grip. “I was never welcome in your chambers. Your valet locked the door between our rooms each morning and unlocked it at night just before you came into mine.”
Nash stared at her, clearly shocked. “I never told him to do that.”
“Well, someone did,” she growled. “I told you everyone here was against me.”
“It was never meant to be that way,” Nash promised, shaking his head.
A bead of water slid down his cheek, and her hand itched to wipe it away. She defeated the urge and shook her head. “You will break my heart all over again when the novelty of a wife wears off again and you go away. I can’t live like that.”
“You won’t have to,” he shot back. “I promise.”
“I’ve heard that before, and you still left.”
“Mama?”
Laura spun about quickly to see her eldest son had returned watching them argue with wide eyes. She forced a smile to her face when she saw his expression. “Yes, Thomas?”
He pointed toward home. “Liam stubbed his toe and won’t stop crying about it. He wants someone to carry him home. He wants you.”
Laura hitched up her skirts and rushed to her youngest son, who was sitting on the ground some distance away, hugging his foot and wailing.
For a change, Nash did not attempt to take over.