Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Nash held Laura as she sobbed without restraint, her faced burrowing against his cravat and her hands clawing at his chest.
He felt as rocky as she did. The idea of their parting ways tomorrow felt wrong. In the morning, they would speak with the duke together and give him their final answer to the problem of their marriage and divorce.
He knew what he would like to say. He’d known for some time.
The last month had been difficult. Difficult, but strangely, the best days of his life. He had spent every day examining his feelings for Laura and the children. Yes, they had bickered in the beginning, struggling to understand each other and attach blame. They had also tried to ignore each other’s appeal, but to no avail.
But those struggles and even the embarrassing discussions seated before the ducal desk with that ridiculous hourglass keeping them in their seats had finally cleared the air between them.
He knew now what was missing from his life. The truth.
He loved his wife. He had loved her from the very beginning. He’d just never told her so in words.
He’d foolishly imagined that his need for her at night, the passion they shared, had made such a discussion unnecessary.
The last week particularly had been the most satisfying, both in and out of bed, and he never wanted it to end. But it would soon end, and permanently, because Laura hadn’t even hinted she had changed her mind.
Nash had previously decided to divorce Laura before he really knew how vital she was to his happiness. Laura had decided even earlier that she would be happier without him.
Yet how could she cling to him now if he was still someone she despised?
He didn’t want their marriage to be over anymore. He wanted more days like today, and to spend his nights knowing Laura was nearby. Being woken by their children and starting each new day together.
He was certain he would never find such happiness with anyone else. His decision to remarry without understanding his need for love had been foolish.
Now, he could not let Laura leave him without knowing the truth of his heart. He must make one last attempt to save himself from heartache, and perhaps he could save her the same as well.
“There is something I want to discuss with you, Laura. But I have been hesitant to bring it up out of fear of what you might say.”
“What is it?”
He wet his lips. If he did not make his wishes known now, he would never have a chance again. Laura had not shared her plans for the future, and he was afraid he might never know them. He took a deep breath and bent down toward her a little. “I wondered if…if you might like to stay married to me?”
Laura drew in a sharp breath, stiffening in his arms, but she did not immediately reply.
“I know it is not what we agreed upon, and your answer will not affect your ability to visit the children, but my feelings concerning a divorce from you have reversed. I wondered if you might have reached a similar conclusion.”
He swallowed the sudden lump in his throat as he waited for an answer that would yet again alter the course of his life.
But Laura pushed away from him and stalked off. Darkness descended over them as clouds snuffed out the brightness of the rising moon and his wife’s figure, too. He hurried to catch up with her lest she slip away.
She only went as far as the end of the path though. Her shoulders hunched as she stood looking over the estate. “I did not expect…that is to say…,” she began.
Laura did not say more. In the silence, he could not make out her mood. Was she shocked he’d dared make the suggestion? Was she repulsed by the idea of remaining his wife?
He rushed to explain himself. “If we stayed together, I promise we would not have the same marriage as before. The duke might still need me sometimes, and I might have to leave you and the children behind on the odd occasion. And we might still squabble and may even fall out with each other again and again. But you must know that whenever I was away from you in the past, I wished always to return as fast as I could.”
He waited for her response, and thought he would wait all night and perhaps even for years until he heard he still had a chance to win her back.
But she said nothing, and his hope withered.
“Forgive me. I had hoped a change of mind had come over both of us. You must think me foolish.”
She turned. Tears streamed down Laura’s cheeks unchecked. She ignored them and set her hand on her hips. “You’re saying you want me to stay with you now?”
“I do.” His pulse sped up. “Because this happiness, the contentment I feel, will go away when you do.”
Her hands dropped to her sides, and she drew closer, staring up at him. “You once asked me why I married you?”
“You told me,” he whispered, dreading what more she could say about her decision.
“I accepted you because I admired you from our first meeting,” she answered. “From our first dance, I wanted no other man’s arms around me. You made me believe you cared for me, and then, after the wedding, you disappeared from my life a little more each day that followed. Why else would I be so angry that you allowed your father to come between us? I waited for you every time you went away, until I could bear to wait no more.”
“It is my eternal shame that I wasn’t strong enough to stand up to my father, and that you suffered for it. I am glad he is dead and you are free of him.”
“We are both free of him, Nash,” she whispered. Her fingers settled on his waistcoat lightly. “There is nothing but our own poor decisions to keep us apart anymore. I am not without fault in this marriage. I should have tried harder to tell you what I felt. You are not solely to blame for the mess we made of it.”
He captured her hands. “Yes, we each made mistakes, but there is still time to learn from them, isn’t there?”
“Yes, we have all the time in the world now. But we will probably make more mistakes, as you pointed out,” she warned. “The making up has been the best part of our reunion, though.”
He exhaled in relief, because that was the answer he needed to hear. Her patience and forgiveness, even her anger, had made him a better husband. “Indeed, it has, but I don’t want to fight with you anymore. I want to be your friend, and to have you as mine.”
She took another step in his direction and removed her hands from his, sliding them up to his shoulders as she sighed. “I hear some friends will fight just for the fun of it so they can chase each other and make up.”
“I could happily bear a future like that,” he agreed, having trouble containing the smile her words inspired in him.
Laura’s eyes danced with amusement, then softened. “I love you, Nash. I always did. But you were so distant so often, I doubted you and myself.”
He pressed his head to hers. “And I worried too much about what others might say if they discovered how much I adored you, craved you, even before we were to wed. That is why I pushed for an expedient wedding. I feared I might lose you to someone else.”
“There was no chance of that.” Laura winced. “Did it pain you to think I might have accepted Algernon as my husband?”
It had. “It was the only time I was ever jealous of his grand future. Our fathers talked openly about what a splendid match it would be if you married him, and it infuriated me that no one imagined you’d say no to a future duke.”
“I would have very easily.” Her fingers teased into his hair. “I never found Algernon at all attractive. Not the way I do you.”
“I always wanted you on my arm instead of his,” he continued, smiling now about the distant memory of fear and worry over losing her. “Not speaking with him about things you would never tell me afterward.”
“Algernon only spoke of your brothers, shocking me with tales of the family scandals, and of your reactions. I didn’t want to embarrass you by repeating anything he might have said to me in confidence. You have such pride in your family. Algernon never sought to impress me. I thought he was trying to scare me away, but now I think it was all part of his plan to suggest who might suit me better. He spoke of you in glowing terms.”
“He knew, without me saying a word, that I was smitten with you,” Nash whispered, placing his lips against her temple and exhaling all the tension left in him.
“It was always you, Nash. You became the man of my dreams and my nights. But I need that man as my husband all the time.”
Nash slid his hands beneath Laura’s arms and hoisted her high into the air. “I’m here.”
She shrieked in surprise, and he lowered her again.
Laura laid her head on his chest. “This was all I wanted, you know. To have you show me you wanted me for more than your heirs and my dowry.”
“I was a fool.”
“Yes, you were.”
He turned her face up to his. “A fool as much in love with you as I ever was. Perhaps more.”
They kissed, but then Laura groaned. “We had best tell the duke that there is no need for an interview tomorrow, or he will summon us,” she whispered.
“He can try, but he already told me what our decision would be. He can wait until tomorrow to learn he was right all along.” He cupped her face. “I trust you will warn me if I stop paying you enough attention.”
“I will, but I expect to be rewarded if I have to.”
“I’ll be lavish as I beg your forgiveness.” Nash smiled and kissed her again.
“Excuse me, Papa?”
Nash glanced past Laura to see Thomas outside, holding Isabelle, with Liam standing just behind and watching their parents kiss in the dark.
Laura buried her face in his chest and laughed. “Caught again.”
“This seems to be becoming a habit.” He kept Laura close. “Yes, son?”
“Supper has arrived.”
“Ah, yes. I will be there in a moment.”
Thomas hesitated. “Mama will join us, won’t she?”
Nash smiled and glanced down at Laura, who was cuddled up to him still.
“I will be along in a moment, Thomas,” she promised. “I just have a few more things to say to your father.”
“Good. Don’t take too long,” Thomas said as he turned away, speaking to Liam as they started back. Nash heard every word. “No, she’s too heavy for you to carry, Liam. And Papa said it’s my job to look after her until she’s bigger.”
“I’m big enough to help,” Liam argued as the trio reached the doorway, where a maid was waiting.
Nash sighed and looked down at Laura. “So we go back.”
“No, Nash. We go forward. Together.”
Laura slipped an arm around his back and together they headed slowly toward their children, where they would continue to learn how to be a happy family.
Laura stopped and looked up at him. “I have a confession to make.”
“You can tell me anything,” he said, turning her to face him.
She wrung her hands. “I lied to you when I came back. When we were talking about Isabelle.”
He caught her gaze. “What about Isabelle?”
“It’s not really about her.” She sighed. “I hadn’t really changed my mind about having more children. I was simply afraid that if you knew, you would end up in my bed again. I do still want a dozen.”
Nash burst out laughing. He wiped at his eyes, overcome by unexpected emotion. “A dozen? Still? After all we’ve been through?”
She shrugged. “We’re only a quarter of the way through my plan for our family, darling.”
“I like the sound of that.”
“More children?”
“No. Darling . You never called me that before,” he said, and kissed her soundly.
Her hands fluttered against his cheek and then cupped his face firmly, ending the kiss. “Darling,” she said more loudly, and then kissed him again. When she drew back, she glanced at her bare ring finger. “Tomorrow we’re going riding to fetch my wedding ring back.”
Nash dug into his pocket and showed her the wreckage of his own. “I need a repair, and a larger one.”
She grinned. “When you go to London to help marry off your brother, perhaps?”
“We’re going together. All of us,” he announced, bending down to whisper against her lips. “I’m not going anywhere without you ever again.”
“Papa! Supper is growing cold,” Liam bellowed, startling them, and he looked up to find the boy hanging half out of the open window of their apartment sitting room. “I’m so hungry! Mama must be, too.”
They both laughed.
“We’re coming!” Nash yelled back to his second son, surprised to realize he’d never once yelled at his children for the fun of it before. “They’re so impatient.”
“Yes, and so will I be for later tonight,” Laura confessed. “And you won’t ever need that small room you planned to sleep in. You’ll be with me tonight and every night to come.
And then hitched up her skirts and ran into the house, giggling.
Nash wasted no time in giving chase.