Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
“Hello, is anyone here?” Laura called, stepping into an unfamiliar room with her sons by her side. She was annoyed by this summons. She was also annoyed with Nash for not being in his room last night when he’d promised to be there by ten. She had gone to bed alone and disappointed.
She glanced around, expecting the duke.
But Algernon was not here.
Nash burst out of a distant chamber with a dirty cloth in his hand and rushed toward her. “Come in, come in,” he called. He spread his arms. “What do you think?”
She glanced around again. The chamber was clean but had an unloved air about it. “It’s a room.”
“One of many in this apartment. Did I ever mention that a great uncle of mine lived at Ravenswood? He kept to himself in here. Occupying this set of rooms apart from everyone.”
“I vaguely remember something about someone. He was before my time here.”
“The rooms were abandoned ever since, but look at them now.” Nash set his dust cloth aside.
She walked around, realizing the abandoned room had only recently been cleaned, and Nash had taken some part in cleaning it, too, judging by the state of his clothes and satisfied smile.
Beyond this chamber were several connecting rooms, all of good size and filled with light, since there were no curtains hanging at the windows. And at the end of the chamber, there was even a separate door to the east gardens that she’d known no one to use before. “Why are you showing me this?”
“Because I would like to move us here today, with your permission,” Nash said quietly, but it was obvious that he was excited about the idea as he pointed around them. “The children will share the end room at first, and when Isabelle is old enough, she will have the one beside it. This larger room will be the family sitting room, with books and comfortable chairs and a round table near the window that’s big enough for us all to sit together at for meals.” He walked past her and pushed open two sliding doors to reveal a large chamber. “This would be your room, whenever you are here.”
She gaped at the huge space. There was nearly enough room for two beds, for a husband and wife and all of their belongings as well. “Where will you sleep?”
“I shall bed down in a smaller room farther down the hall.” He drew closer. “This way, you will not have to climb those steep stairs to the nursery to see the children, or risk a fall when you carry Isabelle up and down. She wriggles a lot. And Aunt Violet can more easily visit you and the children here. But most important of all, the children would always have us close by.”
She sniffed, overwhelmed by the change he planned to make for the family, and had considered for her future visits, too.
“I know. Too little, too late most likely, but…” Nash whispered.
She wrung her hands, conflicted about how to think of all he’d done. “And your brother has agreed to this?”
“Not exactly. I have not asked his permission to move because it is our home, too. I want to do this for you. For us all.”
“I would have loved to live here before, so close to the children,” she whispered.
“Then it’s settled.” He walked away, pulled on the bell four times, and then faced her again. “I’ve got every servant poised to come and help with the transition.”
Laura nodded, wildly impressed with Nash’s decision to live closer to the children in the future. The distance to the nursery had always bothered her, and so had the stairs. “Living in an apartment inside Ravenswood will feel like a proper home for them.”
“It is a long overdue change. I admit I considered it before, but Father would not hear of his grandchildren sleeping anywhere but the nursery.”
She nodded, unsurprised by that.
The first servant arrived, and then more, all carrying something. She recognized nursery furniture and possessions belonging to the children.
Nash drew close again. “Tell them where you want everything to go, and it will be done exactly the way you want this time.”
He hurried out, and she was left to direct the servants on her own. It took hours, all told, to move the children into their room, and then for her possessions to be brought down and put away in her new bedchamber.
Nash was no help at all, which she actually loved. He only carried in his personal items, papers and journals, storing them down the hall somewhere.
When the boys’ room was ready first, they bounced around, looking out the window and enjoying their new space. As soon as Isabelle’s cot was made, she put her daughter inside for a sleep.
But the work carried on well into the afternoon, until finally the servants’ footsteps faded away and the door remained closed behind them.
Nash appeared at the doorway to her new room and smiled. “Tea?”
“I’ll ring for it,” he promised.
She followed him out to the family room.
The apartment now boasted a warmth it had formerly lacked. She liked the large seating area particularly, and the cozy atmosphere she’d made with a rug on the floor, pillows on chairs, and being able to see the children just by lifting her eyes or turning her head.
She wandered down the hall to the room Nash was planning to occupy. It was quite small for him, almost a closet, and cramped with a narrow bed and just a chair beside it to hold his journals.
She glanced back at him. “Are you sure about this?”
“It only needs to be big enough for me to sleep in.” He tipped his head. “I’ll spend most of my time in the larger room with everyone.”
Isabelle called to her, but Nash was quick on his feet and reached their daughter before she could call out again. She glanced back into his room once more and realized Nash was making sacrifices for her . By rights, as the current heir to the Ravenswood title, he should have commandeered the largest room.
But he had given that honor to Laura and had not assumed he would share her bed. And he’d made sure he would always be close to his children, and her, until she went away.
She drew back, heart pinching with regret and wishing Nash could have been this man all along. She strolled back into the sitting room and found him walking around the large space with Isabelle held aloft and giggling.
“I think she likes it better here.”
“Careful. Jasper did that with Isabelle, and she cast up her accounts over him,” she warned quickly.
Nash lowered her onto his hip, grinning. “But I know the trick to avoid that better than him. I know when Isabelle last ate, and I am safe.”
Laura nodded. Nash did know his children better now. There at least had been a benefit to Algernon ordering them together. She knew now that Nash did love them all. He would care for them in her absence. They would never be forgotten or set aside ever again.
She allowed Nash to serve her tea when it came and sipped a perfectly made cup. There were her favorite biscuits and some fruit on a plate but she was not hungry. She sat back and watched her family settle into their new quarters that night with a heavy sigh. Their new home. A place where they could be together with little outside interference at last.
A servant knocked on the door, and Nash hurried to answer it.
Laura closed her eyes, expecting it to be another summons from Algernon. It was past time for their last talk. Tomorrow was day thirty, and her time here was at an end.
Nash returned, gave her a smile and sat back in his chair as if he planned to stay there awhile.
“Are we ignoring His Grace today?”
“We absolutely are. If he wants us, he’ll have to find us. Eventually he will.”
She laughed softly and wriggled in the unfamiliar chair, repositioning herself to a more comfortable angle.
Her family was scattered around her. Thomas and Liam seemed ready to fall asleep on a thick floor rug. Isabelle lay on the chaise before her, eyes fluttering closed.
Nash reached out a hand toward her.
She took it and squeezed. “We ought to send the children to their beds, but I am honestly too tired to stir myself.”
“Then don’t move,” he whispered. “Just enjoy.”
She was having trouble keeping her eyes open, though. “It has been a very long and eventful day,” she agreed.
“It has indeed.” Nash squeezed her fingers. “Are you happy?”
She closed her eyes. “Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.”
Laura jumped the next moment and opened her eyes, but the room was cast in deep shadows where before it had been filled with light, and Nash was no longer holding her hand.
Her gaze turned to her husband, seated still at her side. Nash had fallen asleep too, no doubt lulled by the warmth of the room and their recent exertions, as she must have been.
She exhaled and sank back again, determined to wake herself up properly before she disturbed anyone else, and considered her future.
The last few days, she and Nash had settled into a routine that was not at all unpleasant. Spending time together alone, just the five of them at the end of the day, away from his brothers. Not even the arrival of unexpected guests had drawn him away for long.
And now they had this apartment to share for her final day at Ravenswood.
This was everything she had hoped for from her marriage in the beginning—a place of their own, the feeling of belonging and the security that should have come with that.
She had given Nash thirty more days of her life and had only one regret.
It was over now…or would be tomorrow.
Their togetherness had largely healed her hurt, but not all of her fears for the future. Leaving Nash, leaving her young family behind, would cause a new tear in her heart that she might never recover from.
Nash still talked about the divorce as if it would happen. But then…he had tried several times to discuss her plans for the future, and she hadn’t wanted to. As time wore on, those nebulous plans of hers had lost their appeal entirely. As did walking away from a man who meant everything to her again.
She had not expected that to happen. Laura had imagined they would fight until the very last moment. But as she looked at him now, sleeping and untidy again, she finally understood that his behavior had never been deliberately cruel. They had married young, perhaps too young to understand how they affected each other’s happiness.
Liam yawned loudly and Nash jumped, waking himself, but the other children slept on. He stretched, her great beastly husband, and sat up. He glanced at her and smiled warmly. “My apologies.”
“None are needed.”
His smile was hesitant. “It was a good day.”
That smile of his twisted a knife in her heart. His uncertainty had become somehow endearing and made her content. He did not always know what he was doing, but he tried to pretend that he did.
Laura had done the same, and their matching uncertainty soothed her in a way she’d never felt before. “It was indeed a good day.”
He seemed delighted to hear it and glanced at his pocket watch. “I’d best summon our supper, yes?”
“Yes. They will be hungry when they all awake.”
Nash went to pull the bell, came back and ruffled Thomas’ hair to wake him, and then lifted Isabelle up into his arms.
Isabelle resisted waking. Nash brought the girl close to her and his fingers lightly brushed across his daughter’s rosy cheek. “Time to play again, angel,” he murmured.
She wriggled to be let down and crawled across to Thomas, who hadn’t yet sat up. She cuddled into his side, and Thomas smiled down at his little sister and talked to her.
Laura could feel sadness threaten to overwhelm her and hurried to stand. For want of something to do, she went to each of her children’s beds and turned back the bedding for later that night, listening all the while for what went on behind her back. They would be all right without her. They would have each other.
“Will you read to us tonight, Mama?”
She turned. Thomas stood at the door, book in hand. It was the first time he’d asked her to do anything for him. She wiped away a tear that he’d reached out to her at last…just before she was to go. “Yes, Thomas, I would love to read to you.”
Thomas rushed away again, going to his brother and whispering to him. Nash watched on, smiling to himself.
She hoped Nash would never again be the cold man she’d had to leave but she understood now why he’d been that way. He was more aware of the boys than she’d ever given him credit for, interested in them both. So gentle with Isabelle, too, almost as if he was afraid she’d break. It broke her heart all over again that in the beginning, he’d never shown this softer side around her because of his father.
He loved each of their children, and she was relieved that they would not have the same cold upbringing that he’d suffered through.
Laura approached him, and his smile grew.
“I never imagined we’d have another child, but I am glad for our daughter,” Nash whispered. “There is nothing I won’t do to protect her and make sure she’s always happy.”
Laura nodded. Isabelle had claimed a place in her father’s heart so very quickly indeed. He loved her and was not afraid to say so. Laura had never been so lucky. “Try not to spoil her too much.”
His expression changed a little as he sighed. “I’ll do my best, but I can’t make promises about that.”
She was glad that he would speak openly about his doubts to her now. But her eyes filled with tears as she looked at her family. How had she ever found the strength to leave them behind the first time? She was not sure she would survive a second separation from them without falling completely apart.
Her eyes burned with unshed tears, but they could not be stopped. Fearing she might sob aloud and alarm the children, she fled the entire apartment for some privacy in the dark garden.
Nash caught up with her, and to her surprise, pulled her immediately into his arms.
He held her tight and said nothing about her flight. But this time, she was grateful for his silence. She could not have answered him right then. Her emotions were too raw and choppy for coherent speech. Later, tomorrow, she would find the words she hoped to say to him before they discussed her going away at last.
When she was quiet, he kept his arms about her. “I will miss them,” she whispered.
“I always do when I’m away. They are young, but they will always have each other to rely upon.”
She nodded quickly, dashing away another tear. The boys were close, just like all Sweet siblings seemed to still be. “And now Isabelle has her brothers to watch over her.”
“And me,” Nash promised. “I imagine she will keep us on her toes when she’s older.”
“Yes, she will,” Laura told him. “You are so good with her, Nash.”
“Not as good as you.”
He held out his free hand, and she took it, squeezed his fingers tight. She would miss Nash as well. More than she imagined possible.
He drew her hand to his chest and held it tight against him. “I’m glad you came back when you did. I’m glad we settled our differences.”
She met his gaze in the twilight garden and fresh tears stung her eyes. “So am I,” she promised in a whisper.
Nash wet his lips. “Laura, would you take a stroll with me in the gardens? If you’re not too tired, that is.”
Time alone with Nash now was precious. “I would enjoy that very much, but what about the children?”
“Thomas and I have had a little talk about the responsibilities of being an older brother. He knows when we are not there, he is in charge of his siblings. Especially with Isabelle being so young. If he has any trouble, he will ring for a servant immediately, but I’m sure he’ll be fine without us for a little while. Their supper is on the way, after all.”
“Yes, I’m sure they will be fine for a little while.”
Nash threaded her arm through his.
Nash sighed heavily and glanced up at the manor. He waved, and she realized the children were watching them from the windows of the new apartment. Laura waved too, and their little faces disappeared.
“Algernon has made it abundantly clear during this month that he no longer needs me. My brothers have their wives and their own lives to live.”
“Your brothers will always need you,” she said, stopping so she could still see her family’s new abode in the fading light. It was only a matter of time before his family came around again. She hoped they would not come between Nash and the children, though.
“But our family needs me more than my brothers do, and I will do my best not to disappoint you again. I promise you, our family is my first and only concern now.”
Laura stared at the rising moon and believed he meant that now. Nash had changed these past weeks. She only wished his newfound dedication to his family had occurred much earlier and could have included her from the start. It made leaving Ravenswood easier, but also so much harder. “I’m glad for you. You are a good father to them. The very best,” she whispered, before she burst into tears again.
Unfortunately, she couldn’t seem to stop them this time. Suddenly, she was in Nash’s arms again, and she clung to him for comfort—afraid that it might be the last embrace she ever received from him.