36. Serenity
Chapter thirty-six
Serenity
D eclan's tense, but I'm not entirely sure why.
He's not upset by the confrontation with his parents, or anything that happened for the rest of the evening. He has a smile on his face that looks out of place, but it's his body that's wound tight. His muscles are so tense, I feel like his suit jacket is going to rip at the seams any minute.
I lace my fingers through his as Joseph drives us home. Maybe he's thinking about the paparazzi and what that means for tomorrow's gossip papers. Or his sister. Or his taxes. Hell, he could be tense about any number of things.
When we park, Declan slips Joseph an extra tip with a ' thank you ' and a grip of his bicep. Joseph's questioning gaze glances from Declan to myself before he smiles and returns to the car.
"Is everything... okay?" I ask tentatively. I feel like I'm walking into a minefield and I'm ill-prepared.
Instead of answering me, he opens the front door silently, escorts me inside, spins me so my back is against the wall, and cages me in. He pins my hips to the wall with his, and his hard erection digs into my stomach. Has he been hard this whole time?
"You've been a very good girl, Serenity," he whispers against the shell of my ear. It sends a shiver down my spine.
"I have?" My voice is a tiny squeak, unsure of what game we're playing.
He nods and licks a hot path up my neck and around my ear before nipping the lobe of it.
"Good girls do what they're told."
A lick, a suck, a bite.
"Good girls put up with my parents' stupidity."
Another lick. Another suck. Another bite.
"Good girls learn ASL because I mentioned it in passing that my sister is deaf."
Another lick. Another suck. Another bite.
And I whimper.
I'm so completely at his mercy, and he's radiating so much masculine need I'm a bundle of wood just ready to ignite.
"And do you know what good girls get?"
I steal a glance into his eyes, now that he's pulled back enough, I can see them. But I shake my head. Because I don't know what good girls get.
"They get rewarded. They get to come. They get their virginity taken by someone who knows what they're doing and will make it good for them."
I swallow audibly, and he tracks the movement with his eyes.
"Do you want to be rewarded, Serenity?"
The deathly calm of his voice is betrayed by the shivering and twitching of his muscles. He's a man barely restrained. And I don't want him restrained. I want him feral for me. I want to see him lose his control and become a beast because of me.
I nod a little too enthusiastically, and his responding chuckle is low and menacing.
My body erupts in goosebumps and my skin is clammy hot. Before I know what's happening, he ducks low, shoves his shoulder into my stomach and rises, flipping me over his shoulder.
I squeal.
"Dec! Put me down! I'm too heavy for you!" I plead, pushing up on his back to right myself. Instead of putting me down, however, he slaps my ass - hard. The sharp sting of the slap sends heat flooding my core and a soft moan escaping my lips.
An embarrassing mewl escapes my lips, but instead of laughing, Declan kicks open his bedroom door with his foot, takes two strides to the bed and tosses me onto the mattress.
The heat I can see in his eyes has my thighs clenching. I've seen Declan turned on. I've seen him, concentrating at work. I've seen him when he doesn't think I'm looking. But I have never seen this look on his face. His hooded eyes scan me from my feet all the way to the top of my head, but there's a predatory smile on his lips and a victorious set to his shoulders. The slit in the dress next to my thigh has widened, giving him an excellent view of my leg.
If any other man gave me this look it would terrify me. If any other man threatened to take my virginity, I'd run screaming.
But this is Declan. My Declan. And nothing he does scares me anymore.
He kneels on the bed, removing his suit jacket and tossing it unceremoniously onto the floor. My hands itch to take off his button-down, to strip him naked, to touch his skin, but a part of me is also nervous about doing the wrong thing. He likes to be in control, so I'll let him.
His large hand wraps around my ankle, and the shot of adrenaline for even being only a little restrained has my heartbeat pounding in my ears. But instead of restraining me, he gently takes off my one heel, before repeating the motions with the other.
He reaches a hand out, and motions for me to stand.
He swings his feet around so he's sitting on the side of the bed and guides me to between his knees.
He dips his head down, kissing one hipbone before kissing the other. Gently turns me away from him and guides the zipper of my dress down my back to the top of my ass. He bends again and kisses the hollow of my lower back just above each ass cheek. He follows the kisses with his thumbs.
"These look like they were made to be filled with my cum."
I whimper. We've been experimenting, but I'm still so new to all of this and his confident dirty talk is doing unholy things to my panties.
He slides my dress down until it pools at my feet.
"I'm going to take it easy on you this first time, Ser, alright?"
I nod, and bite my lip, but when he stops touching me, I realize my error. "Yes, sir," I reply.
He turns me back to face him and I rest my hands on his shoulders. "No, sir, tonight, Ser. Just Dec and Ser, alright?"
I want to believe that putting aside roles and scenes and just being Dec and Ser means something, but I realize I'm trying to turn this into something, when it's just sex.
It's just sex.
It's just sex.
My heart squeezes against itself painfully.
I love you.
Three tiny little words. Eight letters. They're on the tip of my tongue to say, but they taste bitter. I don't know if he loves me back, or if he ever could. And if I say it now, it'll ruin the moment.
Instead, I let out a grateful sigh as he presses his hands into my back, bringing my nipple into his mouth. My hands thread through his hair, holding him against me. I wonder if he can hear my heart thrashing wildly for him.
He moves to my other nipple, and a moan escapes me as warmth floods my center. He's gentle with me as he lays me down on the bed and slides down between my thighs.
He plays with my lips and clit with an expert precision only someone with years of experience would have, but my mind is wandering already, threatening to slip into a negative spiral. So, I grab him by his hair and bring him up my body.
He chuckles, completely unaware of the turmoil building inside of me. "Eager, are we?"
I nod and try to lick my lips seductively. He presses up to kneel between me, reaching into his nightstand for a condom.
"I'm clean, and I know you are, too. But I also know you're not on any kind of birth control," he says as his slips the condom on his rock-hard erection. We had talked about hormonal birth control, but I haven't had a need to be on it, so it seems silly to get a prescription.
Fully sheathed, he looks me in the eye softly. "We can still stop, if you're not ready, Ser. I don't want you to have any regrets..."
Except for falling for a man who doesn't love me back? I grip his biceps and shake my head, afraid of breaking completely if I open my mouth.
He nods in understanding. "It'll hurt at first..."
"I don't care," I say quickly, pulling him down to his elbows. I can't take the eye contact. I want this. I know I do. I've wanted this for a while, it's just my damn emotions making everything so tricky.
He presses the head of his cock against my entrance and pushes in slowly, inch by inch, pausing to give me time to adjust. I'm consumed by him. The smell of his cologne, the warmth of his skin, his biceps on either side of my head, my legs wrapped around him. He hits my hymen before backing slowly out. His restraint must be killing him, but he's doing what he promised and making it good for me. When I'm finally too turned on to think anymore, I dig my heels into his ass and encourage him to go deeper.
"Ready?" He asks gently, and this time I've regained enough control of my voice.
"Yes, please, Dec, just do it."
He presses into me again and I can feel the sharp sting of my hymen tearing. He thrusts in and retreats a few more times before he's settled fully into me. I feel so full of him; it causes tears to leak from my eyes down my temple and into my hair. I know I'll never be the same after this.
He rotates his hips, allowing me to adjust, and buries his head against my neck. "God, Ser, you feel so fucking good," he whispers, his lips dusting against my skin. A shiver works through me at the tickling feeling, and he groans again.
When he sits back and sees the tears, he wipes them with his thumbs and frowns. "Did I hurt you?"
I shake my head 'no' and he relaxes. "I'm not sure you'll be able to come with the pain, but I'll try to get you there, okay?"
Again, I wish he'd just be an asshole and not soft about it. I'm struggling to keep my composure as it is.
He presses back into the top of a push up and drags a pillow to us before lifting my hips with one hand and shoving the pillow underneath them with the other. The change in angle has him thrusting into my G-spot repeatedly. He's slow and gentle, but I can tell he's getting close. Sweat drips from his hair onto my stomach and his chest heaves.
I close my eyes and will my brain to quiet. And when he strums my clit, grunting with each thrust, I'm finally able to come again.
I squeeze my thighs around him, back arching, and I'm pretty sure my nails are digging into his back, but I can't find it in me to care.
He falls back to his elbows, thrusting into me through my orgasm before he's groaning long and low into my neck and coming. I hold him to me through it, praying he can't feel me trembling.
When he pulls out, I wince, but the pain is dull, and I don't really care. Declan sits back and away from me, staring at the blood coating the condom with a sweaty, reverent smile on his face.
He shakes his head once before whispering, "God, you really are perfect, aren't you?"
He steps off the bed and walks into the bedroom, stripping off the condom, I assume. I quickly wipe away the tears on my temples and run the back of my hand under my nose, trying to at least appear composed. When he comes back into the room, I give him a sleepy smile and lay there patiently as he cleans me up with a warm, wet hand towel.
"How are you feeling?" he asks before kissing my knee.
I nod. "Good. Not too bad."
He smiles again before tossing the hand towel in the hamper, laying down beside me and pulling my body to his.
He's asleep in minutes.