35. Declan
Chapter thirty-five
Declan
I never looked at what clothes Vivek bought for Serenity. He's dressed me, Daniel, Harrison, and a handful of people in our social circles and he has yet to let me down.
This dress, though? It's perfect. A little too perfect. And it's making my mouth dry.
Serenity is all long legs and gorgeous curves wrapped in the silver, shimmering dress that Vivek bought for her for our charity galas.
I love Ser in her running clothes, her work clothes, and my t-shirt at night. But where she looks comfortable and homey in those, this dress has me considering diamond rings and happily-ever-afters.
She's sitting prettily beside me in the back of the town car while Joseph drives us to the gala.
Her legs are crossed primly at the ankle and the delicate bracelet and rings on her fingers resting against the shimmering lace of her ball gown is a striking difference from how I first found her, and the change isn't lost on me.
It's not even about the material aspect of her transformation. When I first met her, she was timid, scared, running, with a black eye and a hole in her only shirt.
The Serenity sitting next to me today has lean muscle from running, a relaxed, confident set to her shoulders and chin, and a custom bought gown.
I can't help myself as I reach over and lace my fingers through hers. We still haven't defined what we are, but I'm fonder of her than I ever thought I would be, and I'm so incredibly proud of her. I find myself slipping into obsession.
I never knew there could be a woman like her. She's soft, but strong. Smart, but struggles. Sweet, but naughty. Shy, but proud. I'm obsessed with every aspect of her. What started out as a ward/charity scenario quickly turned into intrigue and then into affection. It happened moment by moment, look by look, word by word, until I found that I couldn't live without her. That knowledge shakes me to my core.
I loved a woman like that once and look what happened. I was infatuated with a woman before and it ended in death, heartbreak, loss, and so much trauma. I should have checked myself in to therapy a long time ago. Instead, I buried myself in work, running, in control and domination in the bedroom. Not entirely healthy coping mechanisms, I'm realizing.
So, it's with a mixed ball of infatuation and dread that I curl Serenity's hand into the bend of my elbow and escort her into the Waldorf.
There are paparazzi and flashes of cameras. I should have prepared her more, but I'm finding I don't do a lot of things I should with her.
On instinct, however, she turns into me, seeking comfort, seeking reassurance. Her eyes look up to me, pleading for guidance. And blood rushes to my groin. I'm fucking hard at her desire for help, for guidance. Even though I know she doesn't need it.
The paps shout questions in hopes any of us give them the time of day.
However, I've never made a public appearance like this with a woman - let alone one so much younger than me. I think about how it looks to the paps. She's clearly physically comfortable with me, leaning into me for comfort, but I haven't announced her as my girlfriend. Because honestly? That word sounds so contrite for what she is to me.
So instead of indulging in their gossip machine and making my Serenity even more uncomfortable, I simply smile, wave, and walk into the ballroom.
"Is it normally like that?" she asks breathlessly beside me as we enter the foyer of the venue.
"Yes. You happen to be with 'DC's most eligible bachelor'," I say before rolling my eyes at the ridiculous title. But my self-deprecating humor does the trick, and she smiles in return.
"I am, aren't I?"
I pull out a chair for her while greeting Daniel and Harrison with a nod.
"Not quite, anymore, though," I whisper into the shell of her ear as she sits. I'm not a bachelor anymore, at least not in my mind. It takes her a minute to understand my meaning before a sweet blush creeps across her cheeks.
Daniel engages Serenity in small talk while I head to the bar to get a whiskey for me and a Shirley temple for her. After researching ADHD, we had a conversation about the link between low dopamine and substance abuse. She wondered if that wasn't a contributing factor to her mother's addictions. We haven't heard anything else about her sentencing or her condition, but Serenity knows I'll support her if she ever wants to rebuild a relationship with her parents. Sober, of course.
A tap on my shoulder has me spinning around to find my sister. With both hands full, I can't sign, but she can read lips.
"Hi," I mouth.
"Hi, twerp." She signs back. I may be a grown-ass man, but I'll always be her baby brother. Something she likes to remind me often.
I lift the drinks in apology and tilt my head to the table for her to follow me. Setting the drinks down, I make introductions. She knows Daniel and Harrison, but I have to translate her signing for them. She gives them each a kiss on the cheek before turning her entire attention to Serenity.
"You look gorgeous, tonight, Serenity." She signs.
"She says you..." I begin, but Serenity's already signing and saying. "Thank you, Maria. It's a pleasure to finally meet you." Her sign language is slow and clunky, but I can't help but stare at her in shock.
She gives me a quick side-eye and blushes, while my sister beams.
Slowly, so Serenity can watch carefully, my sister signs. " Has Declan behaved himself? "
Serenity repeats the sign for " behaved " with a raised brow, asking for clarification. My sister simply laughs and fingerspells it.
And I watch the entire thing with my heart cleaving my chest in two. I mentioned in passing months ago that my sister was deaf. And Serenity learned ASL in case she ever met her. It's such a small, simple gesture, but it's more than anyone has ever done for me.
And as I watch the two most important women in my life talk to each other and laugh, I realize I'm in love with Serenity. Infatuated, attracted, needy, controlling, and so completely in love with the woman standing in front of me.
We need to talk. I need to tell her how I feel, to lay it all out on the line and pray she feels at all similar. I shake my head. It doesn't matter. I'll love her every day for the rest of my life, whether she ever loves me back or not. I just need to make sure she never leaves me and lets me love her for as long as I can. I'll convince her.
"Declan," a deep voice calls from behind me.
I turn to find my mother and father, standing together in black tie attire.
I stand and shake my father's hand while giving my mother a kiss on the cheek in greeting.
We don't have a terrible relationship, but they hate the fact that I opened The Envelope. They can't brag about their homosexual, deaf daughter or their sexual deviant of a son, no matter how successful I am.
My parents had children to have something more to brag about, to casually drop into conversation how accomplished or how wonderful or how easy we were. My parents exist for external validation, and justice is a cruel mistress. My sister, born deaf, and then later when he was out as a lesbian, was never a source of validation. My mother tried to play the 'woe-is-me' card about having a deaf daughter until another mother in her social circle put her in her place with her deaf sister.
I was born hearing, and a normal enough child, so they were able to weave creative stories about my accomplishments, intelligence, and easiness. That was until my fiancé died, and I opened a sex club. So now, both my sister and I are embodiments of creatures they created and spent money to keep alive only to become disappointments.
But we're in public, so I'll pretend I give a shit about them for appearances sake.
"Declan, it's so good to see you," my mother coos, while looking nonchalantly around us to see who might be listening. Even being featured as DC's most eligible bachelor wasn't enough of an accomplishment for them, because I earned my wealth on the back of a sex club, so clearly, I was an embarrassment.
"Mother, father, how good to see you." I can play the game as good as any of them.
But the instant the words are out of my mouth I can feel Serenity's gaze on me.
Maria taps Ser's elbow to get her attention and signs "mother and father."
Serenity nods and swallows nervously.
Alright then, time to meet the parents. I don't feel like a nervous teenager. I couldn't give a shit about what these two people think about me. They created me, gave birth to me, and that was about the extent of their parenting.
I motion to Serenity to come to me and she obeys beautifully. Yeah, I'm going to reward my good girl for that.
"Mother, father, I'd like to introduce you to my date, Serenity," I say with more aggression than needed.
They both look her up and down as she extends her hand in a friendly gesture.
I squeeze her hip, trying to portray the fact that I trust her.
But instead of taking her hand, they simply scoff.
"You can't be serious," my mother whispers.
"Son, this is inappropriate," my father adds.
I can feel Serenity flinch as she faces a blatant rejection. Her ADHD means she has rejection sensitivity, and I hate myself a little that I set her up to be rejected at all. She doesn't know about my history with my family or my feelings with them, and she has no idea I don't give a shit if they reject her. I'd been so caught up in us , I hadn't thought about today.
Instead of letting her withdraw, I wrap my arm around her waist and square up to my parents, both who still have plastic smiles plastered on their faces for the public.
"This is Serenity. She's important to me. We live together. So, if you have something you'd like to say, I'd like to hear it. But honestly, I don't give a shit what you think. Because I know what we are and what we have and I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world, let alone the opinion of two people."
Serenity curls into me, hiding her face against my chest, and clutching my suit, uncomfortable with any type of confrontation.
My father steps closer, into my personal space, as if he can intimidate me into complying. "It's not just our opinions you have to worry about. After tonight, everyone in the DMV will know about her and your affair with someone half your age," he whispers aggressively.
Half my age is a gross exaggeration, and I'm tempted to roll my eyes, but I won't give in to their bait. Maria comes up beside us now, and grabs Serenity's hand in silent support.
Our mother scoffs again at the gesture, but her fake smile is fading and she's already looking over our shoulders for an exit.
I need to end this now. For Serenity's peace of mind. She looks up at me, begging with her eyes to not fight with my parents over her. She's completely selfless like that and I know she doesn't want to create problems for me.
But fuck that.
She's worth it.
I smile, hold her face gently in my hands and stare into her eyes. "And what a beautiful affair it is," I say, before bending slightly and pressing my lips to her forehead. It's a relatively chaste kiss for what we do behind closed doors, but any type of public displays of affection in these stuffy, high-end events is frowned upon.
I squeeze her hip again, even though I'd rather be squeezing her ass, and release her. She blinks up at me, dazed, cheeks flushed, but not an ounce of her is concerned with my parents anymore.
My mother tugs my father away to avoid making more of a scene, and I take the moment to run my thumb over the apple of her cheek.
She's so goddamn beautiful it takes my breath away.
I should tell her now. I should tell her I love her now.
But before I can, the emcee taps the microphone and introduces the charity and silent auction. So, instead of pouring my heart out in a public place where I can't back up my words with actions, I simply rest my hand on his thigh and think of all the ways I want to reward my good girl.