41. Declan
Chapter forty-one
Declan
Serenity: Are you free this Saturday? I'd like to take you out on a date.
I stare down at my phone and smile. Definitely the first time I've ever been asked out by a woman. But I've done everything differently with Serenity, so this should be no surprise.
What's surprising is that she thinks I would be busy. I'd quit The Envelope before I passed up on a chance to be with her - in any capacity.
Me: I'm yours. What do you have planned? What should I wear?
I snort at my own text message. I sound like a girl.
Serenity: I was thinking the museums and then a Caps game?
Me: I'm there. You picking me up?
Serenity: As long as you don't mind taking the bus.
Me: Yeah, I draw the line at public transportation. I'll have Joseph pick you up.
Serenity: Snob
Me: Damn right
***
Serenity performs a grand motion, opening the door of the town car for me, as if she owns it and is inviting me out for a date. Charmed, I follow her lead. In the back of the town car, though, she laces her fingers through mine.
"While Joseph and the car are nice, I'm a broke college kid, so I hope you're okay with cheap dates for a while," she rambles.
Her nervousness is charming. I couldn't give a shit if she spends money on me or not. And I know, for a fact, that she still has my Visa Black Card that could buy her anything she needs. But if she wants our story to be more authentic, I understand why she's framing everything this way.
I squeeze her hand. "I'm just happy to spend time with you."
"Good," she replies. I slip my hand into hers as we walk, letting her lead the way. It feels so benign, so domestic. I don't hold girls’ hands. I tie them down and spank them with my belt. But I want domestic with her. I want to check all the boxes of this being a relationship. Maybe we're not calling each other boyfriend or girlfriend yet, but I want to show the world that she's mine. And she lets me.
I follow her into the natural history museum, walk a handful of blocks to the air and space museum, before following her to the mall, and weaving our way through the veteran's memorial before walking a few blocks over closer to the White House.
"And this is the best taco joint in all of DC," she says, stopping in front of a taco-themed food truck.
"Is that right?" I tease.
We order and she pays a man named Jose who apparently is the owner, and is as smitten with Serenity as I am. We find a bench nearby and eat our tacos.
"It's kind of a hike from campus, but I'll stop by and order from Jose a few days a week. I swear, I've never tasted anything better."
I raise an eyebrow at her playfully, biting into my taco. She catches my meaning and laughs, covering her mouth with her taco, and nudging me with her shoulder. "You know what I mean," she teases back, and this fun, flirty version of Serenity is everything my heart could want. To see her living so freely, and happy, when less than a year ago she was a walking bundle of nerves fills me with a proud satisfaction.
She is everything I never knew I needed. Before Serenity, things were fine. Running The Envelope was my life, and I had a handful of compatible sexual partners, but I realize now that I was merely going through the motions. Serenity brought color into my black and white life. Her innocence, joy, her fresh look on life, her genuine love for simple things, her ability to find pleasure in everyday activities. She lives her life like it's one of her romance novels, and I'm honored to be the main male character in her story. Being able to watch her grow, chase her dreams, embrace the different aspects of the ADHD brain, and write her own love story is a gift I'm not sure she even knows she's giving me.
And maybe that's the moment I realize that I would wait forever for her if she asked. I want her forever. I want the honor to walk alongside her as she builds a beautiful life, and no amount of time is going to change that. I realize she was right. Maybe we both needed to be tested to know that this is what we truly want. I needed to learn how to give up the control she so easily gave me, and she needed to learn how to walk on her own two feet.
And then I get it. If Daniel's Nell was my Serenity, now I get why he can't move on.
I can't force her to love me or want me. I can't keep her captive if I truly love her. And whether she comes back to me today, tomorrow, or ten years from now, I know I'll wait for her. Because she's it for me. There will never be anyone like Serenity.
No one would be able to give me such trust, vulnerability, love, care, thoughtfulness, and joy that she brings me.
So, if I need to eat street tacos from a guy named Jose for the sheer gift that Serenity brings to my life, so be it.