Chapter 5 #2
I must make a noise of frustration because Tobias pats my shoulder. “It’s not your problem,” he tells me, but I can feel his curious gaze on my face, silently begging me to tell him which of the guys I’m with.
Honestly, at this point, none of them because I have this sinking feeling that the rift between Alex and Theo is because of me. Guilt eats away at me as Tobias and I finish up with the first makeshift washing bay and move onto the second.
By the time we’re finished, I’m sick to my stomach and eager to hunt down Alex so I can figure out what’s wrong.
He’s standing alone off to the side, his expression hard and his shoulders tense as he watches the people around him set up camp.
I hate seeing him look so deadened and cold.
Those blue eyes should be sparkling with mirth, not hard chips of ice.
I need to fix this.
I keep to the edges of the room, avoiding detection until I sidle up next to him. “You okay?” I ask him as I place my palm on his arm.
His muscles tense beneath my hand as he flicks his eyes from me to across the warehouse, seeking Theo amongst the chaos. “I’m fine,” he grits out, sounding decidedly not fine.
I bite back a wince. This reminds me of the night at the Lodge, when Alex confessed he wanted me after being hurt that I’d chosen Theo to be my fake boyfriend. It confirms my suspicion that this is my fault. Although I can’t figure out why it’s happening now.
If it was my confession to him on the night of the attack, then surely he would have been a grumpy prick after the fight.
But he wasn’t. He was laughing and smiling after the fight, happily talking with Theo.
That happiness is gone and he barely even looks at Theo, let alone talks to him. So what the hell happened?
“Alex…”
He shakes his head, not sparing me a glance. “This isn’t something for you to fix, Ollie.” No, sweetheart, just Ollie. “Just go back to Theo.”
I frown as my hand drops from his arm. “Go back? I haven’t been with him.”
He snorts derisively. “Didn’t seem like that last night.”
Last night? What… oh. The kiss. I close my eyes briefly. “It’s not like that. We just kissed, but I stopped it.”
I can practically feel the pain and disbelief pouring off him as he stands like a statue beside me.
“You know, it hurt like a motherfucker when you told me what happened between you and him the other night, but you told me you weren’t choosing and I believed you.
” He trains those hard, icy blue eyes on me.
“Is this you choosing? Because that’s what seeing the two of you together felt like. ”
His words are like a stab to the heart, but I swallow back my pain. “I meant what I said that night; I’m not choosing and risking your friendship.”
He huffs and shakes his head. “How is shoving your tongue down Theo’s throat not choosing? Or is it that you won’t choose, but just prefer him over me regardless?”
I flinch at the harshness of his words. God, the pain in his voice… It’s only just overshadowed by the anger flashing in his eyes, but even that cools until there’s nothing but icy blankness left. I did that. I hurt him, and now he’s rightfully lashing out at me.
“Alex…” I reach for him, but he steps back.
“I have shit to do,” he says before striding away from me.
I lean against the wall, gasping for breath as my chest feels like it’s caving in while guilt, sorrow, and pain churn in my stomach.
Tears blur my vision as I stare blankly at the floor.
I knew this is what would happen if I gave into my feelings for these men but selfishly I ignored it and now I’ve hurt one of them.
I’m not sure how long I lean against the wall, my world crashing down around me when a hand cups the side of my head. My gaze snaps up, meeting a brow furrowed in concern and liquid silver eyes blazing with sorrow.
“Ollie, what’s wrong?” Theo asks, his thumb brushing tears from my cheek.
“I hurt him.” The words tear painfully from my throat as more tears drip down my cheeks. “I didn’t want to, but I was a selfish bitch and did it anyway, and now he hates me.”
Theo sighs heavily and draws me into his arms. I bury my face into his chest, uncaring that the stench of blood and rot still clings to him, and sob into his T-shirt.
“Alex doesn’t hate you,” he murmurs into my hair as his hands brush down my back in soothing strokes. “He might be hurting, but he’s only hurting because he cares. Like I told you before, you aren’t responsible for his emotions anymore than we’re responsible for yours.”
“I didn’t want to hurt him,” I mumble into his shirt. My knuckles are white from how hard I’m clutching him against me, desperate for the comfort I don’t deserve. “I don’t want to hurt any of you.”
He nods against my head. “I’ll fix it, Ollie, I promise. I’ll talk to him and make sure it works itself out.”
I want to believe him, but it’s hard when all I can see is the anger and iciness in Alex’s eyes and hear the soul-crushing pain in his voice.
Theo presses a kiss to the top of my head before pulling away. “Come on, we both stink and need a good wash and clean clothes.”
He pulls me towards where we set up our sleeping area, our bags lying next to one another.
Harlow has already made herself comfortable on a pile of blankets, but she lifts her head and whines when she spots me.
I bend and stroke her head a few times, wordlessly reassuring her before grabbing washing supplies and clean clothes.
As Theo and I walk towards the washing bay, I can’t help but look around for Alex. But he’s nowhere to be found.