Chapter 6 #2
Until I met Theo and Rhys, no one had chosen me.
Not my father’s wives when they found out what a piece of shit he was and left without a single look back.
Not the teachers at school who saw the bruises and broken bones and did nothing.
And definitely not my piece of shit father, who dealt with his guilt and grief over my mother’s death with enraged fists and cruel words.
So why the fuck would Ollie—the beautiful, brave, and amazing woman that she is—choose me when no one else did? Hell, even my best friend is choosing someone else over me.
A strangled sound escapes Theo’s lips moments before a hand lands on my shoulder. “Alex,” he says, the word filled with so much grief, pain, and horror. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You never asked, and I didn’t know whether you’d believe me.”
He sucks in a sharp breath. “You didn’t know if I’d believe you?”
I shrug. “You were enamoured with her, both of you were, and I didn’t want to ruin that for you.
” God knows they’d needed it after the shit few years they’d both had.
Theo’s mum had died from cancer just six months before we met Willow, and Rhys was suffering through the infamous SAS Selection. They both deserved some happiness.
“Fuck.” His hand on my shoulder tightens.
“And then Willow revealed what she wanted and that she’d cheated on us, and since you left her instead of staying, I kept it to myself. I figured with her gone, that would be the end of it.”
“Until Ollie.”
I swallow hard and nod. “Until Ollie.”
Looking back, Willow was someone who was entirely too selfish to have a successful poly relationship.
The only reason she entered into one was because she wanted to fuck several people at the same time while having the safety and stability of a relationship.
It was never about trust or affection or burgeoning love; it was purely about Willow and her selfish need to have anything and everything without consequences.
But I didn’t realise any of that until she ripped my heart out.
Ollie is different. There’s an innate selflessness and loyalty to her that Willow only pretended to have.
It’s obvious she loves deeply and unconditionally—she risked her life to save her brother and has had our backs since that first day with the horde.
She’s strong, brave, and outspoken, but there’s a fragility to her as well.
Pain and sorrow, so familiar to my own, clings to her like a dark cloud, overshadowing every ounce of joy she has, but she never lets it stop her from doing the right thing.
With Ollie, I could see a poly relationship working.
And it scares the shit out of me.
“You're right. I’m sorry, Alex,” Theo says after a moment of heavy silence. “I should have listened to you instead of getting frustrated and just bulldozing over you.” He squeezes my shoulder. “But you know everything Willow said was wrong, right?”
“Is it?” I shrug his hand off my shoulder and turn to face him. “You know what kind of man my father was. You know the kind of violence and rage that runs through my veins. Hell, I just attacked you.” I motion to the wicked bruise blooming on his cheek.
“And we both know I deserved it.”
I shake my head. “Deserve it or not, I shouldn’t have hit you.
You’re my best friend.” I tilt my head upward until I’m staring at the star-studded expanse out the skylight.
“Maybe Willow was right, and I don’t deserve to be chosen.
” It’s my deepest, darkest fear. One that lurks in the corner of my mind, using my father’s voice to whisper insidious thoughts whenever I feel even an ounce of hope or joy.
“You can’t seriously believe that, can you?” Theo asks in an incredulous tone, like I’ve just told him there are pink elephants flying in the sky.
I shrug and keep staring at the stars, but he doesn’t let me get away with it. He grabs the sides of my head and forces me to look at him.
“Alex, you are not your father.” He practically spits the words at me as he levels a hard glare at me.
“I will say it until the day I die. You are not him.” His hands tighten on my face almost painfully when I try to pull away.
“You are kind, hardworking and good. There’s not a bad bone in your body, not a monstrous thought in your mind. ”
I shake my head as much as his hold allows.
“I’ve had plenty of horrific thoughts in my head.
” Too many to count, and what’s worse is that I’ve acted on them.
Just like that man I beat to death after Ollie’s ex cornered us.
I should have just shot him, but I was so damn angry about what had almost happened to Ollie that I snapped.
What happens if the next time I snap it’s at Ollie?
Just the thought is enough to have bile burning my throat.
“Whatever you’re thinking, stop it now,” Theo demands, cutting through the haze of horror and fear clouding my thoughts.
“I don’t want to hurt her,” I whisper, blinking back tears.
“And you won’t.”
“How can you know that? I’ve already attacked you.”
“Because you’re Alex. The same Alex who came to my rescue on that first day of school when I was cornered by five bullies and then took the blame so I wouldn’t get expelled.
The same man who held me together at my mother’s funeral, who made sure I was eating and showering and sleeping after her death when all I could do was stare at a wall.
The same Alex who has risked his life several times to save mine.
” His silver eyes bore into mine, almost begging me to understand.
“Alex, you are one of the best men I have ever known, and it’s an honour to be your friend.” He moves his hands from my face to wrap around me, pulling me into a hug.
I hug him back without hesitation, relishing the safety and familiarity as his words swirl in my mind, chasing back the dark demons of my doubts and fears.
They’re similar to what Ollie told me; how there was no way he or Rhys would be friends with me if I was a monster.
Or that she’s never once felt unsafe around me.
I want to believe them so badly. But there’s still that part of me damaged by Willow’s cruel words that clings to the fear of my bloodline and the potential monster inside me.
We hug one another for a few moments, both of us enjoying the platonic comfort until he finally pulls back, his eyes shiny with unshed tears.
“I know this isn’t going to suddenly change how you see yourself, but I want you to understand that no matter what, both Rhys and I will be there for you.
We have your back, just like we did that first day.
” He squeezes my shoulder and steps back.
“And I want you to remember that everything Willow told you was a lie.”
I swallow back my own tears and nod.
He searches my eyes—for what, I don’t know—but he mustn’t find what he wants because he sighs and rakes a frustrated hand through his hair. “You’ll believe it eventually.”
Easier said than done.
“As for this relationship with Ollie…”
I tense, my entire body feeling so wrung out that I’m not sure I can cope with anything else being thrown at me.
Theo holds up his hands. “Relax, I was just going to say that I’m backing off to let you figure it out.”
I blow out a breath.
“But I think you need to talk to her and tell her what you told me.”
I pull a face. Yeah, I’d rather face an entire horde of zombies at night than do that.
He chuckles at my expression. “I get it. Talking about feelings is hard, but I seriously think both of you will benefit from it.”
I blow out a harsh breath. “Why are you pushing for this relationship so hard? We both know you—and only you—could have her if you wanted to, so why are you desperate to share?”
“Because you and Rhys are the only family I have, and I want all of us to be happy, not just me. I think Ollie and us together will give us the happiness we deserve.” He shrugs.
“Besides, Ollie doesn’t just want me; she wants all three of us, and after everything she’s been through, that woman deserves everything. If I can give her that, then I will.”
I understand what he’s saying, but the idea of giving my heart to someone like that again, of opening myself up to being left behind like that…
Horror shudders down my spine. I won’t survive it happening a second time.
“Just think about it, that’s all I’m asking,” Theo says softly, no doubt seeing where my thoughts had gone.
I nod. I can at least do that.
He smiles and pats my shoulder. “Good. Now let’s get a few hours’ sleep so we don’t get mistaken for zombies.” He turns and leaves the attic.
I follow him, checking to make sure the other guards on duty are doing their job before making my way to the small dining room where I’ve set up my sleeping bag.
Theo has already settled into his and is fast asleep—a trick he learned as an overworked paramedic.
Ollie is snuggled in her own sleeping bag, looking almost peaceful if you don’t notice the dark bags beneath her eyes.
Is she not sleeping enough? Or is it the stress of the journey?
I frown, unable to resist brushing a stray strand of her chestnut hair from her face.
She sighs and leans into my touch, causing my lips to curl into a small, soft smile.
Harlow, who’s sleeping at her feet, cracks open one eye, sees it’s me and goes back to sleep.
Movement catches my attention as Theo rolls over to face me, a knowing look on his face as he stares at me.
‘Think about it,’ he mouths.
I roll my eyes and move away from Ollie to my own sleeping bag. The issue isn’t that I haven’t thought about it. The issue is that I have and I’m terrified of fucking this all up. Of ruining what could be a beautiful relationship.
And destroying the heart of the very woman I’m falling for.