Chapter 47
Be My Monster
Alex
The mood in Haven is tense. Understandably so, since no one knows when or how we’ll be attacked, only that it’s guaranteed to happen.
The general population took the news about as well as expected when we told them to next day; they panicked and demanded answers we couldn’t give them.
And then they protested the mandatory firearms and weapons training Rhys implemented, with some saying that there’s no way they’ll be having anything to do with a gun.
Luckily, those people were quickly overruled by the rest of the residents.
And if that didn’t shut them up, Rhys was more than happy to put them in their place.
It took everything in me not to growl at them and tell them to pull their entitled heads out of their asses. Judging from the sharp looks from Theo and Rhys and the shocked expression on Ollie’s face, I didn’t hide my frustration very well.
Not that I really care.
Ever since Luke kidnapped Ollie and Rhys, my patience for bullshit has become non-existent. I no longer indulge idiocy, especially since that led to the love of my life and best friend getting kidnapped by a bloodthirsty gang, and I’m a lot quicker to anger now.
A part of me worries that I’m becoming like my father, but I shove those thoughts to the side. That fear hasn’t helped since the world fell, so what’s the point in hanging on to it?
After we let everyone know the plan going forward—or the bits that they need to know—we all go our separate ways to do the jobs assigned to us.
It’s mind-numbing work, especially since I get lumped with inventorying our food supply, something I had little patience for before everything happened.
Now, after two days, any patience and calm I had from getting Ollie back is gone.
The door to the cabin slams shut behind me, and I huff out a breath that sounds more like a growl as my hands flex by my sides. I want to punch something, or someone, but everyone is either too busy or too injured to spar.
Ollie pops her head out from the lounge, a frown on her face as she takes me in. “Come on,” she says. “You look like you could do with some cuddles.” She walks over, grabs my hand, and drags me into the lounge.
I don’t argue and let her pull me along, her touch calming the raging beast inside me. She deposits me onto the sofa and then snuggles up next to me with a sigh. Harlow glances up from her position in front of the fireplace and huffs before going back to sleep.
“You want to talk about what has you so riled up?” she asks softly as I wrap an arm around her and pull her closer.
I grimace. “Not really, mostly because I’m not sure what’s up with me. I’m just… frustrated and pissed off all the time unless I’m with you.” I lean down and press a kiss to the top of her head as I breathe in the floral scent of her shampoo.
She hums. “I get that, especially after everything that’s happened.”
I pull her closer until she’s almost on top of me, her weight grounding me and soothing most of the rage burning inside me.
But it’s still there, simmering in the background, just waiting to be reignited.
Ollie shifts until she’s straddling my lap and nuzzles her face into my neck, her lips teasing the sensitive flesh.
A shiver of pleasure races down my spine as I suck in a sharp breath. My cock thickens in my jeans, pressing urgently against the fabric as she continues kissing and nipping my skin.
“Ollie,” I groan out, my eyes fluttering shut as her teeth find a particularly sensitive spot.
“I missed you, Alex,” she breathes as she kisses her way along my jaw to my lips while grinding against my hard cock.
The fire inside me reignites.
Before I can blink, I’m grabbing the back of her head and devouring her lips while the grip on her hip turns bruising.
My cock throbs painfully against the zipper of my jeans as I thrust up against her, causing her to moan into my mouth.
Arousal sizzles down my nerve endings, and all I can think about is the taste and feel of Ollie against me.
Fuck. It’s been too long since I’ve had her pressed up against me like this.
She tightens her hold on my shoulders and kisses me back with just as much need and ferocity. But it’s not enough. I need more. My hand on the back of her head tightens as I force her soft body harder against me and bite her bottom lip.
She yelps and pushes against my chest.
Harlow jumps to her feet and barks. The haze of fire and arousal dissipates in an instant, replaced with oily guilt and horror.
I release her and practically throw her off me and onto the other end of the sofa, far away from me.
My stomach clenches with nausea, and bile burns my throat as I realise what I just did.
I hurt the one person I vowed never to harm.
Just like him.
Ollie hushes Harlow before turning back to me. “Alex…” She reaches out to me, tears in her eyes and blood on her lip, but I flinch away. Her face falls and she pulls her hand away. “It’s okay, you didn’t hurt me that badly.”
I shake my head. “But I still hurt you,” I reply harshly, my eyes zeroing in on the fingerprint marks on the side of her neck. I did that.
Suddenly it’s not Ollie I’m staring at, but an entirely different woman.
One older, with a bruised cheek and blackened eye as she curls into a ball on the floor, her body shuddering with each sobbing breath.
On her other side is my father, standing over her with bruised fists while looking down at her with disinterest.
Bloody hell. I think I’m going to be sick.
“Alex,” Ollie says, her voice sharper this time.
I blink back the memory and swallow hard. There’s a whine from Harlow before the dog finally settles back down in front of the fire.
Ollie’s expression hardens into that stubborn, reckless look she gets before she does something stupid. And then she lunges at me, not giving me time to react before she grabs either side of my head and forces me to look at her. I freeze, terrified of moving and hurting her again.
“Listen to me,” she demands, eyes burning with fierce determination. “I’m not upset, and you shouldn’t be either. All you did was tighten your grip a little too much on my neck and bite me a little too hard, but when I yelped and pushed you away, you stopped.”
“But I still—”
She doesn’t let me finish. She gets right into my face until our noses are almost touching.
“Remember what I said before; you are not him. You are not your father. You’re not a monster.
You are Alex; my sweet, brave and loyal mountain of a man who hates when I throw myself into danger and has the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. ”
I might have believed her before, but not after everything I’ve done. Not with all the blood on my hands and the bodies I left lying behind me. Not with how out of control I’ve been.
“I’m not a good man, Ollie,” I whisper, my voice hoarse.
“When we found out you and Rhys had been taken… I lost it. I almost beat several men to death and wanted to torture others to find out where you were. I was willing to hurt innocent people as long as we found you. That’s the actions of a monster. ”
I brace myself, expecting Ollie to react with disgust and horror at what I’ve become. But instead of pulling away, she almost seems to melt into me, and the hardness in her expression softens into something… affectionate.
What the hell?
“You were willing to do all that for me?” She looks at me with a mixture of surprise and heat in her eyes.
Did she not hear what I just said? “And worse. So much worse.” I would have burned the world to the ground to find you. “But Ollie, this isn’t a good thing. I’m dangerous, monstrous. I hurt you. I don’t deserve you.”
She shakes her head and tightens her hold on my head like she’s worried I’ll pull away. “You don’t get to decide what I do and don’t deserve. I do. And I choose you, Alex. I’ll always choose you. You can be my monster.”
I gape at her. “I… what?”
“You heard me. You want to call yourself a monster? Fine, but you’ll be my monster.”
And then she kisses me.
I’m still too stunned to react as she devours my mouth like a starving woman. Her body presses against mine, her tits mashed against my chest and her hands biting into the side of my head. She fits so perfectly against me, like she was made for me.
My cock—having deflated the moment she yelped—hardens, straining so much against my trousers that I’m half-worried it’ll punch through my zipper.
I groan into her mouth, tasting the iron from her cut lip, but resist the urge to wrap my arms around her, all too aware that I’ve already hurt her once.
That doesn’t stop me from kissing her back with as much passion and hunger as she’s kissing me, letting her know without words how much she means to me.
All too soon, Ollie pulls away with a shuddering breath. Her lips are swollen and smeared red with her blood, her face is flushed and her eyes are alight with desire as she gazes down at me. She’s bloody stunning.
And then she shocks me again.
“I love you, Alex. I don’t care if you think you’re a bad person or that you’re not worthy of me. I choose you and I always will. You’re mine and I’m not giving you up for anything.”
Fucking hell. I don’t deserve this woman.
If I were a better, stronger man, I’d walk away. She wouldn’t miss me, not with Rhys and Theo by her side. But I’m not a better man, and if she’s willing to choose me after everything I’ve done? Then I’m not giving her up.
She’s mine.
And I’m hers.
“I love you, too.” It’s the easiest thing I’ve ever said.
“I fell for you the moment you stood in front of us, bow drawn and ready to fire while mouthing off to Rhys after we’d just saved you from those men.
And then fell deeper in love when you risked your life and ran in front of those bloody guns the night we attacked the Scourge camp. ”