Chapter 5
BEAU
“Sorry, sir, we’re completely booked.”
“For the whole summer?”
“Yes. Sorry again, sir. Have a good evening.”
Click.
I dropped the phone beside me on the bed and threw one arm over my eyes. Well, this was not ideal. Not a single hotel in the area had any available rooms. I was stuck here.
Fine. That was fine. I could do this. I’d just buy some ear plugs. And a sound machine. Just completely block out the world around me.
My phone buzzed, and a picture of Shea’s smiling face appeared on the screen. I sat up and swiped to answer.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey. How’re things going there?”
“They’re fine,” I said. “I’ve just been working. Went out and got some sandwiches at lunch today.”
“Oh yeah? Where from?”
I scrunched my eyes closed and tried to picture the name of the shop, but all I could see was that rainbow flag. “Um…I’m not sure. I don’t remember the name. It’s a little down the street from here…?”
“Probably Artie’s. Pride flag above the door?”
My stomach swooped. “Y-yeah. That one.”
“They’ve got the best tuna melt in the state. Damn, now I want one, wanna go when I’m back?”
“Oh…yeah, we can do that.” I wasn’t used to people wanting to spend time with me.
I mean, yeah, Shea was my brother, but he felt a little like a stranger nowadays.
He’d changed as much as I had, and though the echo of our time together as kids reverberated around us, it wasn’t the same now.
It was too hollow, and a part of me was afraid we might never be as close as we once were.
That something fundamental to our relationship had broken and there was no way to repair it.
“Just say when and I’ll be there. How’ve things been? I know it’s probably not easy, sleeping somewhere new, but that bed’s not too bad. No problems or anything?”
He sounded so eager and hopeful, like every part of him needed me to be okay with living here, that I couldn’t bring myself to say anything bad about my experience so far.
I tucked my own feelings away, shoved them right behind that desperate need to not make waves with anyone about anything, and said, “It’s been good.
Great. There’s a seagull that keeps coming to my window.
It poops a lot and stole my crackers yesterday, but mostly just stares at me. It’s kind of creepy, but also cute.”
Shea laughed. “Those fuckers are like little sky rats. You gotta watch out for them.”
I laughed at his description. “Yeah, I’ll keep an eye on him. Are you not—um…when will you be back?”
“Another week, and then I’m back for two days, then out for about six to eight weeks. Is that—you’ll be okay, right?” The concern in his voice was evident, and I didn’t know what to do with that.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” I said.
And I would be. I’d been on my own for so long that it was what I was used to and what I preferred.
Shea was quiet for a moment, then said softly, “I love you, Beau. I know I—I know there’s a lot of distance between us, even now, but I just want you to know that I love you and I’m gonna make it up to you. Okay?”
My throat felt too tight, and my nose pricked uncomfortably. “Yeah,” I rasped. “I love you, too. You don’t—you don’t have to make anything up. It was what it was. It’s over now.”
“Mm,” Shea said, and I knew him enough to know he didn’t agree.
And he knew me enough to know I would try to sweep everything under the rug and pretend nothing bad had ever happened.
“If you say so. Look, I gotta go, but call me if you need anything, okay? And we’re definitely hitting up Artie’s when I’m back. Love you.”
“Love you, too. Bye.”
I set the phone down, lay back, and closed my eyes. They popped open when I heard the front door shut, and a tense discomfort began pinching at my nerves.
Lea was back.
“Beau!” He shouted, making panic claw down my spine. “I brought you something!”
Crap. I had been desperately hoping that he’d have zero interest in interacting with me, that he would just come home and do whatever he normally did and I wouldn’t have to be near him at all.
Most people forgot I even existed, and I’d expected Lea would be the same.
I tried to breathe through the sudden nausea roiling in my gut. He was just another guy. I had nothing to be nervous about. I should think of him like a brother, if anything.
That was going to be impossible. Nothing about the feelings he stirred up in me were brotherly in the least.
I got to my feet, padded over to the door, and cracked it open. Lea was bustling around in the kitchen, so I slowly made my way down the hall, dread rising with every step. I stuck my shaking hands in my pockets.
The fridge door was open, and I could only see Lea’s ass and feet as he rummaged through it. He was humming something, the sound pleasant and low. He stood upright, saw me, jumped, and shouted, “Fuck!”
I startled and stepped back.
“Sorry,” I said, staring at his hand on the fridge door. His fingers were long, his palm broader than mine. Elegant. Like his handwriting.
“Holy hell, you’re so quiet,” he breathed.
My eyes flashed to his face. God, he was even more beautiful than I remembered.
His dark blue eyes were lit with amusement, and when they drifted from mine and slowly roamed over my features, a hot flush crept up my neck and spread across my cheeks.
It spread higher until my ears began to burn.
It took everything in me to not turn and run back to my room.
“What’s this?” Lea asked, his tone laced with intrigue. He closed the fridge and stepped closer to me as his gaze roved over my face.
I resisted the urge to step back.
What? What was what? Why was he coming closer?
My heart pounded when he reached out and grasped my chin in one cupped hand, and a small gasp slipped past my lips while every nerve ending in my body went haywire.
He was way too close, and taller than me, and oh god he smelled so good.
As soon as I caught the first whiff of something light and floral with a hint of something sweet and sugary, my entire body tensed.
He smelled as beautiful as he looked.
When that scent only made the heat coursing through me intensify, I held my breath.
“Why are you blushing, Beau?” Lea murmured, using his gentle grip on my chin to tilt my face up to his. My stomach clenched when he brought his other hand up, the tips of his fingers gliding along my cheek in a delicate touch.
Horror twined with the warmth spreading through me when I realized I was getting hard with that soft, gentle touch. Heat curled in my belly, pooled in my groin, and—and could he hear my heart slamming against my rib cage?
This was so embarrassing, so wholly, completely, utterly, embarrassing, and what if he looked down? What f he saw, what if—if—
I panted, frozen in place and so humiliated I couldn’t meet his eyes, so I just stared at his chest right where his shirt parted to reveal his skin.
“Pretty,” he whispered, gently brushing the curve of my cheekbone with his thumb.
And then he chuckled, moved his hand from my chin, and patted my cheek, sliding his thumb down to my jaw before he turned away.
My embarrassment erupted into a burning shame at the gesture.
It felt almost patronizing, like something you would do to a child that didn’t know any better, and the first real flash of anger I’d felt in a long time swept through my veins. It was gone in an instant, leaving me standing there in a ball of confusion.
I wasn’t sure exactly what about that had made me angry, or if I was even angry at Lea himself. But I hadn’t liked it.
It made me feel insignificant and stupid.
I wasn’t sure if that was something he did with everyone or just me or what, and my brain was spiraling, trying to figure it out.
One touch from Lea, and my entire system was malfunctioning, a humiliating meltdown he seemed oblivious to.
Lea headed over to a plastic bag on the counter like nothing had even happened. Like he hadn’t just dragged all my insides out of my body, leaving me hollow and drained.
“I brought you something,” he said lightly, glancing at me over his shoulder.
“I don’t know if you’ll like it, but I wanted to make up for being a shitty host and not having any food for you.
Not that this is exactly…nutritional, but it’s better than nothing.
” He pulled something out while I stood there, trying to calm my nerves and will myself to stop shaking.
“Here,” he said, presenting me with a white box.
I looked at him, studying his expectant expression, then glanced down at the box.
“You don’t have any allergies, do you?”
“N-no,” I said.
“Okay, good.” He handed it to me and went back to unpacking whatever else was in that bag.
I opened the lid of the thin cardboard and stared at the assortment of fudge inside. It was a lot of fudge, and I wondered if it was expensive. I wondered how it would taste, if this was why Lea smelled so sweet.
I swallowed, and when I looked up, Lea was watching me closely.
I lowered my gaze and shut the box. “Um, thank you, that was really kind of you to…” I trailed off.
The stress of everything was suddenly weighing on me, and the anxiety that came with just being around Lea intensified.
My next words got caught in my throat. “Th….”
I tried to breathe, to calm myself down so I could speak, but Lea was watching me. I could feel his eyes. He was probably judging me now, wondering why he’d allowed Shea to convince him to let me stay here. Me, some freak who couldn’t even—
“Hey…hey, what’s the matter? What’s wrong?
” There was genuine concern in his voice, none of the usual sultry playfulness in his tone, and he came over to me and wrapped loose fingers around my wrists.
“Do you not like it? You don’t have to take it, it was just a thought.
There’s this cute little shop down the street that I passed on the way back, but I wasn’t sure what kind you might like so I just got everything.
I can go out and get you something else if you’d prefer that? ”
His thumbs brushed against my skin in absent little swipes, and I stared down at where he was touching me, in disbelief that he’d gone to any kind of trouble for me.
That he was touching me again.
“Beau? What’s the matter, love?”
I closed my eyes at his soft, sincere tone, inhaled deeply, then forced out in a rough whisper, “I love it. Thank you.” I was so mortified I’d reacted like this, but alongside that was surprise and a warm gratification that he’d bought me anything at all.
He squeezed my wrists in acknowledgement, then let go.
“Okay. Good. Oh, hey—I don’t know if you like reality shows but Triple Love is on at nine if you want to slum it on the couch with some popcorn and watch it with me?
This episode is gonna be suuuper juicy because last week Jeremy went behind Beverly’s back and made out with Roger in the jacuzzi.
He really messed up, Beverly is such a keeper.
If I were him, I’d never get with Jeremy now.
Roger is nasty. And not the good kind of nasty. ”
There was a good kind of nasty?
I took a step back and shook my head, not having a single clue what he was talking so animatedly about. “I’m really tired, sorry.” I wanted to say more, to give a better excuse, but it seemed like I’d hit my capacity for conversation today. I just needed to be alone at this point.
Lea didn’t seem to mind, though. He just wave a hand airily and said, “I get it. You probably like the history channel or exclusively watch nature documentaries or that show about how things are made. Not to make assumptions. But also I love making assumptions.” He went back to bustling around the kitchen.
“One of my favorite things to do is sit on the boardwalk and make up people’s origin stories.
The crazier the better. We should go down to the beach this weekend, Shea said you’ve never been. ”
“Yeah. Sure,” I said. “I’m gonna—” I gestured down the hall to my room. “Go do some…work.” I was just a pathetic adult who couldn’t even socialize properly.
I thought maybe disappointment flashed across his face, but he smiled at me, and why would he be disappointed, anyway? He was probably happy he wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore.
“Oh—all right. You know you don’t have to stay in there all the time?
You can hang out in the living room whenever you want.
I just don’t recommend going in my room.
I’ve already shocked you enough as it is.
” His playful tone was back, accompanied with a wink this time.
It felt like an intimate sort of teasing, especially coupled with the warmth in his eyes.
The pats on the cheek didn’t feel so patronizing anymore. Lea might just be a tactile, playful person.
I liked that more than I should have.
“Yeah, I know,” I said. “Goodnight. Thanks again for the, um, fudge.”
Lea’s wide lips curved upward, reminding me of a pleased cat. “Anytime, sugar.”
He clocked the flush that deepened with his endearment. His smile widened, and before he could comment on it or touch me again, I turned around and went back to my room before I completely fell apart at his feet.