Chapter 9
BEAU
Acouple hours later I was three beers deep and loving everything.
Lea and Monroe’s bar—Blue’s Brews—was amazing.
It was a mishmash of modern and antiquated aesthetics that worked, somehow, with low lighting and a wide open layout.
There were three pool tables over in one corner, an old-timey jukebox next to the stage in the back, and two bars facing each other from across either side of the room.
There were booths covered in red vinyl near the huge bay windows in the front, a smattering of tables in the center, and an open dance floor near the stage. And it was packed.
But the best thing about it? The giant pride flag strung up above the stage.
I still couldn’t get over how open and accepting people were here. I really didn’t need to go anywhere else, everything I’d always dreamed of was right here. Wasn’t it?
I glanced across the room, my gaze falling on Lea’s arched back as he leaned over the bar, then looked away and took another sip of my beer.
I couldn’t look at him for more than a few seconds because the mesh tank top he was wearing was too much for me. All the blood in my body only headed in one direction when I let my gaze fall on him.
Seeing Lea work, taking care of his patrons and easily handling everything like a professional was also making me feel some kind of way.
On the surface, he seemed like nothing but a playful flirt, but he was a dedicated, kind, hard-working man that took pride in his bar and really cared about the people of this town.
I gave up, propped my chin on my hand, and let myself watch him.
On top of it all, he was so heartbreakingly beautiful.
He’d sat with me when we first arrived, but he jumped behind the bar about an hour ago to help the other bartenders during the busy rush.
We still made eye contact every now and then, and every single time, he would flash me a dazzling smile that set my heart racing.
“Refill?” The other bartender, Logan, a mid-twenties man with piercing green eyes, leaned toward me.
I must have stared into his eyes for a touch too long, because a slow smile began to grow and he leaned even closer.
Those green eyes drifted across my face, then back to mine, and he said, “I’ve never seen someone with so many freckles. It’s cute.”
I felt my face heat up and the skin at the back of my neck started to prickle. I pushed my glass toward him, cleared my throat, and said, “Um, yes, a refill, please.”
“And he’s got manners.” Logan clicked his tongue, grabbed my glass, and filled it at a tap behind the bar.
I turned away to look out at the crowd, the buzz of the alcohol in my veins making everything a little brighter, a littler prettier.
I felt good, for once. I felt calm and happy; my usual anxiety when I was around this many people was blissfully dulled.
Plus, I hadn’t been stumbling over my words.
“Here you are,” Logan said, sliding my drink onto a coaster.
“Thank you,” I said, immediately taking a sip. Then another. It was half gone in under a minute.
When we’d first arrived, I’d hurriedly finished my drinks because I was so damn nervous. But now I was so totally enamored with the way the alcohol was making me feel that I wanted to keep it going, to feel even better.
I watched people dance, let my eyes wander over all the bodies pressed tightly together, moving sinuously.
It felt dirty. It felt like I was watching people have sex with their clothes on, like I shouldn’t even be looking at them. My eyes hovered too long on two men pressed together, one behind the other, his arms locked around the man in front of him as he rolled his hips into his partner.
I couldn’t look away.
I’d watched porn before. I’d watched men having sex in all kinds of ways, and then I’d jerked off to them and dealt with the crushing shame of it afterward.
I wasn’t entirely unknowledgeable, just completely inexperienced.
Seeing two men dancing like that in person was very different from watching videos on a screen. And it lit a fire under my skin that had me itching to be one of those men.
“Lots of beautiful women here, right?” said Shea, mistaking my interest.
I glanced sidelong at my brother, who had just been out on that dance floor a few minutes ago.
He was back in Blue Harbor for a few days, and then he’d be gone for two months, away at sea doing research and such.
He was staying with Riley for the next couple of days, so knowing he wouldn’t be in the apartment with me and Lea was a relief.
I wasn’t upset about his coming absence. I was harboring a bit of anger and feelings of betrayal from when he’d told Lea that I wanted to leave this morning, and I needed some time to work through them.
Yes, it had all turned out just fine, but I’d told him that in confidence and he’d violated my trust.
The alcohol helped me forget about the hurt for now. I hardly even felt it, buzzed as I was.
I could talk to him about what he’d done another time. Tonight, I just wanted to keep feeling good.
I grabbed my glass and finished off what was left. “Yeah,” I said to Shea. “Lots of pretty women here.”
He didn’t pick up on the bitter note in my voice, and I was thankful for that. Maybe I should slow down a little, I didn’t want to get so far gone that I completely lost myself and said things I’d regret.
I caught Logan’s eye, and he raised a brow at how quickly I’d drunk my beer. Or possibly he’d heard the tone of my voice and knew something was up, but he didn’t say a word, just refilled my glass and set it back in front of me.
“You want some food with that?” he asked.
“Um, maybe later?” I wasn’t hungry in the least, but I might be later. Did people get the munchies when they drank? Or was that just with weed?
“All right, just let me know.” Logan moved off to help another customer.
My gaze was drawn down the bar to where Lea was leaning on the wooden countertop, talking with an attractive man in front of him. His fingers were toying with a napkin near the man’s hand, and behind the bar, his back was arched, his ass sticking out, his ankles crossed.
He was very obviously flirting, and a rush of envy flooded my system as an acidic taste filled my mouth.
It wasn’t any of my business.
I quickly turned around, trying to erase the image of him like that from my mind. I wanted to tell myself that this sickening churning in my gut wasn’t jealousy, but I couldn’t.
I had no right to be jealous. Lea wasn’t mine. Lea would never be mine, and he could do whatever he wanted.
Damn it, but I desperately wanted it to be me. I really did. And the intensity of that want had me chugging my drink so fast I choked.
“Hey, whoa, slow down, Beau.” Shea tried to take the glass from me, and I glared at him. His hand paused mid-reach, and he seemed completely taken aback. “What’s going on with you?”
The room began to rock gently. “Nothing,” I muttered. “Just enjoying myself. Isn’t that what you wanted?” I thought maybe I was slurring my words, but I wasn’t sure.
Shea set his beer down and frowned. “No. It isn’t.” He got up, and I blearily watched as two of him walked away.
Where was he going? Was he mad? Well, fine, I could—
He was heading right for Lea. What the hell? Why? Could I do nothing without him constantly treating me like a little kid? What was he even going to say to Lea? A wave of resentment hit me, and pushed off the bar to stand up.
I didn’t want to be here anymore.
“Well hey there, honey, you look like you could use some company,” a soft, smoky voice purred in my ear.
I turned to find a woman smiling at me. She was really pretty, with long brown hair that flowed to her chest in delicate waves and light blue eyes that reminded me of a Husky’s eyes. Witchy eyes. They were mesmerizing.
“Hey,” I said back, grabbing the stool with one hand to steady myself.
Her eyes crinkled at the corners as she smiled. “Can I get you a drink? I’m Kat, by the way.” A hand adorned with all kinds of rings appeared in front of me, and I shook it out of habit.
“Beau,” I said. She turned into two people all of a sudden, and her smile became a little demonic. I blinked and rolled my eyes, trying to steady my vision.
She was still holding onto my hand, and tugged me back to the stools. “Beau. I love it. Here, sit with me, Beau. What’re you drinking?”
I stumbled back onto the stool I’d previously occupied as she gracefully sat next to me. The room was kind of spinning, or it felt far away, or I felt like I was stuck in a concrete mixer because things were moving and I wasn’t sure if it was me or—
“You good, Beau?”
I scrunched my brows together, squinted, and found Logan right across from me. I smiled. “Yeah. ’Course.”
He glanced to his left and did some kind of signal with his hand.
I followed his line of sight, and my heart began to race when I saw Lea. He was watching me, but he wasn’t smiling. He looked a little angry, actually. Why? What happened?
No, I needed to forget about Lea.
“Two IPAs, please.”
Oh. Yeah.
I turned toward the voice beside me. I forgot that lady was here.
She was resting her elbow on the bar, her chin propped on her hand as she watched me closely with those witchy blue eyes.
“Hey,” I breathed. “Wow. Your eyes.”
She laughed and leaned toward me, and I smelled her perfume. It was a little strong, but not unpleasant.
“You like ’em?” She lifted a hand decorated with silver rings on every finger, then trailed those fingers lightly across my cheek. “I like these freckles.” She leaned in close, her lips grazing my cheek on their path to my ear, and whispered, “I wanna know if you’ve got them everywhere.”
I laughed at that. “Yeah,” I said, nodding. Her cheek rubbed against mine. “They are alllllll over my body.”