Chapter 13
LEA
Iwasn’t going to survive this week.
I stared into the darkness, listening to Beau breathing quietly beside me.
He’d been asleep for a while now, and I was lying next to him, trying to keep my hands to myself when all I wanted to do was roll over, tuck my body into his arms and let him spoon me to sleep.
I didn’t care if I was bigger than him, I was a little spoon, damn it.
Ugh. Everything was fucked.
I was so mad at Judy for just showing up, but I was far angrier with myself for perpetuating this lie as long as I had.
For putting Beau in this godawful situation.
I never should have lied to my family in the first place, but they were an exhausting group. They loved me and wanted to see me happy—which I was very thankful for, but they had their own strong opinions about what would make me happy.
I just wanted them to stop bringing up Lyle and how I’d let him chase me into a shadowed corner I was too afraid to step out of. To stop getting on my case about being single when I was ‘made to love’, whatever that meant. So, in a fit of irritation, I’d said, “Well I’m not single, so take that!”
Like a fucking child.
And then I’d proceeded to make up even more bullshit about my imaginary partner. When they asked for details, I’d given them sparingly. Never a name. Never an actual description. Just vague references to how happy I was, places we went, things we did.
And in all that time, I wasn’t ever able to admit I’d lied. I was too deep in it now, but more than that, I was so, so glad that they’d stopped bringing up Lyle.
Blah.
Now there was tons of guilt sitting in the pit of my stomach like a stone. Guilt that my cowardice had dragged Beau into the shit-show that was my life.
But I couldn’t deny that a huge part of me was excited to have Beau in my room for a week. To pretend he was mine. All mine. Fuck, there was so much I wanted to do with him, and he was right there.
I had expected to feel some amount of panic at having someone so close again. At least a little dread at the thought of even pretending that I’d given my heart away again.
But there was none of that.
Being this close to Beau made all my knots loosen. He was such a comforting presence, so soft and honest and unpretentious.
I’d been imagining him a lot lately. How my hands would look against all those freckles.
How all those blushes would taste on my tongue.
My fantasies were filled with Beau.
It started with him on my bed, just like he was now. Except I was hovering over him as he stared up at me with wide eyes, face flushed with desire and nerves. My lips kissing down the enticing column of his throat, over his chest, to the boxers he hadn’t removed yet.
I would help him with those.
Nip a little at his hip bones as I slowly peeled his boxers down his legs, freeing his cock.
He would gasp, fists clenching the sheets, when I licked at his slit, tasting his precum.
He would say my name, a little nervous, a lot aroused, and slide his fingers through my hair when I took him into my mouth.
He would moan when I told him how good he was being for me.
How good he tasted. How much I loved hearing all his moans and sighs and gasps.
And when he came, his eyes would roll back, his fingers would fist in my hair, and my name would be the softest sigh on his lips.
I would kiss those lips and capture my name.
Fuck. Fuck I was so hard. I glanced at Beau, who was half a foot away and had his back to me, then palmed my aching dick through the sleep pants I’d put on just for him.
I had refused to wear a shirt, though. I was used to sleeping naked or in my underwear, so even just putting pants on felt like a big concession.
I couldn’t stop myself from stroking down my shaft, palming over the tip. Fuck, I needed to come. I wouldn’t be able to sleep like this.
As slowly as I could, I got up from the bed and quietly made my way to the door, opened it, then padded down the hall to the bathroom.
When the door was shut and locked, I shoved my pants down, gripped myself hard, and stroked fast. Every breath shuddered out of me, and it wasn’t long before I was coming, that sharp, expansive burst of pleasure zinging along my nerve endings, leaving me gasping.
I cleaned up and fixed my clothes, then went back to my room.
Beau had turned around, was facing me on his side now, one arm draped over my half of the bed.
I slid under the covers and scooted back into him, lifting his arm and pulling it around my waist. I held it there, resisting the urge to slide my fingers between his.
He was warm against my back, his soft, even breaths fanning along the nape of my neck, and a deep contentment spread through me as I drifted off.
I woke up alone and so well rested I felt like I’d already had three cups of coffee.
The smell of bacon permeated the room, and I sat up. My gaze caught on the three monitors Beau had set up on my desk, and I smiled. I’d seen him working a few times, and he was always so tuned in to whatever he was doing that he’d never noticed me hovering at the door, watching him.
Like a creep.
I had no idea what coding entailed, and even if he told me, I already knew it would sound like he was speaking a foreign language. Computers and technology were not my forte, but there was something about seeing Beau in his element that was just…really sexy, honestly.
He exuded so much confidence as he worked. And those few times the quiet notes of his deep voice had beckoned me to move closer, to listen. I wasn’t sure who he was speaking to—co-workers? His boss?—but god I loved his voice.
He spoke on the phone with a self-assurance I’d never heard from him before, and that side of Beau was just as attractive as his shy, quiet side.
Throwing the covers off me, I got up and followed the mouth-watering smell of bacon.
All the synapses in my brain misfired when I saw Beau in the kitchen, standing in front of the stove, moving between two frying pans.
He had an adorable look of concentration on his freckled face, and my eyes were drawn to the bottom lip he was currently worrying between his teeth.
I wanted to coax him to let go of it with my tongue.
“Ah! There he is. Jeez, Lea, where’d you get this set?
” I hadn’t even noticed Judy, who was sitting at one of the stools by the counter.
She came over to me and snapped the waistband of the red panties that were peeking out over the top of my pants.
I looked at Beau, who quickly glanced away and was blushing so hard that he looked like a ripe strawberry. Especially with all those freckles.
I moved Judy’s hand away and said, “I got these from some German store. Online.”
“Do they sell them for women too?”
“Why, you want a matching pair? Don’t be weird, Judy.”
I walked up to Beau—fully aware of Judy watching us—and placed my hands low on his hips from behind. He stiffened at the touch, his hands stilling as I leaned down and nuzzled my nose against his soft—holy fuck, it was like velvet—cheek.
“Morning, doll,” I murmured, pressing my lips to his cheek. I wanted to let my tongue run wild all over his face. His neck. The rest of his body.
Beau trembled in my arms, and I couldn’t see his face to gauge what he was feeling, but when he leaned back into me, my heart began to race. A satisfying sense of triumph coursed through me, and I squeezed his hips, unable to stop myself from kissing him just above his ear.
“G-good morning,” he said softly.
He was so, so warm, and I wanted to drag him back to the room and demand he cuddle me.
When I heard the click of a camera, I whipped around to find Judy grinning with her phone pointed at us.
I’d completely forgotten she was here.
“I swear to god if you send that to the family group chat I’m going to smother you in your sleep,” I warned, starting toward her. She grinned like an asshole as she dodged my attempts to grab her phone.
“Oh no, my finger slipped,” she cackled.
Motherfucker.
“Was there seriously not a hotel you could’ve stayed at? God, why are you here?” I loved Judy—I did—but she was a little chaos gremlin that tried my patience. Fucking little sisters. Ugh. She was a pampered princess and an utter pest. I blamed our parents for spoiling her so much.
I also blamed myself, because I’d spoiled the shit out of her growing up.
I still did.
We were all to blame, just one big family of enablers.
Judy stuck her bottom lip out in a faux pout. “Because I love my brother and it’s been over a year since I’ve seen you. I mean, you didn’t even come for Mom’s birthday. Or Dad’s. Or mine. Or Liam’s. Or Fluffy’s.”
Even the fucking hamster had a birthday?
“Because I’ve been working! Running a bar isn’t some easy job I get to take breaks from whenever I want to. I can’t just up and leave whenever it suits me. It’s been a rough year with a lot of turnover.”
“Pshaw. You could’ve taken a few days off, at the very least. Whatever. I’m here now, and I get the delightful privilege of being the first in the family to get to know your future husband.”
Christ almighty.
I glanced at Beau, who looked like he wanted to slip through a crack in the floor and never be found. I was already regretting letting him go through with this. It wasn’t fair to him. He’d told me it wouldn’t make him uncomfortable, but I could see through that lie.
Actually, I was pretty sure it was Judy that was causing all of his discomfort. She was so oblivious and couldn’t read a room if her life depended on it.
I turned to Judy, raised my brows, and said, “Please behave. Please. I have no issue kicking you out if you make Beau uncomfortable. Zero. I mean it, Judes.”
Judy looked insulted and turned to Beau. “Do I make you uncomfortable, Beau?”
Beau, who was quietly scraping eggs onto three different plates, looked over at her. “N-no,” he said.
Sexy little liar. I didn’t want eggs, I just wanted him.
Judy looked back at me and raised a brow.
“See? No issues here. You know what is an issue? The seagull that came and pecked on my window this morning. I swear it was possessed or something, it looked so evil. And then it pooped while staring me straight in the eye.” She shivered.
“Oh, Lee Lee, is that place on Randolph with the mini muffins still there? I’ve been dying to get some of those lemon poppyseeds for forever.
” She returned to her stool and started typing on her phone.
With a frustrated sigh, I said, “Yes. It’s still there.” I walked over to Beau and murmured, “Hey. You good?”
He nodded, but I noticed how his hands were trembling as he moved the bacon from the pan to a plate that had paper towels on it to catch the grease. I carefully took the pan and the fork from him and said, “Here, I got it. Go sit.”
He opened his mouth like he was about to argue—which, fuck, I really wanted him to. Beau asserting himself? Yes, please. But he didn’t, he just took the stool next to Judy.
We hadn’t ever eaten breakfast together. I knew he had probably done all this to try and make our relationship credible, and his thoughtfulness made me want to kiss him.
Everything he did made me want to kiss him.
I finished putting the food on the plates, then set them out as I sat myself next to Beau.
“So what’s the plan for today?” asked Judy. “Can we go down to that bookshop—what was it called?”
“Bower’s Books,” I supplied, digging into my eggs.
“Yeah, that’s the one. Let’s go down there today.”
“Nope. I don’t know if you’re aware, but Beau and I have full-time jobs.
You’re on your own during the day.” I chewed a piece of bacon, swallowed, and warned, “And do not bug Beau just because he works from home. I’ll be checking in with him, and if he tells me you bothered him even once, you’re out. ”
It sounded harsh, but Judy needed boundaries set, and I wasn’t gonna have her getting in the way of Beau’s work. Nope.
“Ugh, fine, I’ll go on my own. Maybe we could go out tonight?” She was relentless.
“Maybe,” I said. “Depends.”
“On what?”
“On Beau. It’s up to him. We don’t usually go out on weeknights.” I glanced sidelong at Beau, who was quietly eating his food with his left arm resting on his lap. Even his manners were sexy.
An overwhelming sense of tenderness for him spread rapidly through my chest, and before I could stop myself, I palmed the nape of his neck and kissed him right above his left ear. Maybe lingered a few seconds longer than necessary.
Oh, but it was worth it just to hear him gasp.
He glanced at me in disbelief.
“Sorry,” I whispered, just for his ears. “I couldn’t help it, you just looked so cute.”
His cheeks darkened to a deep crimson and all I wanted to do was press my own cheek against his and let it burn me.
When I looked down, he shifted his arm almost imperceptibly, but I could still see the bulge.
Fuck.
Heat cascaded down my spine, a deep desire pooling in my gut.
God, this was a nightmare. I didn’t know why my feelings for Beau were starting to get so complicated.
It was just attraction, right? That and the fact that I hadn’t slept with anyone in weeks.
Or was it months now? That was probably my problem.
And I wasn’t gonna be able to do that this week—no, didn’t even want to—if I wanted to keep up this ridiculous charade.
I was starting to think I wanted to keep it up for reasons that had nothing to do with my family.