Chapter 22
LEA
“Is it possible to faint because your orgasm was just that intense?”
“Um. What?”
I glanced over at Monroe, whose eyebrows were trying their best to disappear into his hairline. We had an hour before we opened, so we were just hanging out up at the front. “Just curious,” I said.
“Sorry, did this happen to you, or…?” He scratched his jaw. “I never know what’s gonna come out of your mouth.”
It was kind of cute how perplexed he was. Monroe usually acted so unaffected by everything around him that to elicit anything other than apathy or annoyance was a win.
“No, not me,” I hedged. Which wasn’t a lie, but my next words were. “I think I saw some comment online…anyway, I was just wondering.”
“Right. A truly bizarre and random question.”
“Well—”
“What’s up, beautiful people!”
Monroe and I turned toward the door, where Riley had just come crashing through.
Oh, shit.
“Ri, have you ever fainted from an orgasm?” Monroe called out.
Riley didn’t miss a beat. “Nope, but sometimes it feels like I might. Why?”
“Lea wants to know,” he said.
Oh lord, what had I gotten myself into?
Riley had a huge grin on his face—when did he not?
—as he slid onto a barstool. He was enormous, and he made the stool look tiny under his hefty mass.
He rested his elbows back against the bar, pecs popping and biceps bulging, every muscle on show thanks to his tight black tank top.
“What kind of kinky stuff are you getting into?”
I covered my face and groaned. “Ugh. Nothing. It was just a question!”
Riley laughed and pulled a lollipop out of his pocket, yanked off the wrapper, and stuck it in his mouth. “Dang. Claws out already and it’s not even noon.”
“Don’t you have a job you need to be doing?” I grumped.
“Yeah. In a little bit. Thought I’d come see my two favorite dudes,” Riley said, scrolling through his phone. “Maybe convince you to save me some chicken poppers for later tonight.”
“If there’s any left by the time you get here, sure,” said Monroe.
Ah, speaking of tonight. “I’m gonna have to leave around five again unless you absolutely need me to be here, I’m doing something with Beau,” I told Monroe.
“You’ve been spending a lot of time with him lately,” he remarked.
I glanced sidelong at Riley, hoping he wasn’t listening.
“Yeah, I’ve been teaching him how to swim,” I told him. Among other things.
“Damn, he doesn’t know how to swim?” Riley piped in.
My heart thumped hard as I prayed he didn’t suspect anything.
But when Riley slid his gaze to me with a knowing little grin, I knew I was fucked.
I could play it off. Monroe still didn’t know, right?
But once I started talking about Beau, I couldn’t stop and there was no playing off anything.
“No, he never learned how. He’s getting pretty good, actually.
I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who loves the ocean as much as he does.
Maybe it’s because he never got to see it until he came here?
Oh, god, you should have seen the look on his face the first time we went down there.
It was so sweet. He’s so sweet,” I gushed, staring down at my hands.
I was smiling, I realized. And when I noticed how quiet it was, that no one was saying anything, I glanced up at Monroe.
He was frowning at me with his arms crossed, and my heart jumped in my chest. Riley was scrolling through his phone, not looking at us—but that little smirk on his face gave him away.
“What? What’s that look for?” I asked.
“I don’t know, Lea, is there something you wanna tell us?”
My stupid heart started pounding so loud it was all I could hear. “N-no,” I laughed. “What? I mean, come on. There’s nothing to tell. Not a thing.”
“You sure about that?” Riley said.
Monroe turned to Riley, looking baffled. “What the hell is going on?”
“Ask Lea,” Riley suggested.
Monroe shook his head in disbelief. “Lea, are you—do you—” He scratched his jaw, then sighed. “Do you like Beau?”
“I…”
“Ohhh yeah, Judy told me last night. Wild stuff.” Riley laughed and shook his head. “Lee Lee found love. Congrats.” He winked at me. There was a soft warmth in his gaze, and then he went back to his phone like he hadn’t just upended my entire fucking world.
I knew he hadn’t done any of that maliciously, that he genuinely was happy for me, but I couldn’t breathe. “I…” Everything was so twisted inside of me right now, I could only shake my head.
Monroe sighed, his initial burst of confusion dwindling into quiet acceptance. He pointed to a stool at the bar and said, “Sit down,” then took a seat right next to it.
I walked over to the stool and sat down heavily, staring at my lap. I couldn’t meet his eyes.
“Lea,” he said softly. “What’s going on?”
“I…” I could feel it again. That stupid, stupid prickling in my nose.
“Hey,” Monroe said, tipping my chin up so I could meet his eyes. He was starting to blur in front of me. “It’s okay. I know you, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this. Tell me what’s going on, Lea.”
He was so gentle and genuine that the tears spilled over and rolled down my cheeks.
I brushed them away and whispered, “I really like him. I didn’t mean for this to happen, it just…
I’ve never met anyone like him, and he’s so sweet and…
and Judy showed up uninvited and he moved all his stuff into my room and told me he’d pretend to be my boyfriend while she was here and then he came out to me, and then he kissed me, and I couldn’t…
I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m really scared. ”
Riley came up behind me and wrapped his big arms around me. “It’s okay, Lea. Don’t cry.”
A big, blubbering sob burst out of me then. Riley was so damn sweet and gave the best hugs, and I needed a fucking hug right now.
“Okay, so you like him,” Monroe said. “Love him?”
I could only imagine how panicked I looked at his choice of words. He cleared his throat and amended, “Like him. You like him. That’s okay. I mean, Jesus, you haven’t genuinely liked anyone in years, Lea. It’s okay. He likes you too?”
Riley was gently rocking me left to right, which made me want to laugh. “Yeah. I think he does,” I said. “I tried to—to end things with him because I know Shea is gonna kill me when he finds out, but…I just couldn’t. I can’t. I don’t want to.”
“Okay. Well, yeah, Shea might be a little baffled, but he’ll come around. He loves both of you. And we’ll be right here in case he tries to kill you,” Monroe joked.
“You’re not funny,” I grumbled.
Monroe reached out and took one of my hands in his, stroking his thumb over my knuckles. “It was a little funny.”
“Nah. It wasn’t,” said Riley.
“You guys,” I sighed. “What the hell am I gonna do?”
“Easy,” Riley replied. “Just go with it. Follow your heart.”
Not easy. Nothing about this was easy. Follow my heart? How could I follow something that had been left broken and bruised so far behind me? What did I even have left to offer Beau?
“Remember what I told you the other day? What if he’s that guy?” Monroe added softly.
I shook my head vehemently. “No way. ‘That guy’ doesn’t exist for me.”
“What guy?” Riley whispered, completely lost now.
“Yeah, but…what if he does? You just gonna let him slip through your fingers?” Monroe asked.
Just the thought of being without Beau someday froze all the blood in my veins.
I bit my lip and shook my head. I wasn’t sure about anything anymore.
And then I realized that I’d just confirmed that Beau was gay when he’d never told anyone but me. “Oh god. I just outed him to you guys. Oh my god. Fuck. You can’t tell anyone. You can’t! Please. Oh, no, I feel sick,” I moaned, clutching my head. “I fucking suck. Oh my god I’m the worst person.”
“Hey, hey, hey, we’re not telling anyone, okay? Right Ri?”
Riley nodded and said, “Yep. Our lips are zipped. Don’t worry, Lea.”
“So, uh…who fainted? You or him?” Monroe’s amused smirk had me rolling my eyes.
“Ugh. He did. I thought I’d killed him,” I muttered.
“Damn, Lea. You’re that good?”
I smacked Riley’s arm.
When I got home later that day, Beau was still at my—our?—desk working on something. He was so engrossed in what he was doing that he didn’t hear me come in, so I just stood there and stared at him.
His hair was a little tousled in the back, like he’d been pulling at it.
His ankles were crossed and his feet were bare, the starting point of a constellation of freckles that swept up his calves and thighs, standing out against skin that had darkened a little with our time in the sun.
The keyboard clacked as he typed swiftly, the tendons in his forearm shifting in enticing lines as he worked.
“No, not that,” he murmured to himself. He grabbed the mouse and clicked on something, then went back to typing.
Something soft moved through me as I watched him. He looked good in my space. He fit there. He didn’t just fit, he changed it into something warm and comforting. His quiet presence subtly filled the room with a calming clarity that pulled me toward him.
But when I remembered what had happened earlier today, my shoulders sagged under the sad weight of it all.
Monroe’s reaction was pretty on par with who he was. Him and Riley accepting my feelings for Beau so readily was only to be expected. But Shea…
Shea was different. I was so worried what he might do when he found out about…all of it. I dreaded the day he returned. Dreaded telling him about us. Fear that I would lose my best friend had pulsed through me all day.
And yet, despite all these misgivings, I wasn’t going to stop this. What I had with Beau right now made me happier than I’d been at any other point in my life. As much as all of this scared me, the thought of not having him the way I had him now was gut-wrenching.
I padded quietly over to Beau, who still had no idea I was here. When I leaned down and slid my hands over his shoulders, then down his chest, he jumped in his chair with a startled yell and grabbed my hands.
He turned his face up to me. “Le—”