27. Lyric
TWENTY-SEVEN
LYRIC
Making a gynecologist appointment in the middle of the crazy of opening A Place for All wasn’t my best decision. However, the next available appointment wasn’t until the end of April and that was not going to work.
I was also tired every damn day, so I was going to ask about a vitamin or something. Maybe my iron was low.
Then again, A Place for All couldn’t be this insane all the time.
I hoped.
We already had a waiting list for booth space. Once the word got around, I had people coming to me instead of us having to hunt down businesses to beg them to join in. Which gave me hope about the marketplace I wanted to do in the summer and fall months.
Brothers Three Orchard had already asked for a double booth in late summer. I was excited to work with Kira and the Manning brothers. Everything was coming together, which should have made my anxiety take a back seat.
Instead, I’d had the worst attack this morning in the shower.
I’d even had to dip into my stash of Xanax for the first time since the fall.
It was just the last-minute details, that was all.
Things were going well with Jensen, the store, and my sister. But anxiety really didn’t care about when things were going well. It was always looking for the next shoe to drop.
I just had to get through the opening and things would ease off.
And maybe I would even be able to find time for a date night with Jensen.
I sat down in the seat in the small phlebotomy and testing center. I needed to give a few samples before Dr. Walters did my exam.
Her office was part of the large medical center in the new industrial plaza. A large tech plant was still being built, but since Crescent Cove had grown so fast, doctors of all specialties were in demand.
“You’re all set, Miss Bledsoe.” The nurse pulled off her glove after she took the final vial of my blood. “You can go on into room three.”
“Thanks.” I pulled down the sleeve of my sweater.
I’d already done the dreaded weigh-in. I was surprised to see I was down seven pounds since last year.
Stressing over displays and having wild monkey sex burned calories, who knew?
I went into the room and undressed. I hated getting an exam, but it was the only way to get birth control these days. I’d written up some questions in my Notes app about how to pick one that worked with my anxiety.
I knew some could actually exacerbate it, which was why I wasn’t currently on anything. I’d been single for so long that I’d opted to go without it for a while.
Dr. Judith Walters gave a sharp knock before she walked in with her tablet. “Hello, Lyric. How are you doing?”
“Good.”
“And your sister?”
“CJ is her outrageous self.”
She laughed as she settled on a stool and rolled my way. “That’s the truth. She actually came in the other day. She had all the nurses laughing at her crazy dating stories.”
I appreciated the doctor trying to help me relax, but I just wanted to get this over with.
“Who needs reality TV when you’ve got a CJ story?”
Dr. Walters rolled over to a counter stocked with all the implements of female torture. “We appreciate it. Things get very dry in here sometimes.”
She got me settled in the dreaded stirrups and did her exams. She was thorough and efficient, making it all as painless as possible. She pulled off her gloves and tossed them in the biohazard bin.
“So, you would like to get on birth control again?”
I nodded.
“Does that mean you’re sexually active?”
“Afraid so.”
She chuckled. “There are a lot of options on the market these days.”
I picked up my phone that I’d set beside me on the table. “I do have a few questions about that.”
“Great.”
A knock on the door interrupted us. The nurse who had taken my blood and urine samples stuck her head in. “Can I talk to you for a second, Dr. Walters?”
My stomach flipped.
Had something come up in my bloodwork?
Dr. Walters paused for a moment, but then she nodded. “I’ll be right there.” She turned back to me. “Just a moment.” She patted my leg. “Everything’s fine, Lyric.”
I nodded mutely.
It felt like she was gone forever. I stared down at my socks with the little rubber duckies on them. If I had to put my feet in the stupid stirrups, I figured the doctor would appreciate a bit of whimsy.
My ankles began twisting as the minutes passed.
My phone vibrated and I laughed at the funny gif of the main character from Dexter putting on gloves. We’d both embraced the dark humor of the show.
Jensen
I have great news. Hope your appointment goes well. Can’t wait to see you.
The door opened again, and I could tell Dr. Walters had news.
“What is it?” My fingers trembled as I set the phone back on the table beside me.
“Well, this is a little surprising. And unfortunately, you won’t need that birth control, Lyric. You’re already pregnant. Early stages from what I can tell by your bloodwork.”
“What?” Shock stole my breath.
“Since we had the extra vial of blood for your regular workup, I checked your hCG levels and I’d say you’re about six weeks pregnant.”
“Six?”
“Yes. You do have options if this isn’t good news.”
“No.” The strength of the no surprised me. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right.” Her voice gentled. “I’m assuming this was unplanned since you came in for a preventative.”
“It is. We just got together in January.” I picked up my phone and looked at my lock screen. It was a goofy photo of me, Sheba, and Jensen on my bed—all of us wrapped up in blankets against one of the colder nights in February.
“Have you had any symptoms?”
I shook my head. “Well, I’m tired, but my job has been stressful.”
“Right. Your opening is in a few days, isn’t it?” At my surprised look, she laughed softly. “Your sister is very proud of you. She was telling us about it and many of my nurses have been showing off the social media videos. I dare say it will be a success just based on the excitement levels in town.”
“Thanks. I hope so. I just figured my iron levels were low. I had that issue when I was undergoing all my surgeries.”
“Your iron is a little low, but prenatal vitamins should take care of that. I’ll write you a script for them, as well as?—”
“Oh, God! I took a Xanax this morning. You can’t have that while pregnant, can you?”
She took my hand. “No. It’s not something you should take, but you just won’t after today. If you require anxiety meds, there are options.”
“I almost never take them, but…” I gripped her hand for a moment before I let go. “We were careful, but we only used condoms.”
“I appreciate that you wanted to get on a regular preventative because condoms notoriously can be faulty for a number of reasons. They’re good, of course, but as you can see, accidents can happen.”
And I live in Crescent Cove.
The little voice was annoying. Especially since my sister had talked about it all the time. And here I was… pregnant .
Holy crap.
“I do have an obstetrician on staff. Dr. Jaffe is wonderful, but if you want to shop around, I understand.”
“No. I’d like to stay with the practice if I can.”
“Good. I’ll be sorry to lose you, but Leah—Dr. Jaffe—will take good care of you. If you want to return after the baby, I’d be happy to take you back.”
“Thanks.” I was in a bit of a haze. This was not in my plans in any way. I pressed a hand to my middle. “A baby,” I whispered.
“I wish I could say this didn’t happen often, but it’s why we do a pregnancy test every time a patient comes in. We’ll set you up for a first appointment with Dr. Jaffe. You can bring the father if you wish.”
Jensen .
God.
How was I supposed to tell him? Would he be happy?
Would he turn tail and run?
I couldn’t blame him. Running sounded good to me right about now.
“Lyric?”
I met her gaze.
“Take some time to digest the information. I know it’s a surprise, but it might be a wonderful one.”
“Thanks.”
“Okay, I’ll get those scripts put in with your pharmacy.”
I nodded and got dressed on autopilot. At the reception desk, the nurse chattered on about how exciting a fall baby would be. I floated out of the office with a pile of brochures and websites, as well as a list of books I should check out.
The autopilot continued as I headed back to Trick or Treat. I noticed the sign for Elm Street Apartments as I was driving by.
Jensen .
He’d said he would be at his apartment this afternoon. I paused at the turnoff for his place, and I picked up my phone. Should I just text him to meet me?
As I opened our text history, I saw his text again. He had news too.
“Me too,” I whispered as I shoved my phone into the cup holder and turned into his parking lot. If I saw his truck, I’d just go to him.
We could use some privacy for this kind of news.
For God’s sake, I’d hidden in my storage room to get a moment alone at the store.
As I slowly drove through the large lot, I realized I’d never actually been here. It just was easier for him to come to my place. He’d warned me that his place was a step below a bachelor pad—and I’d gotten the idea he’d been embarrassed for me to see it.
I didn’t care about that right now.
Between the two of us, we could figure out everything. I had to believe that.
I spotted his old truck and parked beside it. His apartment building didn’t exactly fit Jensen’s personality or his artistic side. There was nothing wrong with it, but based on the few people I passed on my way to the front doors, it had the feeling of either a stopgap apartment, or a first apartment.
Then again, a first apartment was probably right on the money.
Jensen was only twenty-two years old.
My finger trembled as I pressed the number for his apartment. I’d seen his address in the piles of mail he shoved in his overnight bag and rarely opened.
An attractive blond man was coming down the hall. He had a big grin on his face as he gave me a friendly nod and grabbed the elevator I’d just walked out of.
A door opened and Jensen appeared, his hand on the lock with his keys. “Lyric?” He glanced at the door, then hustled down the hall to me. “What are you doing here?”
“I needed to see you. Can we go in your place?”
“I don’t —”
I grabbed his hand. “I really need to talk to you.”
“Is everything okay?” He rubbed my arm.
“Can we just go in?”
“Lyric, I don’t know if you want to go in there.”
“I don’t care if it’s messy.”
His throat worked as he swallowed hard. “Messy isn’t exactly the word I’d use.”
“I don’t care. I just don’t want to do this in the hallway.”
A dark-haired man came out of the apartment across from Jensen’s. Something about him was familiar in a way I couldn’t describe. My heart started racing and my chest tightened.
“Hey, Adam.” Jensen nodded to him.
“Probie.” Adam gave him a nod. “See you Friday.”
Jensen nodded. “Yeah, see you then.”
I frowned. What was Friday? I waited for Adam to walk down the hall. When another door opened, I gripped Jensen’s arm. “Please.”
He blew out a breath. “Lyric, I don’t know if you should see my place. I haven’t had a chance to?—”
“Jensen, please.” What was he hiding?
He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and walked me to his door. “I don’t want you to freak out.”
“I’m freaking out because you won’t let me in. Is there a woman in there?”
“What? God, no. There’s no one but you.” His eyebrows furrowed. “I’d never do that you.”
“Then why are you guarding it like it’s a meth lab?”
He raked his fingers through his hair. “Because it might upset you. Believe me, I’m not cooking in there, for fuck’s sake.” He put the key in the lock and I pushed him aside when he unlocked it.
It was a studio apartment and a small one at that, but it wasn’t the size that made me stagger back into his chest.
It was the scope of the painting inside. Three walls and the ceiling were all covered with dark slashes of color. Of fire.
Slowly, I walked inside and did a full turn as I took in all the images. Flames licking out of a pit. A dragon flying across the ceiling, hidden by smoke and a starless sky. My gaze locked on the pit.
It triggered that night.
The broken flooring above me. The endless depth of it. He’d captured it all. The fear and overwhelming smoke dragged me back there and the memory of the acrid smoke clawed at my throat.
“Why?” I whispered. “Why would you draw this?”
Why would he want to capture the worst day of our lives and sleep under it?
Obviously, he couldn’t sleep under it. Was that why he spent so many nights with me?
He came up behind me and turned me toward the pit. “Because drawing it was the only way to control the nightmares for me.”
Then I noticed it was a little different from the actual night.
The pit was deeper and there was an arm stretched down with a fireman’s jacket and glove.
The old hazy memory broke through. Of the man who came down the ladder for me and hauled me out of the wreckage.
The firefighter who saved me.
Then he turned me to face him. “I needed to process it?—”
“Like this? After we…”
“This is why I haven’t slept here. Why I stay with you. I don’t need these memories anymore. I was going to paint over all of these walls, but we’ve been so busy with getting A Place for All ready.”
My breath backed up in my chest and I focused on his face.
On the way his hair fell forward.
On his bonfire scent that created a good memory of fire for me for the first time. I touched his chest—glimpsing his navy T-shirt. Then I noticed the logo.
Two axes with CCFD emblazoned on it.
With shaky fingers, I touched it. “Why do you have a firefighter T-shirt on?”
He covered my hand. “This was my news. We don’t have to talk about that right now. Let me just get you out of here.”
“No, wait.” I gripped his shirt with my other hand. “Why do you have a firefighter shirt on, Jensen?”
He blew out a breath. “This wasn’t the way I wanted to tell you. I wanted to surprise you with it tonight.”
“Surprise me with—you want to be a firefighter?” I stepped back and whirled around at the flickering flames that climbed to the ceiling. “You want to chase that?”
“I don’t want to chase fire—well, not really. I wanted to learn how to beat it. I wanted to make sure I’d never be helpless around it again. I wanted to help people.”
“You can’t. I can’t…” I trailed off then bent at the waist as the room darkened around me. “I can’t live with that.”
“What?” He rushed to me, trying to pull me into his arms. “Lyric, I thought you’d be happy for me. I worked hard to get strong enough to do this. To be what someone like you needed.”
I straightened. “What I needed?”
“Yes. When they pulled you out of there. When they saved you. That’s what I wanted to be. To be part of it. Making sure people are safe.”
“But you wouldn’t be safe. Don’t you see? You’d be in that.” I flung my arm out to point at the flames and the dragon. Dimly, I realized it was the dragon he wore on his arm, and the one he’d drawn of me. “You could get hurt. Get taken away from us.”
The baby inside of me.
I knew how dangerous fire was. How unpredictable and powerful it was. It could take him from me.
I pushed past him and out the door. Out into the hallway that smelled of bacon and overpowering air fresheners. But it wasn’t that room. It wasn’t that pit.
“Lyric!” He chased after me, dragging me into his arms at the elevator. “I’m sorry. I thought this was a good thing. I thought you’d see how much I wanted this.”
“You didn’t tell me.”
“I know, I was afraid I wouldn’t make the cut. I wanted to make sure I was good enough before I told you.”
“Good enough?” I lifted my hands to his face. “You’re so good. Your art and your talent and the way you love me.”
He gripped my hips. “And all that is still me, but I want to help people too. I want to make sure that they’re protected.”
“But you won’t be.”
How could he not see that?
His hands slipped away from my waist. “I was one of the best cadets in my class. I was the top pick for Captain Mills at the firehouse. I did the interview today, and he told me he was proud to have me.” His eyes glittered with pride.
“I have to go. I have to think about this.”
“Lyric…” He trailed off.
There wasn’t anything else to say.
For either of us.
I lifted my hand to his face and ran my thumb across his full mouth. I lifted onto my toes and pressed a kiss there. When the elevator doors opened, I backed away from him and closed my eyes.
And saw only fire.
I couldn’t go back there.
The doors shut and then the tears came. I tried to hold them back, but they wouldn’t stop coming.
I ran out of the elevator as it opened. I bumped into someone, but I just kept going. Everything was blurry, but I managed to find my Jeep.
I slammed my hands on my steering wheel.
Why had he ruined everything?
I cried until my eyes felt swollen and raw.
I cried until there was nothing left. I felt sick and I pressed a hand over my stomach. I dragged in a deep breath and willed down the tears.
It wasn’t just about me now.
I backed out of the parking spot and headed toward home.
I didn’t remember how I got there, but when I opened our apartment door, CJ was at the kitchen island, making a ridiculous sandwich.
She looked up and rushed over to me. “What happened?”
“It’s over.” I sagged against her.
Her arms came around me.
“Honey. What happened?”
I shook my head.
Sheba trotted down the hall, then she ran to me. I crouched, dragging CJ with me and the three of us huddled together.
“I just can’t,” I whispered raggedly.
“Can’t what?”
Sheba licked my face, then she tucked her head on my shoulder.
“I need to lie down for a little bit, and then I’ll tell you. My head hurts so bad I can’t think.”
“Okay, okay.” She helped me stand and walked me down the hall to my bedroom. The sun streamed into the room across my neatly made bed.
I shrugged out of my coat, shoes, and the soft pants I’d worn for my appointment, then I crawled under my blankets.
Sheba hopped up on the bed with me, her little head resting on my middle.
Did she know?
Sometimes dogs knew.
My eyes filled and I rolled over, facing away from my sister.
“You’re scaring me, Lyric.”
“I’m okay. Just let me sleep for a little bit. I have to go back to work.”
“Just tell me if I have to murder Jensen?”
I sniffled and swallowed down a sob. “No.”
“Okay. I’m sure you guys will figure it out. That guy loves you so much. Even I can see it.”
I waited her out.
After the door clicked behind her as she left, I let the sob free. I was afraid they would never stop.
Love wasn’t the problem.