12. 12
12
Honey
I couldn’t see him, but I could feel him.
Annoyingly, I could still pick out his laugh amongst the football team. I knew his butt would be getting eye-boggled by all the young girls in the room as he bent over to take his shot, looking perfect in those jeans. My body had been tense since I saw him. Don’t tell Beau his eyes had screamed. I hated that I could still read him as if none of the past had happened. I hated that I had to lie for him so my night wasn’t ruined further. Beau remained oblivious to his brother’s presence, now cutting into his steak. I’d managed to keep him focused on me the entire night by discussing a social media plan for Double Q Ranch.
Why had Colton come here? On the same night at the same time? Had he known we’d be here? Yes, Saturday night was the night of week everyone came, but still … Beau had said he hadn’t wanted to be noticed in town. Yet here he was, getting drunk and carrying on like a tosser up the back. Was he really so pathetic that he had to ruin my relationship with Beau? Wasn’t tearing my life apart once enough for him?
‘Honey?’
‘Hm, what? I mean, yes. Wait, what was the question?’
Beau gave a chuckle but worry danced in his eyes. ‘You alright? You’ve been a bit distracted since we came in.’
Crap. Was I that transparent?
‘Yeah, I’m fine. I’ve just been forgetting to write things in my diary so I feel like my brain is overflowing with my to-do list.’ It wasn’t a total lie.
Beau finished his mouthful, dropped his cutlery onto his plate and sat back in his chair. I was thankful my high ponytail was acting as some sort of shield to the back area. ‘Lay it on me. Tell me what you need to do.’
I smiled. ‘Well I need to try and find something constructive to give the writer in this manuscript appraisal.’
Beau frowned, leaning forward with his elbows on the table. ‘You mean you have to try and find something bad with the story?’
‘Mm not necessarily. I just like to give my clients something they can always improve. The problem is … her story is near perfect right down to the formatting.’
He held his broad shoulders in a shrug. ‘What’s wrong with perfect?’
‘Nothing is perfect.’ I popped a cherry tomato from my side of salad into my mouth, its gooey seeds bursting onto my tongue. ‘No one is perfect.’
‘I reckon you’re pretty perfect.’ Beau grinned.
‘You’re meant to be helping me organise my to-do list.’ I tossed a chip at him playfully.
‘Right. Sorry. So, tonight you’re gonna go home and tear a girl’s blood, sweat and tears apart to find something wrong with it. Next.’
I ignored his barb. ‘Well, I’d like to get some new footage over at Double Q for its Instagram. I’m thinking horses grazing in soft sunset. Ooh! How about we start a training series?’
Beau looked at me like I’d just arrived from another planet with purple skin, eight tentacles for legs and sucker pads for fingers. ‘What?’
I stuffed more salad into my mouth as the cogs in my brain moved until they were nearly smoking. ‘We could do some small clips of you with the horses with some helpful training tips.’
‘Honey—’
‘No, no! This could be great! Are you free after your client collects his horse? We could do it with that little filly you’ve been—’
‘Honey.’ Beau looked relieved when he stopped my idea train. ‘What’s the point of being a horse trainer if I tell everyone else how to do it? I like how it is now—you know I don’t want people knowing everything about the place. It’s used to promote any upcoming horse sales. Business. That’s all it needs.’
‘But we could do reels with country music over it,’ I whined.
He chuckled, shaking his head. ‘I love that about you.’
My body prickled with heat. Not from swooning, but shame. Shame that I couldn’t make myself reciprocate his feelings.
‘What about me?’ I became occupied with my napkin, folding it between my fingertips.
‘How your imagination is just so big. You get passionate about the smallest things.’ His thumb traced my knuckles on the table. That feeling I’d had in the ute came back. Samuel Meyers. Dancing. Bathroom. Ellie-May coming to my rescue. ‘I know we don’t talk about it, and I know it’s because of me, but about the proposal …’
My heart skittered to a halt. I felt nauseous. The delicious garlic prawns and steak I’d just ate threatened to come back up. I could still remember the painfully confused expression on his face as if it were yesterday, even though it had been a few months ago. Down on one knee. Glittering diamond ring looking so delicate between his laboured hands.
‘Beau. Not here.’
‘No,’ he argued determinedly. ‘I was an idiot. It was way too soon. I just …’
I swallowed. ‘Just?’
Beau closed his eyes, scrubbed a hand down his beard. ‘I wanted to lock you in.’
‘ Lock me in? ’ I gave a confused scoff. ‘Like an offer on a house?’
‘I thought that if we got engaged, then you couldn’t go back to him.’
I stared at Beau, the heaviness of his words slowly settling around me.
‘Oh. My. God.’ I wanted to run but there were always eyes watching in this town and I knew most of them were waiting for me to do something that proved I wasn’t better than my parents. ‘Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom. I’ll be back. Or maybe not … I dunno. I just—I have to go.’
Beau didn’t try and stop me, knowing it would draw unwanted attention our way. I worried about him spotting Colton without me acting as a blockade before shoving it away angrily. Screw him. Screw them both. They could sort their dick swinging contest out without me being in the centre of it.
I was glad no one else was in the bathroom. Mainly because I swung the door open with such force, any poor girl behind it would now be a cut out in the wall behind. I marched into a stall, locked the door behind me and flipped the lid down before sitting heavily.
I waited for myself to feel angry. I willed for ugly and heavy tears to stream down my face. But I didn’t feel anything but exhaustion. I rested my head against the wall, trying not to think of the germs which lay on it. I closed my eyes. I was tired . Of waiting for a greater spark to ignite with Beau, of my confusing feelings for Colton to go away, of doing a one step forward, two steps back dance with Beau. It wasn’t supposed to be this hard. So why wasn’t I a sobbing mess about my relationship slowly falling apart? I cared about Beau—greatly. So why couldn’t I cry?
The bathroom door opened. High heels clip clopped. My body stilled and I slowly lifted my head from the wall when a set of hands grabbed the bottom of the stall door. Soon a black head of hair was sliding under, followed by Ellie-May’s grimacing face and finishing with her cocktail dress. I watched, trying not to laugh as she stood in front of me.
‘Um, how’s your date with Steve going?’ I asked awkwardly.
Ellie-May gave me a deadpan look. ‘The guy has no personality; his cologne is burning my nose and he’s been paying more attention to his phone than me this whole time. My lady parts are screaming to get lucky though so as long as the night ends how we want, I can’t complain. However, I did not just slide through pubes and piss to talk about Steve . Did you and Beau have another fight?’
‘The only reason why he proposed was so Colton couldn’t have me. You know how in the Queen Bees Book Club we all swoon about a possessive man? In reality, it’s kind of … icky,’ I said quietly.
‘It is icky! That fucker!’ Ellie-May squatted down in front of me, her ring-adorned fingers resting against my hands. She sucked in a breath and blew it out hard. ‘Well, I guess it’s a good thing you said no …’
This night was becoming creepily similar to my year six formal. Only, when Ellie-May had found me a sobbing mess in the bathroom of the town hall, her tactic to cheer me up had been a little more brutal.
‘I’m gonna go back out there and rip his balls off then deliver them to his parents with my hands.’
It had been amusing to watch such violent words come from a girl wearing a bow big enough to rival Minnie Mouse’s.
‘Honey, this relationship isn’t healthy. I know Beau is a good guy who looks after you but it’s just too complicated after everything that happened with Colton.’
‘Every relationship has their hurdles though, right?’ I chewed at my lip, strangely relieved when I felt tears burble in my throat. ‘We both want to settle down, to have a family. I just … I need to try harder, that’s all.’
Ellie-May’s tattooed eyebrows bunched. ‘Of course every relationship has their problems, but you know deep down it takes more than sharing the same goals to make it work. There needs to be love—a spark—and if you had these things with Beau then you wouldn’t have said no to marrying him.’
‘I need to make this work. When Beau proposed, a subconscious part of me was probably just worried it would only end in heartache again. I’ll get over it and we’ll be fine. I want a family.’ The tears were falling thick and fast now.
‘Honey …’
‘This is karma, isn’t it? This is the universe punishing me for what I lost. What if that was my only chance?’
‘Shh, come here.’
I allowed myself to sob in Ellie-May’s arms, her hand rubbing my back in smooth comforting circles. Yep, just like the year six formal. Ellie-May and Granny were the only ones who knew about the baby. They were the ones who’d been with me, a terrified nineteen-year-old with blood smeared between my legs, in the hospital. Not even Beau knew. How could I tell him when even Colton didn’t know?
‘I’m sorry. I’ve ruined your date with Steve.’ I sat up, using toilet paper to dab at my eyes and blow my nose. My carefully applied makeup was ruined, but who was I kidding? The night was practically over the moment I jumped in Beau’s ute.
Ellie-May scoffed. ‘Please. I would much rather be locked in a germ-riddled toilet with you. I mean, yes, it’s just a one-night thing, but it would be nice if my date wasn’t swiping on Tinder while I’m talking to him.’
Ellie-May and I both jumped when there was a crash outside the bathroom followed by a scream and a shit load of what I couldn’t define as cheers or shouts.
‘Holy shit!’ Ellie-May was like a giraffe on roller skates, her high heels rushing over the tiles towards the door. ‘Bar fight!’
‘What?’ I rushed out of the bathroom behind her.
‘Bar fight! Bar fight! ’
We came to a skidding halt at the end of the hallway that led to the bathrooms. The scene unfolding around the pool tables was one I’d only seen in the Dukes of Hazzard . The only thing missing from the chaos was Daisy loading the pool balls into a fan. Families and patrons were running out the door. Some brave ones had stayed to film the whole thing on their phones. A barmaid was on the phone, cowering behind the counter, obviously describing the scene to police. The entire football team was boxing on with one another. I spotted Riley easily, a brute of ginger force.
‘Crap! Where’s Beau?’ I shouted to Ellie-May when I saw the table we’d been sitting at was now deserted.
A coldness formed in my stomach. I looked closer in the back area, trying to distinguish between punching limbs.
‘Um, Honey …’
I followed to where she was pointing. Colton was wrestling with a footy player by the name of Josh Braxton. He’d always held a grudge for Colton costing him player of the year. I gasped when Colton sent a fist across the player’s face, only to get one in return. It was then Beau appeared, grabbing Josh from behind and pinning his arms behind his back. Him and Colton were shouting at one another, Beau’s face red with unrecognisable fury while Colton clutched at his face.
‘Jesus Christ.’