Sweet Like Honey

13. 13

13

Colton

M y brain was still struggling to compute how I’d gone from having a great night with my childhood friend to holding an icepack against my face while sitting on the bonnet of Sarge’s patrol car next to Beau, who held another ice pack to his shoulder. I dared a glance around at the sea of nosy onlookers, the crowd illuminated in blue and red lights from the police car. My stomach twisted at the phone lights glowing amongst the chattering faces, recording the unfolding drama. The last thing I needed was for this to wind up online, where Glenn would inevitably find it along with my sponsors.

I pulled my gaze away from them, tugging my cap down further to try and shield my face, which was throbbing from the consequences of my poor choices. I hadn’t fared too badly. Bulls had done worse to me. A couple punches to the gut, split lip, busted-up eye. Childs play compared to what I was used to. The few volunteer ambulance officers were mopping up minor cuts and bruises on the footy team. In one of the ambulances, his long jean-clad legs dangling out the bank, sat Josh. Our glares met, and I gave a smug smirk when the ambo pressed something into a wound, which had him near howling.

Dick.

‘I should never have asked you to come home,’ spoke Beau, readjusting his ice pack. ‘Why the fuck would you start a pub fight?’

My jaw twitched. I knew that if I told him I’d been defending Honey, another fight would ensue. That if I told him what Josh had said about her, the rift between us would only grow further. So, through gritted teeth, I muttered, ‘Nothin’.’

The rest of the footy team was beginning to get dismissed, although some of them looked like they didn’t want to go home with angry wives who’d rolled up in pyjamas. I spotted Riley hanging amongst the crowd. He hadn’t fared too badly either, but he was literally The Hulk.

Sarge, still pretty fit for an old police officer, came to stand in front of us. ‘Colton Hayes. Your first night back in town and this happens. Figures.’

‘Sorry, Sarge.’ I gave Beau a sideways glance. ‘What can I say? Alcohol and tempers.’

‘Are we getting charged?’ My brother rubbed at his face, only to wince when he remembered it’d been smashed with a fist.

Sarge heaved a sigh. ‘No. Josh Braxton isn’t going to be pressing charges. Said he had it coming, although he wouldn’t disclose what he said to trigger such a reaction from you. The pub has insurance. You got off lucky tonight—the lot of you. Now get home and sleep this mess off. My wife would’ve reheated my dinner about three times by now.’

‘What’s Mrs. Sarge put on the menu tonight?’ I grinned, only to wince as I rose from the bonnet. My back ached. Had someone whacked me with a pool cue? Possibly. Most likely.

‘Your balls with her famous tomato relish if you don’t hurry up and get out of my damn face.’

Beau and I had barely shuffled from the car before it was tearing away into the night.

Most of the crowd had dispersed, apart from Honey and Ellie-May, who looked on worriedly. Riley had moved to stand with them, his face a contrast with grinning glee. Honey rushed towards us as we neared and I prepared for my arms to take her, only to clench my jaw when it was Beau’s arms she ran into. I left them behind.

‘You always know how to cause a scene, don’t you, Colton?’ Ellie-May addressed me coldly.

‘Nice to see you again too, Ellie-May. Where’s your date?’

‘Fuck you, dickhead.’

I bit back a laugh. Before shit had hit the fan, I’d seen her date slink out of the pub when she’d gone to the bathroom after Honey. I couldn’t blame the bloke. Ellie-May was terrifying. And I’d known her before the hair had been chopped into an edgy style and her body decorated with piercings and tattoos. I suppose now her appearance suited her sharp attitude. When she’d looked like the sweet girl next door, boys didn’t know what they were getting themselves into until it was too late. Thankfully, it’d never worked on me because I was so in love with her best friend.

Beau and Honey approached us, arms disgustingly wrapped around each other. Nausea twisted in my stomach.

‘Time for me to head home,’ I announced, working hard to keep my eyes off my brother’s hand draped over her shoulder.

‘Colton, you can’t drive.’ Honey’s worried voice had my gaze snapping up to her. I didn’t miss my brother’s hand tightening. ‘Your eye is already closing over.’

‘The other eyeball seems to see fine,’ muttered my brother.

‘Beau can drive me home. He only got a whack to the jaw.’ I eyed him smugly, gaining a glare which might as well have shot lightning bolts in return.

‘There’s no way the two of you can be in a car together right now,’ grumbled Honey. ‘You’ll be boxing on like kangaroos again by the time we get to the main drag.’

‘Hello, what about me? I do not feel like walking home alone with a bunch of drunk and adrenaline-fuelled footy players running around,’ piped in Ellie-May.

Honey huffed. ‘I’ll drive Colton home. Beau, you take Ellie-May home.’

‘No way,’ Beau growled.

I rolled my eyes. ‘Have you got a better idea of how we can all go home?’

My brother’s jaw clenched. His eyes flickered to Honey, who gave him a weak-smiled nod. ‘Fine. You sure you’ll be okay with him?’

I gave a scoff. ‘I’m not going to punch her .’

Beau only glared at me; the atmosphere so thick it could be cut with a butter knife. Even fearless Ellie-May was trying to be invisible, assessing her freakishly sharp manicure.

Riley, who’d been watching the unfolding tension with a shit-eating grin, took the opportunity to clear his throat and clasp a hand on my shoulder. ‘Well, I’m gonna head off. It was nice seeing you again, Hayesy. If I knew you were going to provide that much entertainment, I would’ve nagged you back home years ago. Don’t be a stranger this time?’

The grin was still firmly in place, that disgusting ferret quirked up, as he gave a wave and headed off for his ute.

Honey turned in Beau’s arms. ‘Now, please go and get my best friend home safely.’

I looked away when Beau moved to give her a kiss. Seconds later, he and Ellie-May were moving through the dimly lit carpark towards his parked ute. I didn’t miss the warning in his eyes as he checked me over his shoulder.

I tossed my keys to Honey. ‘Sure you can still handle the power?’

Her eyes slid across to me, something dangerous and fiery igniting within them. Nothing like the doe-eyed girl she was seconds ago with Beau. Flames ignited beneath my skin, flames which hadn’t burnt with such ferocity for seven years.

‘Colton, I would make you blush with what I can handle nowadays.’

I watched, stunned, as she marched ahead to the ute gleaming beneath the dim lights. Wide hips swaying. Cowgirl boots clacking across the bitumen. The skirt of her dress brushing tan and thick thighs. Belt cinching a narrow waist, a waist my hands itched to grab hold of and throw against my ute to remind her why I was better for her than my brother. The hazard lights of the ute flashed as she blipped it unlocked, like some sort of warning. I glanced over my shoulder, doubt creeping into me over whether this was a good idea. But Beau was gone from the car park and I could hear his diesel engine carrying Ellie-May home.

The roaring of my ute coming to life had me whipping back around. Honey was now behind the driver seat, her face glowing behind the dash lights with the window down.

‘Everything okay?’ That doe-eyed look was suddenly back.

I didn’t answer, only made my way to the passenger door. I didn’t miss the strange look Honey gave me when I double-checked my seatbelt was clicked in. I hoped it would hold me back from so much as laying a finger on her bare thigh, but as she began driving my ute like she’d never stopped, I worried that it was only keeping me prisoner.

***

It felt strange having Honey in the driver seat of my ute. Or maybe it was just because my seatbelt felt like it was strangling me. I risked a look over to her, the lights of the dashboard illuminating her figure and her hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. The ride so far, all ten minutes of it, had been silent. Not a pleasant silence, but something charged and lethal. Whether that was because she was purposely ignoring me or trying to fight the feelings which came with travelling down memory lane, I wasn’t sure. I was going to choose the latter. Was she thinking of the first time she drove this very ute to View Point? Then all the times we’d gone back in the cover of darkness so we could release wild teenage hormones? Was she trying not to look in the review mirror, envisioning herself laid out in the tray with me placing impatient kisses down her younger body?

Or when I’d pick her up and whisk her away, not to do anything physical, but allow her to cry about the fuckups that were her parents. When the trauma of her childhood would suddenly clutch her like a vice. Like when she’d had to call triple zero at five years old because her mother had overdosed on the couch or when she’d seen her dad pick himself apart due to the bugs crawling through his veins. Those times she didn’t speak much, numb, staring out to nothing at a secluded spot I’d find. She never had to say it, but in those dark moments, I knew she just wanted to escape. To get away from the place which still whispered of where she’d come from, how she’d gotten to Gumtree Valley. Over the years, I’d learnt to stop trying to fix everything wrong in her life, but rather just be there when the haunting memories became too much.

Becoming fidgety amongst the memories swirling in the cab, I pulled my phone from my pocket and opened Instagram. I gave an agitated groan when the first thing to appear on my feed was from some sort of gossip site. It was a short video of me and Beau sitting on the police car. Enough for any viewers to know who it was and for theories and questions to quickly rise. Since my phone wasn’t exploding with Glenn’s caller ID or messages sent in caps lock, he hadn’t seen it. I threw my head against the headrest, only to give a low groan when it made pain splinter across my head.

‘Is everything okay?’ Honey’s sweet voice filled the cab, carrying over the burble of the engine and soft country music.

I clicked my phone off and shoved it back into my pocket. ‘Someone got a video of me tonight and a gossip page is already broadcasting it.’

‘Oh.’ Honey gently took a bend in the road before accelerating further. ‘I’m sorry.’

My brow puckered. ‘Sorry? Honey, why are you sorry? You didn’t send the video.’ I gave a lazy smile. ‘Unless you did to play the vengeful ex?’

She laughed, all light and melodic. My entire body tingled. ‘No. Despite everything, I wouldn’t do that to you. I just … I know what it’s like to be at the centre of a scandal. Especially in this town.’

I heaved a sigh. ‘Well I’ve managed to stay out of the tabloids this long, which is surprising with the company I keep in the States. It was only a matter of time before something happened.’ A frown filled my face when I looked across at her. ‘Why are you still here? After everything small-minded people said about you?’

Honey gave a soft smile, her shoulders raising in a shrug. ‘Honestly? I don’t know. I guess even though people had things to say, this place was my sanctuary. Besides, when I went to the city, I missed Granny so much I knew I could never leave permanently.’

‘You went to the city?’ The Honey I’d known had hated the city. But I’d been gone a long time and I was quickly realising that while the town I’d left behind had stood still in time, its people hadn’t.

She chewed at her lip, eyes concentrating on where the ute’s lights glowed as we went through a section notorious for kangaroos. ‘Uh huh. Just for a couple of years so I could get my business degree done.’

‘I’m proud of you, Honey,’ I blurted. ‘I mean it. After where you came from, everything you went through since … you deserve all good things that come your way.’

Her eyes darted across to me and a shy smile graced her shadowed face. ‘Thanks, Colton. By the way, part of my business degree was dealing with social media, so if you need help with this fight night blowing over …’

I chuckled, not caring how much my punched face hurt. ‘Thanks, but my PR team will be all over it like a rash. Still though, I’ll keep you in mind.’

As the dark paddocks continued rolling past, the two of us now settling into a comfortable silence not charged with angst, I couldn’t stop myself wondering what life might’ve looked like for us if things had been different. What if she had come with me to the US? Would we still be together or would we have broken up long ago when she resented me for taking her away from a life she wanted? Would I have stayed here if I hadn’t made it pro or would I have gotten itchy feet and moved elsewhere anyway? Would we have gotten married? How many kids would we have?

I’d move on. I’d stop loving her eventually.

That’s what I’d told myself after breaking up with her, what I’d repeated over and over when my legs had threatened to run back down the gangway boarding that big plane. Everyone said you couldn’t give up your life for your first relationship. You had to go out and do the things you wanted to do while you were young. Make something of yourself and then find someone to share it with. But no one wanted to be with a bull rider. Maybe for a night or a few months, but not long-term. We were chasing the circuit, unable to lay down roots anywhere and our bodies were banged up by the time we were thirty. Who would want that over a husband who worked nine to five, brought in a steady income which paid off the large family home that didn’t have wheels? Maybe if I’d known back then what I know now, I’d still have Honey. I wouldn’t have given up on us. I would’ve fought to work things out, no matter how tough we both knew it would be.

But that was the thing about hindsight. It was a bitch.

‘So, how’s life been in the US? Everything you imagined it to be?’ asked Honey into the quietness.

‘Uh …’ I wondered if she’d been reading my thoughts. Even when we were kids, she had a knack of being able to figure out what I was thinking before saying anything. ‘Yeah, it’s great.’

There was a hint of sadness on her face but it quickly fled. ‘I watch your rides.’ She smiled sheepishly when I whipped my gaze to her. ‘Don’t give me that look. In case you haven’t noticed, you’re a homegrown celebrity around here. Even if I tried to push you out of my life, I couldn’t. Just, don’t tell Beau?’ Her face became nervous as her teeth gnawed on her bottom lip. ‘He struggles with it all … you know?’

‘Oh, yeah, no worries.’ I hoped my voice came out calm and nonchalant because my insides were running about like crazy. Time to put a bucket of ice-cold water on these feelings. Clearing my throat, I asked, ‘So, you and Beau. How … why?’

‘Um …’ Honey became awkward, suddenly paying more attention to the road. ‘Well you don’t want to know all that, do you?’

Honey had always been a bad liar. Was she avoiding the subject to spare her ex’s feelings or because she didn’t know why she’d decided to date my brother? The rejected proposal told me there was some sort of commitment issue there, and it clearly wasn’t coming from Beau. Still, as much as I was dying to, I didn’t push the matter further.

‘I guess Beau is the furthest thing from a bull rider, right?’ I didn’t know why I was making things easier for her, when the thought of her and my brother together made me want to get down on all fours in the barn and ask one of the horses to kick me square in the face.

She smiled—with relief—I sharply noticed. ‘I always have trusted horses more than those bulls.’

Appleyard Farm was nearing and it sent my heart sinking. I didn’t want the drive to end. I wanted to be locked in here forever, with her, in a bubble where we could be what we used to. Which was a far cry from how the trip had started.

‘You never did like me riding the bulls, did you?’

She pursed her lips, obviously mulling over her answer. ‘It wasn’t so much the danger. Whether it was on the back of a horse or a bull, I always felt you were walking into a death trap. But when you joined the bull riding club you just … changed . I mean, you were still Colton, but you were cockier and more arrogant. I get it, to do a sport like that you have to be sure of yourself, but you didn’t know how to flick it off. Watching you change like that, when I’d already lost so much from my life … it scared me more than watching you lower yourself down into the chutes.’

We fell back into silence as the ute dipped down and rattled over the bridge. The headlights swept over the gates of Double Q Ranch. It wasn’t until Honey had parked my ute in the shed, the dogs’ excited tails casting silhouettes around us, that I turned to face her.

‘I’m sorry I put you through all that when I … changed .’

My throat constricted when her hand dropped from the door handle, her wide eyes shining with vulnerability. My hands wanted to reach out to her, to touch her and love her like they used to. But she was my brother’s girl now. I’d given up the rights to her heart long ago. A mistake I would have to live with.

‘It’s okay, Colton. A long time ago, I learnt it causes more damage to hold onto things.’ Her voice was soft and gentle, reminding me of when she’d be in my arms chatting away about a book she was reading before drifting off to sleep. ‘It was probably for the best.’

‘What do you mean?’ My heart skipped.

There was fear in her eyes, like she’d said too much. ‘After you left … some things happened. As much as I hated you at the time, I’m glad you weren’t around to suffer through them, too.’ I went to push for more but my eyes followed her hand running along the dash of the ute. A small smile had etched onto her face. ‘It was fun being back in this again. We had a lot of fun times together, didn’t we?’

Then, as if her seat had caught fire, she threw the door open.

Seconds later, I heard the diesel engine of Beau’s ute. I remained in the silent ute, basking in the scent of her. In the side mirror, I watched the LandCruiser park in the carport, my insides twisting painfully when Honey greeted Beau with a brief kiss. Their voices murmured as they made their way inside, most likely talking about the wild events of the night. Talking about me.

After you left … some things happened. Hated you at the time. Glad you weren’t around. To suffer, too.

Those were the words I mulled over and dissected until I couldn’t anymore, staring through the windscreen into the dark shed. Eventually, I popped the door open, letting my leg dangle out with the dogs dancing and sniffing around. My face was beginning to throb and I wished I’d taken the painkillers from the ambulance officer. Of course, there was the medicine cabinet inside. But inside was the last place I wanted to be right now, where Honey and Beau would be snuggling or doing more under the covers. My stomach roiled just with the threat of hearing her pleasured moans carrying down the hallway into my bedroom.

With a heavy sigh, I eventually climbed out the ute, but rather than head to the house, I crawled into the tray. The dogs gleefully hurled in after me, nestling their warm bodies against my sides.

I stayed wide awake as the star-filled sky gave way to sunrise, and with that came a string of caps-locked messages from Glenn.