21. 21
21
Honey
I t was only nearing ten o’clock, but already the day was warming up as I walked from the hospital to the car park. I was glad I’d been able to snag the park everyone vied for in the corner under the jacaranda tree, even if I did have to do ten three point turns to get the old ute squeezed in. I was rummaging through my handbag for my keys, grumbling about needing one with smaller sections. Finally, my hand wrapped around the cluster of jagged edges until … it wasn’t. The keys flew through the air as a surprised yelp escaped my throat. I landed on the warm pavement with a thud, hissing at the stinging of my palms which had braced my fall. There was the sound of quick steps approaching me before rough hands helped me to my feet.
‘Thanks! You would think after all these years I’d be better at—’ I gulped at the cowboy blocking out the sun. ‘Oh, hey. Hi. Hello.’
Colton smirked, showing a dimple I always used to poke my finger into. ‘Well, which one is it?’
I pursed my lips. ‘Shut up.’ I looked down at my hands, now bloody and grazed.
‘Are you alright?’ he asked with thick concern.
I couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle, gratefully taking my keys from where he’d picked them up. ‘I’m fine. Just a few scrapes and most likely, as of tonight, some bruises.’ I looked up at him, my cheeks flushing with the memory of when I’d seen him last, before darting my gaze away. ‘What are you doing here?’
Colton, too, seemed to snap himself out of a state and nodded over to his dad who I only just noticed watching us with a slight smirk, his arm in a sling. ‘Dad’s got a check-up.’
‘Oh, right.’ I turned to Clyde. ‘How are you feeling, Mr Hayes?’
‘Love, you’ve known me for years. It’s Clyde.’ He smiled warmly. ‘You and Beau manage to sort out your tiff yet?’
Sometimes I forgot how to the point he was. The most response I’d gotten from Beau were bland messages. No more love emoji. He’d gotten home from the horse sale a few days ago and we were yet to see each other. But I knew I’d gone a step too far and wasn’t expecting things to be fixed straight away. We’d fought before. We would make up again, is what I kept telling myself.
‘Well, uh …’
‘Dad.’ Colton gave his father such a deathly look that I was glad we were at a hospital.
I smiled tightly. ‘Well, I better get back to the shop!’
‘We’ve got some spare time before my appointment. Want to join us for a coffee?’
‘Dad, I’m sure she has better things to do …’
‘Oh, no, I—’
‘I’d really love to talk to you about Fleur McDonald’s books.’ There was a twinkle in the old cowboy’s eyes.
A smile itched across my face, although I didn’t know what game Clyde was playing at. Did he forget that I was dating his other son now? The son I was in an unresolved tiff with? Colton gave me a tight smile, most likely wondering the exact same thing as we made our way to the little café out the front of the hospital. I was playing a dangerous game, having coffee with my ex-boyfriend, the reason behind most arguments with my current boyfriend. This probably wasn’t the smartest decision. I would get my caffeine fix and then I was out of here.
We all placed our order at the counter to a young girl. I was thankful she wasn’t familiar to me and therefore most likely didn’t know Colton or myself and wouldn’t throw petrol onto the rumour mill, which had been alight since his return. Clyde ordered a large long black, Colton a large flat white. I ordered a small chai latte. Clyde insisted on paying, putting the young girl in a predicament as we both slapped our money down. Colton had been the mediator, passing over an orange note. This only made me feel more awkward though. Like I’d been caught sleeping with the guy behind Beau’s back. It was just coffee.
With his dad.
Colton insisted on waiting for the drinks while Clyde and I took a seat at one of the small tables outside. I watched as he lowered himself down, his face twisted into a pained wince.
‘So how’s the bookstore going?’ Clyde rested back in the metal chair, looking ever the aged cowboy in his clean Akubra, arena shirt, belt buckle and jeans with polished boots.
‘Good. We have a famous author, Kimberley Sparks, coming for a signing next week.’
His bushy eyebrows scrunched together. ‘Should I know her?’
I smirked. ‘Unless you like reading about leather G-strings, safe words and padded rooms, then no.’
His eyebrows shot up. ‘You’re joking.’ He wheezed a laugh, just as Colton made his way over with our drinks. ‘How come they put that cover over porn magazines but a four-year-old could grab a book like that off the shelf?’
I giggled. ‘Pictures speak louder than words, I guess. I’ve only asked her to come because her books are such a hit with the farmers’ wives.’
Colton grinned. ‘A lot of people would be out of business if blokes knew how to treat their ladies right.’
I quirked an eyebrow, the lurch in my stomach telling me that we were headed towards dangerous territory. ‘Are you telling me that you’re one of the rare few that knows how? Because that was not the case when we were younger.’
Colton looked at me, that shit-eating grin still on his face but his eyes blazed with something that made my insides quiver. ‘I’m not that same boy anymore.’
No, you are not.
I darted my eyes away from him, focusing intently on turning my cup on the table. God, even with Clyde sitting with us, we were almost eye-fucking one another. Shame washed over me, icy and painful. Beau, Beau, Beau!
‘I reckon I might do a whiz before we head in.’ Clyde gave a grunt as he rose from his chair.
‘You right, Dad? Need me to help with … something?’
‘To go to the toilet? I think I’ll be alright.’
We both watched him walk away on legs bowed from years in the saddle.
‘How’s he really going?’ I asked Colton, trying to move the conversation back to neutral grounds.
He gave a long and heavy sigh. ‘Being a stubborn old man about it all. You know how it is.’
‘Maybe I’ll slip some mindfulness books into his next purchase.’
Colton grinned, the both of us slipping into a surprisingly calm quietness. A gentle breeze blew across the forecourt of the hospital, making dried leaves skitter along the brickwork. Enrolled nurses wearing blue scrubs were escorting elderly patients around from the aged care ward, getting them some fresh air before the heat of the day kicked in. I couldn’t resist glancing in the direction of the emergency doors around the corner of the building. I swallowed roughly, remembering my younger self being rushed through the doors with blood gushing down my legs.
‘So what are you here for?’ Colton’s voice brought me out of my memories.
I hesitated with my answer. ‘Every year I have a scan for my PCOS. It’s not doctor ordered but something I take upon myself to get done. They don’t know much about the condition so I just like making sure nothing is getting worse over time.’
I didn’t tell him it was also to check on my reproductive system after the miscarriage.
‘PCOS?’ He leant forward in his chair. ‘Is that … bad?’
‘Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome.’ I sighed. ‘It varies between each woman. Mine isn’t too bad. I just get a few of the shitty symptoms like thick facial hair and acne. Some women struggle to fall pregnant because of it. Luckily for me they caught it when …’ I looked down to hide the tears pricking my eyes. I’d recovered from my trauma long ago and I’d managed to hold it together the other day, but having Colton here, the father of our little baby, where everything had gone wrong, seemed to bring on a fresh wave of grief. ‘Well, I’m lucky they caught it when I was young so we can monitor it. It doesn’t make me any less scared though.’
I looked up to Colton when his hand squeezed my wrist gently and I didn’t miss the tear he blinked back. ‘I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you. For our baby.’
I placed my hand on top of his and gave a wobbly smile. ‘You never called me. Are you doing okay?’
He shrugged. ‘I’m okay. It’s just a lot. We could’ve had a baby.’ He cleared his throat. ‘I told my dad. I hope that’s okay. When I got home, I was bit of a wreck … there was no getting around it.’
I nodded and took a sip of my drink. ‘Of course. I’m glad you weren’t stewing in it alone. I mean … it would’ve been his grandchild.’
Colton gave a small smile, turning his coffee cup on the table. ‘My dad as a grandfather? Now that’s a scary thought.’
I gave a small laugh before shuffling in my chair. ‘He won’t tell Beau, will he?’
‘No. I don’t need to explain to him why that would be a bad idea.’
‘Right. Thank you.’ I took another sip of my drink just for something to do.
Colton glanced around. ‘So, this P … C …’
‘PCOS.’
‘Right.’ He scratched his hair under his cap. ‘Did the miscarriage …’
‘No, it didn’t cause it.’ I gave him a soft smile. ‘It’s something I’ve always had. They don’t know what causes it. All I know is that I’ve got it and there’s no cure. I just have to manage it and deal with the symptoms. The younger I am when I try to get pregnant, the more chance I have of it being successful.’
I didn’t miss his grimace. ‘So are you and Beau …’
‘No.’ I realised my response was lightning quick when Colton jumped slightly. Like I was afraid of hurting his feelings … which I wasn’t . ‘I mean we’re just not there yet.’
His jaw ticked. ‘So why did you say no to him?’
I didn’t need to ask what he was referring to. I felt my defensive walls rise as my teeth gritted. ‘That’s none of your business.’
Colton gave a scoff. ‘How can it not be my business when all the two of you seem to do is argue? You were happier with me.’
The frothed milk of my drink swirled in my stomach. Tears of anguish built in my throat. ‘Yeah, I was until you decided I wasn’t enough for you!’
Colton’s face crumpled and I fought to compose myself when Clyde made his way over to the table. ‘Come on, son, the sooner we get this appointment done, the sooner you can get off to the rodeo school!’
All I wanted to do was run to the security of my ute but I fought to prove to Colton he didn’t get to me. ‘Rodeo school?’
Colton looked awkward as he rose from his seat. ‘Uh, Lee asked if I could give a lesson to the juniors.’
‘Oh.’ Did that mean he was making plans to stay? I mentally slapped myself. No, I didn’t want Colton to stay. The sooner he left the sooner everything would return to normal for Beau and me. ‘Well, good luck.’
‘Thanks, but these are junior bulls.’
I blinked. ‘Oh, I wasn’t talking about the bulls.’
I left Clyde in wheezing laughter and gave Colton a parting pat on the shoulder as I walked away. I rubbed my hands on my jeans, hoping to brush away the feeling of how good his muscles felt under my touch.