22. 22
22
Colton
T here was something equally concerning and hilarious watching a child hang on for dear life aboard a bigger sized calf.
‘Hand up!’ I shouted, unable to stop myself from grinning. The young boy’s little arm shot up above his helmet. ‘There ya go!’
I broke into a sprint after the calf and grabbed the kid’s protective vest to hoist him to the ground. The calf was ushered back into the holding pens, its work for the day done. Like the animals on the circuit, here at the rodeo school, they were only allowed to be used for one run a day. I looked up at Lee who was watching from the grandstand, wondering how in the hell he managed to do this in his old age. Thank Christ the kids were now finished. The teenagers rode the bigger bulls, which meant I got to sit back on the fence and watch the clowns coach the bull out the arena.
Honey, annoyingly, had been right. Kids, I’d learnt, were vicious little creatures. They were honest and brutal, not yet knowing the art of sparing someone’s feelings. They didn’t laugh at a joke that wasn’t funny to save you the humiliation of being a try-hard. They weren’t afraid to question you on every minor detail of your life, even when it was only for rodeo related questions. Why did I leave my family? Why wasn’t I married? These puny little beings were making me question every life decision I’d made, and I’d only been here to dedicate my time in helping them grow.
Little shits.
Still though, as terrifying as it’d been, I’d enjoyed my day with them. A strange mixture of pride and grief had ached my heart as I’d given them some tips in the shoots. I’d never thought about having kids and it’d never worried me that I didn’t. Until I knew that I came so close to having my own. So, as I watched the kids chase each other around with lassos while waiting for their parents to pick them up, I couldn’t help but wonder what my and Honey’s baby would’ve grown to be like. Would it have been a girl? A beautiful copy of her mother who’d have me wrapped around her little finger? Or a boy that had the same passions as me and would send Honey grey by the time she turned thirty with his antics? Would they have been shy and smart? Loud and cocky? Would they have grown up to be a librarian, to Honey’s delight, or an engineer that would have us baffled as to where the brains had come from?
But we would never know. And it was something I was struggling with more than I liked to admit.
‘What did you think of the young tackers?’ Lee came to stand beside me as the kids packed up their gear bags.
‘You never told me this job took so much cardio.’ I placed my hands on my hips, embarrassed to be puffing so much. Then again, I’d just sprinted after twenty calves across an arena.
Lee chuckled. ‘Consider it practise. You’d be wanting your own someday, eh?’
Last week I would’ve brushed that question off with a laugh. But I wanted that baby with Honey more than anything. ‘Maybe.’
Lee nodded to the teenagers now entering the arena with gear bags slung over shoulders to do their stretches. ‘Kids are fun. Teenagers are emotional brats who don’t listen to anyone.’
‘Great,’ I muttered, just as twenty kids came skidding to a halt around me. I sucked in one last deep breath. ‘Okay. Great job today kiddos. Uh … keep practising the hand waving and leaning back.’
‘Will you be here next week, Mr Hayes?’
Mr Hayes.
I scratched at my head. ‘Uh, maybe. Now get out of the arena before the big bulls trample y’all.’
They took off in a flurry of squeals and laughter to the playground, mimicking the twang I carried with some of my words. Afterwards, I’d learnt a barbecue was put on by the volunteer parents once the teenagers had finished their sessions. I turned my back to the older students who’d now began stretching and glanced to Lee. ‘You gotta help me with the older ones, Lee.’
My old teacher only laughed.
***
I was glad to be sitting aboard the rails, my sunglasses protected my eyes from the sun and dust while I chewed on gum, waiting for the next competitor to launch from the chutes. My body automatically straightened as the gate was thrown open, allowing the bull to break into spins and bucks. The weedy teenage boy hung on. He was good, but if he wanted to make it big, he had to get better. After the volunteers had teased the animal into the holding pen, I moved across the arena to the teenager dusting himself off.
‘How’d I do, Mr Hayes?’ The removal of his helmet exposed wild tangles of orange hair.
There it was again. Mr Hayes . I couldn’t work out if it made me feel respected or old.
‘You’re not bad, Nate. You need more style though. Unfortunately, you don’t make it to the big time just by making the buzzer every time.’ The teenager looked slightly deflated. I scrambled. ‘That’s what I’m here for though. I know what it takes and I’m gonna try and get you there. Now go and pack up your gear.’
I resumed my spot on the fence as the next rider began lowering himself into the chute. Toby. Lee had said the kid was a natural talent. Like myself, he’d started with broncs but quickly gained the thirst for something more dangerous. The white helmet nodded before the bull came charging out. I watched, quietly impressed, as the kid moved with each lurch the bull made. Saliva pierced through clouds of dust until the dust was so thick it was near impossible to see him. This bull was hell bent on getting the teenager off its back. In the grandstand, my eye caught a young girl shooting to her feet.
Great. A girlfriend.
Toby made the buzzer and flew off to land on his feet with the agility of a cat. He was the last one. Thank Christ.
‘Good ride.’ I extended my hand, which was met with Toby’s in a firm handshake as he came up to me. His grin was contagious. ‘So why the hell is Lee unable to get you to enter any competitions? You just wanna run around in practices?’
Toby looked down at his dusty boots, but I didn’t miss the way his eyes darted to the girl in the grandstand first. ‘She’s scared something bad is gonna happen.’
I nodded in understanding. ‘Go join your mates.’
I sighed wearily as I walked across the arena, climbing through railings before ascending the grandstand. Bloody teenagers. I was near ashamed to have been one—as I’m sure every mature adult was. Toby’s girlfriend looked up from the book she was reading as I slid onto the bench next to her before returning to the pages with a huff. I chewed back a grin. Figures.
‘If Lee can’t convince me then I’m sure you can’t either,’ she muttered from behind the book.
‘I’m Colton. You might have heard of me. What’s your name?’
‘Maddie. Everyone around town knows who you are. To the people who fall at your feet, you’re the champion bull rider. To the people with more than half a brain, you’re a selfish jerk who broke off an engagement to chase buckles.’ She peeked over the top of the splayed pages. ‘Honey is my boss. While it’s not in the contract, I’m pretty sure there’s a silent clause which states I must hate you with every fibre of my being.’
I forced a smile. ‘Of course she is.’
We sat in an awkward silence for a short while with me figuring out how to convince this girl to allow her boyfriend to cheat death as a career when she was most likely thinking of all the ways she could murder me.
‘I find it a bit hypocritical. You mock bull riders for being all brawn and no brains yet you’re dating one.’
Maddie seemed irked, snapping her book shut and tucking it into her bag before swivelling to face me dead on. ‘He’s not riding in competitions. And not that it’s any of your business, Toby isn’t a selfish prick like you.’
My jaw ticked. I’d always known I’d been selfish, but it had got me where I’d wanted to be. I always regretted breaking Honey’s heart and I didn’t need reminding of how many times I’d questioned if I’d done the right thing. But now that a miscarriage had been thrown into the equation, that my selfishness had caused it, seemed to strike a stronger chord.
‘Are you his girlfriend or his mother?’ I snapped.
Maddie gritted her teeth and looked down to where the boys were packing up. ‘Toby had a bad fall last year. Watching him lay there, motionless, made me realise how dangerous this sport is. We’ve been together since we were fifteen, neighbours all our lives. I can’t lose him. If that makes me the psychotic and controlling girlfriend, then so be it.’
I felt my anger towards this know-it-all teenager subside—slightly. ‘I get it. I had a bad wreck when I was seventeen. Honey and I were already fighting about how dangerous it is. It all came to blows that night. We almost broke up. Until she realised that it was a part of me and something that wasn’t going to go away. Maddie, if you ban Toby from bull riding, then he’ll find something else. Cliff diving, stunt driving … some of us are just born thrill seekers. If you don’t lose him to bull riding, then you’ll lose him through resentment. So if that’s the type of life you can’t support for him, then you need to walk away, because let me tell you, it’s a hell of a lot harder once you’re older.’
She sighed. ‘You don’t think I’ve already considered breaking things off a thousand times? Believe me, I want to support him and I know he can go a long way with this, but I get so scared.’
‘When Honey used to come watch my rides, she would close her eyes from the moment I lowered myself onto the bull’s back to when I was jumping to the ground.’ A smile filled my face. ‘For her, not seeing an angry bull try to throw me was less terrifying and she’d rely on the sounds of the crowd to tell her how I was going. But she also educated herself on the sport and slowly saw why I loved it so much.’
The teenager snorted. Just when I thought I’d softened her. ‘So you want me to make friends with the bulls?’
I rolled my eyes. ‘Get comfortable with the sport. Toby is good—real good—and you and I both know it’s something he won’t give up. You’re really okay with taking that away from him?’ I got to my feet and took a couple of steps down before turning back to her. ‘Sometimes having someone to ride for makes us more determined. I used to make sure I did whatever it took to get off the back of that bull safely knowing Honey was in the crowd. Toby will be thinking the same.’
Lee was waiting for me in the arena, his thumbs through his belt loops, as I made my way over. Sausages and onions could be smelt wafting from the clubhouse. He nodded to where Maddie was now chatting to Toby by the railing. ‘Tough nut to crack, that one. Reckon you were able to do the inevitable?’
The teenagers were now locked in a passionate kiss, making me look away with second hand embarrassment. ‘Time will tell.’
‘You did good today, Colton. The kids loved ya and the teenagers seem to take your advice on board. I can barely keep up with them anymore and retirement seems to loom closer each time I gotta drag a kid from a bronc. You thinkin’ ‘bout coming home for good? I need someone capable to run this show.’
I hesitated. Me? Run a rodeo school? Dealing with tears and snot, permission slips, Facebook groups and parents ? I would buy my own place, one which didn’t have wheels and wouldn’t shake during windy nights. I could go to Tailgates and catch up with Riley. A steady paycheque to fill up my bank account rather than risking my life for a cheque. My dad would be happy to have both his sons around.
But then there was Beau.
And Honey.
Honey and Beau together, rubbing in my face what I was stupid to give up. I’d already put Honey through so much, having me around was a reminder of that. No. I couldn’t come back. There were too many ghosts here—too many mistakes to haunt me. I’d made the decision to move my life to the US and even when I was a broken-down bull rider it was where I would stay.
It was something I’d always been okay with. Content. But being back at Gumtree Valley, feeling closer to my mum again and being around Honey, who carried all my happiest memories … it’d taken the shine from the life I thought I was happy with.
‘Thanks, Lee, but I have another life to get back to once Dad starts showing improvement.’
The old cowboy smiled his crooked teeth at me, most of them false thanks to being thrown on the ground and being involved in bar fights. ‘Coulda fooled me.’
I frowned.
‘Well, if you change your mind, you just let me know. Come on, time for a barbecue if you’re game to be bombarded with more questions.’
‘Thanks, Lee, but there’s actually somewhere important I need to be.’ I thought of the small tree in my ute which would be close to shrivelling.
He extended his hand, which I took in a handshake. ‘It was good to see you again, kid. If you have a change of heart, you know where to find me.’
‘I ain’t changing my mind,’ I muttered to myself as I watched him amble to where everyone was gathered around the clubhouse.
But it felt like a lie.