Chapter Nineteen
Chapter
Nineteen
Beulah
When we walked in the door at Heidi’s home, I didn’t visit the front desk like I usually did when I arrived. I hurried down the hall with Jasper right behind me. Heidi still had a private room. However, I had put in the request for her to be moved to the less expensive suites.
Her door had a bright yellow sunflower she’d made in the activity room out of ribbons, burlap, and glue. When she showed it to me last week, Heidi was so proud she beamed. They made new door decorations each month, and she always looked forward to the next one. I wondered how she would feel about sharing door decorating with her roommate when she was placed into a new room. Right now, that was silly to worry about, but I did it anyway.
Stopping at her door, I looked up at Jasper. He’d driven here, parked, then helped calm me down by listening to what was wrong with her, although I’d repeated it over and over while we drove from his office building. She’d be okay, this was a good facility, and they’d take excellent care of her. I’d needed to be reminded. Everything he was sharing was true. Heidi hadn’t been sick since Momma passed away. This was the first time I would have to face this without her. I’d felt terrified and alone when they called me. But then, Jasper stepped in.
“Thank you,” I said, those words insufficient for all he’d done for me. He had no idea how his just being here helped.
“You’re welcome,” he replied. The sincerity and concern on his face not helping me with this…this thing in my chest that was happening every time I looked at him.
“You shouldn’t go inside Jasper. You could get the flu.”
His smile then turned into a smirk. “I like to live dangerously. Let’s go.”
I didn’t have time to argue. We pushed through the door.
Heidi’s pale face was asleep on the pillows, the two she required for rest. The scene gripped my heart. She looked small right now, as I hurried to her side, holding her hand tightly. She was warm, but then, she had a fever. I thought of all the things momma did for us when we were sick as kids and what Heidi liked best.
“She’ll be full of questions when she wakes up and sees you. Be prepared for anything.”
“I look forward to it. Why don’t you sit and relax? Get still and watch her sleep. I’ll find you a coffee and something to eat. You’ve got to be starving by now.”
We’d never gotten to have our lunch. “Don’t worry about me. Go get you something. There are some nice places near here.”
He frowned, “I’m not leaving you. I’ll get us both some terrible coffee and a candy bar from the machine.”
“There’s a visitor’s lounge near the entrance of the building. They have candy bars, chips, and even some stale crackers in a vending machine. The coffee in there is normally decent and it’s free.”
“I may get a little wild and buy two or three things. I live on the edge.” Jasper said then left the room. I was alone, alone with my sister.
He could’ve went somewhere to eat. Enjoyed his lunch. Anyone else would have done that. But he was staying and eating snack foods from a vending machine with me. My heart squeezed, and my eyes became damp. I’d never had someone, separate from my mother, who was there when I needed them the most. Jasper was the first to care about Heidi. Guys had asked me out in high school. I’d dated a few, a month at a time, but they never came to my house. Avoided knowing my family. It was as if they wanted to pretend my sister didn’t exist. And that I didn’t live in a trailer on the worst side of Savannah.
When Heidi began attending school with me, I’d pass her classroom and visit her and her classmates. She’d be so excited to see me, introducing me over and over. Not once had any guy I dated gone with me to her room. They always made a quick escape. Having Jasper here was nice. Being able to share the most important part of my life with him meant something. That something causing me to feel fluttery around him. As if I had the freedom to see him as anything other than my boss. Which I did not.
Heidi’s eyes slowly opened. She smiled as she focused on me. I squeezed her hand in mine. “Hello, sleeping beauty.”
“Beulah,” she said in a groggy voice. “You came ‘cause I’m sick?”
I didn’t want her to be scared. “Yes, but you’re going to get all better. The doctor has your medicine.”
“I want momma,” she replied, her smile vanishing.
I wanted momma, too. Every day that passed, I missed her. This was the first time in months Heidi asked for her, so I said, “I know, if she was here, she’d be right by your side, singing the songs you love in her pretty voice until momma went hoarse and couldn’t sing, which would take years and years.”
“Why is she in heaven?”
I’d answered this question repeatedly. I wanted to tell her I didn’t know and that it was unfair for God to take her, knowing we needed her here. He shouldn’t have done that to us. But that wasn’t what Heidi needed to hear. That was for me to be angry about.
“Because God thought she’d make a beautiful angel.” That had been my story all along. The one I knew Heidi would love. The one that would make her smile. And just like always, she did.
“She’s the prettiest angel in heaven now.”
“Yes, Heidi, she is. And right now, she’s watching you, making sure the doctors take excellent care while you’re sick. I bet you can hear her if you close your eyes and listen closely. I even bet she’s singing.”
Heidi’s eyes lit up, and she looked around the room as if momma might suddenly appear. How I wish that could happen. “Really?” she asked, her voice full of wonder, hoping she heard Momma singing.
“Oh yes, I close my eyes at night and listen until I fall asleep. Sometimes, I think I might actually hear her pretty voice.”
Heidi was listening so closely that she didn’t notice the door opening. I knew Jasper was back, and her questions would begin. I glanced at him, his hands holding two coffees, Jasper’s pockets stuffed with junk food. “I brought a friend,” I told Heidi. “He wanted to meet you. Jasper, this is my favorite person, and she’s also my sister. . .Heidi. Heidi, this is Jasper.” I didn’t explain to her that he was my boss. That wouldn’t matter to her. Calling Jasper my friend was enough.
“Hello, Heidi. It’s nice to finally meet you. Your sister talks about you all the time.” Jasper handed me a cup of coffee.
“You’re handsome, like a movie star,” Heidi said, blushing through her fever. Her already warm cheeks reddened further to a glow.
“Thank you. You’re a beauty, just like your sister.”
“Are you going to marry her?”
This, I expected. Heidi thought all couples got married. The friendship thing didn’t register. Last week she told me she was going to marry Jimmy—a guy she liked here. Two weeks before that, she was going to marry Brent. I had to reply with caution.
“Jasper is my friend. Remember how we talked about having friends?” I tried reminding her, but she was hung up on the boyfriend thing.
“But he looks like a movie star. You should marry him,” she argued.
I laughed, “Yes, he does, but that doesn’t mean I should marry him.”
“But why not?”
I leaned back in my chair and took a sip of coffee. Glancing up at Jasper, I saw him grinning, relieved he wasn’t panicking. “If I wanted to get married, which I never do…but if I did, I’d definitely be interested in marrying your beautiful sister,” Jasper told her, not looking away from her face. Holding her gaze. He wasn’t uncomfortable around her the way guys in my past had been.
“You don’t want to get married?” Heidi replied. “Why? You could have babies, play games, and eat ice cream all the time.”
He didn’t laugh at that, and I had to give him credit. “Those are all very true. But I’m too busy with work. I don’t have time for all those fun things that come along with marriage.”
“Do you work on the movies?” she asked.
This time, I had to smother my giggle. Heidi was completely focused. Her flu forgotten with Jasper in the room.
“I’m afraid not. I work a very boring job in an office most of the day.”
She seemed displeased by that. “Why? You would be the handsomest man in the movie.”
Jasper grinned and responded, “I’ll keep that in mind. If this office thing doesn’t work out, that will be my backup.”
Heidi was appeased by that. She began telling him all about a soap opera she had started watching since moving in here. She was sure he should be on that one. Jasper took a seat beside me and handed me a pack of peanut butter crackers, chocolate doughnuts, and a crispy wafer bar. I picked the crackers and began to eat them.
Heidi talked to Jasper, who kept up the conversation, ranging from soap operas to her love for Jimmy, before landing on her best friend May, stating that “pizza day” was her favorite day of the week. He seemed to enjoy talking to her. He even managed to eat the sleeve of doughnuts and the wafer bar while he answered, asking questions from time to time, which Heidi was happy to respond to.
With each passing minute, my feelings for this man deepened. He was going to be a good friend. That much I knew. I’d do anything for him after today. When the nurse came in to check her vitals, Heidi didn’t even seem sick. Jasper’s presence had changed her for the better, even if she still had the flu.
When it was time to go, I kissed Heidi’s forehead and told her how much I loved her. She told me she loved me too and that she was going to listen to Momma’s singing tonight. Then she told Jasper to come see her again, and he responded, “Absolutely.”
I didn’t know if he would, but I knew she’d remember him after this. As would the nurses and staff. On our way out, every pair of eyes followed him, and I was brought back to the reality that he wasn’t mine or Heidi’s. He’d been perfect with Heidi, and I wanted to throw my arms around him and hug him for it. But I didn’t. That would make things awkward. Me getting things mixed up in my head because he had given me someone to lean on when I needed it would not end well.