Chapter 15
Chapter
Fifteen
CHASING CONSTELLATIONS
Ella
“I never thought I would find a love that rivals the one written by famous novelists and yet in Canyon Creek, Montana, I did.” — E
I t is late afternoon, and the sun will set soon. I sit at my desk, surrounded by scattered purple papers, colorful pens, and the soft glow of the iPad screen. The astronomy vocabulary assignment stretches before me, filled with terms like nebula, supernova, and stellar system. I frown in concentration, trying to recall the definitions I studied earlier. In the last class, the professor gave us a written assignment to hand in before midnight tonight. He also asked us to sit outside and look up at the dark sky—try to spot any constellations and then write an essay on why we chose astronomy as our major.
To say I am beaming with excitement would be an understatement.
I don’t need to sit outside and watch the sky to understand why I chose this field. I’ve loved all that shines in the dark sky and all that hides in it since I was a child. Every time I found myself outside at night, I would look up in wonder and ask questions that somehow Dad knew all the answers to.
I once asked him how he knew so much about astronomy since law was his practice, and he said his mother was an astronomer. When he was little, they used to sit outside at night while his mother taught him about the moon, stars, and all that hides up there. I fell in love with the stars and the moon a little more every time Dad shared tales about my grandmother when I was little.
I also used to count stars every night, waiting for Mom to come back when she and Dad had drifted apart at the beginning of their whirlwind romance. Mom doesn’t like to speak about those days, and when I asked Dad, he looked so sad and regretful that I never dared ask again.
“Baaa.”
A sudden movement catches my eye—a flash of white fur and a pair of mischievous eyes peering over the edge of the bed. It is Poppy, my new furry friend with a stylish bow on her head, determinedly attempting to scale the blankets that drape down to the floor. I can’t help but smile at the sight.
“Poppy, you’re silly,” I whisper, my voice laced with amusement and my heart filled with love for this incredibly cute and lovely animal.
Poppy bounces around, occasionally attempting a clumsy leap that lands her in a heap of blankets. I smile as I watch her antics, my heart warmed by the innocent joy this lovely goat brings into my life.
But as I watch Poppy play, my thoughts wander to Shaw. He has been on my mind all day, his presence lingering in my thoughts. Flashbacks of the way he looked at me last night as I let him inside not only my mind but my heart as well—his eyes soft and full of understanding as I shared my sadness with him.
“You’re safe here… You don’t have to pretend to be anyone else, you’re perfect as you are. Fuck the world and what they think, there’s no one like you, cupcake. I want you to be exactly who you are. No one else. Just Ella.”
He said those words, sounding so fierce and angry as if it pained him too.
Thud. Thud.
Then I think of how close we were and how warm his breath fell on my skin. It was… lovely. More than that. It felt… perfect as if it was meant to be. He and I met in another lifetime. I felt it the first moment I met him when I was a kid, and I still feel it now.
I remember the way he gently brushed a loose curl from my face, the touch lingering on my skin long after he had pulled away. I wonder what he is doing at this moment, whether he, too, is thinking of me. Does his heart race when thoughts of me cross his mind, or does he feel nothing? Does his blood run hot when I’m close? I wonder about all of this.
Then his dimpled smile flashes through my mind. That smile undid me and made me feel as if I’m walking on cloud nine. When the beautiful man smiles, it is as if he is my very own constellation—rare.
Beautiful.
Deciding to pause my daydreaming about Shaw, I focus solely on the assignment due. It’s easy stuff—things I already know, but it always helps to study the material while working on the assignment.
A half hour later, I find myself closing all the tabs on the iPad with a sense of satisfaction, the first part of the assignment finally completed with hours to spare before I have to turn it in.
Stretching my arms above my head, I glance around the room, now bathed in the soft glow of evening twilight. Poppy has settled down in a corner of the room, her playful energy finally spent. It looks like she’s tired of causing trouble around the room.
With a smile, I tap Mom’s number, feeling a twinge of guilt for neglecting our usual daily chat. I always call no matter what, but today I got so caught up in my studies that time slipped away.
On the first ring, the screen flickers to life, and my heart leaps with anticipation and the usual touch of homesickness as I wait for Mom to appear. Instead, the cutest face fills the frame—my little sister, Evie, her wide green eyes and toothy grin instantly melting my heart.
“Lella!” Evie chirps, waving enthusiastically at the camera. “Guess what? Mom is pooping, so I’m in charge of answering your call!”
“Everly!” Mom’s outraged shout is heard in the background while Evie laughs her little butt off.
Evie is the total opposite of our mother personality-wise, yet she’s the one who looks the most like her—just like Kyrin.
I can’t help but smile at my baby sister’s infectious energy and silly antics. She’s always up to something, and it often gives Mom gray hairs. “Hey, Ever After! How’s everything back home?” I ask enthusiastically, a wave of affection surging through me as I stare at my littlest sister.
Evie bounces on her seat, her excitement palpable even through the screen. “Superb! School is boring, but Mom promised to take me book shopping this weekend!”
“Book shopping? Excellent choice.” I grin.
Evie nods quickly. “Yes! Book shopping and then cappuccinos and pastries.”
I’m glad Mom is keeping up appearances for Evie’s sake. She’s just a kid, and telling her that the entire family has been threatened would only make her fear the world at such a young age. I’m sure my parents have tripled Evie’s security by now, and she won’t notice the difference since Evie, as smart and clever as she is, has always had her pretty nose up in the clouds.
And I wouldn’t want it any other way.
I chuckle softly, my heart melting in the face of Evie’s bubbliness. “That sounds like fun! I wish I could join you guys.”
My sister’s expression turns serious for a moment, her brow furrowing with concern. “Are you okay? You look kinda sad.”
My heart swells even more with affection for my perceptive and brilliant little sister. “I just miss you all so much.”
Evie’s green eyes, so much like Mom’s and Kyrin’s, widen in sympathy, her sweet voice softening. “We miss you too, but don’t be sad. Daddy said we’ll see each other soon.”
Dad’s word is law to us, but especially to his little darling girl—his Everly.
I nod, blinking back tears of gratitude and love. “Yeah, we will. Tell Mom I love her, okay?”
My sister nods eagerly. “I will! Oh, and guess what else? Ambrose has a boyfriend!” Evie makes a face of disgust and then presses her face to the screen as if she’s readying herself to share a secret that no one else can know. “Daddy yelled a lot when he found out. I swear smoke was coming out of his ears and nose!”
I can’t help but laugh at her sudden change of topic, my heart lighter. “He did?”
“He did!”
“He then made me promise I would never lose my way like Ambrose did,” she whispers, as if sharing a secret.
“And what did you say?” I whisper back.
Evie leans back in her seat with the brightest smile on her cherubic face. “That I couldn’t promise him that.”
“And why not?”
“Because my prince is out there, silly. One day I’ll find him, or he’ll find me, and we’ll create our own way.”
We’ll create our own way…
Those words strike me, impacting me in more ways than anything ever has, and they come from a little child. One brilliant, compassionate, and crazy Kenton child. My little ray of sunshine.
“You’re right, Ever After. One day your prince will come, and you’ll both live happily ever after, you’ll see.”
“Yes!”
Then, like any normal kid, she quickly changes topics.
We chat about school, her favorite TV show, and her horse antics and upcoming plans. I can’t shake the warmth that spreads through me, knowing that no matter where I am, my little sister’s cheerful presence is a reminder of home.
Mom later joins, and when it’s time for Evie’s bedtime, the conversation draws to an end. “Good night, Mom,” I say softly, my heart full. “I love you from here to Saturn.”
“Sweet dreams, sweetheart,” Mom replies gently. “To Saturn and back.”
I hang up with a smile, feeling lighter and happier. Leaning back in my seat, I think about what to do next. I should probably start working on the second half of my assignment.
The old phone Shaw gave me buzzes softly on the desk. I reach over and see a new message from him.
Grumpy: Look out your window.
The corners of my lips lift into a smile, and those silly butterflies invade my stomach. How ridiculous that a text from Shaw makes me feel this happy.
Maybe he wants to spend time with me. I get up from the chair, careful not to wake Poppy, and tiptoe to the window overlooking the sprawling garden below. Pulling back the cream curtain, I gasp softly at the sight.
There, bathed in the soft glow of moonlight, stands Shaw dressed in his usual faded ripped jeans, graphic black tee, and dirty boots. So very handsome and so masculine. So very him.
Will my heart ever stop racing every time I look at him?
Shaw looks up, catching my gaze, and waves me down awkwardly.
In front of him lies a navy-blue blanket spread out on the grass, adorned with a scattering of fairy lights that twinkle like stars. A small telescope stands beside him, its lens pointed towards the heavens.
The telescope…
How?
Overwhelmed with emotion, I press a hand to my chest to steady my racing heart. Tears well in my eyes as I take in the scene and the beautiful man. He has remembered my love for astronomy, my fascination with the cosmos that mirrors the vastness of my dreams.
I quickly type out a reply, “What is going on?”
Grumpy: Just come down, princess.
I look out the window and find him looking up. Even with the distance separating us, I can feel the warmth of his brown gaze.
Smiling wide, I quickly type out another reply, “I’m coming down,” and hurriedly throw a white cashmere sweater over my summer dress to shield me from the night’s breeze. I loosen the messy bun and quickly brush my hair, making sure I look presentable after spending most of the afternoon locked in my room doing schoolwork.
I add pink lip gloss and retouch my mascara.
When I’m sure I look okay, I slip out the door and make my way down until I reach the glass doors that lead to the garden. Once there, I walked down the stone path that winds through the garden, my steps quickened with a mixture of excitement and nervousness.
Somehow tonight the garden seems even more magical than it was last night. The wind blows gently over my skin while the stars above shine bright without a cloud in sight.
There’s a crescent moon tonight.
Mystical.
That’s the word that perfectly describes this night.
I wander further into the garden, my footsteps barely making a sound on the lush grass. Fireflies dance lazily among the flowers, their tiny lights flickering in sync with the pulsing rhythm of the night.
My gaze falls on him—Shaw. The man whose eyes are like twin stars in my universe, even when they seem so sad, they still shine. Even now, a few feet away, his intense gaze can both ignite my spirit and soothe my racing heart.
Those eyes, like the stars above, hold secrets and sadness, dreams and desires. I also think they hold unimaginable pain.
My heart starts to beat in a slow rhythm as if it recognizes its owner is inches away.
Settle down, heart. He’s here now.
I stop, look at the telescope and blanket, and then stare up at him. “Why did you do this?” I ask in awe. I don’t recall telling him about my assignment. How does he know? How does he always know what to do and what to say?
Shaw shrugs. “You need to do your assignment, yes?”
I nod, words stuck in my throat.
When I reach the blanket, overwhelmed with emotion, I don’t think when I throw my arms around his neck. His familiar scent—Old Spice—comforting and reassuring. Shaw awkwardly pats my back and then gently pulls back. “Go ahead and chase your constellations, darling,” he murmurs, brushing a curl from my face.
“I can’t believe you did this!” I exclaim as I kneel on the blanket and inspect the telescope more closely.
Shaw then adjusts the telescope, inviting me to peer through its lens. “Look,” he says softly, pointing out a cluster of stars that shimmer like diamonds against the velvet darkness.
How… wonderful. I think as I look up at Shaw.
My heart starts to beat wildly inside my chest.
As I gaze through the telescope, my heart swells with affection and unrequited love for this grump who has shown he’s not that grumpy after all. Shaw has orchestrated this magical moment, proof of his thoughtful and kind heart.
I quickly pull out the notebook I brought with me and start to write the first sentence that comes to mind. I want to write how much I love astronomy because it reminds me of Shaw Banning—dark, mysterious, and unbelievably enchanting—but I don’t. Instead, I write down what I feel at this moment as I gaze at the night sky, and when I’m finished, I act as if I haven’t just to make this night with this beautiful man last.
We sit together in silence, occasionally murmuring observations about the constellations above, sharing a closeness that transcends words. Every time Shaw shares a fact about space, it makes my heart fall harder for him, if that is even possible.
All I know, all I’ve ever known, is that my heart has been falling for this man long before I knew the true definition of love.
As the night nears its end, I feel wrapped in the serenity of the moment and the warmth of his presence. Deep down, I know I will cherish this lovely memory forever.
Everything about this night is perfect.
Perfect just like him.
The sparkling stars, the moon, and everything up there shine down on us as we admire their beauty from down here.
In silence, I think about how this moment is proof of how someone can make my heart soar simply by understanding the depths of my soul. And I don’t think he even realizes just how much his thoughtfulness means to me—how much I treasure his quiet strength and kind yet awkward gentleness.
As we sit side by side under the canopy of stars, I realize that I wasn’t wrong before when I felt empty and tired of the glitz and glamor. Sometimes, the most extraordinary moments in life are the ones that take my breath away with their simplicity—not the flashing lights or extravagant trips. No.
Moments like this one with a beautiful soul like Shaw.
When I finish editing my short essay, I raise my head and find Shaw staring at me in a way he hasn’t looked at me before—in a way that makes it almost impossible for me to find my next breath.
As I look into those whiskey-brown eyes, I know with absolute certainty that Shaw is all I have ever wanted. Being with him makes me feel complete, like I have finally found my place in the universe. And in that moment, surrounded by the quiet beauty of the night and the warmth of Shaw’s presence, I know I have found home.
I feel a rush of emotions overwhelm me—the warmth of Shaw’s gaze, the tenderness in his touch. All shyness melts away in that instant as I realize how much I truly care for him.
Without thinking, I lean in and press my lips softly against his.
Shaw freezes for a moment, surprise written all over his expression. He then surprises me by gently cupping my face in his hands and pressing a tender kiss to my forehead.
“Moonshine,” he murmurs against my forehead, his voice tender yet sad.
I look up at him, my heart bursting with everything I feel for him. His touch is gentle yet firm, grounding me in the moment. I feel safe and cherished under the blanket of stars, knowing I am exactly where I belong. “What?”
“This can’t happen,” he murmurs.
“Why?” I ask gently.
“I’m no good for you.”
“Who says?”
“I do.” With that painful revelation, he stands up and leaves me with a bruised heart, a messy mind, and countless stars shining bright above me. But even then, I can’t help but think that this is exactly where I am meant to be—here with Shaw.
I know he feels it too, but he won’t allow himself to go there with me.
I should respect his wishes and let him be. Forget the feeling in my chest and move on, but I guess I’m not that person.
Because after being here and experiencing my own little world with my favorite constellation, there’s no way I could ever go back to a world where Shaw Banning isn’t the brightest star in my sky.