Chapter 16
Chapter
Sixteen
THE REAL ELLA
Ella
“I need a love that will keep me sane.” — S
I am just begging for heartbreak; I know this, yet with every moment spent with Shaw, I can’t find one molecule inside me that cares.
Some people are worth the pain.
Shaw is worth everything.
He’ll always be.
It’s the next day after he almost kissed me, and I haven’t seen him since. I wake up early and search for him but can’t find him. I even check the stables, but he isn’t there, and neither is Peppermint.
I give up after a while of not spotting him anywhere. The painful look on his face flashes through my mind all morning as I think about how he must feel right now.
Is he ashamed?
Does he regret it?
All of this I wonder with a heavy heart.
I know we’re crossing many lines, and he has more to lose than I do. I am well aware of this, but there’s so much to gain too. If he didn’t feel the same, I would step back and let him be, but I know he feels it. He feels me.
But right now, he needs space, and I intend to give him all he needs, even if it pains me to be away from him for even a second. A second away from him is too long, but I’ll give him that if it’s what he needs.
Today doesn’t feel like pink… it’s missing something.
With a deep sigh, I walk over to the full-length mirror. Sunlight filters gently through the sheer curtains, casting a soft glow around the room.
Standing before the mirror, I trace the outline of the delicate gold bracelet around my wrist that my mom got me. Its subtle shine complements the warmth of my skin, which is tanner from all the sun I’ve been getting here at the ranch.
Today, I chose to wear denim mom jeans and a pink tube top.
Simple yet stylish.
I don’t normally wear these types of outfits back home. I haven’t worn pink in years, but here I do. Here, I get to be me without the fear of being ostracized for my choices that don’t align with the world’s expectations of me—or my family.
Here at the ranch, with Shaw, I am the girl I used to be before the world told me who they wanted me to be.
Look, I don’t blame the world. Now, I understand that I chose to listen to the noise and let it change me when all I had to do was be myself and forget what anyone else had to say.
Shaw taught me that.
My grumpy bodyguard has taught me many things in such a short amount of time.
God, what are you doing to me, Shaw?
I’m a mess for you, and I don’t seem to care one bit.
I delicately fasten the matching gold necklace around my neck, feeling the familiar weight of the pendant with the letter ‘E’ resting against my chest. It is also a gift from Mom, given to me on my fifteenth birthday—a token of her love and a reminder of our unbreakable bond.
Mom is not a person of many words, and at times she might seem cold and indifferent, but she is the warmest person I know. Her love language consists of actions, not just words.
As I clasp the necklace, I close my eyes briefly, savoring the warmth and comfort it brings. The intricate design of the pendant, adorned with delicate swirls and loops, captures the essence of Mom’s love and devotion. All her kids have a gold chain with their initials on it. She and Dad do too.
It is more than just jewelry; it is a symbol of the Kenton family’s unbreakable bond and deep love.
Looking into the mirror once again, my reflection shimmers faintly in the necklace’s gentle gleam. I smile softly, a mixture of nostalgia filling my heart. With the necklace around my neck, I feel Mom’s presence beside me, whispering words of encouragement when I feel down.
“Okay, Mom.” I whisper to the room. “I got this.” I say with determination. With the same resolve, I decide to keep a positive attitude and have a productive day until Shaw comes back. If I stay here and sulk all day, it won’t change anything—it’ll just make me miserable. So, I slide my feet into cowboy boots, make a final adjustment to my earrings, and take a deep breath, ready to do something that brings me joy.
Makeup, hair, and social media.
These things used to bring me joy, and maybe they’ll do that again here.
With bubbling excitement, I move around the room, searching for my makeup bags and hair products. Once I have everything I need, I settle into the desk chair, spreading out my bags of makeup and hair products neatly before me. The soft glow of the afternoon light illuminates the array of gold-pink brushes, numerous palettes, and my trusty hair oils.
Adjusting my iPad to the perfect angle, I tap on the screen to begin a live session.
I watch as thousands join the chat, instantly flooding it with greetings and emojis.
User1973: Ellaiza! ??? You’re back!
Kentonqueens: Stfu we missed you!!
Royalsbtxh: Hi, pretty girl! I missed your face!
The nerves that usually attack me every time I expose myself like this to strangers don’t appear. Instead, a bright smile slowly blooms on my face.
“Hey, loves!” I greet warmly, my voice carrying a blend of excitement and ease. “I missed you all too! So, I thought it would be fun if we could chat for a bit while I get ready for the day.” More comments keep coming in, and my excitement grows.
I pick up the Martee foundation brush and begin blending two of my favorite soft-tint foundations, my movements steady and practiced. I love makeup; it has always made me feel closer to Mom and my sisters. It’s something we all share, even my youngest sister, Evie.
Although my sisters’ techniques are far better than mine, Haven and Ambrose are in a phase where they love edgier makeup, while I lean more towards natural and clean girl makeup, just like Mom.
Mom used to tell me that less is more when it comes to makeup routines, while Dad would rather his girls don’t wear makeup at all. He almost had a stroke along with all three of my brothers when Everly started wearing blush and clear lip gloss. Mom had to step in to defend Evie, and he’s still bitter about it.
As I do my makeup, I chat with my viewers, answering questions about beauty tips and sharing my favorite products lately. When I decide to host a live chat, I briefly consider disabling the comments, but then what would be the point? I used to enjoy these sessions when I was younger. I just need to focus on the positive comments and ignore the rude and vicious ones.
Ten minutes into the live chat, I notice my siblings and cousins joining. Some greet me, some offer kind compliments, while my brothers and cousin Azariel just react to the video with either a heart or fire emoji.
I smile and greet them back.
All three of my brothers abhor social media—well, two of them do. Kyrin is a social media god if you ask him. Royal and Karl are more reserved but have accounts to keep track of all their sisters. Sometimes they forget I’m older and it’s my job to keep an eye on them, not the other way around. But there’s no point in arguing with two of the most stubborn men I’ve ever met, besides my parents. Those two are a deadly combination of my parents’ harshest traits.
Right now, as I do something that brings me joy and watch an outpouring of support from people I used to fear, I completely forget the threat to our lives and focus on the good—the now.
“ You’re safe here… ” Shaw’s words flash through my mind as I add concealer under my eyes, giving me the confidence to continue doing what I love.
I planned to keep a low profile here, but Shaw promised nothing would touch me and that I was safe. I have complete faith in Shaw Banning.
I’ve always had.
I go on to apply mascara, blush, and lastly my favorite pink lip oil. As I put the finishing touches on, I start to notice only positive comments in the chat. The negative ones are disappearing one by one.
I lean forward and touch the screen, trying to catch the vile comments, but they all vanish.
“What…” I whisper, confused, but then I think of Shaw and my heart melts.
This has him written all over it.
Is he somehow blocking the hateful comments? But how? And if so, he must be watching the live too.
I smile wide, feeling tiny butterflies cause a storm in my stomach at the thought of the grump protecting me from hateful words. He doesn’t have to do that—not really. He’s being paid to protect me from physical pain, not emotional, yet he is doing it.
With a full and happy heart, I continue having fun while getting ready, but all I can think about is how much I can’t wait to see the beautiful man again.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
My heart beats wildly but determined.
Soon, heart. Just hold on a little while longer.
I focus on my hair next. The scent of coconut and sweet almond oil mingles in the air as I carefully dispense a few drops onto my palm, applying a thin layer to smooth out any unruly curls. I occasionally glance at the comments scrolling on the screen, responding to my followers’ questions.
A warm smile spreads across my face as more messages of positivity fill the screen.
MaliaCor: I love the top, E! The color totally suits you! I’m glad you’re wearing it again. ??
“Oh, wow, thank you so much!” I exclaim, my voice filled with genuine happiness as I read aloud some of the comments. “I’m really glad you like pink! It’s such a fun color, isn’t it?”
My fingers dance lightly across the screen, acknowledging each compliment with a heart emoji or a quick response. “You’re all so sweet,” I continue, my eyes sparkling with gratitude. “I’ve been trying out some new styles lately, and it means a lot to hear your kind words.”
The flood of encouragement continues to pour in, each comment lifting my spirits higher and pushing me closer to the girl I used to be before I only focused on the bad. “You’re beautiful, Ella!” one viewer writes. “Your curls are back,” chimes in another.
My heart skips a beat when I notice a familiar username: “AriannaKenton.” A rush of love floods my chest as I read the message that follows: “That’s my beautiful girl.”
Seeing my mother’s loving message amidst the sea of compliments from my followers makes my smile grow bigger and brighten my day.
“Mom!” I exclaim, my voice filled with emotion as I lean closer to the camera. “I’m so happy you’re here!”
The chat erupts with heart emojis and messages welcoming Mom. “Omg! No way! Hi, Arianna!” one viewer writes. “Queen,” another writes.
I take a moment to compose myself, my heart blooming with a thousand lovely emotions at once. “She is a queen indeed,” I began, my voice steady but touched with emotion. “You are a queen, Mom. You and Dad are my heroes… you mean everything to me.” I hold back the tears that threaten to fall, not wanting to ruin my makeup.
Mom’s response comes swiftly and pierces my heart in the best way. “You’re made of gold, Ellaiza. Always proud of you.”
With a tender smile, I mouth a silent “I love you” to the camera, my heart overflowing with love for my mother.
Soon after that, Mom leaves the chat with a “I love you, to Saturn and back.”
There’s no denying that throughout the live session, my confidence shines through, not just in my makeup skills or hairstyling techniques but in my ability to connect with my followers on a more personal level and not feel awkward about it. Some users ask personal questions, which I answer carefully, while others seek advice, which I give without hesitation.
This time feels different.
Not long ago, my life felt vain and empty, and even this simple moment felt forced. Today it doesn’t.
I feel lighter than I have in years, and that’s because of this magical place and its equally magical grumpy owner.
Almost done with my routine, I work on my hair. With each stroke of the comb, I gently untangle my black and pink curls, coaxing them into smooth strands that fall effortlessly into place. Then, with careful precision, I gather my dampened locks, securing them at the nape of my neck. With the bun secured, I study myself on the screen. The sleekness of my hair accentuates the angles of my face, framing my features with quiet and soft confidence. A few stray curls fall around my face, softening the severity of the style and adding a touch of natural grace and gentle femininity.
Happy with my appearance, I lean closer to the screen with a smile. “This was so lovely! Thanks for hanging out with me, everyone! Remember, you’re all beautiful just the way you are, and don’t you ever forget it or let anyone tell you otherwise. Until next time!” With a wave and a blown kiss, I end the live stream, feeling uplifted by the genuine connection I have just forged with an online community that once crippled me with anxiety.
Turning away from the screen, I glance out the window, my eyes falling on the tulip fields that stretch beyond the ranch. The vibrant and breathtakingly beautiful pink color of my favorite flowers dances in the gentle breeze, their petals fluttering like a living mosaic under the summer sun.
With my eyes fixed outside the window, an idea begins to form in my mind, sparked by the beauty of the tulip fields.
With brand new excitement and happiness, I jump from the seat and almost run to the door but stop when my eyes catch sight of the small basket nestled next to a sleeping Poppy. I thought my new furry friend would be a ball of energy, and although she is at times, she would rather spend her days sleeping. I don’t blame her.
The sight melts my heart instantly. Quietly, so as not to disturb the peaceful slumber of my adorable baby goat, I approach and gently lift the basket.
With utmost tenderness, I lean down and press a soft kiss on Poppy’s forehead. “Sleep some more, sweet girl.” She stirs slightly but remains peacefully asleep, nestled in her cozy corner.
Carrying the basket with care, I leave the room, love and happiness blooming in my heart just like Shaw’s tulips.
The late afternoon sun paints the sky in soft hues of orange and pink as I stand at the edge of the vast tulip fields, my heart racing with joy and excitement. In my hands, I cradle the woven basket, its contents wrapped carefully in a white cloth.
Geraldine stands patiently beside me, her glossy white coat shimmering in the gentle breeze, while daisies are interwoven in her lovely mane. I gently adjust the bridle and saddle, ensuring everything is secure before swinging myself into the saddle. Geraldine snorts softly, as if sensing my eagerness to begin my mission here.
With a gentle nudge of my heels, I urge Geraldine forward, and we set off at a slow pace, the rhythmic sound of hooves against the earth echoing in the serene afternoon air.
I am enchanted as I take in the sight before me. The tulip fields stretch out before us like a vibrant and endless sea of pink, rows upon rows of flowers swaying gently in the breeze. I quickly close my eyes and inhale the sweet scent. The air is filled with the fragrance of blossoms, mingling with the earthy scent of the countryside.
There really isn’t anything better than this. Nothing. Not even the extravagant and lavish city lights.
As Geraldine trots deeper into the fields, my mood soars, flying above the clouds. I guide Geraldine between the rows, occasionally reaching out to pluck a perfect bloom and add it to my basket. I only stop when I have enough to fill his life and home with magical pink.
“Geraldine… I envy you,” I whisper as I pluck another flower and add it to the basket. “I wish this were my home. There’s nothing lovelier.” I smile as the brilliant horse tilts her head, as if trying to look back at me and understand the words I am saying to her.
Reaching out, I lovingly patted her soft coat. As Geraldine and I spend the afternoon collecting flowers, time passes in a tranquil blur, the only sounds being the soft murmurs of the wind and the occasional chirping of birds. Here too, I feel a sense of peace settle over me as I ride, surrounded by the beauty of Shaw’s magnificent ranch and the companionship of the sweet horse.
By the late afternoon, the basket is filled to the brim with tulips of every size imaginable. That’s when I know it’s time to head back, my heart a little heavy with the knowledge that the day’s blissful ride will soon come to an end, and I still haven’t laid eyes on the beautiful man.