Chapter Thirty-Two
Shai
Rory came with me to get his name tattooed on my chest. It’s so fucking hot being branded with him and knowing he’s forever branded with me.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve started going with him to do little things.
We went to Boston for a reason I still don’t know, but I got to go with him.
As lethal as I know the mini mob is, they don’t scare me the way the older guys do.
Not enough to walk away, never enough for that, but there’s a sharper edge to them than our friends.
I don’t feel the same bond between them as I do with our crew.
Our crew. I have no idea when I started to think of them that way, of myself as part of them.
I’m not an idiot. I know my relationship with them is not the same as theirs with each other.
When they get together, lock themselves away in Tiernan’s office—or the secret fucking room, which I imagine is cool as shit—I’m always out of the loop, like Ollie.
The difference is, I want to be in the room with them.
I want to be involved. I want to be a part of every fucking thing that Rory is a part of.
“We sold all the coke we brought with us,” I tell Rory.
This is one of the things on the approved Shai-and-Rory list. I’m able to go with him when he sells drugs, so that’s fun.
It’s not the actual drugs part—I don’t do anything other than weed—but just like that high I got sneaking around and robbing people, I get it now too.
Not as intense, but it’s there, that rush of adrenaline I’m seeking.
And the thing is, I get that from Rory. Just being with him is a rush, addicting, all the fucking things.
“Let’s go home, then.”
Back at the house, everyone is in the living room, Dean and Cillian with video-game controllers in hand.
“How’d you do?” Tiernan asks.
“All the coke is gone, and we were good boys and didn’t get into any trouble.” Rory winks at Tiernan, who flips him off.
“You’re an asshole is what you are,” Tiernan counters.
“That makes two of us.”
“No lies detected,” Dean teases.
“Hey, when is the last time you’ve done that?” Ollie asks, and it takes me a moment to realize he’s asking Rory about doing coke.
“I don’t remember.” My boyfriend shrugs. “Weird.” He wrinkles up his nose like he’s trying to figure out the last time he took a bump. “Fuck…I’m like sober and shit.”
Everyone laughs. I wrap my arm around him and pull him close.
“You have a new drug now,” Cil says. “Oh fuck. You killed me, motherfucker,” he complains to Dean.
“I like that.” I kiss him. “I want to be your drug.” After all, he’s mine.
“And people think we’re obsessed with each other,” Dean says as they start another round.
“Literally every time I see one of you, there are more marks all over you. You brand each other just like me and Rory,” I say. Theirs might be done with their mouths, but it’s all the same.
“It’s a warning for everyone to stay away from my little lord.” Dean tosses Tiernan a look.
“Or they’ll have to deal with my little fighter,” Tiernan agrees.
I wouldn’t want to piss off either of them. They’re both scary motherfuckers.
Rory kisses me, then plops himself onto Ollie’s lap. “Are you proud of me, Bunny? Shai’s a good influence on me.”
“I didn’t do anything,” I say.
“You’re here.” Rory grins, then gives his attention to Ollie. “Sooo…”
Ollie pushes his glasses up his nose. “Yes. I’m very proud of you, but your gun is poking me in the side.”
“Are you sure it’s his gun?” Cillian pumps his brows.
Ollie flushes.
My dick twitches.
Cillian darts a look in my direction, as if checking if what he said is okay. That he’s not overstepping, which has to be hard for him because he never had boundaries with Rory until me. “I’m not so sure it’s his gun,” I say, letting him know it’s okay.
Rory hasn’t been with the two of them since the night he watched them, then called me. Cillian and Ollie have watched us fuck twice so far, though, both times Cillian pulling Ollie away to fuck him alone afterward.
I get it. He’s shared everything important to him with Rory since they were five years old.
They have a history I’ll never be a part of, and he’s not ready to share that with me.
Maybe he won’t ever be, but I know I want it.
Want to experience the connection Rory and Cillian have with each other in those moments, want to be immersed in their past, their brotherhood, their bond.
That’s how Ollie explained it to me—said it’s overwhelming, like his love for Cillian is more intense because he feels Rory’s, and that he feels what Cillian does for Rory in those moments too.
It sounds…indescribable, like a dream, like this deep, sacred place most people could never reach, where platonic love and romantic love collide, and it’s beautiful.
“Pet?” Rory says my nickname like it’s a question, and I realize I must have been lost in thought.
“Hmm?”
“It was my gun.” He holds it up, then sets it on the side table, before leaving Ollie’s lap to straddle mine.
Rory kisses me, everyone in the room ignoring us, continuing their video games and schoolwork, while we make out and Rory makes sure I know I’m his. I do know, just like he’ll always be mine.
“The four of you should just fuck already,” Dean says when Rory and I come up for air.
“Oh my God. Why are we always talking about my sex life?” Ollie asks. “How is this my world?”
Cillian tosses the controller and pulls Ollie’s face into his chest. He whispers something in Ollie’s ear, and I swear Ollie’s whole body vibrates against Cillian’s.
“He’s probably calling him a dirty boy,” Rory says softly to me. “He’s Cil’s dirty boy.”
I never would have thought it when I first met him, but now I have no doubt. “I bet he is,” I say just as quietly. “Sounds hot, but I just need my cherry.” I cup his ass, and Rory practically purrs against me.
“We have to go to work,” Ollie says, reluctance in his voice.
They’ve started scheduling Ollie and me together when possible, and we’ll ride together to work, or Cillian or Rory will drop us off.
If Rory doesn’t have stuff to do for Tiernan, he’s always there watching me anyway; sometimes I’ll see him sitting at a booth inside, but others he doesn’t come in, yet I always know he’s there.
“You should quit your job and be my house husband,” Rory tells me. Still, he climbs off my lap and lets me up.
He goes with me upstairs while I clean up, then says we’ll take Cillian’s car to work, and later, Rory will be down to see me. Ollie gets off an hour before me, so Cil will take him home and Rory will wait for me.
The Pizza Palace is busier than usual. I’m running around the whole time, don’t even have the chance to speak with Ollie much or keep an eye out for Rory.
Still, I feel the shift in the room when he arrives, this invisible connection between us, this frequency in the air that only Rory and I can feel.
I look up as he and Cillian walk in together, Rory laughing at something Cillian says, just before Rory’s gaze catches me.
God, the way he smiles at me. There’s absolutely nothing like it. He makes me feel like I can fucking fly.
“I can’t believe it’s ten already.” Ollie tugs off his apron, then gives me a hug. “I’ll see you at home.”
“See you soon,” I reply, knowing Cillian and Rory are watching us.
I bring Rory some pizza and a soda.
“Fuck. Best boyfriend ever.” He grins widely before digging in.
The restaurant has slowed down now, the last hour of my shift dragging on. When Chet finally lets me go, I remove my apron, clock out, then wash my hands, before heading out to meet my man.
“Thirty seconds too long.” He grins.
“I didn’t want to smell like pizza sauce.”
We laugh, and I take his hand, heading for his BMW, and everything is perfect, so fucking perfect.
We’re not in the car two minutes when my phone rings.
No one ever calls me except Rory and my mom, so I know without looking who it is.
My heart sinks, fear making the back of my neck prickle.
That’s not a normal response, but no good ever comes from my mom calling.
I’ve adjusted to the fact that her calls have been less frequent lately.
“Mama Kat?” Rory asks.
“Yeah.”
“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” Rory reminds me.
“I know, but something might be wrong.”
There’s an ache in my gut, this deep foreboding trying to pull me under. It’s an overreaction. It must be. I keep telling myself that as I answer the call, but the soft, broken, “Shai…sweetheart, I fucked up,” muttered before I even say hello, tells me everything I need to know.
Those five words cut my anchor, sever the ties to what’s been keeping me steady since this whole thing with Rory started, and now I’m lost, adrift. I don’t even know what happened, but it’s bad. I feel it on a level I can’t explain.
“Where are you? What happened?”
I hear the tears in the way she’s breathing, the fear in each sharp intake as she tries to speak. “I’m sorry. Why do I always do this? I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she keeps saying over and over again.
“Mom. Where are you? What did you do?” I can’t keep still in the seat, feel like my body is going to break apart, and then I feel it, Rory’s hand on my nape, steady and strong, letting me know I’m not alone, while he pulls over into a parking lot.
“I was so lonely,” she says, her words a sharp stab into my chest. That’s all it takes for me to know.
“Are you fucking with him?” She must be talking about my father. Is she back in Texas? It’s been days since I talked to her and even longer since I’ve gone to see her. I’m so fucking stupid. What was I thinking? I should have been with her. She’s my responsibility.
“We’re at this house…ahhhh…fuck!” She screams out in pain.
“Don’t fucking touch her!” I yell into the phone. “Keep your fucking hands off her!”
“Shai. What the fuck is going on?” Rory cuts in, voice sharp.