Chapter Thirty-Four
Shai
I’ve never felt a part of something bigger than myself, of a real family, until tonight. That’s not what I should be thinking about—my mom has been kidnapped, has been hurt, and for all I know, she might not even be alive anymore—yet I’m sitting here obsessing about how it feels to belong.
We’ve gone over a million scenarios, yet the truth remains, we have no idea what we’re walking into.
It’s hard to prepare when we don’t know what we’re preparing for.
Does Jagger know who they are? Does he have more than his two ever-present bodyguards with him, and if so, how many more?
Ten? Twenty? I really don’t see him coming to Ashford with a large entourage, but he’s also unpredictable, and he must have connections I don’t know about.
Is it possible he has some close enough to Ashford? All we have is unanswered questions.
Dean has tried to track my mom’s cell. It was off, so he couldn’t, but he did find where it last pinged. We scoped the area, but it only had an abandoned building, so it’s not where he’s keeping her.
“I’d rather go in with too many men than not enough,” Dean says.
“Conan will come,” Tiernan answers.
“Even if it gets him into trouble with Rian?” Ollie asks.
I was surprised he stayed for the discussion.
He mentioned preferring not to know the details, but this time, he chose to stay.
Cillian hasn’t let go of his hand the whole time, comforting his boyfriend while we discuss things that could get us all killed. Another stab of guilt hits me.
“Conan loves Tiernan like a son. He’ll do anything for him,” Cillian says.
“And your father loves you too.” Ollie’s voice is gentle.
Cillian nods as if Ollie just reminded him of something he didn’t know. He looks at Rory, then at me, before pulling out his cell and making a call. “Dad…I need a favor.”
I don’t know the details, but from what I’ve pieced together, Cillian and his dad have had a rough relationship since his mom died. They’re working on having a stronger one now, but I can see in his eyes that this isn’t easy for him, calling on Rian this way. But he’s doing it for me, for us.
We all listen while Cillian speaks to Rian, telling him everything we know, which only emphasizes how much we don’t know.
Cillian watches us as he listens to his dad, then replies, “He’s Rory’s. And mine and Ollie’s.”
The room is silent, but even if it wasn’t, I’m not sure I could’ve heard anything over the blood rushing through my ears. I belong to them…all of them. And they belong to me.
“Thank you,” Cillian tells him. “I’ll see you soon.”
He ends the call, and before I can do or say anything, Rory is with him, hand on the back of Cillian’s head, their foreheads pressed together. “Thank you,” Rory tells him.
“Always, brother,” Cillian replies, and though I know I should deal with this on my own, know I shouldn’t pull them any deeper into my shit, it would be throwing their love and sacrifice into their faces to do that.
Whatever happens, we’ll do this together, and I couldn’t feel luckier to have them.
*
“Wherever we end up, you know Spike is gonna have to go in alone at first, right, kid?” Finan says to Rory. We’re all assuming he’s holding her at a location close by but we don’t know for sure.
“Spike?” I ask.
“The hair.” Finan points to my head.
“No. Fuck that,” Rory says. “Not happening.”
“How do we make sure his mom is safe if he doesn’t go in?” Rian asks. “If we all go storming in together, they’ll put a bullet in her head or use her for leverage.”
I wince, though I know everything Cillian’s father said is correct.
“He knows about me,” Rory tries again. “I was on the phone when they spoke. I can go in with him. The rest of you come in afterward.”
“No,” I interrupt. “Jagger said to come alone.”
“Not fucking happening.” Rory pulls away, moves in that way he does when he can’t control himself, like he’s pulsing with an overpowering current. He picks up a vase, throws it, and it shatters against the wall.
Aislin jumps.
“Rory…can you handle this? If you can’t, you’ll be the one sitting this one out, son,” Rian says. “You have got to get yourself under control.”
And this, I see, is why Tiernan said we weren’t ready to do things together yet. And now we don’t have a choice. Well, if Rory can get himself together, that is.
“Fuck you. You’re not my father,” Rory curses.
“No, your father is dead because he couldn’t get himself together.” The harshness of his words rakes over my skin like sandpaper.
“Fuck you, Rian,” Rory seethes.
“Dad,” Cillian snaps, warning in that one word.
But I ignore them. None of them are my concern right now. Only Rory is.
What would Ollie do? I remember Rory telling me that once, that it’s what he asks himself, and as soon as I do, I’m walking over to Rory. It’s like everyone else in the room has disappeared and it’s only the two of us. “Rory,” I say, and when he doesn’t answer, “Cherry.”
He shakes his head, tugs at his hair, but that doesn’t stop me from wrapping my arms around him, from brushing my cheek against his. He’s fucking shaking, vibrating in my arms, and Christ, all I want is to take that fear away from him.
Still pressed together, mouth close to his ear, I speak softly, only for us.
“Baby, I can do this. I’ll be okay. I’m not fucking leaving you.
” When he doesn’t answer right away, I try to think of every way I can to ground him, keep him here with me and not getting lost in his head.
“Breathe, Cherry. Be a good boy for me and breathe.”
His breathing slows, the tremble in his limbs subsiding.
“We get to fuck shit up together,” I tell him. “You just gotta give me a couple minutes on my own, okay? And then it’s me and you. I’m not fucking dying today, not when I finally know what it’s like to be happy, all because of you.”
The low, possessive growl he gives in response fills me up, leads me to that place where only Rory has ever been able to bring me, where I know what it’s like to be loved…and being loved by him is the greatest fucking gift.
“You can’t kill them all without me,” he says softly, and for the first time since he walked away, I breathe easier.
“I wouldn’t think of it.” He’s back. I brought him back, and there’s nothing like the feeling of knowing I can be who he needs. “We gonna do this?”
“We’re going to fucking do it,” he says. “Thank you for bringing me back.”
“Always. You brought me to life.”
Rian clears his throat, pulling us into reality with the rest of them.
“He gets hurt, I’m killing you guys,” Rory says.
Rian rolls his eyes, Conan crosses his arms and watches, but Finan says playfully, “You gonna take on the adults in the room, kid? Let’s spar.” He bounces around, similarly to how Rory does.
“Can we get fucking serious now?” Tiernan asks.
“Sorry, Daddy T,” Rory says, and we get back to planning.
They’re going to put a mic on me so they know what’s going down.
I’ll drive on my own, the others behind me.
While I go in, they’ll sneak onto the property.
My job is to get as close to my mom as possible, try to keep her safe.
When I’m ready for them to come in, I say Rory’s name, and then all fucking hell will break loose.
*
It’s been almost twenty-four hours and Jagger hasn’t called, and every time I try to call my mom’s phone, it goes directly to voice mail.
We all know that can’t be a good sign. He must have figured out who Rory is.
It’s not as if it’s that hard to do in Ashford.
I’m praying he doesn’t understand how Rory’s family works, doesn’t get the way they stick by one another.
It’s not the way Jagger runs his operation.
He doesn’t give a fuck about anyone but himself, so I can only hope he doesn’t expect what’s coming for him.
“You look tired, pet.” Rory fingers my hair. He’s sitting on the couch, me on the floor between his legs, my head on his thigh. None of us slept all night. Aislin is still here, Ollie staying awake with us, the mood somber.
For me. They’re all doing this for me, and I will never be able to express what that means to me, but we all also know that any of us can die, any of us might get hurt, and that’s a heavy weight to bear. “I just want this to be over. I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”
“We won’t. We’re badasses.” He looks down at me, smiling, and I can’t help but grin too.
“I love you,” I tell him. I never thought I would be the type of person who wants to say those three words as much as I do, but I don’t ever want Rory to doubt who he is to me. What he’s given me.
His smile turns softer. “I love you too, you crazy motherfucker.”
I chuckle as he leans down and presses his lips to mine.
“So…they put something in the water over here that makes you all queer?” Finan asks, and much-needed laughter courses through the room.
“I’ve always been gay,” I say.
“Me too,” Ollie adds.
“Same,” Dean chimes in. “You should try it sometime.”
“Who said I haven’t?” Finan pumps his brows, then finishes rolling a joint.
The second my cell rings, everyone stills. “Speakerphone,” Rian says, and I nod, everyone in the room deathly quiet.
“Took you long enough,” I say instead of hello.
“I think you’re forgetting you’re not the one in control. I am. Your mom and I had a lot of catching up to do.”
Ice fills my veins. “Fuck you! Don’t you fucking touch her. I’ll kill you so you can never touch her again.”
“You sound like a child, Shai. That’s not how this works. Are you going to be good so we can get this over with?”
Rory’s hand squeezes my shoulder hard, but I don’t think he realizes he’s doing it. Cillian must see me wince, though, and reaches over, placing his palm on Rory’s hand, his hold immediately loosening.
“Where the fuck are you?”
He gives me an address. Across the room, Rian and Conan are looking at Rian’s phone, I assume at the location.
“I don’t have to remind you to come alone, right?” Jagger asks.