Chapter 32 #2
But she shook her head. “And then you were due to head off to Weybridge Academy, and I knew you would never go if you knew the truth.”
“You’re right. I wouldn’t have,” I agreed. “Because this is the kind of thing you deal with as a family. Because you deserved to have some support, and I deserved to know. You should have told me.”
She shrugged. “Like I said, I’m fine. I feel good, and we’re monitoring it closely. Your father has been working with my doctor to make sure his treatment is working for me, and if things keep tracking the way they are, I might never need surgery.”
“Matthew knows?”
She grimaced.
“You could tell my estranged father but not your daughter?” It was hard to ignore the hurt that flashed through me. My mom trusted Matthew with this over me. And Matthew had kept it from me too. It’s not like they hadn’t had the opportunity to tell me.
My mom glanced away as she gathered her thoughts, and the way she refused to look at me made me anxious. I thought we shared everything, but could she really be keeping another secret?
“Mom, is there something you’re not telling me?”
She swallowed and slowly returned her gaze to meet mine. “So, here’s the thing…” She glanced down at her hands, and I could see she was struggling with whatever it was she had to say. She released a breath and looked at me once more. “Matthew never found my letter in his father’s safe.”
Her response surprised me, and it took me a moment to realize she was talking about the letter she had sent Matthew before I was born. The one in which she’d told him about me. The only reason he knew I existed was because he’d discovered the letter after his father died.
“I don’t understand,” I said. “What’s that got to do with your diagnosis?”
“Because that letter isn’t the reason your father came back into your life,” she said. “He never saw it. Matthew suspects his parents destroyed it before they sent me the hush money. The truth is, Matthew didn’t know you existed until I reached out to him earlier this year.”
“Wait? You reached out to him?”
She nodded. “I’d just received my diagnosis, and I was terrified. So, I decided to get in touch with him.”
“Of course, you were terrified. Mom, you should have said something to me.”
She shook her head though. “I wasn’t terrified for me.
I was terrified for you. Hearing about the cancer made me realize that I’m not always going to be here.
That something might happen to me, and you would be left all alone.
I didn’t want to be the only family you had, so I contacted Matthew.
I told him about you. And I told him I was sick. ”
She quickly lifted a hand to her eye to stop a tear from escaping before she continued.
“I hoped that maybe he’d changed his mind in the years since you were born and that maybe he would want to be in your life.
To my shock, I discovered that he’d never even known about you.
But from the very first moment he found out he had a daughter, he wanted to be a father to you. ”
The blood rushed from my skin as I tried to understand what she was saying. They had both lied to me about this?
“Matthew kept all this from me too?”
“I asked him to,” my mom said. “I told him to tell you he found the letter and contacted me because of it. I wasn’t ready to tell you about the cancer.
And when he offered to send you to one of the best schools in the country, I knew I needed to keep the truth from you a while longer.
You deserved this incredible opportunity, and I wanted to make sure you went to Weybridge Academy and set yourself up for a future without me. ”
My body started to shake as she hinted at a world where she didn’t exist. I stood from the couch and paced away from her.
I couldn’t believe she’d kept this all from me.
That she’d had to plan for life after she died.
But most of all, I couldn’t believe she’d gone through this alone—and the guilt I felt was crippling.
“Isobel…” My mom moved to follow me off the couch, but I lifted a hand, gesturing for her to keep back.
This was one thing too much for me right now.
I hadn’t even begun to accept my mom had cancer.
How was I supposed to come to terms with the fact my parents had both been lying and the reason my father was finally in my life was because of the cancer too.
“I just… I can’t… I need a minute.”
“Take all the time you need,” she said.
I went to my room without responding, closing the door firmly behind me. As it closed, tears started to flow down my cheeks. Apparently, the reason I hadn’t cried over Wes was because my body somehow knew this moment was coming and needed to be ready.
I knew I was probably dealing with this all the wrong way.
I was supposed to be out there hugging my mom and telling her it was all going to be okay.
But instead, I was in here crying. Crying because I was scared for her.
Crying because she’d lied. I was crying because she’d let me leave when she’d needed me here all this time.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and found myself calling the last person I expected.
Noah answered on the second ring. “Isobel?”
I wasn’t sure why I’d called him. He wasn’t my boyfriend. He wasn’t even really my friend. But for some reason, he was the one person whose voice I wanted to hear right now.
I tried to come up with a response but a croaky sob was all I managed.
Noah swore. “Isobel, are you okay? What’s happened?”
Again, I couldn’t seem to muster the words to respond.
“Is this about Wes? I heard you two broke up.”
“Not Wes.” Finally, I found my voice. “I’m not crying about Wes.”
“Then what the hell is wrong?” He sounded somewhat panicked, but it was hardly surprising given I’d called him late at night sobbing without any explanation.
“It’s my mom…” I whispered. “She’s sick. She says she’s going to be okay, but it’s cancer, so how can she be sure?”
Noah swore again, and there was a brief pause before he spoke. “I’m coming to Rapid Bay.”
“What? No, you don’t have to do that.”
“Yes, I do. I might not have access to my grandfather’s jet anymore, but I’ll find a way.”
“Noah, that’s crazy.”
His voice became muffled, and it sounded as though he was talking to someone else, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. When he came on the line again, I tried to dissuade him once more.
“You can’t just fly here because I’m crying,” I said.
“Yes, I can. I’ll be there as soon as possible. Okay?”
I didn’t have the energy to fight him. And if I was being honest with myself, I knew I wanted him here. “Okay. Thank you.” I glanced at the door behind me, knowing I should be out there with my mom. “I need to go.”
“I’ll see you soon.”
I hung up the phone and stared at it for several long moments. I wasn’t really sure what had just happened, but a part of me was relieved. This burden felt like too much for me to bear alone, and knowing Noah was coming, that he was going to be here, made it a little easier to breathe.
When I went back out to my mom, she was pacing the living room, chewing her nails. She went completely still when she saw I’d returned.
“I’m sorry for running out like that,” I said before I walked over and gathered her in a hug. She relaxed into my arms, and I held her even tighter. “I’m scared.”
“You don’t need to be,” she replied. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right from the start. I just didn’t want to worry you, and you had so much going on. I just wanted you to be happy. To fulfill your potential. To have an amazing life even if I might not be in it.”
“Mom, please don’t talk like that. I don’t care what’s happening in my life; you should always tell me this stuff. Always.” I shook my head. “But don’t worry about that now. How are you feeling?”
“I’m good,” she said. “The symptoms from the treatment have been mild. I probably wouldn’t even know I was sick if the doctor hadn’t noticed the lump on my throat at a regular checkup.”
I stared into my hands. “I can’t believe you went through all of this without me. That you reunited me with my father after all this time because you were scared you were going to die.”
Mom didn’t look the least bit guilty, and I got the feeling she’d do the same all over again if she had to.
“So, what is this treatment? What are the drugs he’s got you on?”
“Look, why don’t we talk about this tomorrow,” Mom said. “You’ve had a really big day of travel, you broke up with your boyfriend, and now this. Matthew is getting here in the morning. It might help if he’s here to answer your questions too.”
I did feel exhausted, but I wasn’t sure if I could sleep. Not when I’d just learned my mom had been keeping a cancer diagnosis from me for months. If I went to bed right now, I knew I’d be up all night googling her symptoms and probably scaring the hell out of myself with whatever I found.
“Or we could watch more Downton Abbey together…” I suggested.
Mom wrapped an arm around my shoulder and guided me toward the couch. “That sounds perfect.”
Downton might not have the answers I was looking for, but it provided one relief: sweet distraction.