14. Zane
14
ZANE
Z ane sat in the kitchen, sipping from his favorite handmade mug and watching the boys regale Becca with stories about Christmas on the farm.
The air was fragrant with the delicious scent of chocolate and the spice from the plate of gingersnaps Mom had set on the table.
The boys were so excited that they kept talking over each other, but Becca only smiled and gently reminded them to take turns. He guessed that she was used to that kind of behavior from teaching, and from growing up with a bunch of siblings herself. The boys did their best, and had her laughing with every tale of mischief and fun.
At one point, Zane’s mom caught his eye from across the table, her expression so happy he couldn’t resist smiling back at her. Even though what she was trying to tell him was impossible.
After all, he had almost kissed the sweet little schoolteacher, and the instant the spell was broken, she’d scrambled back up that ladder like he had some kind of disease.
So much for Tripp always saying the ladies in town were after him, and Allie claiming there was even some kind of bet going. The only woman Zane ever been delusional enough to fall for seemed to be more interested in his kids than in him.
And he still didn’t think she could handle them—not really.
It was all well and good to spend time with them in the classroom where they were trying to behave, or to hear them talk about the nonsense they got up to while they were all ensconced in the safety of Maggie Lawrence’s kitchen.
But when push came to shove, he sometimes felt like he was raising a pair of feral children who were more comfortable outside than in. A dainty little thing like Becca Hawthorne didn’t belong in their rough lives. She wouldn’t last five minutes.
“Well, boys,” she said, placing her empty mug on the table and rousing Zane from his dark thoughts. “This has been so much fun. Thank you for letting me stay and do some decorating, and for all the hot cocoa and the funny stories.”
“Don’t go, Miss Hawthorne,” Cal said suddenly, having clearly figured out that she was about to leave. “You can come over to our house now, and see our room.”
“That’s such a nice invitation,” she told him with a fond smile. “But I’d better get home, so I have plenty of energy to visit a few local businesses tomorrow.”
“ And —” Cal began before Nick elbowed him.
“And what?” she asked.
“And… you want to do a good job,” he said. “Because our project is really cool.”
“Our project is really cool,” she agreed, looking pleased.
“We’ll walk you to your car,” Nick said.
“You don’t need to do that,” she told him.
“We want to,” Cal said. He was already up, heading for the door to put on his boots.
Nick scampered after him as Becca stood.
“Thank you all,” she said, gazing around at his parents, and finally at Zane.
He held his breath, wondering if the smile she gave him would be the same as it was before he made a fool of himself, or if she would give him that awful wooden look women gave to men they didn’t want.
But there was no time to see. Her cheeks flushed the moment their eyes met, and she scurried off after the boys.
He watched after her, unable to keep himself from smiling as he heard the boys discussing who would help her with her coat.
“Well, well, well,” his dad said, leaning back in his chair, as the front door closed behind them.
“I’ll just check on the laundry,” Mom said quietly, heading for the mudroom, and leaving Zane alone with his dad.
“It’s not like that,” Zane said, not really sure what he meant, or what it was like at all, but ready to argue with whatever silly thing his father was about to suggest.
“She’s a gem,” his father said softly. “One in a million.”
That simple statement stopped Zane in his tracks, and he felt the shell of defensiveness he’d put up around himself shatter.
“I can’t,” he heard himself say, instead of protesting.
“Why not?” his father asked.
“She’s too young,” Zane offered.
“She’s a grown woman,” his father said, shrugging. “In her twenties at least, if she has a teaching certificate.”
Zane nodded, there was no arguing that. Though twenties was still young—a lot younger than he felt in his thirties with two active little boys.
“You know, every time I see your brother, Tag lately,” Dad said thoughtfully. “I can’t help being happy for him all over again.”
Tag had found love again last Christmas, against all odds. But the girl had practically fallen into his lap. And Tag didn’t have Zane’s challenges.
“He found the right woman,” Zane agreed, nodding.
“Well, she found him,” Dad said, chuckling. “But sometimes love finds us when we least expect it. Tag is a great example of that.”
Zane nodded, his finger tracing the handle of Becca’s empty cocoa mug, marveling at the fact that it was actually empty. She had even managed to eat all the marshmallows Nick had put in it, which was an impressive feat.
“I’m just saying… keep an open mind, son,” Dad said softly, leaning forward. “Can you do that much for me?”
“Sure,” Zane said. He hated to lie to his father, but he liked even less to be disrespectful. “But I’m not interested in Miss Hawthorne.”
“I see,” Dad said, in a tone that implied that he very much didn’t see.
Which makes sense. He caught me with my hand wrapped around her face, a millimeter away from kissing her.
Suddenly, he could feel the softness of her cheek in his hand, and the intimacy of being so close that they were sharing breath.
Of course he was interested. He had never been as interested in anything in his life as much as he was interested in knowing what it would be like to taste those lips.
“She sure is good with those boys of yours,” Dad said, leaning back in his chair again. “Understands them well.”
“It looks that way,” Zane said, grateful for the reminder to focus on the two most important people in his life. “I’m glad they have a teacher who likes them.”
But just because she could handle them in school, or be glad to see them here, didn’t mean she was equipped to be a permanent fixture in their lives, he reminded himself again. Their own mother headed for the hills back when they were too little to even kick up much of a fuss…
Pain wrenched his heart at the memory, and for once he was grateful for it, because it strengthened his resolve to never let anyone else abandon his boys.
“Well,” Dad huffed, getting up from the table. “I’m gonna help your mom in the kitchen.”
“Boys should be back in any minute,” Zane said, rising to grab a few mugs to carry in.
But they burst through the front door again before he could lift the first cup.
“ Dad, Dad, Dad ,” Nick yelled.
“Hey, guys,” Zane said.
“Can we go ice skating?” Nick asked right away. “Since we got good grades on our math quiz?”
The sight of Nick so radiant with pride about his quiz tugged at Zane’s heart.
“We can definitely do something fun to celebrate,” Zane said. “But we went ice skating last weekend. Do you want to choose something different? Maybe a hike?”
“No,” Cal said quickly.
“No,” Nick agreed. “No, no, we like ice skating.”
“Ice skating it is,” Zane told them with a smile. “We’ll go first thing tomorrow when there aren’t any lines. I’m so proud of you both.”
But the boys looked at each other worriedly.
“We want to eat a big Saturday breakfast with Grandma and Grandpa first,” Nick said quickly. “And we want to check out the toy store again for ideas for our Christmas lists, and play in the park.”
“Whatever you guys want,” Zane said, laughing. “This is your celebration. We can hang out in town all day if you want.”
“ Yes,” Cal whisper-shouted, jumping up and down.
The jumping was contagious as usual, and the next thing he knew, both boys were practically bouncing off the walls.
“Let’s help your grandparents with these dishes,” he said quickly, hoping to stop them before they started getting rough and knocked something over.
“Okay,” Nick said happily, grabbing three mugs.
That was probably one too many to carry safely, but Zane had to choose his battles.
Cal got the other two mugs and the plate from the cookies and followed his brother toward the kitchen.
A day in town will be good for us , Zane told himself. It will be good to celebrate something great for them.
And it would honestly be good to get his mind off of Becca Hawthorne for a while.