Chapter 4 #2
It almost brought a smile to my face, thinking of how he’d gotten so thoroughly under my skin, but I started to scowl instead.
Noah being under my skin was the whole problem.
He was like a splinter I couldn’t get rid of, wedged so firm and deep within me that I suffered from an almost constant ache.
I turned from the forest, determined to leave thoughts of Noah back in the woods where we met.
Instead of following the trail through the trees, I chose to follow the path that bordered the lake.
The water was completely still this morning and mirrored the dark clouds gathering above.
The rumble of thunder thrummed across the horizon, and its soft growl whispered a promise of rain.
I probably should have turned back, but I didn’t care whether I got wet or not.
Not when the alternative was sitting back in my room with my thoughts.
My runs were normally calming and therapeutic, but today I couldn’t seem to find any rhythm.
Every breath I took was painful, and my body felt far heavier than normal.
I kept waiting to feel the peaceful bliss I usually experienced once my legs found a steady beat, but my mind refused to focus on the repetitive thud of my feet against the ground.
All I could think about was how much everything hurt.
Both my body and my heart were in agony.
I pushed myself to run harder, hoping the physical strain might distract me from the pain I felt inside.
It was no use though, and even once I was practically sprinting, it only seemed to be making everything worse.
I finally gave up, slowed my steps, and stared out at the lake.
A cold breeze had started to pick up as the clouds above grew even more ominous, creating ripples that shattered the usually glassy surface of the water.
My breath was ragged, and I put my hands on my knees, bowing my head as I tried to keep myself from heaving.
I scrunched my eyes shut as I waited for my breaths to stop coming so quickly.
No matter how fast I ran, I was never going to lessen the pain I felt inside.
I stood there for several minutes as my breathing slowly came under control. I was sweating like crazy, and my head was throbbing from exhaustion. This morning’s run had to be one of the worst ideas I’d ever come up with.
When I finally caught my breath, I turned and slowly started jogging back the way I’d come.
The chill in the air gave me goose bumps, and the increasing wind whipped across the lake.
Just when I thought I might be finally finding a steady rhythm, my focus was broken by the sound of pounding footsteps coming up behind me.
I didn’t look over my shoulder. Whoever was running behind me was moving fast, and I knew they would overtake me in a matter of moments. When they didn’t come tearing past me and fell into step at my side instead, I glanced across the path to see who it was.
My racing heart tripped as I found Noah running alongside me. Of course, it was him. I couldn’t escape him even when I tried. I’d followed this route to make certain I wouldn’t see him, but fate had other ideas.
He didn’t look my way. He kept his focus straight ahead, and his feet slapped against the ground in perfect unison with my own.
I had no idea what he was doing. Why didn’t he overtake me?
Why didn’t he turn and run the other way?
Why, oh why, did he have to run just inches from me?
My body buzzed at his proximity, and I had to believe he was doing this to torment me.
I was so tempted to stop. Either to shout at him or to let him carry on without me. My legs refused to cease moving though. They appeared to have a mind of their own, as if they wanted to help give me the space I so desperately needed from him.
As my irritation at Noah’s presence grew, my speed increased and my breaths came in quicker.
Before long, I was again sprinting as fast as my legs would carry me.
Noah kept pace easily at my side, which only angered me more.
He was tormenting me on purpose. He had to be. And I didn’t want any part of it.
Just when I felt my legs couldn’t move any quicker, I slammed to a halt.
Noah stopped just after me. Thunder rumbled from somewhere in the distance, almost as if the sky was warning me to stay clear of him.
Noah’s eyes were pained and heated, and I wondered if he was as tortured by my presence as I was by his. Did he enjoy the pain?
“I told you to stop messing with me,” I growled at him. “I don’t want to play this game anymore.”
“I’m not messing with you.”
“How is this”—I waved between us—“not messing with me? Is this some kind of payback for who my father is? Are you trying to torture me?”
“I’m not. I…” He huffed out a hard breath and paced away from me before he turned and quickly closed the distance between us once more.
“Can’t you see how much I’m struggling with this?
How hard it is to stay away from you? You may think I’m torturing you, but I can assure you I’m the one who’s tortured. ”
Mere inches separated us, and those inches were only getting smaller with the rapid rise and fall of our puffing chests.
We were both breathless from running so fast, but I thought maybe my emotions were just as much to blame for the way I was panting.
Fire and lust surged through me as I stared into his green eyes.
They were lit with so much desire, and I could see he wanted me just as much as I wanted him.
That he wished for nothing more than to eviscerate the small gap between us.
It would be so easy to reach out to him. To pretend for just one moment he wasn’t Noah and I wasn’t Isobel and our families didn’t exist. That we were simply two people who desperately wanted one another.
Would it really be so bad to give in to the temptation? To kiss him one more time, like my body craved. Noah must have been considering the same question because the longing in his eyes was mixed with obvious indecision.
“Maybe it doesn’t have to be this way,” he murmured.
“And how would it be?” I whispered.
He reached out to touch me, but his fingers stopped just before they caressed my face. They hovered there a moment before they dropped to his side, and his gaze turned more serious. “I can’t go against my grandfather, but what if he didn’t know...”
I swallowed a heavy lump that had formed in my throat. I thought I knew what he was suggesting, but I needed him to be clear. “What are you saying, Noah?”
“I’m saying what if we stayed together, but in secret?”
“Noah—
“It could work,” he said. “No one would have to know. We might not be able to sit together in class or in the cafeteria, but we could go for morning runs and watch the sun rise before anyone wakes up. We’ll spend our weekends down at the old boathouse or disappear completely and fly to Rapid Bay so we can lay together on the beach. ”
I clenched my eyes shut as the images he was conjuring up overwhelmed me.
It sounded like bliss. Just Noah and me, shutting out the world so we could be together, just the two of us.
I wanted to be with Noah so badly, but was I willing to have him no matter the cost?
Deep down, I knew his dream would actually be a nightmare.
My life would turn into a lie, just so I could be with him.
I’d already made the mistake of hiding parts of myself, as though I was ashamed of who I was, and I couldn’t do that again.
The stupid part was, even if I did what he was asking, I wouldn’t have all of him.
I’d only get the fragments of a relationship he threw my way behind closed doors. I deserved so much better than that.
“It could work,” he repeated. “As long as my grandfather doesn’t find out.”
I opened my eyes to look at him again. “You want me to be your dirty little secret?”
“I just want you.” He moved closer to me as he spoke.
His hands gripped my waist, and he pulled me against him.
I pressed my hands on his firm chest to stop us from colliding, but we were just a hairbreadth from each other as he looked down at me.
“I know this isn’t fair, but I can’t imagine my future without you. ”
I shook my head and lowered my gaze from his. “Can you really see a future with someone you have to hide?”
“Yes.” He sounded so sure of himself as he gripped me tighter, but I didn’t share an ounce of his certainty. “It wouldn’t be forever. I—”
“I’m not going to be with you that way,” I said, lifting my head to lock eyes with him once more.
“Isobel...” His gaze pleaded with me to reconsider.
“No. We’re either together or we’re not. I deserve better than some half-assed secret relationship.”
He suddenly loosened his grip on my waist, and the distance between us seemed to grow, like the conviction in my words had struck him in the chest and forced him to take a step back. Ever so slowly, his shoulders sagged and his arms fell back at his side.
“Please, Isobel,” he murmured. “I’ll do anything to make this work.”
“Anything?” I challenged him. “Can you tell me what happened between your grandfather and my father?”
His lips tensed into a firm line as he glanced away. I guessed that was all the answer I was going to get.
“Is it really so bad my father is Matthew LaFleur? Can’t you get your grandfather to reconsider?” I asked.
“Yes. It’s that bad.” He sounded completely defeated. “And no, I can’t do that.”
“I can’t try to fix things if I don’t know the problem...”
“It doesn’t matter what happened. There’s no fixing things.” His reply was abrupt. He seemed to be pulling further away now, and a look of hopelessness had fallen over him. The desire and longing I’d thought we’d shared was nowhere to be seen. He’d finally found his restraint.
“Right.” I took another step back. “Then you won’t do anything to make this work, will you?”
“Isobel...”
I shook my head. He clearly didn’t want to talk about why his family despised my father so much, but he couldn’t just expect me to accept that.
To just let it lie when he continued to tease me with his presence.
I certainly wasn’t going to give him a free pass to keep that up by agreeing to a secret relationship.
“Just stop messing with me, and leave me alone, Noah.”
I took off running again, and this time he didn’t come after me. I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn’t look back. I wasn’t sure what game Noah was trying to play, but I wanted no part of it.
There was still so much pain in my heart from our breakup, but the more I saw Noah, the angrier I was becoming.
Every time he got close to me, he played with my emotions, reminding me how much I wanted him but also how what we had was gone forever.
And now he had offered to have a relationship with me in secret.
He wanted me enough to keep seeing me on the side but not enough to stand up to his grandfather and fight for me.
I was starting to prefer the anger over the sadness. Sadness only made me feel helpless, but my anger gave me a sense of power. It urged me to keep moving. To run harder and faster and put Noah so far behind me he became nothing more than a distant memory.