8. Will
Chapter eight
Will
I ’m too passionate for my own good. What some may even consider obsessive. Maybe they’re right. If I ever figure out how to control what I hyper-fixate on, I’ll be unstoppable. Until then, here we are. I’ve been going over my current conundrum again and again, trying to make a decision from the three options laid before me.
Mantis: who I know I want. Who I can’t get out of my mind. Who I now devote all my waking moments to, trying to piece together what I already know about him with the same fervor as a conspiracy theorist. I don’t need to know who he is, but I’m not sure what else to do now that he’s essentially dumped me. Learning his identity may be my only chance. Maybe then I can approach him in person while not letting on I suspect anything. Even then, not good odds.
Bailey: who very likely doesn’t know who I am and who I’m not so sure I can even approach. I haven’t tried. Maybe it’ll be easier this time around, but my unfounded devotion to him hasn’t wavered, so maybe not. I haven’t even mustered the balls to message him online yet. I’m still working on studying him every chance I get and learning every bit of info I can uncover, usually by scouring the internet. Where’s he from? Where’s his business? Where does he even live? What interests does he have that I can use to get my foot in the door conversation wise? What routines does he have? How can I run into him across town? A lot of unknowns remain.
And then there’s Jesse, my best friend. Dependable. Attractive. A sure thing. Also, sweet. Maybe too sweet. Enough to give me a toothache.
Last Monday, Jess left my place right around sunrise without really saying much of anything. Since then, I’ve only seen him in passing at work, which is the usual, but he seems to be walking on eggshells. Not avoiding me or ignoring me, but visibly unsure. Admittedly, I’ve sort of left him in limbo. Between everything with him, then Mantis, I can’t see the bigger picture until I take a few measured steps back, so I do.
By Sunday morning, Jess and I haven’t really spoken, but we’re about to have a lot of one-on-one time together today. May as well address this now while we’re together and mostly alone. We’re silently unloading everything from the truck, and no one but the other vendors have arrived to start setting up their stands before the crowds arrive.
“Are we okay?” I finally ask when I set down my crate.
Jesse whips his head over as if I asked him the stupidest question he’s ever heard.
“Come hang out with me after work.”
“For what?” Oh, he may be mad with a prickly voice like that.
“Hang out. Talk. Whatever.” I step closer and take both of his chilly hands in mine, rubbing his knuckles and smiling at him. “I’m sorry. It’s been a weird week and a lot’s happened and… I needed to get my head screwed on straight.”
“Interesting word choice.”
I smile wider. “You’re my best friend, Jess.”
“Yeah. Your friend.” He rolls his eyes.
“Maybe more. I dunno yet. Finding out is half the fun, though.” I step forward to close the distance and Jesse meets me the rest of the way, parting his lips to let my tongue in at my request. When I pull away enough to speak, his rapid breaths make short bursts of clouds in the cold morning air.
“Come to my place after work,” I say again.
“Is it going to end like last time?”
“With a sleepover? Hopefully.” And I peck one more kiss on his lips.
When I smile this time, Jesse smiles back at me. Until he stops, and I turn to glance where he’s looking. Bailey’s at our stand and he offers an awkward wave.
“Hi, Jesse.”
Do they know each other outside of here? No, they can’t. Can they? Why does he always seem to go for Jess? Probably because they’ve had actual conversations. Ugh.
Bailey notices my reaction, or maybe a lack of one. He struggles while he looks at me next, saying nothing. He’s so sweet. Clearly, he’s trying to be polite, but he can’t seem to remember my name.
“Will,” I say. And then I realize that’s probably the most I’ve ever said to him. Pathetic.
Bailey smiles again, and he’s visibly lingering on me now. His eyes briefly meet mine before flicking back to Jesse.
Too late, though. I’m not the only one who noticed. Jesse leans closer to me and his arm wraps around my back to hold my waist. “What’s up, Bailey?”
“I’m sorry, I hate to ask this, but uh…” Yet again, he doesn’t seem sure where to let his eyes land while addressing the both of us. “I got a new goods display… for my stall… and I may have underestimated how awkward it would be for one person to unload, and—”
“Sure.” Only after I agree does it occur to me that I’ve volunteered my services before Bailey even gets the chance to finish asking his question. Jesse snaps his head to look at me, but I shrug it off. “I don’t mind.”
“You’re really sure?” Bailey asks.
“Yeah.” I gesture to everything we’ve already unloaded. Jess can start setting up some displays without me.
“I can go if you’d prefer.” Jesse frames his offer as if he may be asking both Bailey and me. Only he knows that I wouldn’t prefer letting him go instead.
“You stay.” Then I lean closer to whisper, “I want to be what wrecks your back today.”
Jess smiles, and it seems I’ve gotten myself out of trouble for the moment. He goes one step further and pulls me in for a kiss. Which I’m not expecting, but I go with it. Once he releases me, I leave our stand to follow Bailey.
We walk around to the back of his pickup, still pulled up to unload, and I can see his problem right away. The display doesn’t appear to be particularly heavy and loading it was likely a breeze for him. Yet the shape is awkward and somewhat bulky to maneuver. Getting it out of the bed of his truck alone will only be easy if he doesn’t give a damn about damaging it.
Bailey pulls himself into the back of his truck and dammit if I don’t lose all my focus. Don’t stare at his ass. Don’t do it. Do not stare at it. Of course, I say all this to myself while actively staring. Not my fault, I swear. Thankfully, he never notices, and we begin moving the display together. Between the two of us, we get it unloaded, and it even remains in one piece.
“I should probably break it into smaller parts to transfer next time.”
Bailey’s brow knots as if he’s trying to figure out how the hell to manage disassembling and reassembling this thing once a week, and I’m thinking about him wearing nothing but a tool belt. No! Not time for horny. This is the perfect opportunity.
“Uh…” Even after Bailey looks at me, we spend additional time in silence while I construct my reply. “I could help.”
“Oh, you’re too sweet.” He dismisses me with a small chuckle and a wave. “You have enough to do.”
“No, really. I’m here every week and this didn’t even take us ten minutes. You’d spend longer unloading a bunch of pieces yourself, never mind putting it back together.”
“That is a good point,” he mumbles. When he hits me with his Bailey smile that shines right through my soul, I almost faint. “Thanks.”
Fuck, he’s so fucking cute. He’s doing that actively standing pose. One leg slightly bent and the opposite hip popped, all while one hand holds his other forearm.
“C’mere.” He swings his head for me to follow him and turns to walk a few feet away.
Bailey squats again to pull a crate of jars toward him. Ah, what I wouldn’t give to slide a hand down the back of his jeans. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he’s doing all this bending and squatting for me on purpose. He pops back up with a jar of… I don’t know. Something purple. He hands it right over to me with a shining grin and it fits right in the palm of my hand.
“Elderberry,” he says.
Well, I have no idea what the hell he’s talking about, but I’m still grateful, so I try to appear very appreciative and not confused.
“It’s… that’s why it’s purple.” Then he becomes the sort of excited where people stutter and ramble, and it is so sweet to see him launch into a subject he clearly loves. “The bees… they eat the elderberries on my property… but I’ve been infusing it also to make it more concentrated.”
“Isn’t elderberry poisonous?”
“Yes.” His eyes light up and I can’t believe he’s impressed that I knew. “Makes cyanide in the body. Not at this strength, though. It’s got a lot of health benefits and boosts the immune system.”
“Thanks,” I say. “That’s really nice of you to give this to me.”
Bailey shakes his head. “I never give away honey. Bees work too hard for me to do that. You earned this.”
“Now I feel bad,” I tease.
“No, keep it. Stay healthy. Don’t miss a Sunday.”
Bailey smiles at me before he gets back to work, and I float on back to our stand to do the same. So maybe he’s not as much of a lost cause as I thought.
Jess comes home with me after we’re both done for the day, and it’s a routine I can see myself falling into. Not sure if I can picture much more past that, but maybe. I’m not ready to give up on any of my options yet, and at the very least, Jess and I can fuck while we figure the rest out. And damn, I definitely want that.
I do not dance around or waste any time. As soon as we’re inside, I’m tugging him in the direction of my bedroom. He climbs right into my bed with me and loves every second I’m lying on top of him and kissing him. When I sink my hips against his, he thrusts back and sighs from the friction. Yet, the second my hands tug on his clothes, Jess pulls his mouth away from mine.
“You said we would talk,” Jesse pants.
“Talk,” I murmur. I’ve already moved on to kissing his neck now that I’ve successfully buried my hands under his shirt.
“What’s this?”
“Fucking,” I softly cackle near his ear.
“No. Us. What are we doing?”
“Same answer.” I pull away to tear my shirt over my head then go back for his. When I get to his pants, he tenses and shifts away.
“I haven’t bottomed much,” he mumbles.
I crawl closer, so I’m hovering directly above him while still looking right down at him. “But you will for me. Won’t you, Jess?”
Jess gnaws on his lip but doesn’t say anything while he stares up at me with wide eyes. He watches me closely when I kiss down his stomach before yanking his jeans and underwear off at the same time. I shimmy the rest of the way out of my remaining clothes before coming right back to him. He’s panting and happy after his cock’s in my mouth, but I pull off to suck a finger before stuffing it all the way into him. His thighs shiver, and I almost think I can get him to come right now.
“Mmm,” I hum while I watch him squirm. “You came so hard for me last time, Jess. I’d love to see it again.” I remove my hand and lean over to look right at him. “You think you can do that for me?”
“You think you can get lube?” So sassy.
I smile back at him. “Anything for you.”
Jesse exhales when I crawl away to dig through my drawers, then I throw the bottle down on the bed near him. I lie down next and lean him back against my chest. He’s so close I can kiss him, and I do exactly that while snapping the bottle of lube open. After dumping a bunch in my hand, I start stroking his hard cock, slicking it more with each pass of my hand. After I do the same for mine, I wipe the last bit into his ass, my fingers grazing his hole. His entire body lifts to try to follow the path of my touch. Probably should stretch him more, but he asked me for lube, not more prep. I hold his thighs and start to press my cock into him, but he flinches away with a soft gasp.
“You can take it, Jess,” I whisper in his ear. “You’ve already done this before.”
Jess shakes all over when I grab behind his knees. I sink him down onto my cock, pushing all the way into him. His body clenches around my cock so tight, I almost believe I’ll pass out. Against my chest, his lungs work overtime as he tries to breathe through it.
“Give it a second.”
Despite what I say, I’m not waiting any longer. I thrust into him over and over until I hear him approaching his breaking point, then I slow down and focus on pleasuring him. I drop one of his legs and switch to shallow rocking. He relaxes back into me and starts to moan, his slippery cock in my hand. After only a few passes more from base to tip, his dick begins to pulse in my hand. I scoop his thigh up again so fast and I’m back to fucking him as hard as I possibly can. As much as I love hearing him climax, I love the sound he makes right after even more. The moment when he realizes his pleasure is over and there’s nothing left for him to feel. He chokes out my name over and over again until I’m finally coming in him.
Jesse trembles all over and his breathing stays erratic while he comes down. I’m still inside him, but also pressed against him: my lips on his neck and my hands stroking up to his shoulders. Once he relaxes, I slowly ease out of him and nuzzle my mouth to his ear. “You did great. Thank you so much, Jess.”
He takes a single deep breath and nods.
“You wanna shower now?”
Jesse nods again.
Yet another scalding shower where we spend the first half with our tongues in each other’s mouths, only this time after scrubbing us clean, I rub his back and shoulders before we get out. We haven’t eaten, and it’s still too early to sleep, but I pull him into bed with me anyway, where he can get all snuggled up while I play with his hair. The smaller television in my room is on and broadcasting the local evening news. I’ve got my phone in my hand and I’m scrolling through our limited options for delivery.
“What do you want to eat, Jess?”
He shrugs.
“C’mon you need to eat.”
“I want those dumplings you hate,” he murmurs.
“Okay.” I smile. “Anything for you.”
I’m tapping away on my phone to place our order when the news anchor on the television launches into more local news.
“Police are still seeking leads in the case of a missing local man. Twenty-seven-year-old Henri DeSantos was reported missing by his family earlier this month. DeSantos, a local artist, was last seen leaving his studio sometime on the fifth. His current whereabouts remain unknown. Police are asking anyone with any relevant information to contact missing persons.”
Jess makes a sound beside me, almost like a sigh, and I look up just in time to see the photograph on the screen. Good-looking guy. Right about our age, too. Eerie.
“He looks familiar.”
“Can’t imagine how you’d know him,” Jesse says.
“You make it sound like you know him.”
“We went on a few dates. Nothing serious,” he mumbles into my skin while he sinks deeper against me.
“I don’t remember hearing about that.”
“You didn’t even know I’d been with men until a week ago.”
Good point. I go back to typing away on my phone to finish placing our order. We can chill out in bed together all night and Jess can help himself to as many gross dumplings as he wants.