Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Jess stared at Taylor from the doorway.
Glared .
Glared was the more appropriate term here. She didn’t look happy, and she didn’t blame her.
“What?” Taylor said as nonchalantly as she could muster.
“Don’t ‘what’ me,” Jess replied, crossing her arms. She gestured towards the front door. “Nauti Sam comes here to pretty much declare her love for you, and you still didn’t say anything.”
“So you were listening?” She was being petulant, and she knew it.
“ That’s your takeaway from this?”
“You were the one who told me to be careful about getting into another relationship.”
“Well that was before I saw how much you liked each other. Why won’t you talk to her?”
“Ugh.” She threw herself back on the bed as Jess came over and sat next to her. Face hidden under her arm, Taylor mumbled, “I can’t see how it could work, how do you do long distance when she’ll be living on a boat in the middle of the ocean? Isn’t it easier to cut ties here before I fall in lo— like her any more than I already do?”
Jess eased down onto her elbows, Belle jumping up in between them. . She looked at Taylor. “How do you know if you don’t try? Just give it a chance.”
“It hurt so much with Liz, Jess.” She let her head drop to the side, looking at Jess’ face filled with concern.
“I know it did, Taylor. But doing this to yourself? Lying here in silence and not trying with Sam? That’s letting Liz win. That’s letting her still control your life, and you’re better than that.” She reached over, messing up Taylor’s hair and kissing her forehead, then gave Belle a quick pat before leaving them both alone.
Taylor let out a big sigh, letting the past few weeks replay in her mind—like she hadn’t already been doing since she drove away from Sam. She curled onto her side, wrapping herself around Belle and letting her tears fall. Why was she such a coward? She squeezed her eyes shut.
Jess’ words came back to her. She didn’t want Liz to control her life anymore. She thought of her standing with Sam at the food festival, how proud she’d felt with her by her side, powerful , like she could do anything as they talked to Liz. She rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling.
What did she want? To lie here crying and feeling sorry for herself at the mere potential of getting hurt? Or to actually give things a go? To try and find a way to make things work together without fabricating an ending that didn’t exist.
I am not Liz, Taylor.
She shut her eyes. Maybe she had fucked up.
Friday night came around too quickly, but it was now or never. She’d planned what she wanted to say, and picked up a bunch of blue hyacinths (they reminded her of Sam’s eyes) to show her apologies beyond words. She just hoped she wasn’t too late.
She stepped out of the car, already knowing Sam wasn’t home. No lights were on, the curtains drawn. She knocked anyway.
Silence.
Shit.
Then she thought of Manny and raced back to her car, careful not to crush the flowers in her haste, and headed for the marina. It wasn’t until she was down the path and at the gates that she realised she didn’t have a fob to get in. She clenched her fists. How could she forget? She spied someone walking down one of the pontoons, whistling away with their trolley.
“Excuse me!” she called out, “Any chance you could let me in, please?”
The guy looked around, spotting her and giving a quick wave, abandoning his trolley and walking up to meet her.
“I’m so sorry. I’m meant to be meeting my friend Sam, but I can’t reach her.” It was only half a lie. She held up the flowers as if to prove she wasn’t some dodgy random.
“Oh, for Sam, of course,” he replied with a grin as he beeped her in.
“Thank you,” she said, trying not to rush past him too quickly.
As she came to the end of the dock, her heart sank. She eyed the empty spot where Manny usually sat.
Fuck.
The flowers hung limp in her hand as she trudged back to her car, hitting the exit button on the gate a little too hard on her way out of the marina. Defeated, she made her way back home along the coast. She glanced outside, did a double take, then pulled over to get a better look. Sure enough, there was a boat with a light on, sitting off the shore in the same spot Taylor and Sam had been only weeks ago. It had to be her.
She sped home with a grin on her face.
As she walked in the door, Jess and Belle both looked up from the couch.
“You’re back early. How did it go? You’re smiling at least.”
“I haven’t seen her yet,” Taylor replied, grabbing a few things on her way to the bedroom. She put her bathers on, then shoved what she needed into a waterproof bag, rolling it up as Jess appeared in the doorway.
“Taylor? What are you doing?”
“Paddleboarding.”
“I can see that. Why the hell are you paddleboarding now ?”
“I’m going to get the girl, Jess. She’s out on her boat, not far, it’s a beautiful night, and I just have a good feeling.”
“You’re paddling out to her boat?”
“Yep,” she said, popping the P.
“Now?”
“Uh-huh.”
“You’re crazy.”
“Maybe. But I have to try. Can you look after Belle? I’d bring her, but it’s too dangerous for her with no light.”
“Of course. Just… be careful, okay? It sounds dangerous.”
“I will.” Taylor picked up the bag, giving Jess a big hug as she moved past her. “Promise. I’ll text you either way okay?”
“Thank you. Just so I know you haven’t been, like, eaten by sharks or mauled by seals.”
“Cheers for the vote of confidence!” she shouted as she shut the door behind her.
Twenty minutes later, her board was in the water, her bag secured. The water was still fairly flat, and she could see Manny clearly, bobbing in the distance. This was the craziest thing she’d ever done. Her heart was pounding, adrenaline pumping through her veins, helping to combat the chill starting to creep in as darkness settled.
It felt so different on the water at night. There was an added stillness and quiet, beyond what she usually experienced floating on the ocean during the day. There were no gulls squawking overhead, or kids laughing on the beach—just the sound of her paddle cutting through the water, the gentle lapping as she cut through the waves. The invisible swell under her board had her swaying off balance, making her realise how much she normally watched the horizon to keep steady. She stayed on her knees instead of standing for extra stability. Capsizing was the last thing she needed.
Manny was getting closer and closer. She’d made it about halfway before she started second-guessing herself. What if Sam refused to speak to her and she had to paddle all the way back? What if she did get eaten by a shark right before she made it to the boat? She gulped, looking around at the darkness. The water below was like a black hole, containing who-knew-what and who-knew-how-big swimmy things. Something splashed to her left, making her wobble and rebalance on the board. She shook herself.
Stop it.
It’s probably just a fish catching a moth. Oh god, don’t think about moths! She did not want to fall in the water right now.
Why did her brain always like spiralling to doom and gloom? Where were the rainbows and unicorns? She looked up, spying the brightest star in the sky above Sam’s boat, remembering Sam’s story. Smiling, she sped up, focused on the one goal in front of her.
The big yacht drew nearer, its stern light drawing her in. She realised her first mistake as she reached the boat. How the hell was she going to get up? Then she realised her second mistake. How the hell was she going to get her board out of the water? Yeah, she really hadn’t thought this through.
After bobbing around for a minute, looking for a spot to get up, she realised she didn’t want Sam to think she was some pirate trying to raid her boat, so she went all in. She cupped her hands over her mouth and yelled out, “Hey, uhh… Sam?”
She waited, the boat bobbing and tinking around softly on the water.
Just when she was about to turn around, the sound of sliding wood echoed in the air as the cabin door opened, a flashlight beaming left and right as Sam stepped out. “Hello?” came the tentative response.
“Hey, over here, it’s me.” She carefully stood up, waving her paddle in the air.
Sam shrieked, the flashlight shining in Taylor’s eyes as she flung a hand up to shield them, sending herself completely off balance. She yelped, grabbing onto the side railing of the boat, catching herself just in time. “Hey, it’s okay, it’s just me. It’s Taylor,” she replied quickly, trying to calm Sam.
“Taylor?!” Sam rushed to the edge. “What the hell are you doing?” She sounded more exasperated than angry.
“Can you uh, help me up and I’ll explain?” she pleaded, hoping Sam wouldn’t turn her away.
“Okay.”
It wasn’t a no, and she’d take it.
“There’s a short ladder right at the back there.” Sam pointed to a dark section of the boat, cast in shadows from the stern light.
“Oh, great.” She moved to it, handing over her paddle and bag to Sam. Then she unleashed her ankle from the safety line, hopped onto the bottom ladder rung, and leaned over to pull the board up by one of the handles. Sam leaned over to give her a hand, the both of them pulling it all the way onto the deck. She hopped on after the board, and they manoeuvred it down the side of the boat in silence, loud breaths the only noise in the air between them.
Now that was out of the way, she needed to face Sam, who was standing with her arms folded near the cabin doorway, expectant.
Taylor rubbed at the back of her neck. “So you’re probably wondering why I’m here.”
“Understatement of the century. I can’t believe you paddled out here.” Taylor thought she sensed a hint of awe in Sam’s undertone and puffed herself up slightly.
“Well, you didn’t make it easy to find you. But… I was determined.” She swiped her waterproof bag off the floor, unclipping it and shoving her hand inside, pulling out the now very droopy, very crushed hyacinths. Crushed blues, hurt like the eyes staring straight back at her, still waiting for answers. She winced and cleared her throat. “These were perfect a couple of hours ago, they were meant to be a token of my apology, now they kind of look like how I feel.”
“Dead?”
“Ouch. I was more going for messed up.” She held out the flowers regardless, which Sam took, the corner of her mouth upticking ever so slightly.
“Because I did.” Her eyes locked onto Sam’s. “Mess up.” She played with the buckle on the bag.
“The thing is… I am scared. I am still hurting from Liz. And I let those things dictate my actions. I didn’t have the answers, and I couldn’t see a way through with you leaving so suddenly, so I left. Because I thought it would be easier.”
Sam took a step forward.
“Wait.” Taylor held up a hand. “In doing that, I hurt you and I hurt me. The second arrow and all that.” A soft smile. “But the worst part was, I didn’t listen to my own advice. You need to have the hard conversations, even if you don’t want to, and it doesn’t stop at just one.” She squared her shoulders. “So, here I am, ready to talk, even if I don’t have any of the answers. And… I’m sorry.”
“That was quite the speech. When she wants to talk, she doesn’t stop,” Sam joked.
“Sorry.”
“Enough apologising.” Sam closed the gap, reaching up to press the sweetest of kisses to Taylor’s lips. “I accept the first one. And the flowers. Or, well, the thought of them at least.” She laughed briefly. “Come inside so we can talk, and before any more moths dive-bomb you under this light.”
Taylor grabbed a towel out her bag to quickly dry off her legs, then dashed into the cabin. She didn’t need to be told twice. She pulled her phone out next, sending off a quick text to Jess to let her know she’d made it safely and to give Belle extra cuddles tonight.
“Hot chocolates?” Sam said, flicking the kettle on.
“Please.” Taylor made herself comfy on the lounge and pulled on the hoodie she’d brought with her for extra warmth.
“What else have you got in that Mary Poppins bag?” Sam eyed her from the kitchenette.
Taylor felt a little sheepish. “I packed everything I’d need to stay here the night, just in case. But I’m just as happy to paddle back after we talk, I don’t want to intrude.”
Sam fixed her with a look. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re not going anywhere tonight, I’m not a monster. And who are you intruding on? Me and the seven dwarves?” she scoffed as she brought their cups over.
“Well, I don’t like to assume…”
Sam rolled her eyes and sat down.