Chapter Seventeen
Suddenly the masquerade lost its appeal. Where she’d been enjoying herself, now she felt a fraud. Glancing around at the laughing groups, talking and sharing an evening together, she felt guilty that she’d come in false pretenses. Turning slightly, she angled her chair away from Logan.
How could she have let the impersonation continue for so long? It was one thing for him to mistake her at breakfast that first morning, and a lark to see if she could come across as her sister. But she should have cleared things up instantly.
Or at their next meeting.
How could she make things right?
It was obvious she had to tell him. Confess her foolishness and pray he’d understand.
But what if he didn’t? Fear clamped down on her. If he didn’t, he’d walk away and never look back. And she wasn’t sure she could take that right now, not moments after realizing she was falling in love.
She had no clue to his feelings. Granted he spent time with her. They seemed to click on all levels. He’d kissed her, and she suspected would have pursued the encounter a lot further if she’d been more receptive.
How would she find a way to tell him so he’d understand? She hadn’t meant to go so far with the charade. She’d only wanted to find a bit of the magic she always associated with her sister.
Before she could think more about the awkward situation she’d put herself into, before she could devise a way to extricate herself, another couple joined them at the table. From that point until it was time to leave, Emma didn’t have a moment to herself.
She laughed at the jokes, and murmured soft replies when asked direct questions. Trying to place names with faces, she studied each person she met.
Throughout the evening. Logan never strayed more than a step away.
He rested his hand on her shoulder, or pulled her close a time or two in a brief hug.
Once he’d linked his fingers with hers, swinging their hands between them casually as he listened to one of the men give a detailed description of some golf tournament he’d won.
As the evening progressed, she grew more and more attuned to Logan.
Her body felt as if it walked a tightrope strung far above the ground.
One misstep and she’d crash. Awareness shimmered through her.
Every touch he made notched up the level.
She wished the others would fade away and leave Logan alone with her beneath the dark night sky.
“Ready to go home?” he asked after checking his watch.
“So soon?” Phil protested. “It’s hardly midnight.”
“It’s after one and we have a long drive,” Logan said, linking his fingers with Emma’s again.
“I didn’t realize it was so late, I am tired,” she said.
Truth to tell, she couldn’t wait to be alone with Logan. The party had been wonderful, fulfilling every dream she’d had of the exciting glamorous life she imagined Lily took for granted.
But the more the evening wore on, the more she wished to be alone with Logan. Maybe he’d kiss her again, hold her. Or they could talk as they drove home. Somehow she had to find a way to tell him who she was, and make him understand why she’d played such a foolish trick.
The Mercedes was a cozy cocoon as Logan drove swiftly, competently, through the dark streets leading to the freeway.
“I enjoyed meeting so many of your friends,” she said when the lights of the houses had been left behind.
“They’re all good people.”
“And funny, especially Jim and Phil.”
“Jim’s our resident clown. No matter how tense a situation can get, he comes up with some joke that eases the mood.”
“His wife is very pretty.”
“So are you.”
Emma stared at him, seeing the soft glow from the dashboard illuminate part of his face. He seemed serious. He looked over at her, back to the road.
“What changed while I was in Italy?” he asked.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
She swallowed hard. Chalk up another lie.
“We’ve known each other for two years, and yet there’s something different about you. Or maybe it’s different about me. I noticed it as soon as I returned from Italy, this attraction between us. It was never there before, was it?”
Emma swallowed So he hadn’t been attracted to Lily. A huge weight seemed to roll off her shoulders. The attraction wasn’t one-sided, and while he didn’t know yet she was not Lily, he’d never been attracted to Lily.
Maybe when she told him why she’d pretended to be someone she was not, he’d forgive and forget.
“And don’t play innocent about what attraction I’m talking about.”
“I’m not,” she said quietly, her heart racing.
How did she handle this?
“So where do we go from here?” he asked.
“Where do you want to go?”
Panic set in. What if he wanted more than she could offer? What if it was just a lark to him, as impersonating Lily had started out for her?
“For starters, I thought you could spend the night.”
She swallowed and gazed blindly out the windshield.
Here it was, laid out plain for her to say yes or no.
And she wanted to say yes. She had waited all her life to experience this glow of love and enchantment that enveloped her.
Could she risk everything and say yes? To spend the night with Logan, to love him, sleep with him, and wake up together in the morning
Nervously she rubbed her damp palms against her skirt. She was so unsure and inept at this.
When his warm hand enveloped one of hers, she jumped. He brought their hands to rest on his thigh.
“Say yes, cupcake.”
“I’m not sure.”
Her heart melted at the endearment. She felt cherished and special that he had a pet name for her.
David always called her Emma. Only her family ever shortened it.
“About what?”
“Us, you and me. This. It seems so monumental. And we haven’t known each other very long.”
Was it less than a week?
“Two years is a long time. I see your staying over as the next logical step in our relationship,” Logan said. “I know what I want. If you want the same thing, what’s the problem?”
“Well, for one thing, you don’t know about me.”
“I know all I need to know. I’ve felt this attraction since you came downstairs in that terry-cloth robe and fixed me French toast. Being with you this week has strengthened that attraction.”
“You say we’ve known each other for two years, but not well. I mean—”
“Tonight you met a few of my friends, I met some of yours at that party last fall. We’ve talked a lot over the last week, actually spent more time together since I returned from Italy than over the past two years.”
“No, you think you know me, but actually—”
“Actually it doesn’t matter. Just say yes.”
“I need to tell you something first,” Emma said, her heart beating so heavily she could scarcely breathe.
Once he heard her confession, would he dump her out of the car? Yell at her for her lies?
He smiled and squeezed her hand slightly.
“You think you are falling in love with me.”
Her eyes widened in astonishment. Had she been that obvious?
Logan looked at her, then back to the road. “Right?”
“Am I that obvious?”
“No, but maybe I’m falling in love with you. Maybe we can see and feel that emotion in each other.”
She sat back, bewildered. Was he really falling in love with her?
Or was it some line sophisticated men used to lure unsuspecting, gullible women into their lair?
If he truly loved her, wouldn’t he have said something earlier?
Why now, when he was pushing to get her into bed?
She wanted it to be true, but was too unversed in the entire scene to trust her instincts.
“Okay, baby, forget it. Stop in for a brief nightcap and head for your chaste little bed,” Logan said sharply.
Did she detect anger or disappointment? Emma wasn’t sure, but she was sure she felt like an idiot. She loved this man. He had practically admitted he loved her in return. And if Phil’s comments were anything to go by, it was highly unusual for Logan to be so demonstrative with women.
“Tell me about Crystal,” she said unexpectedly.
“Not tonight. What I want has nothing to do with Crystal. She’s ancient history. You’ve noticed I never asked about your husband.”
She’d never had a husband. Oh, Lily.
“Logan, I have to tell you—”
“No, you don’t have to tell me anything tonight. Have a drink and go home,” he repeated.
Emma lapsed into silence. The miles sped by as he drove west toward the beach.
She grew sleepy and had a hard time staying awake.
Her thoughts should have been enough to insure she never slept again, but tired from the night before, the day at the beach and the lateness of the hour, her eyes felt dry and could hardly stay open.
“A drink?” Logan asked as he turned onto their street.
“A quick one, maybe,” she said.
Tired or not, she wasn’t ready for the evening to end.
Turning on a single lamp in his living room, Logan went to the bar installed along a portion of the glass wall and poured two small brandies.
Emma wandered to the window that overlooked the ocean and gazed out at the dark expanse. Stars scattered in the sky gave a soft radiance, overwhelmed by the brightness of the moonlight. Silvery waves moved as far as she could see, almost as if they provided a path straight to heaven.
“It’s so pretty here,” she said when he offered her the brandy snifter.
“That’s why we live here, I guess.”
What would it be like to live here, always to have the ocean as a presence in her life?
To hear the waves endlessly kiss the shore, to feel the clear breeze against her skin, to become used to the slightly tangy salt air?
She loved it here and wished she could stay forever.
Even though home beckoned, there was something special about this place.