CHAPTER THIRTEEN #2
A thread of sorrow and horror bled through the strength of the Day Relic’s hold upon her emotions.
Evylin tamped it down, gripping onto whatever shred of joy she could find.
“Why are you making such a fuss about this?” she asked through a feigned laugh.
“I’m not grieving anymore. I’ve learned that life goes on, and so must I.
The fact that I have the Relic has nothing to do with it. ”
“So you’d be happy to give it back to Rafferty then?” he challenged.
Panic flashed into her heart, searing in her veins like ice, but Evylin attempted a lazy grin. “Jonn,” she said his name playfully, “I’d have no problem giving him the Relic. But I don’t see why I would. It’s illogical and dangerous.”
“It’s dangerous in your hands.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” She knew it came out more brusquely than she’d wanted, but she played off its tenor with a smirk.
“You do remember that Rafferty only obtained the Relics because Blount was stupid enough to hold them all himself, don’t you?
If we do the same, letting Raff carry them all, it’s asking for trouble. We’re much safer divvying them up.”
Deckard capitalized on her suggestion. “Why didn’t you say so before? That’s an excellent idea. We’ll let Thom and Ethenn each carry one while Rafferty carries the other.”
Evylin huffed. “That doesn’t solve the problem at all.”
“Why not?”
“Because then I can’t protect us with them.”
“So I’ll carry one. If we’re attacked, I can pass it to you in less than a second. Problem solved.”
Seeing her argument failing, Evylin shook her head. “Every second is vital in a fight like that. We can’t risk it.”
“You’re telling me that half a second is going to make or break a fight?”
“It happens all the time.” She sucked in a sharp breath, attempting to slow her breathing. “Think about when I—when I sparred with Ethenn just the other day. He won because I was a fraction slower than him on his parry. If I’d have paid more attention, he wouldn’t have gotten that chance.”
“Evylin—” His voice was thick with emotion, ragged as though he were the one on the cusp of losing something. “You can’t keep it.”
“Why not?” It came out hushed and broken.
He raised a hand to comfort her before thinking better of it. “I’m not trying to hurt you, Evie. But the longer you keep the Relic, the harder it will be when you have to give it up. And I want to protect you from that.”
“Why would I have to give it up?” She already knew that she would, but she’d reasoned with herself that during their mission, she could keep it.
And by the time they were done, she’d have enough distance from Hewitt’s death not to need it anymore.
For now, she just needed it for a little while longer. Long enough to help her forget.
Seeing Deckard’s knowing stare, Evylin shook her head again, trying to deny it. “I’ll be fine,” she promised. “I just—I’ll carry it a little longer, and I’ll be fine.”
“This isn’t you, Evylin.”
“Yes, it is. It’s more me than I’ve been in weeks.”
Deckard’s look was almost pitying.
Evylin hated it.
“Jonn, I’m fine,” she swore. “I’m myself again. Don’t you want that?”
“Of course, I do.”
“Then let me keep it.”
“I can’t.” He took a step forward, seeming too caught up in emotion to hold himself back.
He set his hands on her shoulders. “Don’t you realize what it’s doing to you?
You may feel happy, but it’s a lie. And the moment you take that Relic off, you’re going to wind up feeling every bit of pain you’ve been locking away. ”
“Then why would you take it from me?”
“Because you either feel it now, or you feel it a month from now. And I’d rather save you from a month’s worth of added heartache if I can.”
Evylin stared up at him, feeling a conflict of fear and comfort within her.
She was angry with him, but she also felt drawn to him.
She wanted to yell at him, yet she wanted to wrap her arms around his waist and press herself into his embrace.
Her grief warred with the pull of the Day Relic, the truth fighting to emerge victorious under the lies.
Feeling herself beginning to shake from the thought of losing what had become so precious to her, Evylin knew she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t face the pain yet. She needed more time. Even a day would be better than a minute. She just needed a little more time.
“Jonn,” she whispered his name, trying to smile, trying to convince him with a single word that he was wrong.
His hands slid down her arms before dropping away. “I’m sorry, Evylin. You have to give it back.”
“No,” she said flatly.
“Don’t make me do this.”
Her heart thumped with anger. “You don’t have to do anything.”
He looked heartbroken. “Please, Evylin.”
Shaking her head even more vehemently, Evylin couldn’t give up. She had to find a way to convince him. She had to keep the Relic.
Looking up into the softness and care in Deckard’s eyes, Evylin knew there was one final chance—one last feint she could employ.
Evylin stepped closer, resting her hands on Deckard’s chest. “Jonn, don’t you see?” she whispered, her raspy tone inviting. Her hands slid up to rest on his neck.
He grew rigid beneath her touch as she threaded her fingers through the curls that brushed the nape of his neck.
A thrill of magic tingled in her hands. Her heart leaped, the comfort of the Day Relic weaving through her veins, melting the icy dread.
Even with the simple touch, she could feel the excitement rising within her at the anticipation of kissing him again.
The whisper of magic within her urged her for more.
She rolled onto the balls of her feet, lifting her chin.
Not just a kiss, her instincts told her.
That wasn’t enough anymore. After months of marriage and weeks of coming to know him and care for him, she wanted all of her husband—and to know what effect that could have upon her Warrior’s senses.
Evylin could hear Deckard’s breath coming out in a staggered exhale. He desired this as much as she did. His chin dipped subconsciously. Running her thumb along the corner of his jaw, just below his ear, Evylin whispered, “We can be together this way.”
With a sudden jerk, Deckard knocked her hands off him, rapidly backing away. He glared at her, hurt flashing in his eyes. “Don’t you dare,” he hissed. “Not when you know—”
Evylin did know. She knew exactly how Deckard felt about her. But she was too desperate, too afraid of falling back into the despair of Hewitt’s death to care.
“You want me,” she said with an accusing tone. “That’s what I know. You want me to be your wife in full. You’ve wanted it for months now. Well, you can have it.”
She stepped closer. “Just let me keep the Relic.”
Deckard immediately sidestepped her. “Absolutely not.”
“I won’t offer myself again, Jonn,” she said, anger overcoming her rationale. How could he claim to care for her and still take away the one thing keeping her sane? How dare he reject her after all this time to protect his bloody ethics? “Let me keep the Relic, and I’ll give you what you want.”
“That is not what I want,” he replied sharply. “Do you even hear yourself? Do you understand what you’re offering?”