CHAPTER FORTY #4
“A secret?” Evylin repeated, bemused.
Ilain gave her a nod. “You shared something immensely personal with me. It’s only fair I do the same with you.”
Hearing the jocular tone in Ilain’s voice, Evylin smiled, thankful for the woman’s attempt to cheer her. “All right,” she said.
With a deep breath, Ilain prepared herself. Her eyes darted to the other side of the camp, and when she spoke, her voice was almost inaudible. “I have feelings for Ethenn,” she said, then grimaced. “Which is a problem because I’ve sort of made him think that I have feelings for Thom.”
It took Evylin a second to process the woman’s words. Ethenn wasn’t the only one who thought Ilain liked Thom. After catching the two of them holding hands, Evylin had been sure that the pair’s flirtations had finally taken a serious turn. “I—what?”
Ilain chewed on a nail. “I know,” she mumbled. “It’s inconvenient.”
“Well . . . Yes,” she said, disbelieving. “You mean you and Thom—?”
The woman gave a low, disgruntled hum. “It was a ploy,” she said.
“Obviously, Ethenn has had feelings for me . . . well, he’s been attracted to me from the start, I know that.
And it didn’t take long before I began to return his interest. However, as I thought he wasn’t a Warrior—” She said it like an accusation, her jaw tightening.
“I couldn’t exactly encourage either of us.
So Thom agreed to assist me in discouraging him. ”
Feeling as though she were talking to her little sister, Calyn, through the trials of romance, Evylin blinked. “I don’t understand,” she whispered. “Do you want . . . to marry Ethenn?”
“I can’t honestly say,” Ilain replied warily. “Maybe? I’m not really sure what love feels like, if I’m being honest. However, I think I’ve botched that opportunity.”
“I doubt that,” Evylin said, glancing sidelong at Ethenn’s sleeping form.
“He thinks Thom and I are dallying,” Ilain argued.
“We all thought you were.”
“Tosh.” Ilain waved a hand dismissively. “I would never pursue Thom seriously. I like him enormously, but he’s not magical, and our life together would be a disaster.”
Evylin couldn’t help letting out a low snort of amusement. Then she frowned.
She’d seen the way Thom was with Ilain. Their relationship began with so much contention that she never would have imagined that he could be as comfortable and attentive with the Fire Mage as he was now.
From morning to night, Thom sought Ilain’s company first. They joked frequently, wiled away the hours together, and even ducked their heads in conspiratorial whispers.
These days, Evylin expected that he’d begun to confide in Ilain more than her.
Across the low-burning embers, Evylin surveyed the shadowed shapes of the men’s sleeping forms. She remembered their earlier argument and Thom’s words. “He’s jealous of my relationship with Ilain.”
Evylin’s heart felt pulled in two different directions.
She supported Thom, of course. He was her brother-in-law and closest friend.
But over the past two weeks of relentless travel and daily training, Ethenn had become like a brother as well.
Their shared experience as Warriors made him the one person with whom she could truly relate.
And now, he wanted to marry a Mage, knowing it would prove the most beneficial to his life as a Warrior.
How could she support one man over the other?
Though she supposed it didn’t matter what she thought. If Ilain loved Ethenn, then Evylin couldn’t hope for Thom’s success.
Evylin tilted her head in thought. “Are you asking for my advice?”
“Not necessarily,” Ilain said. “I’m exchanging a confidence for a confidence. Though if you have advice, by all means, give it to me.”
Evylin scratched her head. “Well . . .” She shot another look at the men’s tent. “I’m not really the person to give this sort of advice, Ilain. Romance and I . . . My sisters could tell you that we’ve never mixed. But if you think you love Ethenn, then I think you should pursue him.”
“But he thinks I don’t want him,” Ilain whispered.
“Then tell him the truth.”
Ilain grimaced. “He’ll think I only want to be with him because he’s a Warrior.”
“Is that the reason you want to be with him?”
“No.” Ilain said it with such determination, such conviction, that Evylin didn’t doubt her sincerity.
There was a spark in Ilain’s eyes, a crystal clarity that spoke of true feelings.
“Warrior or not, he’s everything I wanted and more.
He’s handsome, intelligent, attentive, and strong.
Admittedly, he’s younger than I expected, but .
. . there’s something venerable about him despite his age.
It’s like he knows too much, like his life has forced on him maturity beyond his years. And there’s this . . .”
Ilain’s gaze drifted across the camp to where Ethenn lay, a wistful look on her face. “This fire within him that calls to me the same way magic does.”
Evylin shifted uncomfortably. The passion and desire Ilain displayed weren’t emotions that Evylin was used to witnessing.
Affection was secretive in Ephria, demure and contained.
People didn’t speak of their significant others with anything remotely as vivacious an expression as Ilain’s description.
There was blatant want in her tone, and it made Evylin’s heart ache for the man she’d separated from two weeks ago.
As if realizing her wanton stare, Ilain blinked rapidly. Her cheeks reddened, and she set a hand to her mouth, hiding a laugh. “Sorry,” she murmured. “I got carried away.”
“Evidently,” Evylin said, sharing her nervous laugh. “So you do love him?”
Her cheeks flushed an even deeper shade. “I think so.”
“Then tell him.”
Ilain took a long, cautious breath. “I will,” she whispered. “But I think I have to work up to it first.”
Evylin reached over and took her hand. “And I think,” she held her gaze with a serious one, “you need to stop flirting with Thom.”
“Mm.” Ilain pressed her lips together and gave a single nod. “You’re probably right.”
They shared a final smile and conspiratorial laugh before returning to their task.
Evylin’s gaze swept the forest. She took the benefit of Ilain’s presence, borrowing her connection to magic to heighten her senses.
A gentle breeze swept through the trees.
Nocturnal animals rustled in the brush. She listened to Thom and Ethenn’s steady breathing. The world was still and calm.
A disappointment settled in Evylin as she considered the men again.
Poor Thom. She hated to see his heart broken.
Although after hearing Ilain’s true feelings for Ethenn, Evylin knew Thom and Ilain could never be happy together.
Beyond their magical inequality and temperamental difficulties, Thom deserved a woman who loved him more than anyone else.
Still, Evylin didn’t want to see him hurt.
In the silence, Evylin’s fingers found her rings again.
She looked up through the trees at the moons, her thoughts drifting to the Deckard brother whose heart she’d broken.
Was Deckard on watch too? Was there a chance he was looking up at the sky, thinking of her?
Did he ache at the loss of her as much as she ached for him?
“Ilain,” she whispered, yearning to share her fear.
“Yes?”
“I think I made a mistake.”
Ilain turned to her, listening.
“I think I’ve lost him.”
“Oh, Evylin.” Ilain tugged her closer once more. “You could never lose him.”
The whole of Evylin’s being tried to believe Ilain. She grasped at the words, hoping they would be true. With everything inside of her, she wanted to trust in it. But she didn’t.
Because Evylin knew loss was inevitable. Whether she lost Deckard due to her rejection two weeks ago or to his death—be it in the Time Keep, in a decade, or in a century—she would lose him, just as she’d lost Ryen and Hewitt. She’d never recovered from their deaths. She doubted she ever would.
And when she lost Deckard, she worried that she’d cease to exist entirely. Because he wasn’t just her husband. He was her balance, the other half of her soul.