CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
The border crossing went without a hitch.
Thom gave Ilain the Night Relic, and she slipped it over her head.
“Stay close,” she instructed Thom and Ethenn.
Evylin rode on the back of Ilain’s horse to give her added focus as Ethenn led the empty mare behind his.
All their figures were aptly hazy around the edges in a shroud.
Thom had grown rather numb to the use of magic around him.
Something he wasn’t entirely comfortable with but had to admit he appreciated the benefits of.
Once they were safely within Vaura Reach, Evylin returned to her horse, and they sprinted away from the border wall.
Ilain dropped the shroud a mile into the Mages’ land.
She returned the Night Relic to Thom, her usual spark dimmed by the magical exertion.
He stashed it with the Fire Relic in the inside pocket of his coat.
He didn’t care for the responsibility of being a glorified jewelry box.
It irked him to have a constant reminder of his non-magical, inferior state.
However, he understood the importance of the task and took it seriously.
Their short journey to the border that morning took just over three hours, leaving them with another twenty miles to go until their next stop.
They broke for a short meal and to give the horses a rest once they’d progressed farther into the Reach.
The mood was a strange blend of jovial and subdued.
Evylin and Ilain shared a newfound closeness, sticking near to each other’s side.
However, Evylin seemed to glance at the road ahead at every opportunity, as though anticipating their final destination.
Thom wondered if she was looking forward to the Keep or dreading the troop’s reunion.
Ethenn had returned to a somewhat companionable temper as well, though he still wouldn’t talk directly to Thom. The reminder of their argument rankled in Thom’s mind. It nipped at his conscience, agitating his frayed nerves.
Evylin wasn’t the only one anxious about their return.
For the past two weeks, Thom had questioned everything about his choices.
Despite Ilain’s protests, he still felt he should have accompanied Deckard and Auden, supporting his brother.
He feared what he would find when they arrived at the Time Keep.
After Evylin’s rejection and so much death at his hands, would Deckard have succumbed to the magic?
And what about Deckard and Evylin’s broken relationship?
Thom felt he was beginning to mature. He knew his feelings were foolish, and he couldn’t bear to hurt Deckard by taking his wife, even if Thom loved her too.
In the last two weeks, he’d worked hard to become a better man.
He’d listened to Ilain, heeding her advice and attempting to move on.
Perhaps that was what had angered him so much when Ethenn confronted him yesterday.
“Are you leading Ilain on intentionally?” the boy had asked.
At first, Thom gaped at the unexpected question. Then he laughed. “Trust me,” he said. “Ilain’s not the one you should be worried about.”
Ethenn didn’t get the message. “You’re going to hurt her.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“We all know,” he said gruffly.
Thom turned around, staring at the kid. “What are you talking about?”
Ethenn glared at him. “You told Raff and me months ago,” he said accusingly. “And the colonel knows too.”
Panic swept through Thom’s veins like poison. “He what?”
“You aren’t subtle, Thom.” Ethenn’s dark brow hung low over his eyes. “I chalk the Calders’ ignorance up to them not knowing you well enough.”
Thom tried to come up with some sharp retort, but his throat burned with too much fear to speak.
He knew exactly what Ethenn was referring to.
Since the morning after it happened, he’d regretted his drunken admission back in Nettershire.
Rafferty always did know how to weasel information out of others. Thom was too susceptible to his antics.
But Deckard knew too? Why hadn’t he said anything?
In Thom’s extended silence, Ethenn took a step forward. “You need to stop playing with Ilain’s feelings,” he charged angrily.
That caused Thom to bristle. “Stop being a jealous prick, Ethenn.”
Though Thom turned to walk away from the conversation, Ethenn wouldn’t let it go. “Evylin doesn’t want you,” he called.
Thom froze. The words stung, their truth biting like winter frost. Slowly, he turned around to face the hunter. He gave him a cutting grin. “And Ilain doesn’t want you.”
Ethenn shifted. “I know.”
Thom took a challenging step toward him. “But,” he continued, “she does want me. So why shouldn’t I give her what she wants? Why shouldn’t I have some fun of my own?”
A deep rage flickered through Ethenn’s gaze, but he remained steady. “You’ll hurt her.”
A callous smirk lifted Thom’s lips. “I don’t care.”
Even now, Thom didn’t know why he’d said it.
Despite all his efforts, he’d let Ethenn goad him back into his old, bitter ways.
He was just so irritated. The kid was threatening him, spoken outright or not.
While he’d spent the last two weeks intentionally holding his tongue and attempting to move on, Ethenn only saw his past offenses.
Let him be wrong. Thom was a better man now. He didn’t have to explain himself to the brat.
Those cynical thoughts, along with his embittered actions, had berated Thom through the night. He wasn’t a better man. He was the same resentful, impulsive fool he’d always been. It was as though he’d learned nothing, as though Ilain’s lessons and admonishments hadn’t taught him anything at all.
Why couldn’t he be more like Deckard? Why did everything feel like an affront? Why couldn’t he be happy on his own?
Now, in the light of a new day, the thoughts lingered.
Thom sighed silently. He had to do better.
If he wanted to be worthy, he had to be better.
So tonight, when they made camp, he would pull Ethenn aside and apologize.
He’d admit his faults to the kid and tell him the truth: His relationship with Ilain was a ruse, and he was working to free himself of his feelings for Evylin.
As though a test of his will, Evylin drew her horse alongside Thom’s. She smiled playfully, the afternoon sun peeking around the clouds to catch like gold in the wisps of her hair. “I’ll bet you two coppers,” she said, voice low, “that I can guess what you’re thinking.”
Thom pressed his lips together. There wasn’t a chance she could guess his self-deprecating thoughts. “I’ll take that bet.”
Evylin tugged back on her reins, drawing her horse to drop back from Ilain and Ethenn ahead. The pair noticed, but Evylin gave Ilain a nod. The woman rolled her eyes but turned to start up a conversation with Ethenn.
Warily, Thom followed Evylin’s lead, letting their horses put space between them and their friends. “What are you up to, Evie?” he asked.
“Who says I’m up to anything?”
He gave her a flat stare.
“I’ll tell you if you’ll play my game with me,” she said.
Thom shook his head, amused. “Fine. Guess what I’m thinking then.”
Evylin stared ahead with a proud lift to her chin. “You’re thinking about Ilain.”
Thom snorted. “You owe me two coppers.”
“Really? Then what were you thinking about?” Evylin’s good-natured smile lit her face like it used to. Somehow, in the past two weeks, her grief had softened. It wasn’t gone, but it was less. Or maybe she was just distracted by the loss of Deckard.
Thom adjusted in his saddle. He didn’t like that thought or her question. He might be ready to admit his faults to Ethenn but not to her.
Choosing to deflect, Thom shook his head. “I won the bet; now you owe me an explanation. What are you up to?”
Evylin gave him a side-eyed glance. “I’m trying to give Ilain a moment with Ethenn.”
Thom frowned. Just a few weeks ago, Evylin was trying to set him up with Ilain. When had she chosen to switch sides? A sprig of inexplicable envy worked through Thom. Why did Evylin suddenly favor Ethenn over him? Was it because of their connection as Warriors? Had she replaced him with the lad?
Shaking off the feeling, Thom forced himself not to care. He cleared his throat and gave her a half-felt smile. “I see. Well, do you still want to know what I was really thinking?”
“I do.”
With a ready lie, Thom motioned to the landscape around them. “Say we get all these Relics, and the Alliance has won the war,” he raised his brow, “what are you going to do?”
Evylin’s grin faltered for only a second. “I haven’t really thought about it.”
“No?” Thom didn’t believe her. “The woman who planned to leave her tiny village for a life of adventure doesn’t have plans for the future?”
“No.” Her reply came sharply. Then she shook her head as though casting off whatever caused her clipped tone. “Adventure isn’t what I thought. Too much horseback riding and sleeping in the rain. Not enough fighting.”
“Yes, I know,” Thom said, familiar with the sentiment. He gave her elbow a nudge. “You could be a sellsword. I hear they do far more fighting.”
Evylin let out an amused scoff. “I’m not sure that Jonn would approve.”
Thom turned back to the road. He hadn’t expected Deckard and Evylin’s marriage to last based on her insistence that they separate. He’d thought she intended the parting to be for good. Now, it seemed he was wrong.
“No, I don’t suppose he would,” he muttered.
Evylin didn’t notice his dejection. “What about you? What will you do?”
His brow furrowed as he realized he hadn’t considered it. What would he do? Remain as a soldier? Stay in Deckard’s shadow? Run away to the southern continent of Matteire? Start a life of his own?