Chapter 9
Chapter
Nine
August 19 th
3:01 P.M.
Bringing Becca here felt both weird and right.
The kind of right you felt down to your bones, that settling feeling inside you that said everything would be okay.
And for the first time in twelve years, Connor actually thought it was.
So far, Becca hadn't committed to any sort of future with him, not even as friends. Neither of them had raised his earlier question of whether she could give him a second chance. For her, he was sure it was because she was feeling conflicted, for him, it was because he didn't want to push too hard too soon.
The question was still out there, and she could give him an answer when she was ready.
Whether she realized it or not, she’d already taken a step toward giving him the chance he wanted when she allowed him to comfort her the way he used to.
Connor completely got that it was probably odd to most people, but after her assault, Becca had felt powerless, and she’d been so afraid. One day when she’d been crying and shaking, begging him to dump her because she might never be able to have sex again, he’d just whipped out his length and told her that it belonged to her. Never to another woman, and if she didn't want it then no one else would touch it.
He'd meant every word.
Becca had doubted him, but he’d told her she was in control of it, it was hers to do with what she wanted. If that was sex when she was ready then so be it, and if not, he was okay with that because he loved her way more than any cheap orgasm.
Determined to prove him wrong, she’d grabbed it, ran her hands over it, and told him he was lying, he could never give up sex indefinitely. He’d insisted that he could. So, she’d dragged him over to stand before her and taken him in her mouth. Almost immediately she’d calmed, and they’d both realized that using his penis like a pacifier was helpful to her, soothed her, and it had become their thing.
One she’d accepted on the plane, allowing him to comfort her.
“This house … it reminds me …” Becca cast him a confused look as she hobbled on her crutches down the front path toward the porch.
“Reminds you of what?” he asked, hoping she knew exactly what the old farmhouse reminded her of and was just uneasy about saying it out loud.
“Did you pick this house because of me?” she asked. “Because it looks exactly like the kind of place we talked about buying when we mapped out our future.”
“Yep. I absolutely did.”
“Why?” she whispered.
“Because there hasn’t been a day that went past in the last twelve years that I haven’t thought of you. Ached for you. Regretted what I did and wished I could make it up to you somehow,” he answered honestly. This was no time for stubborn pride or a macho need to hide his emotions. Connor knew he was fighting for his future and that required honesty and vulnerability. Both of which Becca deserved from him.
For a moment she was silent, something flitted through her eyes, and then she blurted out words that stopped his heart. “Connor, I was engaged.”
She was engaged?
Was, as in not anymore?
Did it matter?
She’d fallen in love with another man.
Moved on.
Before he could say anything, the door to his house was thrown open and his brothers spilled out.
“You going to bring the pipsqueak in to see us or not?” Cooper demanded with a grin. All his brothers had loved Becca. She’d been part of their childhood, and they’d all assumed she would be part of the rest of their lives. None of them understood how he’d managed to mess up a sure thing, and honestly, he wasn't either.
“Coop!” A genuine smile lit Becca’s face as his twin brother came down the porch steps and swung her into his arms, making her giggle.
“Missed you, pip,” he said, kissing her cheek.
Sadness tugged the edges of her smile down. “Missed you, too. I'm sorry. I should have made an effort to keep in touch. With all of you,” she added, looking over to where Cole, Cade, Jake, and Jax were still on the porch. Even though his stepbrothers had entered the picture once they were all teens, they’d come to love Becca as much as his biological brothers had and they all considered her family.
“No need to be sorry, pipsqueak,” Cooper assured her as he set her down on her feet, and Becca reached out to grab the crutches he’d automatically grabbed when his brother swept her off her feet.
Something he might have been tempted to be jealous about if he didn't know Cooper was madly in love with his new girlfriend, Willow.
“You know I hate that nickname, Coop,” Becca grumbled as she shot him a glare.
“I know, that’s what makes it a fun name,” Coop teased, ignoring her frown and ruffling her silky black locks.
“We all understood why you needed space, Becca,” Cade assured her as she hopped up the porch steps using her crutches.
“Thank you, Cade,” she said, reaching out to rest a hand on his forearm. Unlike when most people touched him, his oldest brother didn't pull away. “Still, I missed out on a lot. I heard about your wife, I’m so sorry for your loss. I understand what it feels like. I’d love to meet your little girl one day, if you're comfortable with that, of course.”
Surprisingly, Cade reached out and covered Becca’s small hand, which still sat on his arm with one of his own. “I appreciate that, Becca, and I’m sorry for whatever loss you had. If anyone deserves happiness it’s you, and I hope you find it one day.”
As he said the words, Cade looked directly at him, but Connor was still stuck on the engaged part.
Pressure in his chest made it almost impossible to breathe.
He’d waited too long, and Becca had moved on.
It seemed like maybe her fiancé had passed away from what she said to Cade but knowing that she’d pledged her life to another man meant that she’d left the past behind her.
Left him behind.
Too late.
He’d come for her too late.
“Come on in,” Cooper urged her after she’d greeted Cole, Jake, and Jax.
“You’ll meet Essie today, she’s right inside,” Cade told Becca as they all headed into his house.
Connor trailed along behind, watching as the tiny tornado that was his little niece barreled over to Becca.
“Hi, I’m Essie, who are you?”
“I'm Becca. Nice to meet you, Essie.” Becca held out her hand, and the little girl preened as she shook it, Essie loved anything that made her feel grown up.
“What happened to your foot? Why do you gots only one?” Essie asked.
“Esther,” Gabriella Sadler, who was Essie’s nanny, rebuked. “That’s not polite to ask when you just met someone. Sorry,” the woman said to Becca who brushed off the apology.
“It’s okay, I'm fine with talking about it. I actually prefer questions rather than stares and whispers behind my back.” Becca sat in the chair at the table that Jax pulled out for her and turned back to the little girl. “A long time ago somebody tried to hurt me. They pushed me out of a car, but my foot got all tangled in the seatbelt, and it got broken when they drove the car away. The doctors did everything they could, but my foot was too badly hurt so they had to take it off.”
Essie gasped. “Doctors took away your foot.”
“Not something you have to worry about happening to you,” Becca assured the child. “But yes. They had to or I could have gotten very sick and died.”
“I'm glad you didn't died,” Essie said seriously.
“We all are,” Cole said, placing his hand on Becca’s shoulder and squeezing.
“Are you hurt?” Becca asked, pointing to the bandage peeking out of the neckline of his T-shirt, then glancing over to the bandage covering Susanna Zangari’s arm.
“Nope, we got tattoos,” Cole replied, tugging Susanna to his side. “Matching tattoos. Becca, this is Susanna, my girlfriend. Susanna, this is Becca. She’s an old friend of the family, grew up across the street from us.”
“Nice to meet you,” Becca said, and even though Susanna struggled with letting people get close to her she offered a genuine smile at Becca. The two women had more in common than Becca was aware of.
“Nice to meet you, too,” Susanna returned.
“And this is Willow,” Cooper added.
“I’m glad you're home safe and sound,” Willow said as she came to stand before Becca.
“Me too,” Becca agreed. “For a while, I wasn't sure we were going to get out of there alive. Where’s Cassandra? I thought she’d be here with all of you.”
“Cassandra had to go someplace safe for now,” Cade informed her.
Although it was clear Becca wanted to ask more questions, she didn't push, instead falling into easy conversation with his brothers like over a decade hadn't passed since she last saw them.
However, he was still stuck on her revelation.
Engaged.
His brain couldn’t seem to comprehend what should be an easy enough concept. But it wasn't easy. Nothing about his reunion with Becca had gone like he’d hoped it would, and worse than that, he had no idea how to get things back on track.
Or if it was even possible.
August 19 th
3:32 P.M.
Trying her best to keep her concentration on the conversation she was trying to engage in, Becca found it next to impossible.
Her attention kept sneaking over to the man standing in the doorway to the kitchen. Connor hadn't come in to join the rest of them around the table, and she knew that was her fault.
Why had she blurted out that she’d been engaged?
That was a conversation they should have had when it was just the two of them. To be fair, she hadn't realized that his brothers and their girlfriends and families were there, but still, she shouldn’t have blurted it out on the garden path.
Now she was wishing she’d kept her mouth shut.
Did Connor really need to know that she’d been engaged?
Reluctantly, Becca admitted to herself that he did, which was why she’d told him. He’d asked for a second chance, and while she wasn't sure whether she could give him one, she did know that for both of their peace of mind, they had to talk everything through so they could finally set down the burdens of the past.
“You okay, Becca?” Susanna asked, her green eyes full of empathy and something else she couldn’t quite place.
“I'm hanging in there,” she answered, that seemed to be the most truthful response she could give. Her ribs pulsed with pain when she breathed, although the painkillers she’d been taking helped. A headache throbbed behind her eyes, but it wasn't as vicious as it had been, and although her stump ached, it was nothing like the pain she’d experienced just after the amputation.
“Sometimes that’s all you can ask of yourself,” Susanna said, more like she was reminding herself than Becca. While she didn't know all the details of what had happened to the other woman, she knew that Susanna had been targeted because the same men who had ordered her village to be attacked thought she was dating Cole.
“What’s your tattoo?” she asked.
Absently, Susanna brushed her fingers along the bandage. “It’s a quote. Something Cole said to me. Something I desperately needed to hear. It says, I believe you.”
“It’s always important to be believed,” she agreed. How much harder would her own ordeal have been if she’d been called a liar? Told that she wanted what Dylan had done to her. He’d tried to claim that during the trial, but the fact he’d shoved her out of the car door and driven off with her still tangled in the seatbelt helped prove her case. “I’m sorry someone didn't believe you. You deserved better than that. Telling your story is brave and to have someone shove that back in your face sucks.”
A beat passed then a wide smile lit up Susanna’s face. “It definitely does. Thank you for saying that, I needed to hear it.”
Becca smiled back at the other woman. Susanna seemed like someone she could become friends with, and she got the feeling that perhaps they shared a few things in common when it came to being hurt.
From the way Cole kept darting glances at Susanna, Becca knew the younger woman was in good hands. Cole was a great guy, and she was glad he’d found someone to spend his life with.
Her gaze darted once again to where Connor leaned against the doorjamb. There was a hint of despair in his eyes that hadn't been there before.
She’d put it there.
By blurting out that she’d been engaged.
“Cole said you and Connor used to be a couple,” Susanna said gently.
“For a long time. He was my first love.” Turning back to face the other woman, she read the expression on her face. “I’m guessing he told you that I was raped while in college. Connor was there through all of it, right by my side, giving me whatever I needed. Then I found out I was pregnant. We didn't know if Connor or my rapist was the baby’s father, and Connor freaked, told me he couldn’t raise another man’s child, especially not a man who hurt me. He left our apartment, and I was heartbroken. I packed my stuff, called my parents, and went back home. I refused to talk to him and hadn't seen him until he turned up in Cambodia.”
“I know it’s absolutely none of my business, we don’t know each other, and you have no reason to trust me, so you can tell me to mind my own business if you want.”
Susanna’s sincerity made her chuckle. “I would never do that. Cole was a good friend to me when we were kids. If you're with him then that makes us friends because I’d like to keep Cole and the others in my life.”
“Do you still love Connor?”
“Yes.” The word fell from her lips without thought, an automatic answer to a question that had played in her mind a lot in the first few years after they broke up.
Nothing could ever change that.
Not him leaving her.
Not her inability to let it go.
Not twelve years of him being absent from her life.
Loving Connor Charleston was as natural to her as breathing.
“I know that doesn’t fix everything … doesn’t fix anything really … but at least you know that. It’s something to hold onto,” Susanna said.
“Something to hold onto,” Becca echoed. The other woman was right, it was something to hold onto, something solid when her world had once again been tossed upside down.
Glancing over, she saw that Connor still hadn't moved, and she didn't like the distance between them. She’d survived twelve years without him, but for some reason, it seemed next to impossible to face the next minute with him on the other side of the room.
“The guys and I were talking,” Cade announced as he and Jake handed out cups of coffee.
“About me?” Becca asked, assuming it was since he was looking right at her. She’d missed these guys, they’d been such a big part of her childhood and adolescence. Looking back with hindsight she knew she shouldn’t have cut all the Charleston and Holloway brothers out of her life along with Connor. They’d just been a painful reminder of what she’d lost, and it was easier to not deal with it than face it headlong.
Which is what she should have done with Connor back then.
Instead of running because he’d hurt her, she should have done the mature thing and stayed and talked it out. Even if she’d decided she needed to break up with him she’d owed him at least a conversation instead of running like a coward.
“Yeah, about you, pipsqueak,” Cooper answered, earning him a scowl, which he merely laughed at.
“We need you to stay someplace safe while we sort this mess out,” Cade continued. “Going home to your family is exactly where they’ll look for you, and now they know that you are, in fact, a good way to target Connor.”
Connor didn't say anything, and his silence and distance were making her uneasy.
Did she want a second chance with him?
Honestly, she wasn't sure. But she did know she didn't want Connor to hate her for trying to move on with her life.
“That makes sense, I won't go home,” she agreed. While she would have liked to go home and see her parents and sister, it had been too long since she’d last been in the same room as them, she absolutely did not want to put them in danger. “I can go and stay at a hotel or something.”
“Hotel is a terrible security risk,” Jake told her.
“So, we came up with a better solution,” Jax added.
“I have a cabin I don’t use very often. It’s still in my wife’s family name so nobody should immediately connect it to us,” Cade told her.
“I can't stay in your cabin, Cade,” she protested.
“Why not?” he asked.
“Because …” she trailed off not really sure what the answer was. It just didn't feel right. That cabin had probably been a special place for him and his family, she didn't want to intrude.
“It’s not up for debate, Becca,” Connor said, straightening and striding across his kitchen toward her.
There was determination burning in his eyes and she felt a little of the pressure in her chest subside. Connor still cared even if he was angry with her and maybe even regretted asking for a second chance.
“You're in danger because of us, because of me, the absolute least we can do is give you a safe place to stay. The cabin is remote, it’ll give you peace and quiet. It has a good security system, I’ll make sure you're armed, and we’ll be monitoring the system. You’ll be safe there, Becca, and I need you to be safe.”
She needed to not be alone.
The thought surprised her, coming out of nowhere, along with it a deep sense of who she wanted for company.
Connor.
The ex who had been her everything, then taken it all away, only to return and bring with him a sense of security she knew she couldn’t allow herself to trust in but didn't know how to stop it from happening.