Chapter Six #2
I would never usually bring up that night.
But the thing about Ren was he was always able to expose me like a live wire.
He could tease laughs out of me in the most inappropriate moments.
He could pull the truth from me, even when I insisted I was fine.
And, mostly, he could rile even the most easy-going people-pleaser who never wanted to rock the boat.
Ren’s eyes flashed and I knew instantly I’d walked straight into the trap.
His voice dropped, low, rough, and sinful. ‘You say you’re over it, that we’re fine, but then you throw that night back in my face. Tell me, Sunshine… is it still in your head? Like it’s in mine?’
Heat surged up my neck, traitorous and hot. I hated the way it gave me away.
‘In your dreams,’ I bit out. ‘I haven’t given it a second thought.’
His mouth curved – not quite a smile, more like a challenge. ‘Liar,’ he murmured. ‘Your blush says otherwise.’
At some point we had drawn closer, our faces mere inches apart, as we argued in hushed voices.
Our chests were rising and falling. At some point, I tilted my head to meet his gaze.
And, God – his eyes burned into me, intense and unyielding.
It made me think of the last time I was this close to him.
And, before I could stop myself, my gaze flickered down to the fullness of his lips.
I couldn’t help but think about the last time I’d touched them, in the dark of my bedroom, under covers – shit!
Don’t go there, Lydia!
I glanced up to see Ren’s mouth curved up at the edges of his lips.
Ren leaned in, emboldened by my stupid mistake. I should have stepped back, I should have moved, but I couldn’t, because I was pinned by the way his eyes were tracing my face.
He murmured, ‘Good to see you’ve dropped the sunshine act, Lydia.
’ He chuckled. ‘You don’t get it, do you?
I want your anger. Firstly, I deserve it.
Secondly, it means you still feel something.
And thirdly, I know, deep down, that you want to shout at me.
You want to bang your fists against my chest and shout. ’
I clenched my fists like, on demand, I was ready to do just that. I consciously relaxed them. He wasn’t the boss of me.
Ren stepped back, and I almost sighed at the relief of it. ‘And I’m prepared to wait for you to do just that.’
I flushed. He didn’t get to make these big, sweeping statements that made me feel as if we knew each other. I felt as if I was losing this conversation. I needed to get back on an even playing field.
‘What’s your end game here, Ren?’ It was my turn to step forward into his space. ‘Do you think I’m going to fall back into bed with you? Like you’re so irresistible, that I’d forgive and forget the last two years?’ I scoffed. ‘You’re deluded if you think that’s ever going to happen—’
Ren cut me off. ‘I want your friendship back, Lydia. Nothing more than that. I know I fucked up when I left. Massively. But when I heard about you going on this trip, I knew you’d be dreading it.’
I rose to full height. ‘I was not dreading it.’
Ren huffed. ‘Come on, Lyds. I know you. You’re terrible with the outdoors. You’ll smash the hike, sure. But the camping.’ He raised an eyebrow. ‘No posh showers out here, Sunshine.
‘I’ll be fine,’ I said through clenched teeth.
‘I know you will be,’ Ren said in an annoyingly soft voice.
‘But… well, I thought if I was here and if I could help you through it… I don’t know.
’ He palmed his forehead, like he was trying to find the source of this stupid decision.
‘We used to help each other through shit times before. I thought maybe I could do that now.’ He scratched the back of his neck, a self-deprecating smile tugging at his lips.
‘Like I could help you pitch your tent?’ He winced, his eyes squeezing shut.
‘God, that sounds so dumb now that I say it out loud.’
Ren stepped back, the sad smile on his face looking more painful than anything. It was clear he didn’t know what to say any more.
‘This was stupid. I’ll go,’ he muttered, his voice quieter. ‘I don’t know what I was thinking, honestly.’
Ren brushed past me.
I squeezed my eyes shut. I hated that I felt myself soften towards him, this man who used to mean everything to me – the comfort, the home and fun.
But he was also the one who had broken my heart.
And still… I couldn’t look at his awkward, pained face and not soften, just a little. It was like he was in my bloodstream.
I turned and called out, ‘The dog.’
He froze. I saw the muscles in his back shift before he turned around, a neutral expression on his face.
I looked at the little golden dog, still being fussed over by the ladies.
‘Is it yours?’
‘Pat decided I should get a dog,’ he said dryly. ‘Who was I to disagree?’
I gave a huff, nodding. Of course Pat had something to do with it.
‘Her name is Peggy.’
My eyes snapped to his and I could swear his ears went pink.
Grainy memories developed before my eyes.
A little brown toy dog, worn but cherished.
The scruffy thing had seen it all – teddy-bear picnics, dirty puddles, classrooms of children.
Then, one day, I left it on the bus. I burst into tears.
Ren hadn’t hesitated, sprinting to not one but two bus stops, ignoring Mum shouting after him.
He was determined to catch the driver and rescue it.
He retrieved it, running back to me, clutching the dog like a prize.
His grin had been so wide, so proud, that I’d broken the sacred ten-year-old rule of ‘boys are gross’ and kissed him on the cheek.
‘Peggy,’ I muttered idly. The toy’s name had been Peggy.
Ren’s brown eyes flickered with awareness as if we were both watching the same film.
As if we’d summoned her with her name, Peggy appeared, having wrestled out of the grip of Amy, who shouted an apology. Ren crouched down and Peggy wagged her tail, licking his face.
‘She’s naughty. But she’s cute, so she gets away with murder.’ Ren ran a hand through her long fur. His eyes were soft and gooey. God, he was gone for this dog already.
I crouched down too, unable to resist her big brown eyes and panting face.
‘She is very cute. Aren’t you?’ Peggy nuzzled her nose into my palm. ‘Yes, you are.’
I could feel Ren’s eyes on me.
‘Peggy is another reason I came on the trip. She loves off-lead adventures, and her recall is good, so Mandy said she could just canter along with us. Wales and Scotland might be a bit of a push, but the Peaks is dog-friendly enough.’
Peggy rolled on to her back, her stubby legs waving in the air, her tongue lolling out.
I rubbed her belly and her tail wagged. Shit!
I was a sucker for a cute dog. If I sent Ren packing, Peggy would probably go with him.
Her sweet, panting face might be the only thing keeping me from losing it out in the wilderness.
I stood up, my hands on my hips. Ren stood too, his hand wrapped around Peggy’s lead.
‘Did you bring enough food for her?’
Ren’s lips quirked. ‘Yes.’
‘Treats?’
He nodded, his smile shy but genuine, making something inside me stir despite myself.
I sighed, ‘Then you can’t disappoint her.
You can come along. But,’ I raised a finger, daring him to challenge me, ‘that doesn’t mean we’re friends, Lawrence.
I’m serious. Stop smiling. Give me my space and I’ll give you yours.
If you can respect that, we’ll make it through this without your murder making the front page of the Everly Heath Gazette. You know Bob loves a story.’
‘New carpets at Everly Heath High was the last front page,’ Ren said, his eyes glinting in amusement. ‘Just think how excited he would be about my death.’
I hummed. Joking about Bob and his boring stories was teetering too near friendly for my liking.
‘We’re in agreement then. Keep out of my way and I’ll keep out of yours.’
I ignored the way his words echoed back to me.
I want your friendship back, Lydia.
I ignored the way it made my palms sweaty, turned sharply on my heel towards the group of women, examining trees and guzzling water like they hadn’t been watching our every move.
God, I was going to get a ton of questions after this.
I looked back at Ren.
‘Promise me one more thing.’
‘Anything.’
‘Don’t tell me you’ve missed me.’
His face softened, that unreadable look flickering behind his eyes.
‘Lyd—’
‘Just promise.’
He muttered something under his breath, something about promises, but I couldn’t catch the words.
Then he exhaled, long and slow, and met my gaze.
‘I promise.’