Chapter Six
Lydia’s Diary, Nine Years Old
Dear Diary,
I pushed Liam over today in the garden. He was arguing with Ren about something, and then he called me Ren’s little girlfriend – but in a mean way. Ren went all pink and looked upset, and I got SO angry.
So I pushed him.
He stumbled back, and I really wanted him to fall in the grass – but he’s 12, and I’m only 9, so I don’t think I was strong enough.
One day, though.
One day, I’ll be big enough to beat him up properly.
Love,
Lydia.
Lydia
The knock on the motel door came at 6.30 in the morning.
‘Coming!’ I mumbled around my hair bobble, shoving my hair into a high ponytail.
Not my best work, but I was late. Last night, the group of us arrived at the Peak Inn, and Mandy, the hike leader, introduced us.
The inn was a bustling pub, with low beam ceilings, deer antlers, and locals sipping pints of dark ale.
The group of us – eight women in total – were staying in the cosy rooms above the pub.
Some had to share but, luckily, I’d bagged a single room with a little, log-burning stove.
Blue and green plaid cushions and curtains gave it a cosy, worn-in look.
Once we’d checked in and dropped our bags in our rooms, we went downstairs for a pub dinner and introduced ourselves to the rest of the group.
Unsurprisingly, Claire, Gen, Amy, and I made up a big chunk of the group.
Mandy was in her forties, with shoulder-length, dark brown hair and an athletic build that said she hosted hiking trips for a living.
Then there was Amara, an environmentalist who had recently accepted a job in conservation at the Peak District National Park.
She was short and slim, with a soft-spoken voice.
She seemed a bit shy to me, but also the type that would love to quietly observe every detail of the trail.
Jade and Clara were the only couple on the hike, so they arrived together.
Jade had deep-brown skin, wild curls, and a camera slung over her shoulder.
She was a freelance photographer, Mandy told us excitedly, as she was always looking for more photos of the trips.
Her partner, Freya, was tall and composed.
She spoke with a soft German accent, had poker-straight blonde hair and a calm demeanour, which made sense when she shared that she was a psychologist.
We ate and drank and, despite Mandy’s warnings to get an early night, I stayed up too late with Amy and Gen, the three of us a little giddy, as if our parents had let us have a sleepover. Claire had headed to bed with the rest of the crew, much too sensible to stay up with us.
While I wasn’t hungover this morning, I couldn’t deny that my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth, and there was a light throb at my temples that said I was almost 30 and really shouldn’t be surprised I got a hangover after four pints of lager.
I shoved open my creaky hotel door to find Claire, a massive backpack on her shoulders, and her short grey hair perfectly blow-dried.
‘You ready, love?’
‘Yes, yes. Coming.’ I headed back into the room and hastily threw my thermal sweater over my head.
‘Oh, I don’t think you’ll need that,’ Claire said, her mothering tone coming through. ‘It rained last night, but the sun is coming through this morning. Spring is in the air.’
‘About time,’ I mumbled.
As much as I loved Christmas, I hated the weather that January and February brought. I was over grey skies and drizzling rain. It was early April and, finally, we were blessed with some decent weather. And I was excited to see it on these hikes up mountains and across fields in the Peaks.
‘Okay, I’m ready,’ I beamed, my backpack on and my shoes tied. ‘Are you and the girls?’
‘Girls.’ With a weird undertone, Claire repeated, ‘Yes, the girls are all ready.’
‘Okay then, let’s go.’
‘Lydia, before we go—’
‘Come on, I’m already late.’ I shooed Claire out of my room, locking the door behind me.
‘Wait a second—’
‘Let’s walk and talk.’
I strode down the corridor, a renewed excitement bubbling in my arms and legs.
As we wove through the pub and on to the gravel carpark, I noticed the girls had convened on the grass outside the main hotel building, with a gorgeous view of the peaks behind them.
The morning smelled like spring and promise – grass, moss, and fresh air.
I drew in a deep breath, closing my eyes as if I was in a film.
Yes. I was the main character today.
‘Lydia, would you slow down?’ Claire complained, on my heels. ‘I need to talk to you.’
The girls were laughing – no, giggling. They were giggling.
‘What are they laughing at?’ I frowned.
‘Well, I tried to tell you—’
‘Tried to tell me what—’
Amy moved out of the way and I saw exactly what – or who – was making the commotion. Dark brown eyes snapped to mine like magnets.
Ren stood in the centre of Amy, Genevieve and the other ladies. Amara and Jade were crouched in front of a little golden dog that looked like a golden retriever crossed with a corgi, fussing over her. My heart began to pound, my head a little dizzy.
Ren wore a casual, lazy smirk that dropped an inch when he saw me standing there.
His eyes flickered around me, like he was scanning my outfit.
He wore all black. Black walking trousers, jumper, backpack, and black and green walking boots.
His hair was coiffed perfectly, and the wind was his biggest fan as it ran through it.
He was dressed to walk. To hike. But he couldn’t be on our walk. There was no way.
‘Ren.’
I hated the way my words sounded raspy.
‘Ah, so you’ve met Ren.’ The programme manager, Mandy, came striding over to the green, smiling. ‘He’s a last-minute addition, but I didn’t think you ladies would mind another camper. Especially since he told me he’s a professional bartender and has his travel cocktail shaker with him.’
Mandy delivered the news as if we’d won the lottery. Jade grinned, nudging Freya, and Amara was smiling softly, but her eyes were shifting between Ren and me, as if she noticed the energy shift.
But all I could focus on was one word.
Camper.
He was going to camp with us.
‘He can’t come with us,’ I blurted out.
Ren’s eyebrows shot up. The golden dog stopped panting, its eyebrows quirking. Do dogs even have eyebrows? Well, this one did. And it looked forlorn, as if they’d picked up on the words. The girls – my girls – looked at me with a mixture of sympathy and concern.
The smile I plastered on teetered on manic.
‘It’s called “Wild Women Walk”,’ I gave a fake, rich laugh. ‘Not “Wild Women Walk with a Man”.’
‘Well,’ Mandy frowned, aware there was more to this situation than seemed on the surface. ‘We don’t have rules against men joining the groups, as long as most on the trips are women and the men joining us know this is an open, safe and accepting environment for women.’
‘And he’s agreed to that?’ I lowered my pointed hand, realising I was revealing too much.
Just smile, Lydia.
‘Yes,’ Ren replied. ‘Of course I have, Lyd.’
My eye twitched, and I stared at Ren, smiling, whilst I tried to imbue all of my rageful thoughts through his thick skull. This can’t be happening.
‘Mandy,’ Ren smiled. Mandy gave a soft smile. Ugh, she practically melted. I wanted to stick pins in my eyes.
‘Do you think I could have a minute with Lydia before we head off?’
‘Of course.’
‘Come on,’ Ren said, pointing his head towards the tree at the edge of the hotel carpark. It provided shade and was far enough away that no one could hear us.
‘What makes you think I’ll go anywhere with you?’ I whispered through a smile.
Ren’s face grew closer, his smell enveloping me. ‘Lydia, come on. I’m not some big scary monster. It’s just me.’
‘Fine.’
We stalked over to another tree in the middle of the green, feeling the eyes of the women behind us.
I whipped around. ‘What are you doing here?’
Ren’s eyes shifted around. ‘I’m coming on the trip.’
‘Why?’
‘Why what?’
Just smile, Lydia.
‘Why are you coming on this trip?’
‘Because—’ he pulled his hair. ‘I wanted to get out of Everly Heath, just like you. I could do with a new challenge.’
I knew this expression – the eye shifting, the frenetic energy, the vague statements. Something had happened and he wanted to escape. I knew better than anyone.
‘Surprise, surprise. You’re on the run again. What are you avoiding now?’
Ren’s voice was steady and sure when he said, ‘I’m not running. I told you I’m not going anywhere again.’
‘So why are you here?’
Ren cursed under his breath. ‘I said I’d find a way to make it up to you.’
My eyes widened. Surely this wasn’t happening. I was dreaming. This was something I was going to wake up from in a cold sweat.
‘You don’t have to look so horrified, Lydia,’ Ren’s voice warbled. ‘I just know you’ve been going through a hard time, and I thought you might need some… support.’
Ren scratched his jaw and shifted his feet.
I folded my arms. ‘And following me around like a lost puppy will do that, huh?’
That riled him out of his coy performance. Good.
He said, through a clenched jaw, ‘Well, you’ve been avoiding me for months, so I’d say it’s worth a shot.’
‘That’s a little pathetic, don’t you think?’
‘Almost as pathetic as stealing my rota so you can avoid me.’
My stomach lurched. Shit. I didn’t know he knew. I’d told Kat to keep discreet.
Ren said, low and rumbly, ‘You think I wouldn’t notice? A little childish, don’t you think, Lydia?’
My cheeks flushed, blood rushed in my ears. ‘Oh, give over, Ren. I’m allowed to avoid you if I want to. You made your own bed. Or should I say, left mine?’