Chapter Eighteen
Ren asked Lindsey Matthews to prom today.
And I hate how much it bothered me.
We’ve been spending more time together at school this year because we’re both taking GCSE PE. I swear, I’ll glance at him in class, and he’s already looking at me. Then there’s the little things – he sometimes carries my PE kit when he knows my English books are already weighing me down.
And then there’s the nights.
This year’s been hard for him. Pressure from school, missing his mum more than usual. Especially when he’s stressed. So every Friday he texts me. Can I come round?
At first, it was just chilling in the lounge with Mum and Dad. But then, the texts started coming later at night – his messages sounding heavier, sadder.
And I always say yes.
I tell him to come in the side door to keep it quiet from Mum and Dad.
They’d go ballistic if they knew. At first he promised he’d stay until the film’s end and then sneak out.
But the third time? The fourth? He fell asleep.
We both did. I’d insist on a pillow wall between us, but somehow I’d wake up in the middle of the night, my head on his chest.
He’s taking Lindsey Matthews to prom.
But he sleeps in my bed.
That’s weird, right?
Lydia
At some point during the night, I’d stripped off the sleeping bag.
The cool draught of the morning air hit my bare legs.
Legs that were resting on top of something stronger, harder.
Warmer. Something heavy sat on my stomach, but I liked it.
It was soothing, like a weighted blanket.
The soft rhythm of breath, in and out, had been the soothing score to my sleep.
Open your eyes, my brain demanded. So I did.
A dark mop of hair was buried in my neck, my throat. It was the steadiness of their breath I could feel now.
Ren.
Ren was wrapped around me like a vine, his arm draped over my chest, my leg tangled with his.
We were angled towards each other as if this was mutual – like both of our subconscious minds wanted this.
God, he felt so good. Just the smell of him.
That smell had so many memories wrapped up in it.
It was enough to make me want to sigh. I couldn’t help but feel how my body lit up like fireworks just to have him near me.
No, this was wrong.
He was asleep. He didn’t even know what he was doing. I squeezed my eyes shut. Stupid, stupid, Lydia, my brain shouted, getting set to get her heart broken all over again.
I shifted, but Ren gripped tighter and made a sound in his throat as if he was waking from a deep dream and wanted to go back to sleep just to find out what happened next.
‘Lyd,’ he murmured.
Was he dreaming? His hand moved, skating over the exposed skin on my stomach, where Ren’s band t-shirt had ridden up. My back arched. His palms were large and warm, and I remembered, distantly, the way they had made me feel once upon a time.
Ren paused at the arch of my back. He was awake. I was sure of that now. And I was sure we were back here again, balancing on that line between whatever we were now and more.
‘Lydia,’ Ren’s lips moved against my neck at the words. ‘I need you to move away from me right now.’
My breath caught at the sound of the gravelly desire in his voice. I could feel him, hard, against my leg. I felt like the last bit of chocolate melting slowly into the fondue. Softening, molten, malleable.
‘Lydia. Please.’ Ren groaned, the noise shot low within me.
I was sick of this ache. I was sick of hating myself for wanting him.
I was sick of not being able to do anything about it.
I’d been staring at him all week. Wherever I was, he was there.
He was walking ahead of me, handing me precisely what I needed whenever I needed it.
He was helping the ladies with every whim, carrying Amy’s bags or making Jade and Claire laugh, that charming, boyish grin on his face.
He’d even won over Gen, who gave him a begrudging smile when he shared funny stories from our childhood.
And our talk last night had softened something in me.
Something I’d been stubbornly clinging to for the last year.
Ren’s words, murmured in the dark of the tent, echoed through my head.
Anything. Anything you want.
And boy, did I want.
So it was his own fault when one of my legs snaked down to lock with his. I shoved him on to his back, my face inches away from him. His eyes widened as they scanned my face.
His hand came up to my hair, tucking it behind my ear. His face was tender and tentative. As if he didn’t want to scare me off. As if he’d already pictured this scenario a hundred times and lost each time.
‘So that’s how it is, huh?’ he murmured. ‘Trying to kill me?’
‘Maybe you deserve it,’ I murmured back.
‘Oh, I do not deserve this.’ He leaned in to drag his lip across my neck. ‘I’ve never deserved you.’
‘Ren.’
‘Lydia.’
‘If you don’t kiss me in the next three seconds, I’m leaving. I’ll go and find another tent and—’
He pulled my hair into his hand, causing me to gasp, as he angled my lips directly to his.
‘If you leave me, I’ll drag you back in front of everyone. By your ankles.’
A laugh bubbled out of me, at the same time as desire burned through me at what Ren could do with my ankles, or my wrists, if we had time, much more time, to play.
‘What an image! The girls would be scandalised.’
‘I’m serious.’
‘I’m sure you are.’
‘Ask me again, Lydia.’ He gave a small, playful bite to my neck. ‘I said you’d have to ask, didn’t I?’
‘Kiss me.’
‘In a minute. I’m roaming.’
‘Roaming.’ My breath hitched as his hands drifted up my legs, across my bum, which he gave a squeeze before pulling it closer to him so I could feel how hard I’d made him.
‘You drive me crazy,’ he said. ‘You’ve always driven me crazy. But now it’s a different kind of crazy.’
‘What kind of crazy is it now?’ I gasped as he arched up, pressing into me.
‘The kind that is going to grind against you just to feel you. I know what it feels like not to have you, so I’ll take anything you give me.’
‘Ren—’ My eyes stung at that admission.
‘No, no pity. You know I don’t deserve it.’ He pulled back, his familiar brown eyes burning. ‘Will you let me make you feel good?’ His hands drifted lower towards my bare legs. ‘Please?’
‘Okay,’ I said. ‘But after—’
‘We don’t have to worry about after right now.’ He kissed me. ‘Just let me make you feel good.’
‘Okay.’
He shifted us so that I was on my back, and his shaking hands drifted up my legs. His eyes tracked every movement, as if he was trying to take it all in, as if he was trying to memorise every moment.
‘You look so good in my T-shirt. I thought I was going to pass out when I saw you in it last night,’ he said, wrapping it in his fist. ‘You look like you’ve just finished a class.’
‘Yeah?’ I asked, as his hand caressed up my calf slowly. ‘That tickles.’
‘Sorry,’ he mumbled but carried on, fascinated. ‘I always liked that look on you. After your classes. Pink cheeks. Slightly out of breath. I just thought I liked it when you enjoyed yourself. But now I’ve realised it might have been for a different reason.’
I gasped as he made his way up to my inner thighs.
‘Yep.’ He smiled. ‘Definitely a different reason.’
‘Stop messing.’
‘Shush,’ he said, ‘or I’ll find a more creative way to keep you quiet.’
My eyes widened. ‘What if they hear—’
‘They won’t. I pitched this tent far enough away.’ His eye glittered with a challenge, ‘So you’ll just have to keep as quiet as you can. Can you do that?’
Ren was done with teasing as he lowered a kiss to my thigh and then the other one, kissing further and further up.
I gasped as he pulled at the lace of my thong, pulling it down and hard.
For most men, they probably couldn’t have pulled that off, but somehow Ren managed it successfully, pulling my thong from my legs with ease.
‘You’ve done that before.’
‘Jealous?’ he said, his breath on my sex, making me wriggle.
He was teasing me again, but I managed to bite out, ‘In your dreams.’
‘Every single fucking one,’ he said as he lowered his mouth to me, swiping his tongue across my clit.
I gasped again and threw my head back as pleasure flooded my body.
Ren hummed, the feeling intensifying the pleasure.
I moaned, needing to move, needing more friction than this.
But he was taking his time, savouring me, building me up.
Ren’s hand travelled up my body, squeezing my breasts.
I met his gaze, and he hummed against me, like this was a fantasy playing out in real life.
He pulled the tops of my thighs hard, moving them closer to him.
‘You taste like I remembered.’ His eyes met mine. ‘Pure sunshine.’
‘Stop playing, Hunter.’
He laughed and lowered his mouth again; he didn’t play this time. It was embarrassing how loud my moans were. Ren rewarded each of them with a hum, bringing his fingers to me and pressing one, then two, inside me.
I tugged Ren’s hair hard and he let out a low hum that vibrated through me, his fingers sliding between my legs – one, then two.
My back arched, a moan escaping around my palm, and I couldn’t stop the fluttering pulse in my core, as I saw Ren’s hips shifting, as if he was desperate to get some relief himself.
I met his eyes, and the sight stole the breath from my lungs – eyes full of hunger, hair messy from my grip, cheeks flushed.
He looked ruined, wrecked. Perfect. And he was loving every second of it.
His pace quickened, dragging me higher, teasing me right to the brink.
Then he slowed.
Then he stopped.
The whimper I made wasn’t dignified, but I didn’t care. I gasped, letting my head thump back on to the pillow. A moment later, he started again – more slowly, more softly this time, as if he was savouring it. As if I was dessert.
I climbed towards the edge again, and again he pulled away.
‘Ren, please.’ My voice broke on the word, my whole body shaking. ‘Please.’
‘Begging already?’ he murmured, kissing the inside of my thigh. ‘I thought I had more time to play.’
I glared down at him, breathless and half-feral, and he just grinned, wicked and smug, as he buried his tongue back into me.
I moved against him, desperate for friction, no longer able to control my body.
I knew how I must look, unhinged and needy, and it only made me wetter.
There was something dark and greedy in his gaze, like he wanted to collect every version of me – especially the wild ones.
He pulled back again, shifting so he was beside me, not between my legs, and I blinked at him in disbelief.
‘What—’ I began, but he just smiled, stretched out beside me, looking sinful. I reached for the waistband of his boxers, intent on returning the favour, but he caught my hand and held it away.
He gave a dark chuckle, ‘Oh, I’m not finished. Ride my face, Sunshine,’ he said, pressing a kiss to my mouth. ‘I wanna see you come on my face.’
My brain stalled. Stuttered. I blinked, too dazed to speak.
But then I saw the look in his eyes, determined and very much into this, and heat rolled. Yes, my body screamed.
We moved, shifting awkwardly in the cramped tent until I was straddling him.
He reached for my thighs, guiding me down and, when his mouth found me again, I cried out.
I couldn’t help it. His hands roamed over my skin – my thighs, my arse – and I moved above him, riding his face with a slow, desperate rhythm.
When he pressed two fingers inside me again, I lost it.
I clenched around him, head thrown back, one hand clamped over my mouth to muffle the moan that tore through me. The pleasure crested like a wave, unstoppable and shattering.
When I collapsed beside him, panting, he looked unbearably smug. I could barely catch my breath but my eyes found his, then trailed down his chest to his arms, and finally to the bulge in his boxers that had been there the whole time.
‘Your turn,’ I said, licking my lips.
He shook his head and said, ‘We don’t do turns, Lydia.’
I groaned as he pulled me against him, laughing at my pout as if he hadn’t just destroyed me.
‘I’m serious,’ he smiled. ‘That was for you.’
‘You don’t want anything in return?’ I asked, studying him. ‘Most men I’ve slept with are reciprocal. With women, it’s less like that—’
‘I want a lot of things,’ he said, brushing my hair back gently. ‘But we can wait. There’s no rush.’
‘I feel bad,’ I admitted, staring at his collarbone.
‘That’s your people-pleasing talking,’ he hummed. ‘And we’re not bringing that into the bedroom.’ He glanced around. ‘Or the tent. Come here.’
We lay there in silence, curled up in the hush of the woods. I glanced up at Ren, his eyes were closed, a light smile on his face, as if he was blissfully happy, despite the fact he’d given me the orgasm, not the other way around.
Then, as if the universe wanted to send me a message, a warning, Ren’s phone vibrated. I sat up, and caught the message out of the corner of my eye.
LEXI MEXICO
Can I call or are you still with her?