Chapter Nineteen #2
‘Liam,’ I said softly. ‘There is no way I’m getting you to risk this house – the house that means so much to you and Kat.’ I shook my head. ‘I could never do that.’
Liam frowned. ‘But you want to do this – I can tell. I’ve been worried about you – you seem lost. It’s partly why I encouraged you to go on this mad hiking trip.
Not just for Lydia, but because you didn’t seem yourself.
’ Liam paused. ‘I thought the farm might have something to do with it. I shut you down quickly, and I’ve been thinking about it – and it was a mistake. ’
‘Well,’ I shrugged. ‘Maybe that’s true. But we can’t take huge risks. Things are going well, but now is the time to think through the next step. Not rush into it.’
It was Liam’s turn to look shocked.
‘I never thought it would be you lecturing me on rushing into things.’
I chuckled. ‘First time for everything.’
‘Okay.’ Liam nodded after a second. ‘If you’re sure. We can look elsewhere.’
I thought about Bert’s farm, the smell of the grass and the expanse of blue sky all around. I thought about Bethan and Gareth and their bustling farm, full of life and laughter.
And then I let it go.
‘So, what are you going to do about Lydia?’ Liam said softly. ‘Have you tried calling her?’
My heart swooped at the mention of her name.
‘She won’t pick up the phone.’
‘Have you thought about speaking to her in real life?’
‘I—’ I hesitated.
Sure I had. I’d thought about going over to her apartment the minute I got back.
I would ask her what was wrong. I would make it right.
I’d convince her I was happy just to be her friend.
I wouldn’t push like I had that night in the rain.
I wouldn’t flirt and tease her, just to get a blush on her cheeks and proof she felt this too.
Because she’s won.
I needed her in my life. Full stop. So somehow I’d shrink that part of my soul that wanted more from her, if it meant she would answer her fucking phone. But going over to her house and saying all that meant accepting defeat. And I wasn’t sure I was ready for that yet.
‘We know Lydia,’ Liam said evenly. ‘She doesn’t do things randomly.
If she pulled away, something set it off.
She’s probably spiralling right now, same as you.
’ Liam pulled out his phone. ‘She added me to this app thing. She can see where I am and I can see her. I don’t really understand how it works. ’
I rolled my eyes. He was so bad with technology, he was worse than Dad.
‘God, you’re thirty-three—’
‘Thirty-two,’ he grumbled.
‘Give it here,’ I said, taking the phone from his hand and finding Find My Friends. My heart pounded when I saw Lydia’s smiling face on the phone.
Liam hummed, leaning over the screen. ‘Ah yes. She’s at the social club. They have a singles night.’
My eye snapped up to Liam. ‘A singles night?’
‘Kat,’ Liam shouted. ‘Did you say there was a singles night at the club?’
‘Yes.’ Kat poked her head around the door. ‘Some plot of Pat’s, I think. Sandra is helping out too.’
My eyes narrowed. ‘A fucking singles night.’
Liam’s eyes shifted around, which only made me feel worse. Kat padded into the kitchen.
‘Don’t stress, Ren,’ she said, shrugging. ‘It’s probably just some name badges and warm Prosecco.’
‘And a room full of single people.’
Liam grimaced. Kat looked sheepish. ‘Well, yeah. I suppose so.’
My hands fell into my head. I didn’t want to be an irrational, alpha dickhead but the green monster couldn’t help but take hold – she could be flirting with someone right now, thinking about how much easier it is with them than with me.
‘Ren,’ Liam said, his voice firm. ‘If you want her, you should fight for her.’
‘Of course I want to fight for her. But we’ve had so many near misses over the years. So many times we were almost there, only for something to pull us apart. What if this is another one of those times?’ I glanced up. ‘I’m not sure I could take it again.’
I ran a hand through my hair, a little breathless, as I confessed, ‘I – I’m in love with her. I love her so much it terrifies me. It actually hurts in my chest. And I want this – us – so badly I can’t afford to fuck it up again.’
My heart raced, and I felt a little lightheaded. But there was something expanding in my chest – something like relief, blended with determination. After keeping it down for so long, keeping this love, this total adoration for Lydia under wraps, it was finally out.
But the room was silent. I glanced up to see Kat, her mouth parted, her eyes shining.
‘Wow!’ Kat said softly.
Liam’s face broke into a broad smile. ‘Well, took you long enough. I’m happy for you.’
Kat smiled, something fierce and fond in it. ‘What are you still doing here? Go. Go and get her. She could be talking to anyone right now!’
‘Kat’s right.’ Liam shot me a brotherly look. ‘You’ve kept her waiting long enough. It’s fair game.’
‘Not helping,’ I said, downing the rest of my beer and heading for the door.
Kat and Liam followed me to the door with an air of energy and excitement.
‘Wish me luck,’ I said, as I pulled open the door.
‘No,’ Kat said, smiling. ‘You won’t need it.’
‘Yes, he does,’ Liam replied in that droll voice of his. ‘Good luck!’
My lips twitched. Liam and I might have had some kind of breakthrough tonight, but it was oddly comforting to know some things never change.