Chapter Twenty-One #2
‘It was great to pretend I was someone else for a while. But it didn’t fill me up.
Nocturne was just a bar. Mexico City was just another place.
And all I could think about was you. I wished you were there with me.
I missed you. God, I missed you. I thought of you every day.
Wondering what you were doing, how you felt about me.
I’d spin nightmares, imagining how much you hated me.
Convinced myself you had moved on, and probably found better than me.
Andrea,’ I chuckled. ‘Well, it was so bad Andrea sat me down and said that while I was doing the job fine, I didn’t seem right.
She was right. I was just going through the motions. ’
Lydia nodded, her hand coming to my wrist. She pulled me closer, and I almost wept when she wrapped her hands around my neck. Her blue eyes tracked me.
I almost groaned, ‘Lydia. What are we—’ I squeezed my eyes shut. ‘If this isn’t going anywhere, I – I don’t think we should be doing this. I’m not sure I could take it. Having you here, naked, and then having to pretend we’re nothing—’
She answered with a kiss to the corner of my mouth.
‘I know about Niall. The calls you made. He called me after our fight and offered me Craig’s job. To manage the gym myself.’
My eyes widened, and I let myself tug her into my arms and spin her around. She giggled.
‘Are you serious?’ I pulled back my hands in her hair. ‘Are you going to take it?’
She sobered. ‘I’m not sure. After this trip – well, it’s got me thinking more about doing something for myself, you know?
I’m wondering if it’s worth the risk, if it means it’s mine.
If it means no one can take it away from me again.
I put ten years into Momentum and Niall didn’t know about what Craig did – but it still happened, you know? My job, gone, poof.’
I nodded, pulling her legs to wrap around mine. I held her up, keeping her away from my growing erection. I didn’t need a distraction… right now at least.
‘I think that’s amazing, Lydia.’ It was my turn to kiss the side of her mouth. Slowly, like she might pull away. She let me, so I kissed her cheek, then her forehead and her neck. Small, little kisses that I hoped conveyed how much I loved her, even if she wasn’t ready to hear the words yet.
‘I want to say thank you,’ Lydia murmured as I peppered kisses. ‘No one has ever done anything like that for me. Taken matters into their own hands, you know?’
I pulled back, running my thumb over her cheek.
‘I would do anything for you. No, I’m serious, Lydia. If I haven’t made this abundantly clear – I’m in this. I’m ready for us. Properly this time. No more false starts. No more keeping our feelings locked away out of fear of losing each other. Because you aren’t going to lose me, okay?’
I kissed her softly, our tongues barely grazing, then I placed my forehead against hers.
‘I’m glad Niall came to his senses and fired that arsehole.’
Lydia hummed. ‘Just a shame I didn’t get to have it out with him.’
My mind whirled with plans to correct exactly that.
‘I’ll find his home address and drive you there. When we get back—’
Lydia laughed, ‘Ren. We don’t need to do that.’
We, we, we. We were a we.
Lydia’s smile was terrifying. ‘Besides, I may have had my own Lydia brand of revenge…’
I stilled and cocked my head. ‘What did you do?’
‘Let’s just say I heard through Niall that Craig has somehow managed to get a new job.
And I may have sent him a little present in the mail…
’ Lydia’s laugh was melodic. ‘It’s just a little glitter bomb.
Special delivery for when he runs his HIIT classes.
Let’s make him clean the gym this time. I have a friend of mine who works there. She’s going to send me the video.’
I kissed her, hard. ‘Brilliant. Evil, but brilliant.’
She shrugged. ‘He had it coming. And I couldn’t let you have all the fun.’
My hands slid lower, bolder now, finding her gorgeous arse and squeezing until she gasped. She looped her arms tighter around my neck and shifted so we were aligned, her soft against my hard.
‘Lydia,’ I moaned into her hair. ‘Careful.’
‘Why so careful now?’ she whispered, her lips brushing my jaw. ‘You worried I’ll break you?’
‘No,’ I hissed as she gave a gentle bite to my neck. ‘I don’t want to push you. A few nights ago, you hated my guts—’
‘I didn’t hate you, Ren,’ she said softly, but her hips rolled, teasing, and even in the cold water, I felt like I was on fire.
‘I wanted to hate you, but you’re impossible to hate.
And I want you, Ren. I’ve wanted you for a long time, but I couldn’t let myself be hurt again.
But I’m tired of being scared. I’m ready to be fearless. With you.’
There was something in the soft, but certain way she admitted that she was ready – ready to explore this.
Us. Maybe she wasn’t as ready as me. I wanted to burrow her away in my flat for months, keep her fed and watered and make her come.
I wanted her to wear my clothes and smell like me.
I wanted to give her a diamond ring and make her mine. Like I was hers.
But that would all come in good time.
Because she felt ready in my arms.
I pulled her closer, grinding her over me. I wanted to bottle the sound of her soft gasp. My hands gripped her arse, shifting her against me, knowing it would stoke some of the ache between her legs and mine.
She whimpered, rocking harder, chasing friction with no shame. Perfect.
‘How much do you ache, Sunshine?’ I rasped. ‘As much as me? Because you’ve been keeping me on a knife edge these past few weeks. Tortured by those looks you gave me. Are you sure you’re ready for me?’
‘Say it. Say you want me. All of me.’
‘I want all of you, Ren.’